Dealers Jokes

Following is our collection of retailer puns and casino one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dealers jokes for adults, dirty vender jokes and clean supplier dad gags for kids.

The Best Dealers Puns

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

I'm sick to death of cocaine dealers...

always sticking their business in other people's noses.

A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...

She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude."

She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.

Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"

It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.

Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers?

Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies?

Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.


The Bet

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says: "I want to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude."

They agree to her unusual request and she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams: "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.

For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says: "What did she roll, anyway?"

The second dealer says: "I don't know. I thought *you* were watching."

What do good weed dealers and bad engineers have in common?

Both know not to use what they sell

Don't buy shoes from drug dealers!

Whatever the guy laced them with - I was tripping for days!

Did you know that most drug dealers are exceptionally good at their job?

They are highly qualified.

What do T-Rex's do for a living?

They're small arms dealers.

I like Fed Ex drivers because...

They are drug dealers and they don't even know it.


Why do you never trust overweight female drug dealers?

Because they always cell-u-lite

Idiot and Chicken

An idiot decided to start a chicken

farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he

returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the
first
lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for
another
hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I
think I know
where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am
planting them too
deep."

My two weed dealers started working together.

In other words, they engaged in a joint venture.

You really cannot trust your drug dealers. One day they appear genuine,

Next day they're methin' around

Whats a lesbian drug dealers favorite game?

Rock, paper, scissor

In the future, if technology makes it possible to replace human limbs

And its common enough that you can buy them in stores, will midgets go to small arms dealers?

Why is it so easy to buy drugs at a casino?

Because the casinos are full of dealers.

Walked into my dealers house with a dollars worth in change and asked for four quarters worth of weed....

Walked out with $225 in debt, an ounce of weed, and a new job.


TIL There's a huge, televised award ceremony for coke dealers held every year...

They call it the grammies

Where do drug dealers drink at?

The Pablo Esco Bar.

Bought a watch from a shop . . .

. . . and the watch only showed hands for hours and minutes. I don't trust second hand dealers.

I went to a drug convention hoping to buy the drugs I saw on Breaking Bad. Too bad I couldn't find any. All the dealers kept gossiping about two people I didn't know.

Who cares if Chris told Meth.

What's a drug dealers favorite subject?

Methematics

A couple were working as weed dealers

It was a joint operation.

Why do drug dealers love Muslims?

Because they are always stoned.

My dad wants me to help him buy a tablet, but I'm not gonna do it.

There's no way I'm getting tangled up with these black-market antiquities dealers.

Why are CVS and Walgreens usually on the corners?

Because drug dealers usually prefer corners.

How do drug dealers get punished by Islamic-Extremist Terrorist in the Middle East?

They get stoned.

I started a new job

I started a new job ready to teach dealers black jack and Texas hold'em, but all i saw was diapers and detergent. I guess i went to the wrong Procter and Gamble.

What's the drug dealers favourite film?

Need for speed.

What do you call an awards show for drug dealers?

The gram-mies

Where do drug dealers hide?

Right under our noses

What do you call debt collector that goes after drug dealers?

A weed wacker.

Why can't bartenders become drug dealers?

Because they only serve Pepsi!

What do English teacher and Coke dealers have in common?

Focus on the last line.

Chiropractors are essentially crack dealers...

For cracking your spine...Just kidding they are doctors...Just kidding they aren't doctors...

What do food companies and drug dealers have in common?

They both taste their own products

Another joke I just thought of :)

What award do drug dealers win?

A GRAMmy

(I made myself giggle at this one)

What is the drug dealers favorite app?

Insta-gram

Why can you never trust second-hand Toyota dealers?

They've got previas.

Why are handymen the opposite of drug dealers?

Because they're good at fixing.

Who's business is more profitable? A hooker or a drug dealer?

A hooker, because she can wash and re-use *her* crack. A drug dealers crack is a one time use.

Hospitals are so shady nowadays...

Even the doctors are drug dealers.

What do you call a drug dealers phone book?

-An addictionary.

So I went to my dealers house and bought some shoes...

I swear they were laced with something, because I was trippin' everywhere.

There is an abundance of roulette jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 46 funniest jokes and dealers puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hugs witze you can hear about dealers.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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