Deaf Jokes
153 deaf jokes and hilarious deaf puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about deaf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Deaf Short Jokes
Short deaf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deaf humour may include short hard of hearing jokes also.
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs
- I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait. - I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied. What, no nickname for me? She asked.
Sometimes I swear she's going deaf. - A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
They're that yellow family that live in Springfield - Doctor, doctor A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
- What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.
- (6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell? So that deaf people can enjoy them too!
- There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
- Many people told beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but Did he listen?
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Deaf One Liners
Which deaf one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deaf? I can suggest the ones about blind people and hearing.
- My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
- A deaf guy walks into a bar The bartender says
- What did the deaf person think when he won the auction? I've won, but at what cost?
- What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader.
- Went to the doctor's today, he told me I was going deaf That news was hard for me to hear
- My deaf girlfriend cheated on me with her best friend I should've seen the signs.
- If a deaf person goes to court Is it still a hearing?
- My deaf sister asked me if I wanted to hear a joke. I said: Sure.
She said: Me too! - Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf I haven't heard from him since.
- How do you end two deaf persons' arguing? Switch off the light.
- Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He had to read lips.
- They told Beethoven he couldn't make music because he was deaf but he didn't listen
- Everyone told Beethoven he can't compose because he was deaf But he didn't listen
- A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
- Two deaf-mute kids were arguing. The mother came and turned off the light.
Deaf People Jokes
Here is a list of funny deaf people jokes and even better deaf people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting
What do we want?
Hearing aids!
When do we want them?
Hearing aids! - A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.
What do you call people that can't taste food?
Ethiopian - After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over. But did he listen?
- What do you call a group of deaf people? I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- Why do deaf people make the best gynecologists? Because they're good at reading lips.
- How do deaf people meet online? Simple, they just ask "ASL?"
- I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen
- Deaf people seem tough to me Because they always let their fists do the talking
- Why do farts stink? So deaf people can enjoy them
Blind Deaf Jokes
Here is a list of funny blind deaf jokes and even better blind deaf puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
- Who doesn't know about blind people? Deaf people probably never heard of them.
- Blind, deaf and mute people can all tolerate a dark joke. It's because they're not sensitive.
- All the victims were deaf, dumb or blind... ...these are senseless killings.
- There's been a series of senseless killings near my home this week. The victims were all deaf, dumb or blind
- Did you know about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and herd? What about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
- Doctor: *panic* Disabled guy: Stands
Blind guy: did he just stand?
Deaf guy: did he just see?
Mute guy: did he just hear? - Did you hear what the blind man said to the deaf man? Neither did he.
- Did you hear about the shooting at the school for blind, deaf mutes? It was truly a senseless tragedy.
- A blind man talking to a deaf man : -Good thing you can at least see!
At which the deaf man responds :
Deaf Mute Jokes
Here is a list of funny deaf mute jokes and even better deaf mute puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There was a deaf mute who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.
- A deaf-mute man came on a talent show. And what is your talent?
- I can speak! - What did the deaf, mute, paraplegic get for Christmas? Cancer
- What did the blind deaf mute child get for Christmas? Cancer
- What is logic? A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.
- Did you hear about the deaf person who was cut up but was surprisingly happy about the whole thing? The headline was: Mutilated mute elated
- What do deaf-mute people like about yoga pants? They make lip-reading easier.
- A criminal defense lawyer says "Don't talk" to his clients regarding interactions with law enforcement, except to his deaf-mute clients, to whom he says "Don't sign anything."
- What do you call a man who's blind, deaf, mute, and paralyzed? Probably dead.
- What do you call a deaf person with no arms? Mute
Beethoven Deaf Jokes
Here is a list of funny beethoven deaf jokes and even better beethoven deaf puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
- Beethoven wrote a manga Deaf note
- Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf. But did he listen?
- People told Beethoven he cannot be a musician because he was deaf But he didn't listen
- Never let a disability get in the way of your dreams. Just look at Beethoven. Everyone said he couldn't be a musician because he was deaf. But did he listen?
- When Beethoven started composing music, people said he wouldn't amount to anything because he was deaf Fortunately, he didn't listen to the critics
- Don't ever allow someone to tell you what you can or cannot do Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
- have faith in what you can achieve.. Take Beethoven as an example, he was deaf and everyone just told him that he won't be a great musician...
But he just didn't listen - When Beethoven went deaf, his friends told him to give up composing He didn't listen.
- Many people told Beethoven that he'd never be a musician because was deaf But did he listen?
Gather Around for Fun Deaf Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about deaf you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean braille jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deaf pranks.
"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend
"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat c**...'s going deaf.
A little joke my 9 year old brother told me
Timmy(brother): Hey Shane, how do you sell a chicken to a deaf person?
Me(Shane): How timmy?
He then proceeds to shout in my face, taking me off-guard
Timmy: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a t**... on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
A deaf guy walks into a bar...
A deaf guy walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
Deaf guy says, "I'll have a beer."
My deaf girlfriend started talkin in her sleep last night
Nearly poked my eye out
Hearing problems
So a guy is going down the express way, and sees a lot of flashing lights, pulls over. The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says:
-Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car, a mile back?
And he says:
-Oh thank god! I thought I was going deaf!
I was at the dentist yesterday
As he was inspecting my teeth, he poked and prodded and scraped one of my back molars that was particularly sore. He leaned closer for a better look, and said to me, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!"
I was kind of offended. "Doc, I'm not s**... or deaf, you didn't have to repeat yourself."
"I wasn't repeating myself, that was the echo!"
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
A man is driving with his wife...
They drive past a cop when suddenly, the man's wife falls out of the car. The cop pulls the car over to talk to the man.
The cop says: "Sir, did you know your wife fell out of the car back there?"
The man responds: "Oh thank god! I though I was going deaf!"
When my girlfriend complains about how bad her day was I like to hold her hands
Because shes deaf
So my girlfriend and my mom have never met...
So I told my girlfriend that my mother is deaf, so she will need to speak slowly and loudly for her to understand you. I then called my mom and told her to be nice, cause my girlfriend is r**.... Boy it's going to be a fun Thanksgiving this year!
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
A monkey walks into a bar...
...and asks the bartender:
- Do you have bananas?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
- I said, no.
- Do you have bananas?
- No, are you deaf or what? If you ask me one more time if I have bananas, I'll NAIL your tongue at the counter!
- ... Do you have nails?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
Why do Farts Smell so Bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
What did the deaf nymphomaniac say?
come again?
How to win an argument with a deaf girl?
Turn off the lights.
The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, u**..., and stool.
The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".
My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend...
His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.
A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
A 65 year old man driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the senior. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
Crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it
Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings
Never let anyone put you down. Take my mate Jim for example. He was told just because he's deaf he can't play in an orchestra...
But did he listen...
If a deaf person gives a hand-job...
Is it considered o**...?
If a deaf person is missing a finger...
...do they speak with a lisp?
When a deaf girl jacks you off
It's technically o**...
m**...
A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.
These are senseless killings
What do you call a deaf dog?
Doesn't matter, he ain't coming.
Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf.
But I didn't listen to them.
I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf.
I should have seen the signs.
I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is r**........this should be an interesting night.
Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back!
Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!
Scientists tested a frog.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
I told my girlfriend that mom is deaf, so be sure to speak loud and slow…
Told mom that my girlfriend is r**...…
I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?
Edward, says her hands.
My deaf sibling asked if i wanted to hear a joke
I replied sure
They said me too
When you see a deaf couple holding hands, maybe it's not romantic.
Maybe they just want each other to shut up.
My deaf wife just told me that she thinks we need to talk.
That's not a good sign.
I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.
Let's give them all a moment of silence.
I wrote a terrible joke about deaf people.
I'm just glad they'll never hear it.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?
Well it's true and here's why.
When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. 'Jump' I'd shout and with a boing he'd leap into the air.
Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!
I was heartbroken. 'Jump' I'd shout and the spider would just sit there. Not only had he lost his legs, he'd gone deaf too.
A mute guy, a deaf guy and a drunk guy walk into a bar...
The mute guy says
What are you guys having to drink?
The deaf guy realizes that the mute just somehow talked and asks him
How come you just spoke if you're mute?
The drunk guy starts to come to his senses about the situation that the supposed deaf guy somehow heard the supposed mute guy. He asks them,
Wait how come you just spoke when you're mute AND he just heard you when he is supposed to be deaf?!?
The bartender says,
Hey who's that drunk guy talking to?
My doctor told me I would be deaf in 2 years
I haven't heard from him since
Sounds of Silence
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break, about being out late the night before. The first man signed," My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "You're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me h**... for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, " So what did you do?"
"I turned out the light," the second man signed.
A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.
Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"
What do you call a deaf dog?
Anything you like, it can't hear you.
Went to see my doctor today, he said I'm going deaf,
That's hard to hear.