Decisions Jokes

What are some Decisions jokes?

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.

Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...

Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?

"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "

Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?

"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."

What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".

"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

Deaf people aren't known to be very rational

They have trouble making sound decisions.

Ellen Pao is actually right and we should respect her decisions

^jk ^lol

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

Why did no one trust the dermatologist?

He kept making rash decisions.

Why did the feminist cross the road?

How dare you question the decisions of someone just because she's a woman!

How to make right decisions

The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's office. He's a friendly guy and on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office yesterday I asked him

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And, sir, What is that?"


"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

Keep away from professional dermatologists..

They make rash decisions

The day I let a dog make decisions for me

....Is the day I go blind.

Why do men give their penises names?

Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.

"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.

"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."

When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.

I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.

I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist.

I refuse to make rash decisions.

I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor...

He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."

Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...

Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest

Stop trying to convince deaf people to make better decisions.

Those bastards just won't listen.

Asexual reproduction is reproduction with only one party

And lots of alcohol and bad decisions

Think of this election like turning on a racetrack

You do have two decisions but it probably won't be right.

Why do gays make bad decisions?

Because they're never thinking straight.

Did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets?

She made a lotto bad decisions....

At this point in my life...

At this point in my life, i drink so i can smoke and I smoke after the bad decisions i made wile drinking, then I drink to forget that I am dying of lung cancer.


"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter
asked a bank president.
"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And,sir, What is that?"
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"

I broke out with an allergic reaction.

My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.

"making decisions"

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.

You shouldn't trust dermatologists.

They make a lot of rash decisions.

My mom

Last year my mom shoud have celebrated her 60th birthday. But because of alcohol, smoking, drugs and other bad decisions, we all forgot...

Why was the dermatologist fired?

He made too many rash decisions.

My opinion on abortion is kind of a double edged sword...

I like the idea of killing babies, but not the idea of giving women the chance to make decisions.

What'd the doctor say to the nurse about skin patients?

Don't make any rash decisions.

Why was the dermatologist fired?

He was making too many rash decisions.

I can't believe he was acneing so stupid.

Every man has two heads...

One holds the brain, and the other makes all the decisions.

Apparently, if new dots on your arm don't fade under a glass tumbler, you should seek medical advice without thinking.

Which makes it easier for me, as I'm terrible at making rash decisions.

After coming out of hibernation the Philae Lander has some tough decisions.

Reserve that free Windows 10 upgrade or not...?

Why is everyone criticising Aji Pai?

I've only ever known Aji Pai as an American attorney as the Chairman of United States FCC who makes the best decisions. Aji Pai has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).

Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions?

Because he grapples with lots of things

Are you good at making snap decisions?

Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?"

*20 minutes later*

Me: "No."

I was asked if my problem was making wrong decisions or being indecisive.

I wasn't really sure so I said it was indecision.

What you should do if you have a rash

Choose your doctor and medication carefully, you don't want to make any rash decisions.

My favorite definition of irony:

A neck tattoo that says "I make good decisions."

women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me...

if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!

Sometimes in life...

Sometimes life gives you opportunities where you have to choose between Hard and Easy decisions.. Can I tell you a secret? I'm both right now..

Now I'm a tolerant guy, but...

..I hate people who make definitive decisions about other people, based only on a single personality trait. Furthermore, I can not stand hypocrites.

Why do black people take such good care of a Chinese baby?

Because black people make "Wong" decisions!

How do one handed people make decisions?

Well, on one hand...

How to make Decisions jokes?

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