Decades Jokes
66 decades jokes and hilarious decades puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about decades that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Decades Short Jokes
Short decades jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The decades humour may include short millennia jokes also.
- As an American looking at the situation in Afghanistan It's good to see that, even decades later, the freedom fighters we trained can still drive out a superpower.
- My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
- Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison. Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years. - What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? ...you can't milk a cow for a decade straight.
- My friend just accepted a position as a singing instructor with a decade-long contract. It's a ten-year tenor tenure.
- What's the difference between Mike Myers and Michael Myers? Michael Myers starred in a successful movie in the last decade.
- The bible purposely leaves out the decade of Jesus' life in his 20s because he was clearly a ladies man... I mean, he can turn water into wine, and was well hung. What do you expect!
- Soul Knicks joke Soul: I've been messing with this team for decades !
Announcer: And the Knicks lose another game ...
- Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator. She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.
- My husband's spent the past decade training to get into the Olympics, and after much blood, sweat, and tears, they've finally accepted him! He starts cleaning the toilets tomorrow.
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Decades One Liners
Which decades one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with decades? I can suggest the ones about century and hundred years.
- This subreddit is 10 years old now. I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
- I can tell it has been 2 years into this decade. My hindsight is 2020.
- The 2020's were an awful decade. I hope the 2021's go by a lot faster.
- For decades I've always liked Kevin Spacey Turns out he stopped liking me decades ago
- In 2017 I'm going to start eating healthy again. This marks the end of my cheat decade.
- What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade? The letter "m
- Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
- What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for decades? Church
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- What would Hodor be called if he had lived in this decade? HODLdor
- What do you call a ten year old fingerboard A tech decade
- You guys remember 3 Doors Down? more like 3 Decades Down.
- Minecraft: Story Mode Nerdcubed did it better nearly half a decade sooner
- Q: What happens when a professor teaches for a decade? A: He gets Tenyear.
- My wife and I usually smoke after s**.... I haven't had a cigarette in almost a decade.
Decades Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about decades you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean golden years jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make decades pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of s**... assault
After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been f**... them for decades.
Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this a**.... Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.
'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke
One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants
Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...
...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.
Turning to the principal, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The French are such nice people. (would have been funnier a few decades ago)
Do you know why all of the streets in France are lined with trees?
The Germans like marching in the shade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The secret of recent e**... of Antares rocket
The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it.
Did you hear the one about the snake with the wriggly hips?
Look, I'm sorry if I'm breaking a rule, but this has been bothering me for decades. From the comments in this sub, most of you have apparently heard every joke a million times before... ;) I thought maybe somebody's heard the punch line for this one...
In the late 80s, we had a CB in our station wagon. My mom was driving me to middle school one morning, and I did a radio check and found a trucker to talk to.
I told him a few tame kiddie jokes, he laughed, and then he said, "Have you heard the one about the snake with the wriggly hips?"
My mom took the speaker away from me and said, "Before you tell that joke, you should know that you're speaking to a ten-year-old girl."
The trucker said, "Oh..." and then went on to tell a different joke.
I have NEVER heard this joke since, or been able to find it online. It's come back to haunt me at random times, like today, so I thought I'd take a shot here. Anybody know this joke?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So Jeremy Clarkson's politically incorrect jokes got him fired from the BBC.
Great to see the institution which gave Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris jobs for decades is really going after the bad people society.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm making a documentary...
I'm making a controversial documentary that reveals decades of covered-up s**... misconduct in youth tennis programs across the country. It's called *15 - Love*.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo momma's privates are like Mars...
It took a team of scientists decades to find moisture on it.
My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....
....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.
After spending over 3 decades in the hard candy business, I've had enough...
I've finally realized it's for suckers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of those who say Hillary has no great accomplishments....
I would say staying out of prison for the crimes she committed in the last four decades is a great accomplishment.
I've been collecting broken watches for decades...
...now it just feels like a waste of time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best soccer team in the world
We will put g**... as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.
Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.
Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.
And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let anyone in for three decades straight.
I like my women like I like my whiskey
Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UNC received no sanctions for their decades of cheating...
...but they're forced to keep their football team.
Nice job Elon, it took decades of hard work and determination but you actually launched that car into space. Well done you! Two words though
decoy snail
After decades of fighting his terrible cigarette addiction, my grandfather finally stopped
breathing
Darling
An elderly couple goes to their favorite restaurant they've been visiting together for decades. The man addresses his wife with all sorts of endearments, calling her his darling, sweetheart, his treasure etc.
When the lady excuses herself and goes to the bathroom, the waiter comments to the man, Wow, you have an amazing relationship with your wife, all those lovely names you call her…
The man looks at him, To be honest, it has become a necessity. I actually forgot her name about 3 years ago.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly s**... the life out of her partner over a period of decades.
This process is commonly called marriage.
Historically, the Inuit are one of the few groups of people who never lose their temper. After decades of research, scientists were able to figure out why...
They're nomads.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and h**...
Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for h**...'s first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.
I imagine that being with a woman for decades is like having a balloon.
At first things are electric, but as time goes on, everything starts to sag.
Why does everyone always brag that they are going to go unplugged for a while
Wireless devices were invented decades ago.
New York City just went a weekend without a shooting fir the first time in decades
They'll have to make up next weekend
I yelled into the intercom at the grocery store
Why did I get kicked out when James Brown has been getting away with it for decades?
Harper Lee made her own alcohol several decades ago, researchers found out it's called
Tequila Mockingbird.
What are these TV series about 2 musiciancs fighting against sharps and flats for decades?
Supernaturals
A Palestinian wakes up from a coma and is discovers he's been sleeping for decades.
He goes to the first person he sees and asks them Are the stories true? Is it real?
The man responds, Yes my friend, I'm afraid it Israel.
I don't know why people think throwing singles at children is the new viral trend...
Hollywood's been doing it for decades.
"Crystal ball, how much time do I have before I die?"
"Five..." said the image on the crystal ball
"Five what? Years? Days? Decades?"
"Four... Three..."
Decades later our kids would be asking us.
Dad, why did y'all have to write "do not drink" on a bleach bottle?
I've now been alive in six decades:
The 1980s
The 1990s
The 2000s
The 2010s
The 2020s
May
When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.
I mean I've played GTA 5 before.
A drunk man is walking home through a graveyard at the end of an evening
and in the dark, he falls into an unfinished grave that's still being dug.
He tries and tries to climb the dirt walls and fails, so he yells and yells for help, but no one is nearby. So finally he lies down and goes to sleep.
A little while, another drunk man comes along and falls in the same hole. He too tries and tries to climb out, and fails.
The he hears a hoarse voice behind him in the dark say, "You'll never get out of here."
_Voom_ He did.
A ship discovers a lost island in the South Pacific
To their surprise, the ship's company find the remains of a shipwreck there, a couple of decades old, and a single survivor, a Welsh mariner who has busied himself building an exact replica of a Welsh village, complete with a town hall, a pub, a rugby pitch, and two chapels.
"...Two chapels?" asks the ship's captain, and the castaway's face darkens as he nods in the direction of one of the chapels: "That's the one I don't go to."
A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.
A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhappy and disinterested in each other for many decades.
The lawyer is a bit shocked and asks why after all this time have they chosen to get divorced.
The ancient couple exchange a glance and the man says well...we just thought we should wait till the children were dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old geezers sharing jokes
Group of old geezers been getting together at the same bar for decades. They always tell each other jokes. After awhile they know all the jokes so well, they just designate a number. Like ole Joe would say, 103, and everybody would be laughing their a**... off. One day a toothless Jack said 10,587! Everyone just roared, and roared and roared! Somebody whispered to his buddy, what's so funny about dat? His buddy said, Cause we haven't heard that one before!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive n**... young man runs by in front of them.
The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.
Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper d**... near gave me a heart attack."
Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
Mavis , still reaching in front of her, out of breath, exclaimed, "I almost had a s**...-- but he was just out of my reach."
Ireland takes the Lead
Did you know the population of Ireland is growing faster than any other country in the world?
The capital's been Dublin for decades.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After decades of marriage, a woman tells her husband that she wants breast implants...
The husband tells her that breast augmentation surgery is too expensive and that they should try to find some alternatives.
"Well, what would you suggest?" asks the wife.
The husband responds, "At least once per day, you should take a w**... of paper and slide it between your b**.... If you do it long enough, your b**... will get bigger."
"How the h**... is that supposed to give me bigger t**...??" she exclaims.
"Well, it's worked for your a**..., hasn't it?"
The Lawyer
Satan appears before a lawyer and says, "I will make a deal with you. You will become the most successful attorney who has ever lived. You will be rich beyond imagination, and known to everyone on the planet. You will be appointed to the Supreme Court, and your rulings will be read and studied for decades to come. All I ask in return is the souls of your wife and your three children."
The lawyer sits with his head in his hands, thinking for several minutes. Finally he says, "Okay, what's the catch?"
Bill Gates is hanging out with GM's Chairman...
Gates is in a taunting mood. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas.
In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But, Bill, would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
