The Best 86 Debt Jokes

I don't mean to brag about my financial skills but,

my bank calls me almost everyday to tell me my debt is outstanding

I'm in so much debt...

I could start a government.

What color are your panties, babe?

Boy: What color are your panties, babe?

Girl: Why do you keep asking me stupid questions, don't you ever think about anything else?

Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?

Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace panties..You want a pic?

How much does funeral insurance cost

Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out

Alternatively: an arm and a leg

A university in the United States was robbed of a whopping $170,000

One student managed to erase his own debt.

If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...

I'd probably still be in debt right now.

What goes up and never comes down in college

your debt

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

What gets larger every single time I see my girlfriend?

My crippling debt.

Last week, Puerto Rico's Governor said that they couldn't pay their debt.

From now on, the Island will be known as Puerto Pobre.

Why are the Greeks so in debt?

They demand credit for everything

Debt collector are so persistent

they never leave you a loan

Yo mama so poor that when someone tries to rob her, they go into debt.

I'm so broke..

.. that when my Identiy was stolen today and LifeLock called me and said I now have no money in my bank account.

I was like, "Sweet! I'm no longer in debt"

Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt?

He couldn't budget.

What did the college student say to a banker?

I am forever in your debt.

Bill collector tells me my debt is outstanding

I thank him for noticing how much hard work I put into collecting them.

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."

A college lecturer asks his students who is poorer...

A man with $1000 but is $750 in debt, or a man with $250. The hall is silent for a moment, then a student stands up and answers

"Me."

Roses are red..

I'm in debt.

I got a letter from the bank saying I was still in debt.

I don't know why, I sent them a cheque.

Walked into my dealers house with a dollars worth in change and asked for four quarters worth of weed....

Walked out with $225 in debt, an ounce of weed, and a new job.

I learned a tip to pay off my student loan...

Apparently each pack of cigarettes I smoke takes away one year of my debt!

Why is yogurt always in debt?

Because it's Greek.

My purpose in life is to pay back those grapes I owe.

It's my raisin debt.

Why was Germany in debt after WWII?

The gas bill was too high.

What's the difference between people who voted for Trump, and those that didn't?

On average, about $30,000 in student debt.

I once got into so much debt

I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?

Because interest in the Bond is so low.

What do you call a guy who's always in debt?

Owen.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...

These are the darkest days of my life...

What doesn't kill you

cripples you with medical debt.

"Sir, your balance is outstanding."

I know my balance is outstanding, I've been skateboarding for years, but I fail to see how that's going to help me pay back this debt!

What do you call a spy in debt?

Bond. James' Bond.

If I had a dollar for every promise a politician fulfilled

The debt would equal my uninsured hospital bill.

What goes up, but doesn't come down?

The USA's debt

What do you call a hermit stuck in debt?

Forever alone.

As a Trump supporter, I am really disappointed by all these firing at the White House.

Why aren't the firing televised live on TV? And there needs to be some suspenseful music prior to finding out who is being fired along with like 12 commercial breaks that can help pay down the national debt.

Why are Greeks so strong?

They fight off debt everyday.

If I had 50¢ for every Math test I failed....

I still wouldn't have enough money to pay off my crippling student debt.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was rich

I'd be in debt

Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition?

There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

Having Children is like having debt

It's best to avoid both in your twenties

You're stuck in debt...

...if you can't budge it.

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

Donald Trump must be irish....

Because when he's president the national debt is Dublin

I'll show myself out

So my crush wants a guy with a phd

And apparently that doesn't mean pretty huge debt

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

Yo mama so fat

She died of coronary heart disease at a relatively young age and left the family with much of her debt.

So I started a new band.

We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.

We're called Debt Metal.

The only provider of hay is deep in debt...

so the government decides to do a bale out.

Did you hear about the the baker who was in the debt to the mob?

He got iced.

If I had an extra dollar for every dollar I have . . .

I would be 2 million dollars in debt.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

My new bank is very uplifting...

I'm $1,000 in debt, but they said my balance is *outstanding*!

What do you call an actor that spent all his money on condoms?

Johnny Debt.

I have to go talk to the bank today.

If everything goes well, I will finally be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely get my ski mask on!

Your debt will always stay with you...

If you can't budge it.

I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0.

That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.

If I had a dollar for every time I got a bill in the mail

I'd be in serious debt.

I hate people who can't let go of the past

Debt collectors are the worst

Always be careful when renovating bathrooms

It's all going wall until the bank calls you talking about how urine debt

How do you pay off a ton of debt in London?

£2,000

Happy to announce that I'm no longer broke!

I'm beyond that point and am now drowning in debt.

What do you call it when the loan shark comes to your house and breaks your legs?

Crippling debt.

John Mulaney college joke

So I open up the letter and they said, "Hey, Jpohn, It's college. You remember?"

Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt.

I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen

He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job

I always try to bank on personality.

On an unrelated note, I'm in debt.

What do you call a college student who joined the paratroopers to pay off his student loans?

Debt from above.

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt?

His deer rear career is in arrears

At the court: Please, have mercy! I have a wife and 3 kids!

I am sorry Mr. Brown, but you have served the sentence and paid your debt, you are free now.

A woman lent a blind man 100,000 dollars

The blind man said:
I'll pay my debt when I see you.

The blind man returned 1 week later. He pays the 100,000 dollars back and says:
The surgery went well!

A father and his son were standing the the farm, looking out into the fields

"One day, this will all be yours" the father said.

Next day the father died of natural causes and the ownership of the farm was transfered to the son.
24 hours later the bank came and took over, due to the fathers very high debt.

"I guess my father wasn't lying when he said this would all be mine for one day" the son then thought.

If I had a nickel for every time I was called hot, I would be the U.S.A

28.7 trillion dollars in debt

Winning the lottery.

My friend Bob won a million dollars the other day so I asked him what will he do with his winnings?

Bob said "Probably pay off my credit card debt".

I said what about the rest of it?

Bob says "well I suppose it'll get paid off eventually".

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

I can't stand people who can't let go of the past

Debt collectors are the worst.

Meeting at the bank

I need everyone to wish me luck today. I have a meeting at the bank later and if it's a success, I'll be out of debt and own everything I have now.
I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask....

The lockdown is costing us billions every day! Should we really push this debt on the next generation?

Let me remind you of the average age of a Tory voter. We can not afford to lose them.