Comedy Debate Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!
The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?
>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>30 pounds.
This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?
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How do you catch defish?
With debate.
What's your opinion on the mobius s**... debate?
I find it a tad one-sided.
What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?
Good point
Catholic, Protestant and Jew debate
The Catholic argues that life begins at conception; the protestant claims that life begins at birth. The Jew states that life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies.
An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
At a medical conference
Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus f**... underwater!"
A man offers a woman at a bar a million dollars...
to have s**... with him, after not much debate the woman agrees and says "absolutely".
The man with a smile on his face then says "will you have s**... with me for $100".
The woman snarls back at him "What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man gingerly replies "We have already determined that, we are just discussing price now."
Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.
Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.
Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church.
Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends meet again in front of the same church, and one of them confides to the other: "I still wonder if that offer is serious." the other replies condescendingly: "Ah you Jews, all you think about is money!"
You can explore debate ideology reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean debate gop dad jokes. There are also debate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...
One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.
Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.
A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"
Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?
Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.
Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?
This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...
While sitting on the couch my wife said "I feel like putting on a pair of flip-flops."
Then she changed the channel to the presidential debate.
I had a debate with myself about m**......
... On one hand it's feels good. And on the other it feels great!
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
Normally I hate those t**..., fake, rigged reality TV shows...
But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.
Who lost the American Presidential Debate?
America.
The debates flipped gender roles.
Last night we saw an argument between a woman who wanted to talk facts, and a man who only wanted to talk about his feelings.
God's race
One day a black kid and a white kid were debating whether god was black or white. Their debate was turning heated when suddenly the heavens opened and a booming voice and God said "I am what I am!"
Upon hearing this, the black kid gave up his argument and agreed that God is white. The white kid was puzzled and asked the black kid why he changed his mind. The black kid said, "God just said 'I am what I am' if he was black he would've said 'I is what I is'"
In tonight's debate Trump said we can't trust the rebels
I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine.
I had heard the rumors of clowns being spotted all over the country...
But I honestly didn't believe it until I saw them debate each other on TV.
Donald and Hillary walk into a presidential debate.
And America walks out
Did you guys hear about that crazy thing Trump said at the debate last night? I couldn't believe it.
He said "Ohio is a spectacular place."
My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight..
When I went downstairs the debate was on.
Husband and wife debate
A man and his wife are walking down the street when the wife turns to her husband and says honey, I think it's snowing the man looks back at her and says no it's raining.
To settle the debate between the two they ask the friendly redcoat standing at the end of the street. The redcoat, Rudolph tells them that it is in fact raining.
The husband turns to his wife and says see, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.
I was in the debate team in high school.
My best debate was about math. People still say I was the best math debater.
Congressmen don't have s**...
They just mass debate.
Yesterday, both houses of Congress met to debate legalizing m**....
It was a joint session.
I used to run a pro-life debate team.
No one could de-fetus.
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
I know she ate a worm
but we are not here to debate de bait deb ate.
A Creationist and Atheist Debate
Creationist: If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Atheist: If Adam came from dirt, why is there still dirt?
I won a math debate.
Say it out loud. ^
What do you call a debate club that only meets once a year?
The United States Congress.
In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.
Thoughts and prayers.
I'm organising a debate to decide which member of U2 is the best.
I'm doing it completely pro bono
Age old debate.
People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
People think I'm an idiot, just because I'm a homeless man that asks people to debate with me.
I beg to differ.
I can't believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate...
It was like a bargaining CHIP.
I was gonna start a Debate Club
But I got talked out of it
Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.
My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers.
The president of the United States is going to debate the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Nobody is sure who is going to win. In other words...
Trump may trump May. May may trump Trump.
"I won a math debate"
Said Mike Tyson
I debated whether or not to post a joke about the recent "what word is being said?" meme
But I've never been one to rest on my yanny's.
[Bad Joke OC] Why shouldn't you interrupt a debate between cows in a m**... field?
The steaks are too high.
After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids
We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!
The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!
What do you call a large crowd of people discussing the subject of w**...?
A mass debate
We had a lively debate in physics...
It was a conversation of energy
A man walks into a bar in New Orleans
He sits down next to a man in a jacket. Both of them are watching a preview of the upcoming nfc championship. They both start debating over who will win, and the debate turns into an argument. The man says 100 bucks my saints win! Your on replied the man as he unzipped his coat to reveal black and white stripes. Good luck I got a game to ref replies the ref.
If you know anyone who wants to join the debate team
You should try to talk them out of it.
There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.
Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.
My work colleagues and I had a debate about who we thought America's most notorious assassin was.
Lee Harvey Oswald won by a long shot.
Why did the electrician get killed in a debate?
He used conductive reasoning.
As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...
As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.
What's missing from tonight's presidential debate?
The laugh track.
How is a presidential debate like the show The View?
Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point.
Who won the presidential debate last night?
People who didn't watch
Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night's debate...
The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!
You think the Presidential debate was hard to watch?
Think of what it was like for the sign language interpreters.
After the debate Melania went up to Trump and said
We can still win this, we just have to be positive and patient.
Trump got COVID...
Well my wife and I don't see eye to eye politically. One was happy, the other worried... you understand. So after much debate, we came to a compromise: we sent him a get well soon card that said stay positive.
Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?
>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<
I missed the Vice Presidential debate...
Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?
a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate
at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.
The fly remained undecided during the debate.
He was..
On the Pence
A fly walks into a debate and asks
Is this stool taken?
I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.
Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.
What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?
About 70 years
You know why fish are so political?
They are always taking debate.
I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it.
He'll come round eventually.
Can you guys settle this debate? My buddy thinks McDonalds has the best coke.
I think Mexico has the best coke.
A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.
The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.
3 boys were having a debate who had the healthiest grandma
Boy 1: I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!
Boy 2: No I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!
Boy 3: I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital...
Boy 1 and 2 looking confused
Boy 1: If she's so healthy why is she in the hospital?
Boy 3: Cause she's giving birth right now!
I debated a flat earther once
he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around, eventually.
Mike Tyson starts a club to dispute the fundamental rules of mathematics
He names it: The Math Debate Club
There was a lot of confusion in their first meeting.
I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around eventually.
Why does the tortilla chip always beat the potato chip in a debate?
The tortilla chip has a point.
My wife and I are arguing about getting gym memberships
It's a healthy debate
I had a debate with a flat earther. He said he'll walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
I'm sure he'll come around.
A man and a woman debate whether it is more painful to give birth or to be kicked in the b**...
The man argues: Many women after one or two years say 'Honey, do you want to have another child?' but I aint seeing no man saying 'Huh, I fancy getting kicked in the b**... again'
Giving Birth, or Getting Kicked in the Nuts!
Which Hurts More?
Obviously it's getting kicked in the nuts.
Why? Well you don't get kicked in the Nuts, wait a year and decide, I'll try that again.
Game-Over on that debate!
Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii".
They ask a passerby, who answers "HaVaii".
"Thank you", says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome", replies the passerby.
Herschel Walker made a speech in front of his GOP peers a day after the debate..
"They said I can't speak good on stage without a prompter" he said.
"But whose laughing now question mark Ha comma ha comma ha"
The other day I had was in a heated debate about circles
It was a pointless argument.
There's so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally
Whatever else happens I hope they let Russians compete in the Paralympics. With the way the war's going they'll have a heck of a team
