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Deaf Jokes

131 deaf jokes and hilarious deaf puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about deaf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Deaf Short Jokes

Short deaf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deaf humour may include short hard of hearing jokes also.

  1. My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
  2. I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
    I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.
  3. I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied. What, no nickname for me? She asked.
    Sometimes I swear she's going deaf.
  4. A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
    They're that yellow family that live in Springfield
  5. There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
  6. Many people told beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but Did he listen?
  7. A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting
    What do we want?
    Hearing aids!
    When do we want them?
    Hearing aids!
  8. Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
  9. Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
    The frog didn't jump.
    Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
  10. A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
    People who can't see are called blind.
    People who can't talk are called mute.
    What do you call people that can't taste food?
    Ethiopian

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Deaf One Liners

Which deaf one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deaf? I can suggest the ones about braille and hearing loss.

  1. My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
  2. A deaf guy walks into a bar The bartender says
  3. What did the deaf person think when he won the auction? I've won, but at what cost?
  4. Went to the doctor's today, he told me I was going deaf That news was hard for me to hear
  5. If a deaf person goes to court Is it still a hearing?
  6. My deaf sister asked me if I wanted to hear a joke. I said: Sure.
    She said: Me too!
  7. Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf I haven't heard from him since.
  8. Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He had to read lips.
  9. Two deaf-mute kids were arguing. The mother came and turned off the light.
  10. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school for the deaf? Neither did they.
  11. How do deaf people meet online? Simple, they just ask "ASL?"
  12. What did the deaf nymphomaniac say? come again?
  13. I almost lost my hearing in an accident... It was a near-deaf experience.
  14. How to win an argument with a deaf girl? Turn off the lights.
  15. What do you call a deaf dog? Anything you like, it can't hear you.

Deaf People Jokes

Here is a list of funny deaf people jokes and even better deaf people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen
  • Who doesn't know about blind people? Deaf people probably never heard of them.
  • people told me i will never be successful because of my deafness but i never listen to them
  • What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted? Deaf row
  • You know why deaf people don't buy new products? They've never heard of them
  • Is toasting with deaf people offensive? Hear hear...
  • I told my deaf girlfriend that we should see other people. She said that was hard to hear.
  • I vacationed to an island for the deaf The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud
  • Why do deaf people never swear? Because they always watch their language.
  • When someone yawns, do deaf people think they're screaming?

Beethoven Deaf Jokes

Here is a list of funny beethoven deaf jokes and even better beethoven deaf puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Beethoven wrote a manga Deaf note
  • What did Beethoven say when it was discovered that he was not actually deaf, and just wearing airpods? "It smells like baroque in here."
  • How would Beethoven react to Mettalica, if he's alive now? Probably not much, since he's deaf
  • My dad: People overcome adversity all the time son... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?
  • Beethoven became a recluse after he went deaf. Either that or he just couldn't hear the doorbell
  • What's that one key Beethoven can be play on a piano but most of us can't? The deaf note
  • Friend: Ludwig! Is it true that you have become deaf? Beethoven: Yes.
  • Why did the stair railing give money to Beethoven? A bannister always pays his deafs.

Tone Deaf Jokes

Here is a list of funny tone deaf jokes and even better tone deaf puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm so tone deaf that I can't even tell the difference between A# and Bb.
  • If your friend is tone deaf... Is it in poor taste to leave him a note?
  • What do you call a bodybuilder that can't sing? Muscle tone deaf.
Deaf joke, What do you call a bodybuilder that can't sing?

Gather Around for Fun Deaf Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about deaf you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean handicapped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deaf pranks.

I was chatting with a deaf person on omegle.

He asked me "ASL?".

My wife is like a deaf dog

I can never make her come.

A little joke my 9 year old brother told me

Timmy(brother): Hey Shane, how do you sell a chicken to a deaf person?
Me(Shane): How timmy?
He then proceeds to shout in my face, taking me off-guard
Timmy: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I had a t**... on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

My deaf girlfriend started talkin in her sleep last night

Nearly poked my eye out

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Did you hear about the s**... promiscuous deaf person?

Turns out he got hearing aids.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Scots vs English

Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.
Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf.

There was a deaf mute

who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.

Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.

The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"

When my girlfriend complains about how bad her day was I like to hold her hands

Because shes deaf

What does a deaf math nerd speak?

Sine language.

Funniest thing my gf has ever said

We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A lip reader.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do Farts Smell so Bad?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.

A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.

An old couple is laying in bed when the old lady remembers that she needs some money for groceries...

She whispers into the old man's ear: "Can you lend me $100? ".
The man answers: "Sorry dear but I can't hear you. You know this ear of mine is deaf, try the other ear".
The old lady scoots and whispers into his other ear: "Can you lend me $200?".
The old man is astonished and replies: "Can you whisper into my $100 ear again?"

Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why does the grim reaper need a hearing aid?

Because he's deaf.

Never let anyone put you down. Take my mate Jim for example. He was told just because he's deaf he can't play in an orchestra...

But did he listen...

I think I might be deaf

That's a sentence I never thought I'd hear myself say

Did you hear the one about the deaf kid?

neither did he

A deaf-mute man came on a talent show.

And what is your talent?
- I can speak!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

If a deaf person gives a hand-job...

Is it considered o**...?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse.

Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.

Why did the deaf man put a watch on his ear?

Because he wanted to hear all the time.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

If a deaf person is missing a finger...

...do they speak with a lisp?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

When a deaf girl jacks you off

It's technically o**...

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

m**...

A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.
These are senseless killings

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Tried cracking a joke about deaf people, but I guess it wasn't funny

They just kept staring at me.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How do you end two deaf persons' arguing?

Switch off the light.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a deaf dog?

Doesn't matter, he ain't coming.

Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf.

But I didn't listen to them.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

p**... was at the doctor's office the other day..

He said to the doctor "Doc, I'm half deaf all of a sudden. I'm having trouble hearing."
The doctor replied "Right, we'll test if you're half deaf or not. Go out and stand in the room at the end of the hall and I'll shout a number and if you can hear it, shout it back."
p**... walked out and into the room.
The doctor shouted "88!"
p**... replied "44!"

A lawyer was travelling in an almost empty train.

A lady approaches him and says "Put everything you have in this bag or I'll shout that you are molesting me." The lawyer signals that he is deaf and mute and asks her to write what she just said on a paper. She does so. He smiles and keeps the paper in his bag and says "Now do whatever you want!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf.

I should have seen the signs.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight

I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is r**........this should be an interesting night.

My deaf wife admitted that she had been cheating for years.

I didn't want to believe her, but all the signs were there.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do deaf people make such good workers?

Because they're never ear-response-able.

Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.

Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.


Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I'm proud to say that I have never been caught m**... in my entire life.

That's just one of the benefits of living in a home for the deaf and blind.

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I've never heard him complain

How do you know a deaf person is vegan?

There will be a lot of signs.

A deaf person has a crush on me

She's giving all the right signs

My daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet us.

He seemed a bit of a gangster at first but then I realised he was in fact just deaf.

I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?

Edward, says her hands.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How do you stop an argument between a group of deaf people?

Turn the lights off.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Blind, deaf and mute people can all tolerate a dark joke.

It's because they're not sensitive.

I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food.

It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?

Well it's true and here's why.
When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. 'Jump' I'd shout and with a boing he'd leap into the air.
Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!
I was heartbroken. 'Jump' I'd shout and the spider would just sit there. Not only had he lost his legs, he'd gone deaf too.

A mute guy, a deaf guy and a drunk guy walk into a bar...

The mute guy says
What are you guys having to drink?
The deaf guy realizes that the mute just somehow talked and asks him
How come you just spoke if you're mute?
The drunk guy starts to come to his senses about the situation that the supposed deaf guy somehow heard the supposed mute guy. He asks them,
Wait how come you just spoke when you're mute AND he just heard you when he is supposed to be deaf?!?
The bartender says,
Hey who's that drunk guy talking to?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a group of deaf people?

I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.

The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.

I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.

I heard a terrible joke about a deaf person yesterday.

They didn't though.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

God vs Satan

In contrast to popular beliefs, Heaven and h**... dont lie above each other, but next to each other.
Because God didnt want people be tempted to cross sides, he came to an agreement with Satan: they would have a wall build and split the bill afterwards.
Ofcourse as you could imagin when the wall was build, Satan plays deaf and dumb when it comes to the bill.
After some time God is fed up with Satan's behaviour and confronts him. "If you dont pay your share, i'll sue you!"
Satan shrugs and laughs: "what are you going to do? I got all the lawyers here"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Sounds of Silence

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break, about being out late the night before. The first man signed," My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "You're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me h**... for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, " So what did you do?"
"I turned out the light," the second man signed.

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.

Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a deaf man wearing crocs?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you.

Deaf joke, What do you call a deaf man wearing crocs?

jokes about deaf