The Best 50 Decisions Jokes
Looking for some funny decisions jokes? Then you've come to the right place! Check out our collection of hilarious jokes about making decisions. From the classic chicken or the egg dilemma to the age-old question of whether to toilet paper someone's house or egg it, we've got all the bases covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a good laugh at our expense!
Top 10 Funniest Decisions Jokes and Puns
What "being a man" is about
A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".
The day I let a dog make decisions for me
....Is the day I go blind.
Why did no one trust the dermatologist?
He kept making rash decisions.
When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.
I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.
Ellen Pao is actually right and we should respect her decisions
^jk ^lol
The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.
I need to quit making rash decisions.
Did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets?
She made a lotto bad decisions....
"making decisions"
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
.
Student: Well...yes and no.
You shouldn't trust dermatologists.
They make a lot of rash decisions.
I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist.
I refuse to make rash decisions.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.
Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.
You can explore decisions outcomes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean decisions risks dad jokes. There are also decisions puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the feminist cross the road?
How dare you question the decisions of someone just because she's a woman!
Why do men give their penises names?
Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.
Keep away from professional dermatologists..
They make rash decisions
At this point in my life...
At this point in my life, i drink so i can smoke and I smoke after the bad decisions i made wile drinking, then I drink to forget that I am dying of lung cancer.
Think of this election like turning on a racetrack
You do have two decisions but it probably won't be right.
"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.
"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
I can't stand abortions
I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
SECRET OF YOUR SUCCESS...
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter
asked a bank president.
"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And,sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"
Why was the dermatologist fired?
He made too many rash decisions.
Deaf people aren't known to be very rational
They have trouble making sound decisions.
Why do gays make bad decisions?
Because they're never thinking straight.
What'd the doctor say to the nurse about skin patients?
Don't make any rash decisions.
I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor...
He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
I broke out with an allergic reaction.
My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.
My mom
Last year my mom shoud have celebrated her 60th birthday. But because of alcohol, smoking, drugs and other bad decisions, we all forgot...
Asexual reproduction is reproduction with only one party
And lots of alcohol and bad decisions
My opinion on abortion is kind of a double edged sword...
I like the idea of killing babies, but not the idea of giving women the chance to make decisions.
Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...
Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
Stop trying to convince deaf people to make better decisions.
Those bastards just won't listen.
In the future, whenever they try to give examples of what can go wrong due to bad decisions, they will point to this year...
Coz hindsight is 2020.
I was trying to self diagnose my skin condition by using WebMD...
...then I thought, without professional advice its best not to make any rash decisions.
I tried swallowing a tablet without water before
And I have to say it wasn't easy or even the best of decisions. Everyone at the Samsung store seems to agree.
Not to brag or anything
but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
I'm told he made too many rash decisions.
A coach known for disagreeing with the referee's decisions approached the referee after a match and said:
That was a great match!
Oh, really? the referee replied with a smile, clearly flattered.
Yes! I wish you had seen it!
Why do men name their dicks?
Because they don't like strangers making all their decisions for them.
I can proudly say that I'm the head of the family and whatever decisions I make are final
I even got my wife's permission to say so
Key to a successful marriage
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband was asked what was the secret to their marriage. He replied, When we first got married, we agreed that I would make all the big decisions and she would make all the small decisions. So far it's been all small decisions.
Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions?
They can't trust their gut
I'm 35 years old but because I'm an alcoholic who makes bad decisions, I have the liver of a 65-year-old.
I really don't know what to do, but I hope I can find a buyer with connections in the black market or else I'll have to just get rid of it before I get caught..
In this family, I am the General, and my wife is the Major
Because my wife makes all the major decisions, while I decide on the general ones.
Allergic reaction
I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body. Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!
A coworker told me to live every day like it's a brand new year
I said I already do that
I wake up hung over.
I contemplate all the decisions I made the year before.
And I try to make resolutions and I always break them.
Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content
Then again, I've seen Stranger Things
The companies that dropped Johnny Depp must really regret their decisions
They shouldn't have followed the Heard
This past year has been a sad one. It would have been my Mother's 60th Birthday, which we would have celebrated with the whole family. But thanks to drugs, alcohol, and a whole lot of bad decisions...
We all forgot to show up.
The Supreme Court has been making some rash decisions lately…
One could almost say they've been acting Ruth-lessly.
Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions."
Me: "Take the next left."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the decisions choose puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working decisions deliberation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
