Comical December Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....
I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.
My prediction for December 21, 2012
Many babies will be born on September 21, 2013
Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.
What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!
An Israeli Joke
An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."
Why did the Mexican...
... throw his wife off a cliff?
Tequila!
... go to the home improvement store in December?
Fajitas!
Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?
December, January, and February.
Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
You know why the fiscal year ends in March and not December?
Because the next year starts with April Fools' day.
Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?
The specific ocean.
Two Texans taking a leak off the GW Bridge on a December night
Man, it's cold.
Yeah, deep too!
You can explore december dec reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean december christmas dad jokes. There are also december puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
On a cold, late December day...
... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said:
"It looks like our days are numbered, pal".
Do you know why Santa only work on the 25th of December?
Because he knows where all the bad girls are...(sorry)
Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.
\- Edward Robert Harrison, *Smithsonian Magazine*, December, 1995.
2 village idiots are walking...
...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:
"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"
The last time Japan upset a nation this much was December 7th, 1941.
A limerick for The Isle of Skye
When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July
Japan doesn't get Fallout 4 until December 17th...
Which is fair considering they got the original Fallout 70 years before us.
Stats show the average person has s**... 89 times per year
Looks like I'm in store for a wild December
Did you hear about the guy that was half Black and half Japanese ...
... every December 7th he would attack Pearl Bailey.
What holiday does a Jewish s**... celebrate in December?
Marijuanakkah
Japan won't get Fallout 4 until December 17th, but that's okay, they got the original fallout 70 years before us.
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
In a few weeks it'll be all over for me and relaxing!
I'll be on vacation to India in December.
What do you call a s**... victim in December?
A Christmas Jumper.
SERIOUS WARNING! Do not go outside!
On the 31st December around 11:59pm. Do not go outside your house otherwise chances are, you will not come back until next year!!!
Please tell everyone u care for.
And on the 21st of December the Lord said...
"Red solo cup,
I lift you up,
LETS HAVE A PARTY"
Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents?
November and December.
Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...
Born: December 17, "Your ideas are abstract and don't always make reasonable sense."
What a Sagittarius thing to say...
I held the door open for a feminist last month.
The trial date is December 12th.
Back in December a Santa wondered into the wrong street and couldn't figure out a way out
He was a lost Claus
EA finally to publish a good product
Working title «Annual Sales Report», coming December 31.
Why did the blonde go to the drive-in in December?
She wanted to see the movie "closed for the winter".
What's worse than no nut November?
No net December.
Defend net neutrality.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs Benedict.
So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
What mantra do Hindus initiate on the 25th of December?
Hari Kristmas.
And then Santa said to the atheist,
h**...! h**...! h**...! Have a nice 25th of December.
Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...
Wait until No Net December.
First we had No Nut November....
Now we have No Net December.
The 19th of December is the anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer
But no one ever remember it
If 24th December is Christmas Eve, 23rd December should be Christmas Adam.
Because men always come first.
What did the genetic engineer say on December 25th?
Merry CRISPRmas!
A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing
The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.
After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.
Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.
Unlike me, it had a date on New Year's Eve.
December 19 was the 102nd anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer.
But of course no one remembered.
Why are there no Finnish Muslims?
All of them died out one year when Ramadan was in December
When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad.
But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!
The new Super Smash Bros comes out on December 7th
Japan must just love dropping bombs that day
In order to help Russia's chances at the World Cup
The tournament has been moved to December.
At the court
Judge: Every one of your answers should be o**...! So where were you on the 12 of December?
Suspect: o**....
From the death notice of a local newspaper: After a very hard and painfull life, Mr. Miller finally found his peace...
The f**... of his wife Mathilda will take place on the 26th of December.
October is Octover
November is Nowvember.
December is Desoonber.
Look, No Nut November jokes are pretty lame right now but
in December their time will come
I heard that as a 40 yo. guy, I should have s**... on average 53 times a year.
December is gonna be awesome!
When I started no shave November I thought I would be excited to shave again in December, but now I don't want to cut my beard at all.
I think it's grown on me.
Boys.....we made it.
December 1, 2018.....have fun;)
Then there was the Japanese grunge rocker...
Every December 7th he attacked Pearl Jam.
You could really tell that the us government was tired of no shave November.
As soon a December 1st hit, Bush was gone
It is December in Ontario...
... and the only Snowflakes I can find are on Facebook.
2020 has a new calendar out
January
February
Lockdown
December
[UK] How do you induce labour?
Go back to December 2019 and hope everyone votes for Jeremy Corbyn
The CDC recommends that f**... gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.
f**... proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.
Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.
January — ABCD...
February — EFG...
March — HIJK...
April to December — ELEMENOP.
Study suggests that a man does s**... for a minimum 30 times a year.
Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.
Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
I feel bad for my buddy over in Spain.
I asked him, "Has December been a good week for you so far?"
He said it was actually a mes.
Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25
Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.
Santa most definitely passed No Nut November
He only comes in December.
We should add a leap second to December 31st 2020
Just to make people watching the live clock think for a split second that the year will never end
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
I was on a date with a woman.
"When's your birthday?" I asked.
'13th of March."
"When's your mother's birthday?" I asked.
"24th of December."
"When's your father's birthday?" I asked.
"1st of October."
"Excellent," I replied. "So, when do you have s**... with someone for the first time?"
"Usually after four dates," she said.
"Ok, when's Valentine's Day?" I asked.
"Um...14th of February."
I said, "Perfect. Back to your place or mine?"
My grandfather was arrested several times...
...for selling a phony immortality elixir.
Once in 1885, again in 1922, a third time in 1964, another time in December 2021...
Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?
January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian
I bought the 250 million year old pink Himalayan salt
Behind the package, on the label, it says that it expires in December 2022
How many Seconds are in a year?
12!
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
With a s**... smile, she said to me "Kiss me where the sun don't shine."
...so I booked us two tickets for a December holiday in northern Norway.
I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year
Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed
