Dean Jokes
37 dean jokes and hilarious dean puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dean that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest jokes featuring Deans from the Forest of Dean to Eddie Dean, Academic Deans, Dean Martin's roast, Dean Winchester, and more! Learn why Deans make great foils for comedic material, and why they're both a blessing and a nuisance for admissions departments and potential suitors.
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Funniest Dean Short Jokes
Short dean jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dean humour may include short professor jokes also.
- Sammy just bought a new pair of pants. He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing.
"Ballroom?" Dean asks.
"Not much," Sammy replies. - Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Credit goes to some caller on the Dean Blundell show. I couldn't make that up - The abandoned high school James Dean attended collapsed Now it's just rubble without a cause.
- Knock Knock
Who's there!
B-4!
B-4 who?
B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean's hand. - My grandmother and grandfather's names were Pearl and Dean... But I always called them Grandma and Grand PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPAPA, PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPAAAAAA, PA!
- I feel sorry for people who don't drink Because when you wake up in the morning, that's as good as you're gonna feel all day. -Dean Martin
- When I was 10 years old I made up this joke. When James Dean got his girlfriend pregnant, she tried to get him to go to childbirth classes, but he refused to go. He was a Rebel Without Lamaze.
- I'm no Dean Martin. I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris".
He said ''Eurostar?''
I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.
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Dean One Liners
Which dean one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dean? I can suggest the ones about chairman and tony.
- Why did James Dean cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt
- Did you hear about Pala Deans new restaurant? They only serve crackers!
- What's Dean Martin's favorite eel? That's a moray.
- What Did Dean Martin Say When He Saw An Eel? That's a Moray!
- Jadyn Dean Sister on horse
- Jimmy Dean is not my lover He's just the girl I get my sausage from.
- Did you hear Donald Sterling is having a child? Paula Dean is the mother.
- How does the head of a university start a knock-knock joke? Dean-d**...!
- What do you call a c**... live performance of a James Dean movie? Rebel without applause.
Uplifting Dean Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about dean you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean headmaster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dean pranks.
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."
Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
Dean of Women...
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on s**... morality.
We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, she said, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
Dean, to the physics department:
"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
This guy out there asking the real questions
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on s**... morality......
In moments of temptation, said the speaker to the class, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: How do you make it last an hour?
The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...
"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"
"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
Logic
Three professors visit a nudist beach, and s**... off. After some time they notice the Dean and his wife approaching. Two of the professors immediately cover their private parts with towels, but the professor of logic covers his face. When asked why, he says "My face is the way that I am usually recognised".
The Dean at the community college called in her English as a Second Language (ESL) professor after all of his students stormed out of his first class and withdrew from the college.
"What in the world did you do to those students to make them all leave on the first day of class?", she asked him.
"Not much, I just gave them one sentence to read.", he replied.
"What was the sentence?", she wanted to know.
"John thought he was being thorough although all he did was hiccough while he sloughed off the rough dough through the trough to the lough."
On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.
"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male student raised his hand. "How much
for a season pass?"
First day at college
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
The second time you will be fined $60.
A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
A university president was complaining to the dean of engineering about his department's expenses...
"Why can't you be more like the math department? The only equipment they need is a blackboard and an eraser. Or better yet, like the philosophy department! They don't even need the eraser."
Repost from 3001: The Final Odyssey.
James Dean had a tiring day at work
James Dean had a long and tiring day at work, so he decided to stop at a pub on the way home. He ordered a pint of Coors Light and some whiskey. Before the drinks were poured he changed his mind - instead of the pint he asked for a can of Red Bull. He was getting a Red Bull without a Coors!
The papal elections came down to two contenders:
Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?
