Deaths Jokes

Following is our collection of the worst death puns and death row one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Deaths jokes for adults, dirty rapidly jokes and clean died dad gags for kids.

The Best Deaths Puns

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that's just being hippocritical...

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.

0 Kills

0 Assist

7 Deaths

Brazillian

So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is raging on.

President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.

Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."

Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and banging his hands on the desk in the office.

Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"

Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"

Death Notice

An old man and his wife had just moved to Australia when the wife passed away after a stroke. While talking to the neighbour about her passing, it was mentioned that in their new country, it is common to announce deaths with a classified ad in that section of the newspaper. Well, the old man decides that's a great idea and heads back home to dial the newspaper.

"Hi there, I'd like to place a death notice."

"OK then. Firstly, sorry for your loss. Now what would you like it to say?"

"Have it say, "Ruth died.""

"Well, um, that's, um, somewhat blunt, but the minimum charge is for five words. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"OK. Let me think, um... "Ruth died. Toyota for sale.""


My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty....

0 - Kills

0 - Assists

7 - Deaths

A man has a booth at a fair with a talking cat...

A woman walks up and asks, "Can your cat really talk?"

The man turns to the cat and asks, "Which leader is attributed to the most deaths in human history?"

The cat says, "Mao."

The woman, who is annoyed by this ruse, walks away.

The cat turns to the man and asks, "Should I have said Genghis Khan?"

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

Why do people think its a good idea to buy natural products?

After all, isn't the leading reason for deaths "natural causes"?

COVID-19 deaths have proven one thing

Americans strive to be number one in everything!

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.



\*Creates Mosquito\*


President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression...

...since the deaths of Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston.

A sociopathic egomaniac...

A sociopathic egomaniac authoritarian leader accused of causing the deaths of tens of thousands is brain dead. Meanwhile in North Korea, Kim Jong Un is reported to be in critical condition.

Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016,

Wham! there's one more.

After hearing that Diarrhea causes the most deaths...

I realized I'm next. Diarrhea's hereditary, and it runs in my genes.

HBO cancels "Luck" after horse deaths.

Their next endeavor is to make a mini series called "Glue".

3 guys worked on top of the empire state building.

They all had the same stuff for lunch every day and they said if they had it again they would jump to their deaths.

The Irish guy had a different meal so he lived.

The German guy had a different meal so he lived.

The polish guy had the same meal so he jumped to his death.

when talking to the wife she said I don't know why he did this. he made his own lunch every day

When you thought all of the celeb deaths of 2016 were over

then WHAM!

Buzzfeed in 10 years...

"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"

\#4,562 will shock you!


All of my family have died ironic deaths, like my grandfather, whose star sign was Cancer

he died from a giant crab attack.

Celebrities keep dying over minor causes.

Petty deaths.

What do you get when you cross a female driver with the Viet Cong?

100,000 senseless deaths

Chuck Norris launch a bomb.

It makes 263 deaths, and the bomb explode.

Famous Deaths happen in 3s...

Sunday it was Mr Fuji,

Yesterday it was Gene Wilder,

Today it was the Minnesota Vikings season.

Earth is dangerous

Did you know that Earth is the most dangerous planet in the Universe, 100% if human deaths takes place on earth

With all these recent deaths happening after more than halfway through the year, it looks like 2017 is trying to catch up with 2016 in being the worst year

R.I.P. Ms Paint

1985-2017

Celebrity Deaths would scare Stevie Wonder.

But he would never see death coming.

Where do homeless people read about their friends deaths?

In the hobobituaries

There is an abundance of accidents jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 28 funniest jokes and deaths puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any landmarks witze you can hear about deaths.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes