December Jokes

Following is our collection of dec puns and april one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including December jokes for adults, dirty christmas jokes and clean feb dad gags for kids.

The Best December Puns

Stats show the average person has sex 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December

Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...

Wait until No Net December.

Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

What's worse than no nut November?

No net December.
Defend net neutrality.


Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?



Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.


Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

2020 has a new calendar out

January

February

Lockdown

December

First we had No Nut November....

Now we have No Net December.

Do you know who Russia's 3 greatest generals are?

December, January, and February.


I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

I held the door open for a feminist last month.

The trial date is December 12th.

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.

What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

Why are there no Finnish Muslims?

All of them died out one year when Ramadan was in December

Study suggests that a man does sex for a minimum 30 times a year.

Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.

December 19 was the 102nd anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer.

But of course no one remembered.

Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.

Unlike me, it had a date on New Year's Eve.


So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

From the death notice of a local newspaper: After a very hard and painfull life, Mr. Miller finally found his peace...

The funeral of his wife Mathilda will take place on the 26th of December.

If 24th December is Christmas Eve, 23rd December should be Christmas Adam.

Because men always come first.

2 village idiots are walking...

...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:

"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January β€” ABCD...

February β€” EFG...

March β€” HIJK...

April to December β€” ELEMENOP.

What did the genetic engineer say on December 25th?

Merry CRISPRmas!

Japan won't get Fallout 4 until December 17th, but that's okay, they got the original fallout 70 years before us.

When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad.

But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!

At the court

Judge: Every one of your answers should be oral! So where were you on the 12 of December?
Suspect: Oral.

In order to help Russia's chances at the World Cup

The tournament has been moved to December.

A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing

The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.

After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.

What mantra do Hindus initiate on the 25th of December?

Hari Kristmas.

Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents?

November and December.

​SERIOUS WARNING!​ Do not go outside!

On the 31st December around 11:59pm. Do not go outside your house otherwise chances are, you will not come back until next year!!!

Please tell everyone u care for.

Back in December a Santa wondered into the wrong street and couldn't figure out a way out

He was a lost Claus

Japan doesn't get Fallout 4 until December 17th...

Which is fair considering they got the original Fallout 70 years before us.

Do you know why Santa only work on the 25th of December?

Because he knows where all the bad girls are...(sorry)

[UK] How do you induce labour?

Go back to December 2019 and hope everyone votes for Jeremy Corbyn

October is Octover

November is Nowvember.
December is Desoonber.

Why did the blonde go to the drive-in in December?

She wanted to see the movie "closed for the winter".

EA finally to publish a good product

Working title Β«Annual Sales ReportΒ», coming December 31.

Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...

Born: December 17, "Your ideas are abstract and don't always make reasonable sense."

What a Sagittarius thing to say...

Why did the Mexican...

... throw his wife off a cliff?
Tequila!


... go to the home improvement store in December?
Fajitas!

It is December in Ontario...

... and the only Snowflakes I can find are on Facebook.

The new Super Smash Bros comes out on December 7th

Japan must just love dropping bombs that day

The 19th of December is the anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer

But no one ever remember it

And then Santa said to the atheist,

HO! HO! HO! Have a nice 25th of December.

And on the 21st of December the Lord said...

"Red solo cup,

I lift you up,

LETS HAVE A PARTY"

What do you call a suicide victim in December?

A Christmas Jumper.

In a few weeks it'll be all over for me and relaxing!

I'll be on vacation to India in December.

Did you hear about the guy that was half Black and half Japanese ...

... every December 7th he would attack Pearl Bailey.

A limerick for The Isle of Skye

When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July

The last time Japan upset a nation this much was December 7th, 1941.

New Years dad jokes.

*11:59 on December 31st*
Every dad in the world: See you next year!!

My wife said if we start having sex at 11:58 pm December 31, 2018, then I can.....

I had to stop her right there and correct her to start the time at 11:59 and 39 seconds....

Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:

"Let's have another round, shall we?"

If you are December...

can i visit you between the holidays?

What will the calendar say after December 31?

"Its Rewind time"

I wish Jesus was born on another day than Christmas

Then we wouldn't have this entire brouhaha in December every year.

What is United Kingdom's top song for December 2018?

"All I want for Christmas is EU"

No Nut November was kind of tough. But I was able to do it.

My friends told me to do the December one too. It's hard but I'm half way there, no turning back now. Who invented Do Drugs December anyway?

A couple went on a date in December...

He pulls out a ring and says, Merry Christmas!

So she took the ring and married Christmas.

I thought it was December...

...but apparently May's not finished yet.

It's amazing how Seasons work. I'm in Japan, it's mid December and I'm freezing...

But apparently back in the England it's the end of May.

You could really tell that the us government was tired of no shave November.

As soon a December 1st hit, Bush was gone

Then there was the Japanese grunge rocker...

Every December 7th he attacked Pearl Jam.

What comes after No Nut November?

No Bush December

What comes after No Nuts November?

Dicks out December πŸ˜„

The US government took No Shave November quite seriously

As soon as the calendar hit December 1st, Bush was gone.

You know the government does no shave November

When December hit bush was gone

Blind people are going to rejoice in December 2019.

I'm sure they'd form some sort of 2020 vision.

Boys.....we made it.

December 1, 2018.....have fun;)

You've heard of No Nut November...

But have you heard of No Deodorant December?

When I started no shave November I thought I would be excited to shave again in December, but now I don't want to cut my beard at all.

I think it's grown on me.

I heard that as a 40 yo. guy, I should have sex on average 53 times a year.

December is gonna be awesome!

There is an abundance of feliz jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 74 funniest jokes and december puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any january witze you can hear about december.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes