Dearly Jokes
26 dearly jokes and hilarious dearly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dearly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dearly Short Jokes
Short dearly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dearly humour may include short fondly jokes also.
- I want my 11780 dollars. Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.
- What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ... - Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'." Contestant: "C-U-N..."
Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP." - Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X. Shes not coming back. ...and we don't know Y either.
- 50s Soviet joke Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan. - Dear Humans, You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.
Sincerely,
Confused alarm clock. - Dear God, If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America. - A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_
His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_
He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_ - I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff... As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"
So I started smiling... - Dear Americans Dear Americans,
As today is 9.11 I wish you all the best and am really sorry for your losses.
Greetings from Europe!
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Dearly One Liners
Which dearly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dearly? I can suggest the ones about desperately and deeply.
- Dear Satan, for christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.
- Dear the person who invented 0, thanks for nothing
- Tell me, Sherlock, where do lemons come from? A lemon tree, dear Watson.
- What did Kim Jong Il call his Kindle? The Dear Reader.
- Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles Ramen.
- What kind of tree would Hanna Montana be? A 'Miley Cyprus'.
Dear god, shoot me. - What's Sherlock's favourite type of rock? Sedimentary my dear Watson...
- I made this one up today…. What is Santa's favorite weather? It's rain, dear!
- Dr. Watson: How young is too young? Elementary school, my dear Watson
- When I get into an argument with my wife, I always get the last word "Yes, dear"
- Dear Board of Education, So are we.
Sincerely,
Students - Dear NASA, I was big enough for your mom.
- Pluto - Dear Diet Coke, I feel like you're overreacting.
Sincerely,
Mentos - A dear walked into a gay bar A dear walked into a gay bar, blew 10 bucks, and left.
- My wife said she's leaving me because I'm drunk all the time Dear God, I got married?
Charming Humor Dearly Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about dearly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dear friend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dearly pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend asked me if I've ever paid for s**...
I've paid dearly: I've got three kids.
Socrates' Beloved
Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jihadist was preparing himself for his mission, when suddenly he's facing the image of his dearly departed comrad
"Ahmad! How is paradise?"
"Abdul, don't go through with the mission, it is not the paradise we were promised!"
"How is that possible? How could that be? Did you get the 72 virgins?"
"Yes, and that's the problem, Abdul... think about what kind of women dies a v**...."
"You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..
i don't want to depend on any machine or any other fluids that are supposed to keep me alive". As i said that to her, she looked at me dearly, then she went on to confiscate my phone, laptop and flushed down the toilet all the beer i had.
A fairy once appeared and told a family couple
"For 25 years you were a wonderful family couple. I now shall grant each of you one wish."
The wife went first.
"I want to travel the world with my dearly beloved husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand, and instantly in the wife's hand appeared plane tickets and travel vouchers.
But unexpectedly the 50 year old husband said.
"This is really romantic and wonderful, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm sorry honey, but I want a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her magic wand once again, and immediately turned the guy into an 80 year old man.
What do you call a baby that never cries or pukes on its parents?
Dearly departed.
Why did the comedian cry so dearly?
He couldn't find somebody to laugh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man lay on his deathbed...
He had maybe a day left to live when he suddenly smelled his wife's prizewinning chili! He dearly loved her chili more than anything else in the world, especially the way his wife cooked them which was known throughout the state of Texas.
With every last bit of energy left in his mind and body, the terminally ill husband pulled himself out of bed, crawled across the floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Here, his wife was removing the fresh batch of chili from the stovetop. As he reached with a spoon for a taste from the p**..., his wife smacked him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon.
"Leave it alone, Charlie!" she yelled. It's for the f**...!"
"My wife's first husband."
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband."
Why did you have to die?
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband."
Dead duck
An old lady has a sick pet duck that she loves dearly, but she's broke so she takes him to a cheap veterinary clinic. The vet doc says your duck is dying there's nothing we can do. Devastated she pleads for him to try anything, so he says he'll be right back. He walks back in with a Labrador by his side, the dog places one paw on the duck, nothing. Vet doc says OK one moment. Leaves comes back with a cat, cat places one paw on the duck, nothing. The vet doc then tells the lady that's all he can do but her duck is still dying. Defeated and broken she leaves, upon receiving the bill on the way out its three times higher than she expected hud. She ask the secretary why and she says "it says here you requested additional LAB work and a CAT scan"
