Decent Jokes

Following is our collection of snl puns and policies one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Decent jokes for adults, dirty mediocre jokes and clean wage dad gags for kids.

The Best Decent Puns

A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.

The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.

They say you can't get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

I recently filmed my wife wanking me off with her toes...

Got some decent footage.

Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens.

It's their kids that cause all the trouble.

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.


They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!

I was browsing Craigslist the other day, when I came across someone who wanted to learn how to make macaroni.

Being a master macaroni maker myself, I responded to his offer, and we set up a time and place to meet so I could teach him. When we met up, he took one look at me, and he told me that I didn't look like someone who could even make halfway decent macaroni. "Sir", I assured him, "I promise I'm a master of my Kraft."

A Jewish man is in a car accident.

A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"

The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."

Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.

The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.

Monorails make decent one-liners

Why did the restaurant on the moon fail?

The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.


Donkey joke

Bob's having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts 'hey here's donkey' and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks 'hey mate why does he call you donkey'. Guy replies 'I don't know .....he haw, he haw, he hawlways calls me that.
That's my first and now probably last post

A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...

The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"

Two men are playing golf near a country road...

When they see a funeral procession go by. One of them stops playing, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The other says "thats very decent of you, to stop playing and pay your respects." The first one responds "Well I'd think so; we were married for 52 years."

My friend tried to enlist the help of his spouse in our dad-joke contest...

She failed miserably, making no decent jokes.

I said, "looks like you brought a wife to a pun fight."

As my late father always said...

Buy a decent watch

The guillotine was decent in theory

But amazing in execution.

Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies.

Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts.

Why is English considered the easiest language to learn?

Because even the Americans are decent at it!


I recently got a job at a Vegetable farm.

It's hard work, but i get a decent celery.

A Galaxy Phone, an iPhone and a windows phone fall out a top story window.

The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks.

The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces.

The windows phone freezes mid decent.

Dave and John are playing a round of golf...

Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."

I got a brand new Tesla for my wife.

Pretty decent trade, if you ask me.

I don't understand all of this Chris Brown hype.

After all his music isn't even that good, his only decent hit was Rihanna.

For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m.

It's a decent resolution.

A friend who works for FedEx told me how to tell a decent joke.

It's all about the delivery.

My Cyclist Friend Was A Decent Guy

Until he turned into a cycle path.

I got chatting to this lumberjack the other day

He seemed like a decent feller

Two men were playing golf..

when the man about to tee off noticed a funeral procession moving down the road next to the golf course. He stopped, put his club away, took off his hat and waited respectfully for them the pass. "My friend that was a very decent and respectful gesture" his friend commented. "The least I could do, I was married to her for eighteen years after all"

Gonna study hard , get a decent job , give my best at work so that I can buy a house with a

strong ceiling fan I can hang myself on.

What's your favorite pirate joke?

Friend has an eyepatch on for some reason or another and I'm running out of decent jokes.

I spent ages trying to think of a decent bin pun.

Turns out, they were all rubbish

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin's theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

The little bit of decent human being left in me finds cannibalism to be wrong...

but who cares, he was delicious!

People really should stop tipping cows.

They deserve a decent hourly wage!

What do you do when you're in a busy city and you need to take a huge dump?

First things first, you find a decent plastic bag asap.
Then, you need to takes your pants off and be in a squat.
Take the plastic bag.........




put it over your head so that people don't see your face.

I really enjoyed this year's halftime performance.

I had enough time to take my dog for a decent walk.

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

I blame the general manager, said the first fan. If he signed better players, we'd be a great team.

I blame the players, said the second fan. If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points.

I blame my parents, said the third. If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team.

Two cannibals who haven't had a decent meal in some time catch a neighboring tribesman in the jungle.

After discussing how to keep things fair, they decide that one should start at the feet and the other at the head to make sure they get an equal amount.

A few minutes into the meal, the cannibal who started at the head asks, "How's it going down there?"

"I'm having a ball!" says the other one.

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down!" says the first. "You're eating too fast!"

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

If World War 3 happens...

At least we will finally get some more decent Call of Duty Games.

It's a silver lining in the clouds.

Only pre-2017 kids will get this

A decent public education

If you marry a good, decent man...

... the color of his Rolls Roys doesn't make much difference

Those cheap Beats headphones might be fakes! Here's how to tell.

Connect headphones to a decent audio source. Play any music. Listen closely to the music.

1. Note the nuances of the bass. Is it clean and well-defined?
2. Are the high frequencies nice and crisp?
3. Pay attention to the mid-range frequencies - are they balanced with the high and low frequencies?

If you answered YES to any of the above steps - sorry, you were ripped off!

A left handed man was arrested the other day...

They say his smear campaign ruined a number of decent characters.

I heard Roy Moore fell off the wagon after losing on Tuesday...

Several sources claim he was heard repeatedly asking for a decent 15 year old Brandy.

If US keeps probing politicians for sexual misconducts

In time there will be no more decent people running the country

It's decent money, but you can't guarantee a living as a sign spinner.

They have a high turnover rate.

You don't' have to be upset, if nobody notices you

You'd make a decent sniper!

Everything can be reduced to a fart joke ...

Even physics:

We know that everything on earth falls at the same rate of acceleration, 32 feet per second per second. The difference comes down to mass and wind resistance, as shown by a flat piece of paper and one balled up. This means that the determining factor in your total decent is how much wind you break!

How many light bulbs does it take to change a blonde?

About 4 and some decent photo editing software.

I might be on trial for indecent exposure...

but all the news coverage is giving me some pretty decent exposure.

Hitler, John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.

Hitler, John Paul II, and Lennon walk into a bar.

Lennon says to the bartender, "give me your best shot."

The bartender pours Lennon a shot, and it's dead-on perfect.

John Paul says, "Give me your best shot."

The bartender pours him a shot, and it was decent, but a bit off

Hitler says, "Give me your best shot."

The bartender is about to pour it when Hitler stops him and says,
"Actually, I'll do it myself."

A decently funny war joke

Germany and France go to war. Who loses?




Belgium

Why does a Gardener make a decent Pimp?

They have experience dragging hoes outa beds

I'm thinking of applying for a job as a mirror cleaner

It's got pretty decent pay, plus it's something I can really see myself doing

Why is there no rain in South Africa?

They forgot to /toggledownfall.

They also forgot to make their server private, so there's a decent bit of PvP and even PvE over there.

Why couldn't Biggy or Tupac ever get decent internet on their phones?

They were just 2G's

Did you know most Rabbis don't get paid for circumcisions?

But they get decent tips!

I'm not the greatest at telling jokes but I am decent at writing short stories.

So a 4'9 man walks into a bar.

I'm an activist for mens' rights...

...to wear decent looking pants. You could say I'm a slack-tivist!

Why wouldn't the Marxist ever make a decent cup of tea?

Because he'd read that all proper tea is theft.

As an American of Chinese decent, I offered my services to help Trump to build his wall.

He replied that he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to build the barrier in my own internment camp.

My girlfriend got me an iron gym for Christmas...

...now I finally have a decent place to hang myself.

What are your thoughts on monorails?

They make decent one-liners.

What do you get when you cross an Aboriginal with a Caucasian?

What do you get when you cross an Aboriginal with a Caucasian?

A half decent person.

General Mathis served in the marines for 44 years and John Dowd was a JAG for a few years

# Jagass !!



*(No offence to the honest, decent JAGS and this is from a post I saw on fox forums)*

There is an abundance of technical jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 67 funniest jokes and decent puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any adequate witze you can hear about decent.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes