The Best 49 Deals Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Deals jokes. There are some deals sale jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deals deal with the devil puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Deals Jokes and Puns

I got chatting to a bird down the pub last night.

She said, "So what do you work as?"

"It's a very important job," I said. "I have to finalise deals in the transfer window."

"Wow, a football agent?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I work in the drive thru at McDonald's."

I heard that they're coming up with a new Tron movie which deals with particle physics...

Its called new-Tron.

Black monday is way better then black friday,

look at the deals these people in Ferguson are getting. Stuff is free!!

Deals joke, Black monday is way better then black friday,

I'm going to St. Louis to do my Black Friday shopping.

I hear the deals are a riot.

I'm going to do my Christmas shopping in Missouri.

I hear the deals are so hot the stores are practically on fire!


I know where the best Black Friday deals are...

Ferguson.

Where can you find the best Black Friday deals with items at 100% off?

Ferguson!

Deals joke, Where can you find the best Black Friday deals with items at 100% off?

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0

What do you call a coffee shop where drug deals go down?

The trappΓ©!

What do you call a police officer that deals in sibling rape

An Incestigator

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

You can explore deals promo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deals deal dad jokes. There are also deals puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black Friday deals too.

50% off

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Great deals on circumcisions,

Half off!

A shopkeeper was dismayed...

when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS! To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading LOWEST PRICES! He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, MAIN ENTRANCE.

I don't know why they call them drug deals...

That shit's expensive!

Deals joke, I don't know why they call them drug deals...

On the anniversary of Harambe's death...

the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe.

Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.

It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.

It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.


If the US stops minting pennies, 99Β’ deals will disappear

because they won't make cents any more.

Why did Obi-wan not do his math homework?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

I JUST BOUGHT A BOAT!

I can't wait to see all the ads for better deals I'm going to get on Facebook!!!!

What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with retarded bunnies

One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

Why couldn't Luke calculate Abs(-1)?

Only a sith deals in absolutes.

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

Looking at the Father's day deals, my gf asked why there was never much buzz about Mother's day in the US.

Maybe the most hyped days exist to remember the ones who left.

What do you call the an ant in a colony who is responsible for establishing incoming trade deals with other ant colonies?

Import-ant

Donald Trump seems to be great at pulling out of deals.

Shame his dad didn't have such a strong pull out game.

My wife told me she was tired of me always talking about StarWars and nothing else

I told her only a Sith deals in absolutes

What's the difference between Michael Avenatti and the average veterinarian?

One deals with Stormy Daniels, one deals with wormy spaniels.

Why are realtors good at selling houses?

They're good at ceiling deals.

A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"

He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"

But then an idea struck him!

The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"

How do you approach a Care Bear that deals in absolutes?

Carefully.

Which Transformer has the best deals?

Amazon Prime

Why won't Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?

Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.

why is it general kenobi and not specific kenobi ?

only a sith deals in absolutes

So my dirty gay brother got caught sucking a dolphin last night.

He's a pinball champion, he earns thousands in sponsorship deals, so I was astonished. I asked him why he did it.

He said his extra ball got jammed in the wrong flipper.

A new Vietnamese restaurant opened across from another, and the owners have been throwing competitive deals all week.

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

I've heard that the best deals on plastic surgery can be found in Great Britain...

...pound for pound.

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

Products with what deals do pornstars buy?

Bang for buck.

I hear the best deals on lipo-suction can be found in Great Britain...

...Pound for pound.

A man walks into a Music Shop and asks for a Lute.

'Hi, I'm looking for a Lute, but it's a special one, very rare, exquisite Craftmanship by a company called Abso.' I said.

'I'm sorry' said the music shop man, 'I don't have any by Abso, but you should try the Sikh music shop down the road. They'll have them'.

'Why is that?' I asked.

'Only a Sikh deals in Abso Lutes' said the shopkeeper.

All the pets decide to play poker

The hamster cuts the cards. The dog deals them. Everyone picks the cards up but the cat.

Everyone antes up but the cat.

The fish looks at the cat and says, "Are you in or out?"

Cat:

Who opens stuck jar lids in a lesbian relationship?

Usually, it's the male side who deals with stubborn jars in a straight relationship. But who to be charged with this sacred duty in a lesbian relationship?

The answer is no one, they eat out all the time.

Don't believe everything you hear.

I went to the goose store the other day and asked if they had any deals. He said he wasn't sure but to feel free to take a gander. And now here I am, in jail, with my "shoplifted goose".

A guy I wanted to date demanded I disclose my bust size first

He said he only deals with known quantitties.

A journalist tries to find out how different professions deals with basic math.

So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.
The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.
The mathematician start writing formulas and within half an hour he announces he can prove that there is a solution.
The lawyer takes the journalist to the side and whispers, how much do you want it to be?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deals fda jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deals dealing with trouble piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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