Dealership Jokes
83 dealership jokes and hilarious dealership puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dealership that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of dealership jokes. From the sales floor to the service department, we've got jokes that will have you rolling.
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Funniest Dealership Short Jokes
Short dealership jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dealership humour may include short car dealer jokes also.
- I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing. She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.
- I turned over a brand new leaf today... the folks at the Nissan dealership were not very happy with me.
- Dad is down at the auto dealership, looking at potential choices. Cargo space? he asks.
The salesman, slightly confused, finally replies, Car no do that... car go road. - My father died recently and I came into a bunch of money. I decided to buy a car and pay cash... and the man at the dealership asked me, "Why are all these bills so sticky?!"
- My friend is always complaining about the Swedish car dealership he works at. Today I had enough and finally said I don't want to hear anymore of your Saab stories
- I went to a car dealership last week and saw a Lamborghini that really caught my eye. I'm just waiting for my paycheck now.... So I can pay for an Uber and go see it again.
- My mom runs a car dealership and I am getting my new car from there. My mom asked me "So will you be writing a cheque?"
I replied "Not today! It's my cake day. I get Free Karma" - A Texan goes to a car dealership He sees a car he likes and says "Gee that's a byoot!" The Dealer responds "That's not a Buick that's a Honda!"
- My lucky day! I didn't have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta. I couldn't afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.
- Barack Obama walks into a subaru dealership... The salesman asked him, "What are you looking for?"
Obama says, "I'm looking for a replacement because my legacy got wrecked."
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Dealership One Liners
Which dealership one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dealership? I can suggest the ones about car salesman and car lot.
- A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says "Audi Partner"
- Honda has the least pushy dealerships You can always leave with your own Accord
- Imagine missing a payment on TESLA and the car drives itself back to the dealership
- I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership I lost my focus
- Why did Beethoven go to the car dealership? For a lease
- I recently became the owner of a house boat dealership The sails went through the roof
- Obama walks into a Toyota dealership And tries to by a Legacy...
- My mayor claims he's a Honda dealer... He calls his dealership the Civic Centre
- A car dealership twice the size... ...can offer a whole lot more.
- They're having a huge sale at the mobile home dealership. The prices are pre-fabulous
- At the car dealership - Hello, i'm interested in buying an Alfa .
- Romeo?
- Juliet ? - If the Kardashians owned a dealership They would be the Cardashians.
- What do you call an AR-57 at a Toyota dealership? A Car-buyin' Carbine
- What has more minivans than a dealership? A m**... church parking lot....
Car Dealership Jokes
Here is a list of funny car dealership jokes and even better car dealership puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Went to the dog car dealership. I could tell the salespeople were friendly, since I got all the volkswagen at me!
- Chicken Why did the chicken go to the car dealership?
-- she wanted to trade the coop for a sedan.. - My love life makes a phenomenal car dealership promo 48 months no interest, no money down!
- I walked into a car dealership today They told me it would be $30 to replace a brake light bulb
- Why are all these people at the car dealership in the middle of the night? Must be having a party cause the parking lot is PACKED.
- My Wife Went To The Car Dealership... She asked me to buy her something that goes 0-200 in under 5 seconds.
So I bought her a scale instead.
Comical Dealership Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about dealership you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car sales jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dealership pranks.
A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four."
"Oh, looks like one is still riding"
An ex-con goes out on a date...
So an ex-con is walking around the mall with his girlfriend after dinner, when they happen across a Jewelry store. The girlfriend eyes one of the necklaces on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have a necklace like that around my neck!" Nonchalantly, the ex-con smashes the window with a brick and hands his girlfriend the necklace, saying, "Anything for my baby."
They continue walking along and soon enough happen across a high-end clothing store. The girlfriend eyes one of the dresses on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have a dress like that to wear to parties!" Nonchalantly, the ex-con smashes the window with another brick and hands his girlfriend the dress, saying, "Anything for my baby."
They continue walking along and soon enough happen across a car dealership. The girlfriend eyes one of the Mercedes on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have that Mercedes to drive around town in!" The ex-con pauses and replies: "What? You think I'm made out of bricks?"
The Golf Club Mobile Phone
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at the shopping centre," she says, "and I've found a beautiful leather coat. It's £450. Can I buy it?"
"OK," he replies, "go ahead and buy it if you like it that much."
"Thanks," she replies. "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and had a close look at the 2003 models. I saw one that I really liked."
"How much was it?" asks the man.
"£37,000," she replies.
"For that price," he says, "I want it with all the options."
"Great," she says, "just one more thing. That house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking £750,000 for it now."
The man says, "Well then, go ahead and buy it, but don't offer more than £720,000."
"OK," she says, "I'll see you later. I love you."
"Bye, I love you too." he says and then hangs up.
The other men in the locker room who heard all of this conversation are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he shouts out aloud, "Does anyone know who this mobile phone belongs to?"
A snail goes into a car dealership...
A snail goes into a car dealership and asks for a race car, but says he will only buy it if they paint a big S on it. The sales men is curious about this odd request, but they don't get this offer every day so he agrees.
A week later the snail crawls into the dealership to buy the car. He crawls up to the sales men and asks where the car is. The man takes the snail to the back to see his car.
The snail takes the car and is about to drive away when the sales men says to the snail, "I been thinking about this all day and all night, but I can't figure out why you want a big S on your car."
The snail replies," Because when I drive by people on the street I want them to say, Look at that S car go.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
and is immediately greeted by a salesman.
"I want your finest car", says the snail.
So the salesman drives up in a brand new, pearl white fully loaded Rolls Royce.
The snail is very excited. "Excellent. Now before I pay for this car, is there something else you can do for me?"
The salesman is about to wet himself from the sweet commission he's about to get. "What do you need?"
The snail replies "I want you to take this black paint, and cover the entire car with hundreds of S's."
The man is flabergasted. "but sir, that would look horrible...why would you want to defile such a beautiful and expensive car?"
The snail responded proudly, "When I'm driving down the street, I want people to stop, point at my car and say 'wow...look at that S car go!'"
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects
for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.
"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"
So now, every time Mr Snail drives past the insects, speeding like a maniac, all the insects look and say: "Wow, look at that 'S' car go!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
"Have a good day, sir"
He got his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper
Four guys were golfing when one gets a phone call and walks away
The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons have been. The first guy explains how his son started as an entry level stock broker, but now owns his own wealth management firm. The last time he got a friend a gift, he gave him a half-million dollar investment portfolio. The second guy then brags about his son. My son is so successful, he started out as a used car salesman but now owns his own dealership. He recently gave a friend a brand new Bentley as a birthday gift. The third guy, not to be outdone, says that his son started as a carpenter but now owns a construction company. The last gift he gave a friend was a brand new house. At this point, the fourth guy returns from his call. The other gentleman ask about his son, to which he replies "Well, I'm not too pleased with my son right now. He has been unemployed for the last year and a half, and he recently told me he is gay." As the other men look at him in horror, he continues "But he must be really good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends gave him a huge stock portfolio, and new luxury car, and a brand new house."
The senior citizen and the Corvette.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
The locked car...
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know. I already got that side."
Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...
Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.
Three boys are sitting across from an exotic car dealership...
Admiring the cars, when a genie pops out of the sewer and offers them each a wish.
The first boy says, "I want a Porsche!"
The genie nods and a brand new Porsche appears in the road. The kid gets in and drives off.
The second boy says, "I want a Rolls Royce!"
Again, the genie nods and a shiny new Rolls appears. The kid jumps in the car and drives away.
The last kid thinks about it for a minute. He finally looks up and says, "I want my body entirely covered in hair."
The genie nods and every inch of the kid is suddenly covered in hair.
Feeling a bit confused by the last request, the genie asks the kid, "Why do you want to be covered in hair?"
The kid holds his hands up with his fingers making a small circle. "Well, my sister only has a patch this big, and she has both of those cars!"
My Car Won't Drive At Night
The service department of a BMW dealership took a call. The customer stated that his car, a 380i, will not drive at night.
The advisor, flummoxed at this, asks for more detail.
"You see," the owner replies, "when it is daytime, I put the car in 'D' and it drives like a dream."
"But when I put it in 'N' for Nighttime....'"
Some groomers for your friday the 13th
A snail goes to a dealership and finds an expensive sports car. The salesman says "What would it take to get you in this car?" The snail replies "Paint a big 'S' on the side." The salesman asks "Why an 'S'?" The snail replies "So when I drive around people can say: Watch that 'S' car go!"
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Why was the mushroom invited to all the parties? Because he was a fun-guy!
What did Dath Vader say when he was disappointed with his shipment from the Ford dealership?
There is no escape.
A man walks into a Lada dealership
... and says, "I'd like a hubcap for my Lada," so the dealer says: " that sounds like a fair swap."
A rich snail walks into a car dealership
The rich snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing Mercedes, Ferraris, Bugattis, and tons of other high end cars he decides on one.
So the rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships auto body guy and says "I want you to paint big S's all the this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it sure, but can't help to ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the rich snail answers him "so when I fly past people on the highway, they point and say
"WOW! Look at that S Car Go!!"
I always heard women love a man with an accent....
So I marched on into the Hyundai dealership.....
A snail hits the lotto and goes into a Rolls Royce dealership and orders his car to have a giant "S" painted on the doors.
When asked why he wanted it, he replied "I want everyone who sees me to say 'look at that S car go!'"
Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks
Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''
A snail walks into a car dealership
It takes a look at the new sportscar. The salesman says the snail would look pretty cool in the new sportscar and the snail agrees.
Salesman asked the snail about option packages, rustproofing...you know the deal. The snail says no to everything offered, but says he wants one thing done to the car...to have 'S' painted all over the car. Salesman, confused, asks why would you want 'S' painted all over your brand new sportscar??? Snail replies "So when I drive by, everybody will say look at that 'S' car go...."
A penguin pulls up to a dealership
He barely made it there before his car gave out. The technician tells him that it's going to be a few hours before the repairs are finished.
The penguin sees an icecream shop across the street and goes inside. He asks the manager if it would be okay to hang out in the freezer because it's just too hot outside for a penguin. The manager agrees and the penguin helps himself to the icecream as well. A few hours go by and he decides to go back to see if his car is ready. He walks up to the technician and the technician says to the penguin, "looks like you blew a seal", and the penguin replies, "oh, no. That's just vanilla icecream on my beak".
My son came up with this joke today. What do you call it when you're counting stock at a Ducati dealership?
Vin-vin-tory
I just walked into a Lincoln dealership that was a Ford dealership
Ford store and seven years ago.
My friend called me super excited and...
Wanted to tell me about his new car he just bought. He got a nice red 9-5 from the local dealership. He was going on and on about how he haggled the price down, but I was in the middle of something important. I told him I didn't want to hear his Saab story.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a car dealership with my wife
We were intending to swap our old Ford to a newer one. The salesman sees us climb out of our car, comes up and says: "Is that an e**...?"
Me: "No this is my wife"
A guy buys a new ferrari
he takes it out to drive, and the next day comes back to the dealership with a broken gearbox
the dealer says that the insurance covers it so they get it fixed and he goes back out
the next day the gearbox breaks again, and the dealer once again says no problem and gets it fixed. the guy goes back out once again.
on the third day, the guy manages to break it again. the dealer, understandably upset, asks him what he did.
the guy says 'well I was changing up gears from 1st, to 2nd etc till I got to 6th, then changed to rocket mode and there was a loud bang?'
I was in a car dealership.
"Can I take this one for a test drive?" I asked the salesman.
He said, "Sure, I'll come with you."
Ten minutes later I pulled up outside my university and said, "Thanks, buddy. I think I've made it in time for my exam."
The wife and I were at the car dealership the other day...
I told the salesman that we were looking for a Subaru Outback then he hit me with a
*"What's wrong with the ones Outfront?"*
At that point I was prepared to offer him full sticker price for whatever because anything less would've been a disservice.
So a snail walks into a dealership
and purchases a car, proceeds to ask the salesman to put eggs on the front, eggs on the roof, and eggs on the trunk.
Bewildered the salesman ask, excuse but why would you want to put eggs all over your car.
Snail replies, because when I drive down the road very fast I want people to say,
Hey look at that eggs car go
