decisions Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious decisions puns

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.

Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

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Why does a man name his penis?

Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions.

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I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

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An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...

Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?

"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "

Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?

"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."

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What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".

"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

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Deaf people aren't known to be very rational

They have trouble making sound decisions.

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Ellen Pao is actually right and we should respect her decisions

^jk ^lol

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The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

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Why did no one trust the dermatologist?

He kept making rash decisions.

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Why did the feminist cross the road?

How dare you question the decisions of someone just because she's a woman!

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How to make right decisions

The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's office. He's a friendly guy and on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office yesterday I asked him

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

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Keep away from professional dermatologists..

They make rash decisions

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Keep away from professioanal dermotologists

They make rash decisions

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The day I let a dog make decisions for me

....Is the day I go blind.

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Why do men give their penises names?

Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.

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"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.

"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."

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Marriage Decisions

A man has been keeping 3 girlfriends, and can't decide which one to marry, so he sets us a challenge. He gives each girlfriend $1000.00 and sees what they do with it.

The first one goes out and buys a lot of fashion items. She gets the best make up, amazing skin care lotion, a personal stylist, and the most expensive perfume on the market. When the man next sees her, the new look takes his breath away, and they have wild sex all night.

The man then gives the money to his second girlfriend. She goes out and buys a 60 inch High Definition T.V, an all seasons pass to the man's favorite football team, and an autographed jersey of a Hall of Fame quarterback. When he goes to her again, they enjoy a cozy night of watching sports and chatting before falling asleep in each other's arms.

His third girlfriend invests the money the man gave her. After only 3 days, she triples his initial investment and gives him a complimentary golf set that she got as part of her deals.

When the test was over, the man reviews the way the girls spent the money. Realizing that all the girls are special in their own way, and after lots of confusion and deciding, he picks the one with the biggest tits.

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When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.

I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.

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I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist.

I refuse to make rash decisions.

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I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor...

He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."

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Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...

Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest

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Why do men name their penises?

Because they don't like the idea of a stranger making 90% of their decisions.

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My Dad was always trying to get me to quit smoking marijuana, but I found it strange that he would only encourage me when I was using the toilet.

He'd be screaming from outside the bathroom door, "Shit or get off the pot!" Decisions, decisions...

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Why do gays make bad decisions?

Because they're never thinking straight.

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Asexual reproduction is reproduction with only one party

And lots of alcohol and bad decisions

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Think of this election like turning on a racetrack

You do have two decisions but it probably won't be right.

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Did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets?

She made a lotto bad decisions....

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At this point in my life...

At this point in my life, i drink so i can smoke and I smoke after the bad decisions i made wile drinking, then I drink to forget that I am dying of lung cancer.

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SECRET OF YOUR SUCCESS...

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter
asked a bank president.
"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And,sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"

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I broke out with an allergic reaction.

My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.

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I always like to masturbate before any big decisions so I don't do anything impulsive. This saved me 200k the other day.

Who wants to buy a house with a bathroom covered in cum?

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"making decisions"

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
.
Student: Well...yes and no.

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You shouldn't trust dermatologists.

They make a lot of rash decisions.

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My mom

Last year my mom shoud have celebrated her 60th birthday. But because of alcohol, smoking, drugs and other bad decisions, we all forgot...

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My opinion on abortion is kind of a double edged sword...

I like the idea of killing babies, but not the idea of giving women the chance to make decisions.

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What are the most funny Decisions jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Decisions? Well, here are the best Decisions dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Decisions pick up lines to share with friends.

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