dead relatives Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious dead relatives puns

What's the difference between incest and necrophilia?

Incest is relatively boring, necrophilia is dead boring.


Respect the dead

A young man went to a funeral. While being there he noticed that the church had a wireless network.

Hey, what is the wifi password?

A sad relative said:

Respect the dead!

And the boy asked:

All in lowercase?


Heavenly Christmas

After an accident, three dead souls find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven.

On entering they must present something related to Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

The man responded, "They're Carol's."


The secret to a long marriage

A reporter was doing a human interest story for a local newspaper, and was interviewing an elderly couple celebrating sixty years of marriage. The obvious question the reporter posed was "What's the secret to a long marriage?"

"Oh," the man started. "It's all about perseverance. On our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon and rode on mules down the trail. Well, my new wife's mule bucked her off, and she fell on the ground. She just yelled, 'That's ONE!' and got right back on. A couple minutes, the mule did it again, and she yelled, 'That's TWO!' and got right back on. When the mule did it a third time, she yelled, 'That's THREE!' and she took out a gun and shot the mule dead."

The reporter was shocked at the story, and asked, "How does that relate to a long marriage?"

And the man replied, "Well, I told her that was no way to treat a mule, and she looked at me and said 'That's ONE!'"


Terrible accident

A cop comes around a curve in the road and sees a bad accident.

A man and a woman both dead from a car crash. The accident seems to have no explanation but he looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something.

The cop says, "hey monkey ... you know what happened?"

monkey: Motioning with his arms drinking a bottle of some kind

cop: "They were drinking?"

monkey: Nods head vigorously

cop: "What else?"

monkey: Mimes smoking a joint

cop: "They were smoking dope?"

monkey: Nods head vigorously

cop: "There must have been more. This is a very strange accident. Monkey! What else?"

monkey: Mimics sexual relations

cop: "They were screwing?"

monkey: Nods very vigorously

cop: "This still doesn't make any sense.

Hey monkey! What were you doing to know all this?"

monkey: Mimics driving.


A man stumbles out of a bar

A man, completely wasted, stumbles out of a bar. He begins his relatively long and unbalanced journey home. After a few blocks he notices a nun walking on the other side of the street. He stops dead in his tracks and gets this shit-eating grin on his face. Suddenly, he bolts over to the nun and starts dishing out a violent beat down. After about 10 minutes the man finally relents, stands up, spits on the nun and says "ain't so tough now are ya, batman"


What are the most funny Dead Relatives jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Dead Relatives? Well, here are the best Dead Relatives dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Dead Relatives pick up lines to share with friends.

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