Debt Jokes

What color are your p**..., babe?

Boy: What color are your p**..., babe?
Girl: Why do you keep asking me s**... questions, don't you ever think about anything else?
Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?
Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace p**.....You want a pic?

How much does f**... insurance cost

Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out
Alternatively: an arm and a leg

If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...

I'd probably still be in debt right now.

What goes up and never comes down in college

your debt

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

Last week, Puerto Rico's Governor said that they couldn't pay their debt.

From now on, the Island will be known as Puerto Pobre.

What do you call a broke actor?

Johnny Debt.

Yo mama so poor that when someone tries to rob her, they go into debt.

I'm so broke..

.. that when my Identiy was stolen today and LifeLock called me and said I now have no money in my bank account.
I was like, "Sweet! I'm no longer in debt"

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.
"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.
"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."

I got a letter from the bank saying I was still in debt.

I don't know why, I sent them a cheque.

Walked into my dealers house with a dollars worth in change and asked for four quarters worth of w**.......

Walked out with $225 in debt, an ounce of w**..., and a new job.

Why is yogurt always in debt?

Because it's Greek.

My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 credit score. And all thanks to this community!

I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!

I once got into so much debt

I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?

Because interest in the Bond is so low.

I gave someone debt money for plastic surgery

And now I don't recognize him

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

Have you tried the new College Debt Simulator video game?

Turns out liberal arts is the default setting.

"Sir, your balance is outstanding."

I know my balance is outstanding, I've been skateboarding for years, but I fail to see how that's going to help me pay back this debt!

What do you call a spy in debt?

Bond. James' Bond.

If I had a dollar for every promise a politician fulfilled

The debt would equal my uninsured hospital bill.

What goes up, but doesn't come down?

The USA's debt

What do you call a hermit stuck in debt?

Forever alone.

As a Trump supporter, I am really disappointed by all these firing at the White House.

Why aren't the firing televised live on TV? And there needs to be some suspenseful music prior to finding out who is being fired along with like 12 commercial breaks that can help pay down the national debt.

Why are Greeks so strong?

They fight off debt everyday.

Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition?

There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

You're stuck in debt...

...if you can't budge it.

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

Yo mama so fat

She died of coronary heart disease at a relatively young age and left the family with much of her debt.

The only provider of hay is deep in debt...

so the government decides to do a bale out.

If I had an extra dollar for every dollar I have . . .

I would be 2 million dollars in debt.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?
USA: no that's i**... & irresponsible
18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?
USA: we encourage it

My new bank is very uplifting...

I'm $1,000 in debt, but they said my balance is *outstanding*!

What do you call an actor that spent all his money on condoms?

Johnny Debt.

I have to go talk to the bank today.

If everything goes well, I will finally be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely get my ski mask on!

If I had a dollar for every time I got a bill in the mail

I'd be in serious debt.

Always be careful when renovating bathrooms

It's all going wall until the bank calls you talking about how u**... debt

How do you pay off a ton of debt in London?

£2,000

Happy to announce that I'm no longer broke!

I'm beyond that point and am now drowning in debt.

What do you call it when the loan shark comes to your house and breaks your legs?

Crippling debt.

John Mulaney college joke

So I open up the letter and they said, "Hey, Jpohn, It's college. You remember?"

I'm looking foward the day we can use technology to revive people!

So Epstein will pay his debt to the society.

Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt?

His deer rear career is in arrears

At the court: Please, have mercy! I have a wife and 3 kids!

I am sorry Mr. Brown, but you have served the sentence and paid your debt, you are free now.

A woman lent a blind man 100,000 dollars

The blind man said:
I'll pay my debt when I see you.
The blind man returned 1 week later. He pays the 100,000 dollars back and says:
The surgery went well!

A father and his son were standing the the farm, looking out into the fields

"One day, this will all be yours" the father said.
Next day the father died of natural causes and the ownership of the farm was transfered to the son.
24 hours later the bank came and took over, due to the fathers very high debt.
"I guess my father wasn't lying when he said this would all be mine for one day" the son then thought.

Winning the lottery.

My friend Bob won a million dollars the other day so I asked him what will he do with his winnings?
Bob said "Probably pay off my credit card debt".
I said what about the rest of it?
Bob says "well I suppose it'll get paid off eventually".