The Best 35 Deck Cards Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Deck Cards jokes. There are some deck cards jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deck cards puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Deck Cards Jokes and Puns

For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6)

Why don't pirates like playing cards?

There's always someone walking across the deck.

Marriage is like a deck of cards

At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.

By the end you just want a club and a spade

Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds

Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a spade.

Marriage is like a deck of cards...

At the start you need a heart and a diamond. At the end you need a club and a spade.

Marriage is like a deck of cards

You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Marriage

Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...

'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.

At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.

After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!'

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because they were sitting on the deck.

I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday.

It wasn't a big deal.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

Marriage.....

......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade

You can explore deck cards reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deck cards dad jokes. There are also deck cards puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Recreational tampons...

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

A hobo got robbed

A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.

"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"

"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.

"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"

I honestly cannot deal with puns.

But I can with a deck of cards.

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino.

After four weeks they still hadn't been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.

They told me they were still dealing with my order.

For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards.

I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

Why are pirates so bad at playing cards?

Because they are always standing on the deck

I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived.

Customer service told me they're dealing with it.

When the computers crash at work.

A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.

They're playing with the largest deck of cards ever at this year's World Series of Poker.

It's a pretty big deal.

I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived.

When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.

I used to be really anxious because I didn't know what to do with my deck of cards.

Then I learned to deal with it.

The three most important things to have in a survival situation.

Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.

How is a marriage similar to a deck of cards?

Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a spade.

My wife said marriage is like a deck of cards

In the beginning alls you need is two hearts, then in the end, alls you need is a club and a spade.

Why can't pirates play cards?

Because they are always standing on the deck.

All I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I'm having a hard time dealing with this.

What has 13 hearts but no organs?

A deck of cards.

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino, but after four weeks, they still hadn't been delivered, so I called them up to see what was going on...

They told me they were still dealing with my order...

Why cant you play cards on a rowboat?

Because you're sitting on the deck...

When I was a kid, I had a 26 card deck for each letter of the alphabet.

I managed to lose every one of them, except my V card.

I've lost all the aces from this deck of cards.

I just can't deal with this.

It's my wife's birthday soon.

She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards.

How can you get four suits for under $2.00?

Buy a deck of cards.

What did the police do to the guy who murdered someone with a deck of cards?

They put him in solitaire confinement.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deck cards puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deck cards piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes