The Best 67 Deaf Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Deaf jokes. There are some deaf ear jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deaf senseless puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Deaf Jokes and Puns
"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend
"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.
A deaf guy walks into a bar...
A deaf guy walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
Deaf guy says, "I'll have a beer."
(6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell?
So that deaf people can enjoy them too!
How do deaf people meet online?
Simple, they just ask "ASL?"
There was a deaf mute
who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
When my girlfriend complains about how bad her day was I like to hold her hands
Because shes deaf
A tasteless joke.
People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.
What do you call people that can't taste food?
Ethiopian
So my girlfriend and my mom have never met...
So I told my girlfriend that my mother is deaf, so she will need to speak slowly and loudly for her to understand you. I then called my mom and told her to be nice, cause my girlfriend is retarded. Boy it's going to be a fun Thanksgiving this year!
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
A monkey walks into a bar...
...and asks the bartender:
- Do you have bananas?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
- I said, no.
- Do you have bananas?
- No, are you deaf or what? If you ask me one more time if I have bananas, I'll NAIL your tongue at the counter!
- ... Do you have nails?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
You can explore deaf communicate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deaf mute dad jokes. There are also deaf puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
Why do Farts Smell so Bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
What did the deaf nymphomaniac say?
come again?
What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?
One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.
How to win an argument with a deaf girl?
Turn off the lights.
The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, urine, and stool.
The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".
My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend...
His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.
A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do.
Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
A 65 year old man driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the senior. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it
Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings
Deaf people seem tough to me
Because they always let their fists do the talking
Never let anyone put you down. Take my mate Jim for example. He was told just because he's deaf he can't play in an orchestra...
But did he listen...
If a deaf person goes to court
Is it still a hearing?
Deaf people aren't known to be very rational
They have trouble making sound decisions.
When a deaf girl jacks you off
It's technically oral
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs
I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi
After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen
How do you end two deaf persons' arguing?
Switch off the light.
What do you call a deaf dog?
Doesn't matter, he ain't coming.
Two deaf-mute kids were arguing.
The mother came and turned off the light.
A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf
What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
They're that yellow family that live in Springfield
A group of deaf people get together to protest
The group begins chanting
What do we want?
Hearing aids!
When do we want them?
Hearing aids!
I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf.
I should have seen the signs.
I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.....this should be an interesting night.
Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back!
Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!
Scientists tested a frog.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist?
He had to read lips.
There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man
I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
Why do deaf people make the best gynecologists?
Because they're good at reading lips.
I told my girlfriend that mom is deaf, so be sure to speak loud and slow…
Told mom that my girlfriend is retarded…
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.
Everyone told Beethoven he can't compose because he was deaf
But he didn't listen
Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf
I haven't heard from him since.
I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?
Edward, says her hands.
They told Beethoven he couldn't make music because he was deaf
but he didn't listen
My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend!
Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?
I've won, but at what cost?
My deaf sibling asked if i wanted to hear a joke
I replied sure
They said me too
When you see a deaf couple holding hands, maybe it's not romantic.
Maybe they just want each other to shut up.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk.
That is not a good sign.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Doctor, doctor
A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
A mute guy, a deaf guy and a drunk guy walk into a bar...
The mute guy says
What are you guys having to drink?
The deaf guy realizes that the mute just somehow talked and asks him
How come you just spoke if you're mute?
The drunk guy starts to come to his senses about the situation that the supposed deaf guy somehow heard the supposed mute guy. He asks them,
Wait how come you just spoke when you're mute AND he just heard you when he is supposed to be deaf?!?
The bartender says,
Hey who's that drunk guy talking to?
My deaf girlfriend cheated on me with her best friend
I should've seen the signs.
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.
But did he listen?
A blind man talking to a deaf man :
-Good thing you can at least see!
At which the deaf man responds :
My doctor told me I would be deaf in 2 years
I haven't heard from him since
One of the Three Stooges was reincarnated as a popular rapper, but he couldn't hear very well.
Moe's deaf
There was once a blind finn, deaf dane and a swede, who was in a wheelchair.
They found a bottle whose spirit promised everyone a wish.
The finn wished first, and soon yelled: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!
then the dane wished, and soon yelled: I CAN HEAR I CAN HEAR!
Then the swede wished, and soon he yelled: NEW TIRES NEW TIRES!
Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy?
Yeah, neither did he
Doctor: *panic*
Disabled guy: Stands
Blind guy: did he just stand?
Deaf guy: did he just see?
Mute guy: did he just hear?
A deaf woman and a blind man are sitting on the subway
The deaf woman says to the guy: *sign language*
And the blind man says:
What do you call the grim reaper with hearing problems?
Deaf..
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deaf blind jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working deaf two deaf people piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.