Amusing Decade Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What's the difference between a cow and 9/11?
...you can't milk a cow for a decade straight.
Nun takes a vow of silence
A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.
Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new mattress and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and the woman says, "I quit." The head nun says, "Fine by me. All you've done since you got here is complain."
After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants
Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
My wife told me "s**... is better on vacation"
We haven't taken a vacation in over a decade.
My 9 year old son just told me this one
Q: What do you call 5 doctors and nurses on a ship?
A: A decade
Ba dum tish.
Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?
He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.
After decades of research scientists in Texas have discovered a new use for sheep!
Wool!
A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.
The shelter told her the bird lived in a w**... for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."
In 2017 I'm going to start eating healthy again.
This marks the end of my cheat decade.
The bible purposely leaves out the decade of Jesus' life in his 20s because he was clearly a ladies man...
I mean, he can turn water into wine, and was well hung. What do you expect!
The French Quarter in New Orleans seems to have gotten cleaner in the last decade
Almost as if it had been washed up or something
You can explore decade nineties reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean decade abbot dad jokes. There are also decade puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
The letter "m
For decades I've always liked Kevin Spacey
Turns out he stopped liking me decades ago
My wife and I usually smoke after s**....
I haven't had a cigarette in almost a decade.
After decades of fighting his terrible cigarette addiction, my grandfather finally stopped
breathing
A teacher was going over the history syllabus.
The teacher says to the class "We will be learning about history for the next 6 months. Each month I will teach a different decade. We will cover the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 2000-2010".
A student puts her hand up and asks "what about the '90s?". The teacher replies saying "only 90s kids remember the 90s".
Everyone in our little town was shocked and horrified that the local butcher got busted for selling drugs.
I had seen Pete once a week like clockwork for over a decade, never even knew he was a butcher.
TIL: For the past decade, Eddie Murphy has been researching and studying the health benefits of almonds.
He has become the Nutty Professor.
It took me almost a decade of marriage and several failed attempts of trying to realise it
Im not capable of making dad jokes
Dave who is 6 ft11, and his wife is only 3 ft 6.
Dave who is 6 ft11, and his wife is only 3 ft 6.
A decade married, and he's still nuts over her.
I have a buddy who's 6' 11" and his wife is only 3' 6"...
They've been married over a decade and he's still nuts over her...
A man walks into a bar with a shotgun...
but then he remembers that this is a repost and it's been over a decade since he divorced his cheating ex, so he just sits down and orders a drink.
Local Barber got arrested for selling drugs.
I really cant believe it. I have been his customer for over a decade and never knew he was a barber.
Decade: 10 years
Century: 100 years
Millennium: 1000 years
Together forever: 8 months!!!!!!
Decades later our kids would be asking us.
Dad, why did y'all have to write "do not drink" on a bleach bottle?
David wanted to be a writer!
There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
A decade later, David did fulfill his dream:
David now writes the error messages for Python interpreter.
A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday
She drops hints to her husband:
"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."
The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale.
And that's when the fight started...
God has a meeting with the board of Archangels. He turns to Archangel Joe.
G : "So where are you at with the punishment list for the 2020s??"
J : "All done"
G : "What?"
J : "Yeah, all the punishments for 2020 have been passed"
G : *facepalms* "That was supposed to be for the whole decade not one year you idiot."
The 2020's were an awful decade.
I hope the 2021's go by a lot faster.
Today I cancelled my subscription to the decade
We've all been through 2020.
It has become clear to me that 2021 is pronounced "2020 won," and that 2022 is pronounced "2020 too."
Some people are upset that Profesional athletes get payed so much
But really it makes sense.
After a few years of training an athlete is playing professionally.
After more than a decade of work and education most doctors are still practicing.
This subreddit is 10 years old now.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison.
Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years.
A young novice joins a Silent Monastery. He is permitted to speak two words every 10 years.
After the first Decade he is admitted to the Abbot's study, sits across from him at his desk, and says: "Soup cold". After the second Decade, he does the same and says: "Bed hard". Once thirty years have passed, he stands at the threshold and declares: "I'm leaving"! Whereupon the Abbot slowly looks up and says: "Well I'm hardly surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you got here".
After decades of marriage, a woman tells her husband that she wants breast implants...
The husband tells her that breast augmentation surgery is too expensive and that they should try to find some alternatives.
"Well, what would you suggest?" asks the wife.
The husband responds, "At least once per day, you should take a w**... of paper and slide it between your b**.... If you do it long enough, your b**... will get bigger."
"How the h**... is that supposed to give me bigger t**...??" she exclaims.
"Well, it's worked for your a**..., hasn't it?"
I can tell it has been 2 years into this decade.
My hindsight is 2020.
When we were house shopping a decade back, my wife asked what style of house I liked. "Tudor?" She asked.
"I prefer four door," I said.
I'm surprised we're still married
My husband's spent the past decade training to get into the Olympics, and after much blood, sweat, and tears, they've finally accepted him!
He starts cleaning the toilets tomorrow.
What's the difference between Mike Myers and Michael Myers?
Michael Myers starred in a successful movie in the last decade.
