The Best 74 December Jokes

Following is our collection of funny December jokes. There are some december april jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these december feb puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest December Jokes and Puns

So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.


Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?



Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

My prediction for December 21, 2012

Many babies will be born on September 21, 2013

Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.

What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

jokes about december

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."


Why did the Mexican...

... throw his wife off a cliff?
Tequila!


... go to the home improvement store in December?
Fajitas!

Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?

December, January, and February.

December joke, Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?

Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

You know why the fiscal year ends in March and not December?

Because the next year starts with April Fools' day.

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

Two Texans taking a leak off the GW Bridge on a December night

Man, it's cold.

Yeah, deep too!

You can explore december dec reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean december christmas dad jokes. There are also december puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


On a cold, late December day...

... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said:

"It looks like our days are numbered, pal".

Do you know why Santa only work on the 25th of December?

Because he knows where all the bad girls are...(sorry)

Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.

\- Edward Robert Harrison, *Smithsonian Magazine*, December, 1995.

2 village idiots are walking...

...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:

"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"

The last time Japan upset a nation this much was December 7th, 1941.

December joke, The last time Japan upset a nation this much was December 7th, 1941.

A limerick for The Isle of Skye

When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July

Japan doesn't get Fallout 4 until December 17th...

Which is fair considering they got the original Fallout 70 years before us.

Stats show the average person has sex 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December


Did you hear about the guy that was half Black and half Japanese ...

... every December 7th he would attack Pearl Bailey.

What holiday does a Jewish stoner celebrate in December?

Marijuanakkah

Japan won't get Fallout 4 until December 17th, but that's okay, they got the original fallout 70 years before us.

How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

In a few weeks it'll be all over for me and relaxing!

I'll be on vacation to India in December.

What do you call a suicide victim in December?

A Christmas Jumper.

​SERIOUS WARNING!​ Do not go outside!

On the 31st December around 11:59pm. Do not go outside your house otherwise chances are, you will not come back until next year!!!

Please tell everyone u care for.

December joke, ​SERIOUS WARNING!​ Do not go outside!

And on the 21st of December the Lord said...

"Red solo cup,

I lift you up,

LETS HAVE A PARTY"

Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents?

November and December.

Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...

Born: December 17, "Your ideas are abstract and don't always make reasonable sense."

What a Sagittarius thing to say...


I held the door open for a feminist last month.

The trial date is December 12th.

Back in December a Santa wondered into the wrong street and couldn't figure out a way out

He was a lost Claus

EA finally to publish a good product

Working title Β«Annual Sales ReportΒ», coming December 31.

Why did the blonde go to the drive-in in December?

She wanted to see the movie "closed for the winter".

What's worse than no nut November?

No net December.
Defend net neutrality.


I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

What mantra do Hindus initiate on the 25th of December?

Hari Kristmas.

And then Santa said to the atheist,

HO! HO! HO! Have a nice 25th of December.

Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...

Wait until No Net December.

First we had No Nut November....

Now we have No Net December.

The 19th of December is the anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer

But no one ever remember it

If 24th December is Christmas Eve, 23rd December should be Christmas Adam.

Because men always come first.

What did the genetic engineer say on December 25th?

Merry CRISPRmas!

A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing

The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.

After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.

Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.

Unlike me, it had a date on New Year's Eve.

December 19 was the 102nd anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer.

But of course no one remembered.

Why are there no Finnish Muslims?

All of them died out one year when Ramadan was in December

When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad.

But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!

The new Super Smash Bros comes out on December 7th

Japan must just love dropping bombs that day

In order to help Russia's chances at the World Cup

The tournament has been moved to December.

At the court

Judge: Every one of your answers should be oral! So where were you on the 12 of December?
Suspect: Oral.

From the death notice of a local newspaper: After a very hard and painfull life, Mr. Miller finally found his peace...

The funeral of his wife Mathilda will take place on the 26th of December.

Have you heard of the mafioso who only works between September and December?

He's the fall guy.

What do you call an older woman who was born around late November and early December?

Saggytarius.

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

October is Octover

November is Nowvember.
December is Desoonber.

Then there was the Japanese grunge rocker...

Every December 7th he attacked Pearl Jam.

It is December in Ontario...

... and the only Snowflakes I can find are on Facebook.

My wife said if we start having sex at 11:58 pm December 31, 2018, then I can.....

I had to stop her right there and correct her to start the time at 11:59 and 39 seconds....

2020 has a new calendar out

January

February

Lockdown

December

[UK] How do you induce labour?

Go back to December 2019 and hope everyone votes for Jeremy Corbyn

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January β€” ABCD...

February β€” EFG...

March β€” HIJK...

April to December β€” ELEMENOP.

Study suggests that a man does sex for a minimum 30 times a year.

Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.

Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.

I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?

In case you've lost track, today is December 268...

This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.

My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!

I feel bad for my buddy over in Spain.

I asked him, "Has December been a good week for you so far?"


He said it was actually a mes.

Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25

Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.

Santa most definitely passed No Nut November

He only comes in December.

We should add a leap second to December 31st 2020

Just to make people watching the live clock think for a split second that the year will never end

Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

I was on a date with a woman.

"When's your birthday?" I asked.

'13th of March."

"When's your mother's birthday?" I asked.

"24th of December."

"When's your father's birthday?" I asked.

"1st of October."

"Excellent," I replied. "So, when do you have sex with someone for the first time?"

"Usually after four dates," she said.

"Ok, when's Valentine's Day?" I asked.

"Um...14th of February."

I said, "Perfect. Back to your place or mine?"

My grandfather was arrested several times...

...for selling a phony immortality elixir.

Once in 1885, again in 1922, a third time in 1964, another time in December 2021...

Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?

January = Greg

February = Ian

March = Greg

April = Ian

May = Ian

June = Greg

July = Ian

August = Greg

September = Greg

October = Ian

November = Greg

December = Ian

I bought the 250 million year old pink Himalayan salt

Behind the package, on the label, it says that it expires in December 2022

How many Seconds are in a year?

12!

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the december feliz puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working december january piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes