Decision Making Jokes
127 decision making jokes and hilarious decision making puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about decision making that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Decision Making Short Jokes
Short decision making jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The decision making humour may include short deciding jokes also.
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.
- When I'm at a bar I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
- I can't stand abortions I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
- I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body. Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!
- Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions." Me: "Take the next left."
- The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy. I need to quit making rash decisions.
- Apparently, exercise improves your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
- What does a 4 year old gender fluid child and a vegan cat have in common? We both know who's making the decision...
- What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?" "A choice" is a decision you make.
"To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.
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Decision Making One Liners
Which decision making one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with decision making? I can suggest the ones about decision and hard decisions.
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- Being in a canoe forces you to make a very tough decision. Roe vs Wade
- Why did no one trust the dermatologist? He kept making rash decisions.
- Not to brag or anything but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
- Keep away from professional dermatologists.. They make rash decisions
- The day I let a dog make decisions for me ....Is the day I go blind.
- When buying a new bed, don't be too quick to make a decision You've gotta sleep on it.
- I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist. I refuse to make rash decisions.
- Every man has two heads... One holds the brain, and the other makes all the decisions.
- You shouldn't trust dermatologists. They make a lot of rash decisions.
- What'd the doctor say to the nurse about skin patients? Don't make any rash decisions.
- What's the best day to make a decision? Tuesday
- My favorite definition of irony: A neck tattoo that says "I make good decisions."
- How does a penguin make a decision? Flipper coin.
Again, I shall take my leave. - What do you call a clown that makes good financial decisions? Pennywise.
Fun-Filled Decision Making Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about decision making you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean decides jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make decision making pranks.
Why do men name their p**...?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
Why do men name their p**...? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I'm not authorized to make those decisions
Alot of people in tough situations say "What would Jesus do?"
Jesus was nailed to a cross and killed by his own people for the things he did. I'm not 100% sure that he's the best person to look to for decision making advice.
Two Sandwiches in a Deli
One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich - a veggie sandwich - asks the other "Hey man, if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?"
The other sandwich - a turkey sandwich - isn't in the mood. He retorts "I'm tired man. I don't feel like having a deep conversation right now."
But the veggie sandwich persists. "I'm sorry to bug you. It's just that I'm doing this study for a class. I need to know your response in order to fully understand the psyche and whims of a turkey sandwich. I promise, just the one question, and that's it."
The turkey sandwich replies "Look man, I'm happy just being a turkey sandwich. I know I'm not the most exotic food item out there, but I'm content with my situation."
The veggie sandwich tries taking a more motivational approach. "Come on man, I'm not trying to imply that you're not awesome. Of course you are. But surely you have dreams. We all have dreams. If you could be ANY kind of sandwich in the world, what would you be?"
The turkey sandwich is still reluctant to enter into anything resembling a philosophical conversation with the veggie sandwich. It's always ended poorly in the past, but he knows how relentless the veggie sandwich can be. "Fine," he says, knowing that he has to make a decision. "If pressed, I would be a panini."
Why do black people take such good care of a Chinese baby?
Because black people make "Wong" decisions!
Your Lawyer and your Wife are drowning! Quick! You must make a decision!!
Should you go to the movies, or order pizza?
I had to make a difficult decision when arrested at the border on the way to Mecca...
I was caught between Iraq and a Hajj place.
A woman was riding the bus with her kid
*[Translated from a foreign language. Hope it works.]*
A woman was riding a bus along with her young, hyper-active son, trying hard to get him to eat some breakfast.
"Eat your eggs Johnny, or I'm going to give it to the man in the back". The kid, not interested, continued playing around.
A few minutes later, the woman tried again, "eat your bacon Johnny, or I'm going to give it to the man in the back". The kid was now fascinated by something outside the window and continued ignoring his mother.
A while later, the woman, now very frustrated, cried out, "Johnny, eat your pancakes or I'm going to give it to the man in the back."
Suddenly an exasperated voice called out from the back of the bus, "ma'am, please make your decision, I've missed four stops already".
Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car c**... & he has been on life support.
Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......
women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me...
if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!
The stir fry chef had to make a difficult decision.
He was between a wok and a hot plate.
A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...
As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.
The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"
The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"
Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"
Lost Chapter In Genesis
Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.
Your wife and your lawyer are drowning, you have a decision to make....
Fish or chicken for dinner?
Where do war generals make decisions?
In a think tank
"making decisions"
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
.
Student: Well...yes and no.
The kind of woman that ya make your wife.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
Why do men give their p**... names?
Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.
What you should do if you have a rash
Choose your doctor and medication carefully, you don't want to make any rash decisions.
I heard beer can really help your friends with decision making.
It's true. Beer makes a bud wiser.
I asked my immigrant asian parents if they knew what Roe v. Wade was.
"Umm... the decision we had to make when we came to this country?"
"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.
"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
SECRET OF YOUR SUCCESS...
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter
asked a bank president.
"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And,sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"
I have such an amazing wife. She said I will always get the final say on any big decision.
It is hard to believe, but after 20 years, we still have not had to make one.
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful"
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful. I will prefer to get Pregnant than getting my cavity filled"
.
.
.
.
Dentist: " Make a Decision, I will adjust the chair accordingly."
Today, all excited and prepared, I entered my kitchen to make myself something to eat and I made
the worst decision of my life.
Why do g**... make bad decisions?
Because they're never thinking straight.
I broke out in hives and couldn't decide if I should go to the doctor.
I didn't want to make any rash decisions.
I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor...
He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."
Are you good at making snap decisions?
Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?"
*20 minutes later*
Me: "No."
Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions?
Because he grapples with lots of things
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
Why is everyone criticising Aji Pai?
I've only ever known Aji Pai as an American attorney as the Chairman of United States FCC who makes the best decisions. Aji Pai has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
I wonder what the red spot on my arm is...
....better consult a doctor before I make a 'rash' decision
Now I'm a tolerant guy, but...
..I hate people who make definitive decisions about other people, based only on a single personality trait. Furthermore, I can not stand hypocrites.
I wasn't sure if I should go to the STI clinic or not.
I didn't want to make a rash decision.
When Bill Clinton was in office he had to make a decision on a big abortion bill.
He ended up just telling his secretary to pay it
Apparently, if new dots on your arm don't fade under a glass tumbler, you should seek medical advice without thinking.
Which makes it easier for me, as I'm terrible at making rash decisions.
Why was the dermatologist fired?
He was making too many rash decisions.
I can't believe he was acneing so s**....
Interviewer: What is your greatest strength?
Me: I'm very determined.
Interviewer: OK, we'll call you when we make our decision.
Me: Great! I'll just wait here then.
Your wife and boss are drowning and you have an important decision to make:
Coke or pepsi?
I broke out with an allergic reaction.
My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.
I've been making bad decisions lately and hooking up with tons of ugly people.
I know it's not healthy, but my life is a joke and comedy comes in threes.
Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.
When a bunch of actors are on suspicion of using drugs, one of them had to make the toughest decision
It's Michael Cane
My opinion on abortion is kind of a double edged sword...
I like the idea of killing babies, but not the idea of giving women the chance to make decisions.
Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...
Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
Every week I get depressed when I see these men with funny haircuts on the TV making foolish decisions.
It sure is hard to be an Arsenal supporter.
In a marriage..
I'm the General and my wife is the Major.
I make the general decisions.
And she makes the major ones.
I asked a Genie to make me more decisive. ...Only if you forfeit your ability to make s**... puns. He told me.
You could say I had a pretty hard decision in my hands.
Ever since I turned 30 I started making bold decisions.
I really miss my hair.
I know why women have a hard time making decisions
Last time they did, they doomed humanity.
For all the single guys on this sub, my advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo who likes you, and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions, and then stick with it.
President Trump announces ban on pre-shredded cheese
When asked about this decision, he was quoted as saying "Make America Grate Again!"
Stop trying to convince deaf people to make better decisions.
Those b**... just won't listen.
Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself.
When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
A r**... couple, both bona fide r**..., had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.
The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
Any legal experts here?
So there is an expensive international Amphibian Show. You have been preparing for this show all year, and you have one main prize frog and another frog you just have as a backup insuring against the first one being hurt or something. The day comes, but now this first frog gets injured so you are trying to decide in letting the first frog compete anyway, or to use the backup frog. You make the final decision of using the second frog, no backsies.
Are you then committing international insurance frog?