The Best 32 Dear Friend Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dear Friend jokes. There are some dear friend jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dear friend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dear Friend Jokes and Puns

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"









Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

Husband and wife are arguing...

The husband thinks it's raining

His wife says, "No honey, that's snow"

So they ask Rudolph, their soviet friend what he thinks.

He says, "That is rain, comrade."

The husband says, "See! Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

A dear friend of mine passed away this week. This was one of his jokes: What do you call half of a thousand native American insomniacs?

The Indian nap-less 500.

My friend asked me if I've ever paid for sex

I've paid dearly: I've got three kids.

The Polite Way to Pee 

a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" 

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😢

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 

The teacher fainted...


Table manners

Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

Boy VS Girl Friends

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you
The boyfriend says: Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?
Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?

I always carry this insulin injection with me.

My dear friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed to be very important to him that I had it.

Husband and wife debate

A man and his wife are walking down the street when the wife turns to her husband and says honey, I think it's snowing the man looks back at her and says no it's raining.

To settle the debate between the two they ask the friendly redcoat standing at the end of the street. The redcoat, Rudolph tells them that it is in fact raining.

The husband turns to his wife and says see, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.

A man was dying

A man was dying in hospital. In his last moments, he grips his wife's hand and says:
Before I die, I have to confess to you. I've been sleeping with your best friend for the past year. I'm sorry.

She gently stroke his hair and says:
I know. That's why I poisoned your coffee. Now close your eyes, dear...

"Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another.

"Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"

You can explore dear friend reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dear friend dad jokes. There are also dear friend puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If I get an email headed "Dear Friend", I know it's a scam.

I don't have friends

John and Peter

John: Dude my girlfriend is pregnant, but I use a condom every time.

Peter: Come here my dear friend and I will explain it to you

John: Ok.

Peter: A man went into the jungle with an umbrella. He saw a tiger coming right at him. He touched the button of his umbrella and the tiger died.

John: Haha!But that's impossible. Maybe someone else shot the tiger.

Peter: Exactly..

A dying man lie in bed with his wife beside him

As he lay, he turned and looked to his wife and said "My dear wife, I must make a confession"

"There is no need." She said

"No" the man replied. "I must tell you before I die."

"If you must." She said.

"I slept with not only you but your mother, your best friend, her best friend, our daughter, and many other women." He told her.

His wife, not angered by this, turned to him and said.

"I know. Now just rest and let the poison do its work."

When you're on a date, how do you politely tell a lady that you need to go to the bathroom?

"Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

Etiquette rule #381: When on a romantic date with a lady, you feel the need to use the bathroom, excuse yourself by saying:

Excuse me, I need to go shake hands with a dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to later tonight.

Final words

A man is holding his wife's hand as shes lying on her death-bed.
"Jerry , I have something to tell you before I pass on," she whispers."
"No, no, dear," says Jerry. "Everything is forgiven now. All is well."
"No Jerry" she mumbles." I've been carrying this load for years now, and I must tell you. I... I've been unfaithful to you. I slept with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry."
"Yes,dear I know," Says Jerry. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

A rich man demanded to be buried with his money

Upon his death bed a miser demanded he be buried with all his money leaving behind nothing for his wife and children. After his death some friends approached his widow to offer her jobs and gifts but discover she has bought a new home, car, and wardrobe. The friends ask how she can afford all of this with the entire estate being buried with her deceased husband? The widow replied, well I deposited the funds from the estate into my account and buried my dear husband with a check for the total.

Yesterday my dear friend Gavin passed away after taking heartburn pills.

I can't believe Gaviscon.


A teacher asks a class of 1st graders

"If you're on a date how do you politely say you are going to the restroom?" A little girl says "Please excuse me while I go to the little girls room" the teacher says that's perfect, anyone else? A little boy says "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to shake hands with a dear friend of mine that I hope to introduce you to later."

Dear Diary, I've got the best April fool's day prank planned for my friends.

I'm going to fake my death and return as a zombie! The looks on their faces will be priceless lolololol.

-Jesus

Rest in Peace - Ron B. U.C. Berkeley

A man is holding his wife's hand as she lays on her death bed.

"Jerry, I, . . ., I have something to tell you before I pass on."

"No, no, dear. Everything is forgiven now. All is well."

"No, Jerry. I've been carrying this load for years now, and I must tell you. I, . . ., I've been unfaithful to you. I slept with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry."

"Yes, dear, I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

How did Henry V reload his rifle?

Once more into the breech, dear friends

Two elderly ladies meet at the laundromat after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.

Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"

I opened a can of peas instead."

John goes to the doctor for his routine annual physical, along with another person.

Doctor : have you stopped drinking?

John : Yes doc, i have stopped drinking. However if someone "really, really" insists, i do have a drink.

Doctor : it's fine. I am glad you made progress. Who is this person? A dear friend of yours?

John : he is the guy I have hired, to keep on "really really" insisting!!

I was hanging on to the side of a cliff for dear life, when my friend shouted to me, Don't look down!

So I started smiling...

Gosa, the village idiot

Gosa, the village idiot, is walking along the banks of the Nile when Abdullah sees him and calls across from the other side

'Gosa, the Nile is wide and mighty, and the nearest crossing is miles away, how did you get to the other side?'

Gosa, with a smile on his face, replies

'But my dear friend Abdullah, you ARE on the other side!'

If I were a radio host

And now a song for my dear friend Alan that is sitting on his couch masturbating furiously.

This is Michael Jackson's Β«Beat ITΒ»

My wife didn't believe that my communist friend could predict the weather, but I said;

"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

I Am Sikh

Khushwant Singh told a friend:

"Once I was travelling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sardar before. Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady. Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.
During the conversation, she asked, "what are you?"
I replied, "I am Sikh."
"I am sorry," said the young lady, "hope you get well soon."
To this I replied,"no dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."
The lady was very pleased and shook hands with me and said, "it is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion." "

I am going out for a beer with my friends tonight, dear, put on some clothes.

Do you want me to go with you?

No, I'm switching off the heating.

Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dear friend jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dear friend piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes