Death Metal Jokes
42 death metal jokes and hilarious death metal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about death metal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Death Metal Short Jokes
Short death metal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The death metal humour may include short heavy metal jokes also.
- The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival... Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.
- A baker was killed by a falling metal pan... you could say his death was filled with irony.
Ba-Dum-Tsss - Little known fact: after their supposed death, Pierre and Marie Curie went on to become successful underwater assassins using a certain heavy metal. Hundreds of people died of mer-Curie poisoning.
- A paperclip walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the pointy face?" The paperclip, incapable of human speech, forms a long, thin sliver of metal and stabs the bartender to death.
- Why did the heavy metal rocker become an actuary? He wanted to be paid to predict death and destruction.
- I've started planning for 2017 already: I'm going to record a Death Metal Christmas Album. I'm going to call it *Sleigher*.
- I'm thinking of starting a Death-Metal themed take-away joint that caters to Pirates. I'm gonna call it "Pizzas of Hate".
- We accidentally showed up to a death metal costume party instead of a cultural costume party. We came as Romans.
- What's a dinosaur's favourite genre of music? Space Rock, but they don't mind death metal.
- What's this I hear about a new Muslim band?? Is this something kind of explosive death metal!
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Death Metal One Liners
Which death metal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with death metal? I can suggest the ones about metal music and metal.
- What do you call someone who writes death metal instrumentals? A decomposer
- What do you call someone who writes Death Metal music? A Decomposer
- OJ Simpson has a new death metal band called: Black Stabbeth
- I like my death metal like I like my coffee. Dark and with lots of Meshuggah.
- A metal band comprised of Chernobyl survivors 6 Finger Death Punch
- What does an old rocker listen to? Near-death metal.
- What do you call Islamic death metal? Allahu Rockbar.
- What's everyone's favorite genre of music at the old folk's home? Death metal.
- What is a zombie's favorite kind of music? Death metal
- A zombie walks into a Death Metal concert... ... gets its brain eaten.
- If Thanos formed a heavy metal band... ...would he call it "Six Stone Death Snap?"
- What was the status of the Metal Gear franchise once Kojima left? Death... Stranded.
- I guess you can say Eagles of Death Metal's fanbase is really blowing up..
- Never m**... a death metal singer slowly... They always let out blaring death growls.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Death Metal Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about death metal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean metal band jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make death metal pranks.
If geologists like rock music and mortuary scientists like death metal, what kind of music do physicists like?
Physicists enjoy dubstep, mainly because you don't have to account for wind resistance in the drop
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. The first man said. You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife,
The agent replies, Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I can't kill my wife. The agent replies, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.
FBI Job Opening
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from
her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him
to death with the chair.'
CIA final test
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists:
two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of
the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what
the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in
a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my
wife."
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the
agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my
wife."
The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her
husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard,
one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,
"You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat
him to death with the chair."