Decision Making Jokes
126 decision making jokes and hilarious decision making puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about decision making that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Decision Making Short Jokes
Short decision making jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The decision making humour may include short decision jokes also.
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body. Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!
- Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions." Me: "Take the next left."
- The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy. I need to quit making rash decisions.
- Apparently, exercise improves your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
- What does a 4 year old gender fluid child and a vegan cat have in common? We both know who's making the decision...
- I asked my dermatologist why she waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder she replied she's reluctant to make a rash decision
- "I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said. "Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
- Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content Then again, I've seen Stranger Things
- Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions? They can't trust their gut
Share These Decision Making Jokes With Friends
Decision Making One Liners
Which decision making one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with decision making? I can suggest the ones about hard decisions and decides.
- Being in a canoe forces you to make a very tough decision. Roe vs Wade
- Why did no one trust the dermatologist? He kept making rash decisions.
- Not to brag or anything but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
- Keep away from professional dermatologists.. They make rash decisions
- The day I let a dog make decisions for me ....Is the day I go blind.
- When buying a new bed, don't be too quick to make a decision You've gotta sleep on it.
- I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist. I refuse to make rash decisions.
- Every man has two heads... One holds the brain, and the other makes all the decisions.
- What'd the doctor say to the nurse about skin patients? Don't make any rash decisions.
- What's the best day to make a decision? Tuesday
- My favorite definition of irony: A neck tattoo that says "I make good decisions."
- How does a penguin make a decision? Flipper coin.
Again, I shall take my leave. - What do you call a clown that makes good financial decisions? Pennywise.
- Ever since I turned 30 I started making bold decisions. I really miss my hair.
- Where do war generals make decisions? In a think tank
Fun-Filled Decision Making Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about decision making you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goal setting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make decision making pranks.
How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I'm not authorized to make those decisions
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish Painter
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar,
was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all
over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to
get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a
stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the n**.... This being
the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed,
particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in
fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while
he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked
much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the
decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.
In a few minutes he returned.
"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The
wife says it's okay.
"I'll paint you in the n**... all right; but I have to at least leave me
socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are on an airplane...
One of them has a knife, one has a gun, and the other has a bomb. The first guy with the knife, realizes that he cannot go through with h**... the plane, so he throws the knife out the window.
The second guy, with the gun, also decides that he cannot go through with h**... the plane, and throws his gun out the window.
Alas, the third guy also makes this decision, and throws the bomb out of the window.
Their plane lands sometime later and they decide to grab a drink at the bar. Upon walking up to a bar they notice everyone is gathered around the tv, watching intently. It shows 3 children...
"what happened?" the men ask the fellow patrons.
"shh, just watch"
On TV:
Reporter: "Son, why are you crying?"
Kid 1: "My daddy got stabbed by a knife from the sky!!!"
The man that threw the knife out realizes that it was his knife and feels horrible...
Reporter: "Little girl, why are you crying?"
Kid 2: "My daddy got shot from a gun falling from the sky!!!"
The man that threw the gun out realizes that it was his gun and feels horrible...
Reporter talking to the final child: "Kid, why are you... laughing?"
Kid 3: "My daddy f**... and the house blew up!!!!"
Alot of people in tough situations say "What would Jesus do?"
Jesus was nailed to a cross and killed by his own people for the things he did. I'm not 100% sure that he's the best person to look to for decision making advice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Genie in a Bottle
A brunette is walking through the desert and comes across a genie, who tells her he will grant her three wishes. However, everything she wishes for, every blonde in the world would get twice as much.
The Brunette ponders this a while then makes her first wish. "I wish for the nicest mansion in the world." The genie nods and says it is done. However, every blonde in the world gets two mansions.
"I wish for a billion dollars." The genie nods and says it is done. However, every blonde in the world gets two billion dollars.
Thinking long and hard about her last wish, the brunette finally comes to a decision. "You see that stick over there?..... Beat me HALF to death with it!"
How to make right decisions
The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's office. He's a friendly guy and on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office yesterday I asked him
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"But how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And, sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"
Scientists decide they don't need God.
Some time in the future, not to terribly long from now there is a big scientist convention. At this convention they decide that there is no need for God anymore, scientists can do everything that God can do. So they choose a delegate to find God and inform Him of their decision and kindly ask Him to go do something else.
The delegate sets out in search for God. For forty years he wanders the world exclaiming out loud, "God!! Where are you, we need to talk." Eventually God gets tired of this guy's haranguing, takes pity on him. He forms a body and goes before the scientist.
"God, " trembles the scientist, "I've been chosen to tell you that since people can do everything you can do, we don't need you anymore."
"Really," says God.
"Yes. We can make new animals from base materials, change matter to energy, control the weather, heal illnesses and injuries. I could even make a person."
"Okay," says God, "let's have a little test, Show me that you can make a man." God and the scientist are suddenly surrounded by all the apparatus of a modern laboratory.
The scientist agrees, and reaches down to pick up a handful of dirt.
"STOP." shouts the Lord. "You get your own dirt!"
Two Sandwiches in a Deli
One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich - a veggie sandwich - asks the other "Hey man, if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?"
The other sandwich - a turkey sandwich - isn't in the mood. He retorts "I'm tired man. I don't feel like having a deep conversation right now."
But the veggie sandwich persists. "I'm sorry to bug you. It's just that I'm doing this study for a class. I need to know your response in order to fully understand the psyche and whims of a turkey sandwich. I promise, just the one question, and that's it."
The turkey sandwich replies "Look man, I'm happy just being a turkey sandwich. I know I'm not the most exotic food item out there, but I'm content with my situation."
The veggie sandwich tries taking a more motivational approach. "Come on man, I'm not trying to imply that you're not awesome. Of course you are. But surely you have dreams. We all have dreams. If you could be ANY kind of sandwich in the world, what would you be?"
The turkey sandwich is still reluctant to enter into anything resembling a philosophical conversation with the veggie sandwich. It's always ended poorly in the past, but he knows how relentless the veggie sandwich can be. "Fine," he says, knowing that he has to make a decision. "If pressed, I would be a panini."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Brain Implant
Two brain-scientists are having an heated argument about wether or not having a brain implant that will explode when you say something s**... would benefit anyone:
Scientist #1:
"It would pressure them to think before they say something, thus making the amount of s**... things they say decrease."
Scientist #2:
"No it wouldn't. If they are already s**..., the implant would not aid them in the decision making process of wether something is s**... or not, thus not helping."
Seeing as they were not going to agree, they decided to put this theory to the test. They look through state high-school drop-out records until they think they have found somebody who would meet the requirements of this test. They contact him and explain the test their predicament and are astounded when agrees to have surgery.
After the surgery, the two scientists walk up the steps to the ICU. They find the patient in a hospital bed, playing on his phone.
Scientist #1:
"How do you feel?"
The man chooses his words carefully. After about 10 seconds of waiting, he replies
Man:
"I'm alright. I have quite the head ache though."
Scientist #1
"As expected. Do you have any concerns about the device?"
The man, after carefully choosing his words again replies:
"Yes."
He stops for a moment.
"Can it kill me?"
Boom.
Sorry if you didn't like it. It is one of my first jokes.
Adam's companion.
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was an old cathedral in rural England...
There once was an old cathedral in rural England. It was near a small village and most of the people that lived there attended church every week. This was a sad time for the people of this village, as the much beloved bell ringer for the church had fallen ill and died.
The head minister of this cathedral had taken the death quite hardly, as he had been good friends with the man. Reluctantly, he put up a notice in the village square that they would be needing a replacement bell ringer. He knew that a man for the job was needed before the f**... of the old ringer.
Now, the day after notice was posted, the minister was in his study reading when a young man no older than 20 walked in. The minister looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, young man?"
The man, visibly eager to speak, replied, "I'm here about the posting you've made. I want to be the next bell ringer." There was an enthusiasm on this man's face that caught the minister's attention.
The minister, somewhat recognizing this enthusiasm, inquired, "Well that may be something we could discuss. But first, I must know, have I seen you here at the church or around town? You seem rather familiar."
"No, sir, I don't believe we've met before," the man replied.
"Ah, well then, it's very nice to make your acquaintance," said the minister. He reached out to shake the young man's hand, when he noticed something very out of the ordinary. The man had no arms! The minister pulled back his hand and apologized for the gesture.
"It's no problem, sir, I've been without them for my whole life, I'm quite used to that." The man redirected the conversation back to the job. "Now, I'd really like to talk about becoming the next bell ringer!"
The minister, slightly taken aback, wondered whether the armless man was serious. "My dear boy, surely you must be joking. You've got no arms! I mean no offense, but there is no way you could pull those heavy ropes to ring the bells."
The young man still had an eagerness about him, insisting that the minister give him a shot. "I can do it, let me show you! Please sir, I know I can do it. Come with me up the bell tower and I'll show you!"
At this point, the minister was wondering whether the man had some sort of brain damage as well. There was absolutely no way a man with no arms could ring those bells. But, being the generous man that he was, the minister decided to at least humor the man and go up into the bell tower with him.
Once they reached the top of the tower where the bells were held, the minister asked how the young man was going to ring them. "Like this," he simply replied with an odd smile on his face. The man took some step back towards one open arches that made up the bell tower, disregarding the ropes that hung next to him. He began walking slowly, then burst into a sprint, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
The minister couldn't believe it. This armless man had just mad the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard come out of that bell. Astounded, he turned to the man and exclaimed, "Dear boy, did you really just do that?"
Unfazed, the young man responded excitedly, "Yes sir! Would you like me to do it again?" Without waiting for an answer, the man once again stepped back to the arch, took a running start, jumped, and smacked his forehead against the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
Now, the minister was truly speechless. Although his previous thoughts about brain damage were almost certainly proven, he simply could not believe how beautiful the sound was that the bell made. He looked at the man, seeing no sign of harm to his head, but only a smile that showed how confident he was. The minister then made the final decision to make this young man the next bell ringer.
A few days had passed, and it was time for the f**... for the former ringer. Nearly the entire village showed up to mourn his passing. As the f**... dragged on as only funerals can, the newly appointed ringer made his way up the tower to give the bells a good BWONG-ing after the final eulogy had ended. This was his biggest break, his chance to show the entire village that he could be a great ringer. The excitement from that first day had swelled up until this point.
He listed for the sound of the last "Amen" from the congregation. It was his time now. The armless man closed his eyes to take it all in. After a deep sigh, he took some steps back, broke into a run, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell. Then, to his surprise, he tripped on a large old nail as he landed, stumbled toward one of the arches, and, unable to balance himself, fell out of the tower to his death.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG ... ... ... SPLAT!
The f**...-goers heard this strange sound and all rushed outside to see what was the matter. To their surprise, they found the newly appointed ringer dead on the ground. The crowd began talking among themselves, wondering who knew this man and whether any of his family was present. One man thought he had recognized the deceased man earlier with a family, but couldn't quite put his finger on it whether it was him or not. Everyone could agree that this man looked familiar.
As the minister finally reached the body through the crowd, he knelt down and wept beside him. A woman in the crowd asked, "Father, did you know who this man was?"
"No," he solemnly answered, "but his face sure rang a bell."
Your Lawyer and your Wife are drowning! Quick! You must make a decision!!
Should you go to the movies, or order pizza?
An oldie, but goodie.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
I had to make a difficult decision when arrested at the border on the way to Mecca...
I was caught between Iraq and a Hajj place.
A woman was riding the bus with her kid
*[Translated from a foreign language. Hope it works.]*
A woman was riding a bus along with her young, hyper-active son, trying hard to get him to eat some breakfast.
"Eat your eggs Johnny, or I'm going to give it to the man in the back". The kid, not interested, continued playing around.
A few minutes later, the woman tried again, "eat your bacon Johnny, or I'm going to give it to the man in the back". The kid was now fascinated by something outside the window and continued ignoring his mother.
A while later, the woman, now very frustrated, cried out, "Johnny, eat your pancakes or I'm going to give it to the man in the back."
Suddenly an exasperated voice called out from the back of the bus, "ma'am, please make your decision, I've missed four stops already".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car c**... & he has been on life support.
Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me...
if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!
God's perfect woman
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion.
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and she will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and she will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The stir fry chef had to make a difficult decision.
He was between a wok and a hot plate.
Lost Chapter In Genesis
Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.
"making decisions"
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
.
Student: Well...yes and no.
I decided to stop drinking...
To find out which version of me is making all of these bad decisions
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The kind of woman that ya make your wife.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do men give their p**... names?
Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.
What you should do if you have a rash
Choose your doctor and medication carefully, you don't want to make any rash decisions.
I heard beer can really help your friends with decision making.
It's true. Beer makes a bud wiser.
I asked my immigrant asian parents if they knew what Roe v. Wade was.
"Umm... the decision we had to make when we came to this country?"
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
SECRET OF YOUR SUCCESS...
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter
asked a bank president.
"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And,sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I'm at a bar
I always look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
I have such an amazing wife. She said I will always get the final say on any big decision.
It is hard to believe, but after 20 years, we still have not had to make one.
Anytime I have to make a tough decision, I ask WWJD?
What would Judas do?
Today, all excited and prepared, I entered my kitchen to make myself something to eat and I made
the worst decision of my life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Harley Davidson creator dies and meets God
The Creator of Harley Davidson dies and meets St Peter at the pearly gates. Peter asks him, "why would you create something like a Harley?? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time, and expensive. I'm going to have to take you to God to make the decision." So he takes him to God and God asks him the same question, the Harley creator's response was "well why did you create women? They're loud, unreliable, slow, never on time and expensive." God then pulls out a calculator and proceeds to punch in some numbers and responds, "just did the numbers and way more people are riding my creation."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do g**... make bad decisions?
Because they're never thinking straight.
I broke out in hives and couldn't decide if I should go to the doctor.
I didn't want to make any rash decisions.
I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor...
He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."
Are you good at making snap decisions?
Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?"
*20 minutes later*
Me: "No."
Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions?
Because he grapples with lots of things
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
What do you call a decision someone at Weis wouldn't make?
Not a Weis decision
Why is everyone criticising Aji Pai?
I've only ever known Aji Pai as an American attorney as the Chairman of United States FCC who makes the best decisions. Aji Pai has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
I wonder what the red spot on my arm is...
....better consult a doctor before I make a 'rash' decision
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A manager has two great employees...
A manager has two great employees, Jack and Jill. Due to budget constraints, he knows he has to fire one of them. He decides to meet with each employee, be upfront with them, and then make his sad decision. Both of them are outside of his office, and he asks Jill to step inside. Less than 15 seconds later, Jill storms out of there and slams the door behind her.
Jack walks in and says "I guess you decided to let her go?"
Boss man has a bewildered look on his face and says "I never even got the chance to! All I said was 'I'm trying to decide whether to lay you or j**....'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Now I'm a tolerant guy, but...
..I hate people who make definitive decisions about other people, based only on a single personality trait. Furthermore, I can not stand hypocrites.
I wasn't sure if I should go to the STI clinic or not.
I didn't want to make a rash decision.
When Bill Clinton was in office he had to make a decision on a big abortion bill.
He ended up just telling his secretary to pay it
Apparently, if new dots on your arm don't fade under a glass tumbler, you should seek medical advice without thinking.
Which makes it easier for me, as I'm terrible at making rash decisions.
Interviewer: What is your greatest strength?
Me: I'm very determined.
Interviewer: OK, we'll call you when we make our decision.
Me: Great! I'll just wait here then.
Your wife and boss are drowning and you have an important decision to make:
Coke or pepsi?
I broke out with an allergic reaction.
My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been making bad decisions lately and hooking up with tons of ugly people.
I know it's not healthy, but my life is a joke and comedy comes in threes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just had a popcorn kernel stuck in my t**...
He makes all the executive decisions.
Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.
When a bunch of actors are on suspicion of using drugs, one of them had to make the toughest decision
It's Michael Cane
Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...
Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
A cancer patient with a gambling problem must make a decision.
Chemotherapy or Kenotherapy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every week I get depressed when I see these men with funny haircuts on the TV making foolish decisions.
It sure is hard to be an Arsenal supporter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a Genie to make me more decisive. ...Only if you forfeit your ability to make s**... puns. He told me.
You could say I had a pretty hard decision in my hands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For all the single guys on this sub, my advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo who likes you, and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions, and then stick with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stop trying to convince deaf people to make better decisions.
Those b**... just won't listen.
Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself.
When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.