Dealt Jokes

Following is our collection of hassle puns and dealer one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dealt jokes for adults, dirty hand jokes and clean quitters dad gags for kids.

The Best Dealt Puns

"Whoever smelt it, dealt it..."

"...so technically officer, this is YOUR marijuana"

The blacksmith only sold items he crafted himself. Like his father taught him...

He who smelt it, dealt it.

Well, "He who smelt it, dealt it"...

So technically the weed is yours, Officer.

An investigation was carried out by a foundry...

since somehow people were getting a hold of their new ingots before they started selling them publicly. They investigated the entire foundry and found out that the man in charge of working the furnace was selling the ingots illegally, under the table. This only proves that he who smelt it, dealt it.

(fyi I don't know anything about metalworks or smelting at all. If I used any of these terms incorrectly, sorry.)

A woman is suicidally depressed

She's quite obese, unattractive, and lonely. Life having dealt her a bad hand, she buys a pistol and resolves to end her own life.

Wanting it to be quick, she calls her doctor to ask him where the heart is.

"It's right under the left breast", he replies.

So she hangs up, takes a deep breath, and shoots herself in the knee.


Now that the eruptions on Hawai'i are being dealt with, I guess you could say...

Cleanup on isle one

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

Did you hear about the Casino that hired a Blacksmith?

He who smelt it, dealt it.

Talked with a former officer in the Bomb Disposal Unit

I asked him how he dealt with the stress of the job?

"Never had any stress with it." he said

When I asked how come, he said, "It's easy. I either get it right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore."

Obesity is a problem and needs to be dealt with immediately

But remember, 50% off fast food restaurants for the month of August. Help the economy

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business


Son: Dad, if the blacksmith forges the sword, who sells it?

Dad: That's easy son. Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

An auto mechanic is playing poker and gets dealt a bad hand. He sighs and says

manifold :(

What did the first time gambler say to the dealer after being dealt an ace and a queen?

"I don't know how you know my name, but address me by the color of my skin again and we're gonna have problems."

a cop pulled me over the other day and..

Cop: ur car smells like marijuana

Me: whoever smelt it dealt it

Cop: gosh dangit

Me: ur under arrest

What's the difference between being dealt a pair of aces and winning a sweater?

Nothing, either way you're getting a card-again

I'm writing a book about how Elizabethan era women dealt with their menstrual cycles.

It's a period piece.

Did you hear about the fish that played blackjack?

The smelt. It dealt it.

I don't like shoveling my driveway for snow because

He who dealt it, should melt it.


I knew a guy that was a self proclaimed time lawyer

He told me his work dealt a lot with minute details.

Being a Blacksmith must really stink...

Because whoever smelt it, dealt it.

Local blacksmith arrested for dealing meth out of the back of his shop

I guess he who smelt it, also dealt it.

Why was the blacksmith never invited back to poker night?

Because he who smelt it, dealt it

How did the marijuana user specify in her will that she wants her body dealt with?

She wants to be baked.

There is an abundance of bargain jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 24 funniest jokes and dealt puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cheetah witze you can hear about dealt.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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