Debt Jokes

Following is our collection of irresponsible puns and fees one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Debt jokes for adults, dirty mortgage jokes and clean banks dad gags for kids.

The Best Debt Puns

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...

These are the darkest days of my life...

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"


I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0.

That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.

I'm in so much debt...

I could start a government.

What doesn't kill you

cripples you with medical debt.

I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt.

I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.


What gets larger every single time I see my girlfriend?

My crippling debt.

I don't mean to brag about my financial skills but,

my bank calls me almost everyday to tell me my debt is outstanding

So I started a new band.

We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.

We're called Debt Metal.

If I had 50Β’ for every Math test I failed....

I still wouldn't have enough money to pay off my crippling student debt.

Donald Trump must be irish....

Because when he's president the national debt is Dublin


I'll show myself out

What's the difference between people who voted for Trump, and those that didn't?

On average, about $30,000 in student debt.

I have to go talk to the bank today.

If everything goes well, I will finally be out of debt. I'm so excited, I can barely get my ski mask on!

I hate people who can't let go of the past

Debt collectors are the worst


I got a letter from the bank saying I was still in debt.

I don't know why, I sent them a cheque.

Roses are red..

I'm in debt.

I'm so broke..

.. that when my Identiy was stolen today and LifeLock called me and said I now have no money in my bank account.

I was like, "Sweet! I'm no longer in debt"

Why are the Greeks so in debt?

They demand credit for everything

So my crush wants a guy with a phd

And apparently that doesn't mean pretty huge debt

A university in the United States was robbed of a whopping $170,000

One student managed to erase his own debt.

Having Children is like having debt

It's best to avoid both in your twenties

Your debt will always stay with you...

If you can't budge it.

What do you call a guy who's always in debt?

Owen.

Bill collector tells me my debt is outstanding

I thank him for noticing how much hard work I put into collecting them.

Happy to announce that I'm no longer broke!

I'm beyond that point and am now drowning in debt.

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition?

There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.

Always be careful when renovating bathrooms

It's all going wall until the bank calls you talking about how urine debt

My new bank is very uplifting...

I'm $1,000 in debt, but they said my balance is *outstanding*!

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was rich

I'd be in debt

I once got into so much debt

I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

Walked into my dealers house with a dollars worth in change and asked for four quarters worth of weed....

Walked out with $225 in debt, an ounce of weed, and a new job.

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

A college lecturer asks his students who is poorer...

A man with $1000 but is $750 in debt, or a man with $250. The hall is silent for a moment, then a student stands up and answers

"Me."

If I had a dollar for every promise a politician fulfilled

The debt would equal my uninsured hospital bill.

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."

What color are your panties, babe?

Boy: What color are your panties, babe?

Girl: Why do you keep asking me stupid questions, don't you ever think about anything else?

Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?

Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace panties..You want a pic?

"Sir, your balance is outstanding."

I know my balance is outstanding, I've been skateboarding for years, but I fail to see how that's going to help me pay back this debt!

How do you pay off a ton of debt in London?

Β£2,000

As a Trump supporter, I am really disappointed by all these firing at the White House.

Why aren't the firing televised live on TV? And there needs to be some suspenseful music prior to finding out who is being fired along with like 12 commercial breaks that can help pay down the national debt.

Last week, Puerto Rico's Governor said that they couldn't pay their debt.

From now on, the Island will be known as Puerto Pobre.

What do you call an actor that spent all his money on condoms?

Johnny Debt.

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

What do you call a spy in debt?

Bond. James' Bond.

What did the college student say to a banker?

I am forever in your debt.

If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...

I'd probably still be in debt right now.

How much does funeral insurance cost

Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out


Alternatively: an arm and a leg

If I had an extra dollar for every dollar I have . . .

I would be 2 million dollars in debt.

Yo mama so fat

She died of coronary heart disease at a relatively young age and left the family with much of her debt.

What goes up, but doesn't come down?

The USA's debt

Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?

Because interest in the Bond is so low.

John Mulaney college joke

So I open up the letter and they said, "Hey, Jpohn, It's college. You remember?"

What do you call it when the loan shark comes to your house and breaks your legs?

Crippling debt.

The only provider of hay is deep in debt...

so the government decides to do a bale out.

Why are Greeks so strong?

They fight off debt everyday.

What do you call a hermit stuck in debt?

Forever alone.

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

What goes up and never comes down in college

your debt

I'm looking foward the day we can use technology to revive people!

So Epstein will pay his debt to the society.

If I had a dollar for every time I got a bill in the mail

I'd be in serious debt.

Did you hear about the the baker who was in the debt to the mob?

He got iced.

What is the meaning of life for a debt collector who hunts grape farmers?

Raisin debt

You're stuck in debt...

...if you can't budge it.

Im in soo much debt..

My bills are so old, you could call em williams

Which Star Wars ship is most likely to be unemployed with a crushing amount of student loan debt?

The Millenial Falcon

Have you tried the new College Debt Simulator video game?

Turns out liberal arts is the default setting.

I gave someone debt money for plastic surgery

And now I don't recognize him

My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 Credit Score. And all thanks to this community!

I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!

Why was Germany in debt after WWII?

The gas bill was too high.

My purpose in life is to pay back those grapes I owe.

It's my raisin debt.

Why is yogurt always in debt?

Because it's Greek.

I learned a tip to pay off my student loan...

Apparently each pack of cigarettes I smoke takes away one year of my debt!

Yo mama so poor that when someone tries to rob her, they go into debt.

What do you call a broke actor?

Johnny Debt.

Debt collector are so persistent

they never leave you a loan

What did the debtor say to the repo man?

Leave me alone.

I'm so dumb I can't even spell debt.

Probably because I didn't go to college.

I'm broke, sad and a disappointment to my parents. But at least I'm not in debt

That's the one thing I'm given credit for

What do you call debt collector that goes after drug dealers?

A weed wacker.

If I had a penny for every time a stranger complimented my looks.

I'd be deep in debt

My dad got a call from the IRS the other day

The IRS told him that his wife was in debt and needed to pay up or be arrested.

My dad begged them to do so.

There is an abundance of repossess jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes and debt puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any economics witze you can hear about debt.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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