The Best 44 Deadly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Deadly jokes. There are some deadly fatal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deadly dead baby puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Deadly Jokes and Puns

What kind of tea is deadly to cats?


We are thinking about making chili for Christmas Eve.

We're starting a new tradition called 'silent but deadly night'.

An older couple is sitting in church

when the wife passes a note over to her husband. It says

"I just let a silent but deadly fart loose. What should I do?"

The husband replies

"Get your hearing aid checked."

Deadly joke, An older couple is sitting in church

Have you heard? They pulled the Steve Irwin brand of sunscreen off the shelves.

It didn't protect against deadly rays.

Did you know Steve Irwin would still be alive if he wore sunscreen?

It protects from deadly rays.

Doctor joke

Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.

Which one of these is a deadly virus?

A. Bola

B. Bola

C. Bola

D. Bola

E. Bola

Deadly joke, Which one of these is a deadly virus?

Did you hear about the sodium chloride with a gun?

They called it a salt with a deadly weapon.

Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony

But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.

What is green, fuzzy and very deadly if it falls on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

Two elderly women sitting on a bench....

One leans in and says "I just pulled a silent but deadly". The other leans back and says "I think you need a new hearing aid.

(I'm not taking creds for this I didn't make it up)

You can explore deadly death reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deadly kills dad jokes. There are also deadly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

Science confirm that humans can ingest deadly poison or even molten lava.


what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea

a salt with a deadly wetpen


What is bread's most deadly sin?


Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

Deadly joke, Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A de

Steve Irwin: "Crikey! It's a deadly stingray! Let's poke it worry a stick!"

Deadly Stingray: "Crikey! It's a Steve Irwin! Let's poke it with a stick!"

What do you call a fear of deadly snakes?

Common sense.

If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation

You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"

Which deadly sin do bread lovers commit?


Why can no one hear a ninja fart?

Because they're silent but deadly.

What can be both noble and deadly?


The chemistry professor says to his students:

"There's deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?"
"Fast steps"

What's the difference between a deadly chemical plant and a Syrian school yard?

I don't know, they just have me fly the drone

[NSFW] Sex at old age

A 82yo man tells his doctor, that he will marry a 23yo.

Doctor (with a smile on his face): But be careful. At this age, sex might be deadly, if you are not careful.

Man: If she dies, i marry another one.

I wanted to be a vigilante but...

the heroin lifestyle is too deadly.

Kids in Hawaii are tough. Some say they are the toughest kids in the USA.

Their play time is deadly serious. They are the world champions in 'The floor is lava'.

What do you call a deadly Jamaican rock?

A Diemond

I work as a spy for the US government.

One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming hot carbs around me, I knew that for now, escape would have to be my mission.

Mission in pasta bowl.

What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?

The element of supplies

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

What's the difference between a firearm and a firework?

Well one is banned in many us states for causing deadly injuries...

...and the other is a gun.

A case of a deadly, brain-eating amoeba has been confirmed in Florida.

Poor thing will starve down there.

A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...

Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the Hell is wrong with you?

Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.

Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!

Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. ¯\\(ツ)/¯

As a soldier running through the forest you don't need to be concerned about running into an adult tree..

It's the infantree that's deadly!

We've all heard about Russian Roulette but how many of you have heard about Indian Roulette?

They give you a flute and six large deadly cobras.

And one of the cobras is deaf.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous?

Because they are silent but deadly.

If you don't know how to administer first aid for deadly bleeding, don't worry!

All bleeding stops eventually

For how long since its discovery has Covid 19 been deadly?

From right off the bat.

Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell jokes?

His punch lines are deadly.

Everyone who participates in pride month is going hell

Not because they Are gay but because pride is one of the 7 deadly sins

In a confession booth...

ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.

PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.

ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.

PRIEST: You forgot pride.

ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.

One morning, a priest gives a sermon on the Seven Deadly Sins

After the sermon, a guy goes up to the priest and says, "Father, thank you so much for giving that sermon. It meant so much to me, and I'll tell you why. I lost my hat last week and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally decided to steal a new one from the store, but now that I heard your sermon, I'm not going to."

The priest smiles and says, "That's good, my son. The part about 'thou shalt not steal' moved you, did it?"

The guy says, "Nope. After that part about adultery, I remember where I left my hat."

7 deadly sins

Eating too much cake is a sin of gluttony, but eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deadly wanted dead or alive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deadly dead relatives piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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