Following is our collection of communicate puns and ear one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Deaf jokes for adults, dirty mute jokes and clean senseless dad gags for kids.
"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.
Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.
That is not a good sign.
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
They're that yellow family that live in Springfield
I've won, but at what cost?
Edward, says her hands.
A lip reader.
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.
Is it still a hearing?
Told mom that my girlfriend is retarded…
So that deaf people can enjoy them too!
I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.....this should be an interesting night.
I haven't heard from him since.
The group begins chanting
What do we want?
Hearing aids!
When do we want them?
Hearing aids!
It's technically oral
Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
I should have seen the signs.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
Switch off the light.
His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.
but he didn't listen
He had to read lips.
But he didn't listen
I haven't heard from him since.
People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.
What do you call people that can't taste food?
Ethiopian
Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!
A deaf guy walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
Deaf guy says, "I'll have a beer."
The mother came and turned off the light.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
Because shes deaf
The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".
They have trouble making sound decisions.
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the senior. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
But did he listen...
So I told my girlfriend that my mother is deaf, so she will need to speak slowly and loudly for her to understand you. I then called my mom and told her to be nice, cause my girlfriend is retarded. Boy it's going to be a fun Thanksgiving this year!
Because they're good at reading lips.
Simple, they just ask "ASL?"
Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings
come again?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
Turn off the lights.
...and asks the bartender:
- Do you have bananas?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
- I said, no.
- Do you have bananas?
- No, are you deaf or what? If you ask me one more time if I have bananas, I'll NAIL your tongue at the counter!
- ... Do you have nails?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen
Because they always let their fists do the talking
Doesn't matter, he ain't coming.
Maybe they just want each other to shut up.
I replied sure
They said me too
They drive past a cop when suddenly, the man's wife falls out of the car. The cop pulls the car over to talk to the man.
The cop says: "Sir, did you know your wife fell out of the car back there?"
The man responds: "Oh thank god! I though I was going deaf!"
Well it's true and here's why.
When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. 'Jump' I'd shout and with a boing he'd leap into the air.
Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!
I was heartbroken. 'Jump' I'd shout and the spider would just sit there. Not only had he lost his legs, he'd gone deaf too.
...do they speak with a lisp?
But I didn't listen to them.
A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.
These are senseless killings
So a guy is going down the express way, and sees a lot of flashing lights, pulls over. The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says:
-Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car, a mile back?
And he says:
-Oh thank god! I thought I was going deaf!
Cancer.
There is an abundance of blind jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes and deaf puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any two deaf people witze you can hear about deaf.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.