Fun-Filled Decision Making Jokes to Boost Your Mood
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
The Supreme Court has been making some rash decisions lately…
One could almost say they've been acting Ruth-lessly.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.
Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.
When I'm at a bar
I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
I can't stand abortions
I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
So I held a race between my farmhands. They ran equally fast, and demanded I determine the winner.
However, they both threatened to leave the farm if I declared the other the winner. I felt unable to make a decision. As a matter of fact, my hands were tied.
I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.
Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!
Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions."
Me: "Take the next left."
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
Deaf people aren't known to be very rational
They have trouble making sound decisions.
You can explore decision making reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean decision making dad jokes. There are also decision making puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.
I need to quit making rash decisions.
Being in a canoe forces you to make a very tough decision.
Roe vs Wade
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
Why did no one trust the dermatologist?
He kept making rash decisions.
Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.
It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful"
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful. I will prefer to get Pregnant than getting my cavity filled"
.
.
.
.
Dentist: " Make a Decision, I will adjust the chair accordingly."
A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...
As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.
The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"
The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"
Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"
Not to brag or anything
but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
The kind of woman that ya make your wife.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
What does a 4 year old gender fluid child and a vegan cat have in common?
We both know who's making the decision...
Keep away from professional dermatologists..
They make rash decisions
What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?"
"A choice" is a decision you make.
"To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
The day I let a dog make decisions for me
....Is the day I go blind.
I asked my dermatologist why she waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder
she replied she's reluctant to make a rash decision
When buying a new bed, don't be too quick to make a decision
You've gotta sleep on it.
"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.
"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
Why do men give their p**... names?
Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.
Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content
Then again, I've seen Stranger Things
Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions?
They can't trust their gut
Key to a successful marriage
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband was asked what was the secret to their marriage. He replied, When we first got married, we agreed that I would make all the big decisions and she would make all the small decisions. So far it's been all small decisions.
Interviewer: What is your greatest strength?
Me: I'm very determined.
Interviewer: OK, we'll call you when we make our decision.
Me: Great! I'll just wait here then.
The Emperor Nero was struggling with deciding his gender.
He spent months waffling back and forth until finally in July of AD 64 he decided to make his decision public.
Everything in Rome was fine until that gender reveal party.
Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself.
When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist.
I refuse to make rash decisions.
