Dead Grandpa Jokes
21 dead grandpa jokes and hilarious dead grandpa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dead grandpa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dead Grandpa Short Jokes
Short dead grandpa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dead grandpa humour may include short dead grandmother jokes also.
- Skipping School Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!" - Grandpa: what has 4 legs but isn't alive? Little Timmy: haha it's a chair nice try gra-
Grandpa:it's your dog Timmy he's dead - The other day, we took my Grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat your dead flesh. It's a lot cheaper than cremation.
- A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa. Clerk: $50 per word…
Guy: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
Guy: Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale - Kid: I want to give grandpa tickets to a Michael Jackson show! Dad: you can't, he's been dead for years now, and so is Michael Jackson.
- Let's prank a follower of a dead ill-minded, h**... addicted depraved grandpa that died poor?
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Dead Grandpa One Liners
Which dead grandpa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dead grandpa? I can suggest the ones about grandpa and old grandma.
- My grandpa is like this sub Dead
Comical & Quirky Dead Grandpa Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about dead grandpa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old granny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dead grandpa pranks.
Fish out of water.
I was on the phone to my Grandma the other day and we were discussing how my Grandpa was getting on in the nursing home.
I said, "How is he coping, getting on all right?".
She replied, "Oh, no, he's like a fish out of water..."
So I said, "Aww is he finding it quite hard to adjust?"
She replied, "No, he's dead."
An elderly man had a massive s**... and his family drove him to the hospital.
After a while, the doctor appeared wearing a long face.
Doctor: I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.
"Oh dear God," cried his wife, we've never had a liberal in the family before!"
Jewish Man calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa
Clerk: Rs.50 per word
Jewish Man: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required ...
Jewish Man: "Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale!
Every night, before bed, a little girl prays...
The first night she prays: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa
The next day the grandfather dies
The second night she prays: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma
The next day the grandmother dies.
The next night she prays: Goodnight Mommy. Goodbye Daddy
The father hears this and goes into an immediate panic. He spends the following day with extra precautions, worried that it could happen at any moment, but nothing happens.
Upon arriving home, the father tells his wife about his day and she replied: You thought you had a bad day?!? The milkman dropped dead on our front porch this morning!
The TV Healer
Grandpa and Grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his c**....
Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."
Went golfing with my Grandpa yesterday..
We were on the 12th hole and I hit my tee shot a bit to the left. When we got to my ball there was a big 40ft tree right in my way and I was just going to hit around it when my grandpa chimed in:
"Ya know, when I was your age I could hit it right up and over that tree"
Well not to be outdone my ego took over and I grabbed my 9 iron to hit it right over that tree. I took my shot and *THWACK* the ball hit dead center of the tree and bounced back 30 yards behind me. That's when he chimes in again:
"Of course when I was your age that tree was only 2 feet tall!"
A dad walks by his son's bedroom...
And hears the kid praying. "God bless mommy, daddy and grandma. Tata, grandpa." The dad can't help but scratch his head. Still, he was glad his kid was praying. And so he went to bed.
The next morning, Grandpa was found dead on the floor of a heart attack. The dad is weirded out again, but decides it's just coincidence.
That night, the kid prayed again. "God bless mommy and daddy. Tata, grandma." He is a little worried, but decides to brush it off.
The next morning, grandma is dead. He is starting to freak out now, and decides to wait by the bedroom door when the kid prays again.
"God bless mommy. Tata, daddy." He absolutely flipped out, stayed awake that night and went to the doctor in the morning. When he got back, he found his wife waiting for him. And she said,
"Thank god you're here! I found the milkman dead on the porch this morning!"
The boy went to say his nightly prayers....
His father listened from the door as the boy said "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, God Bless Grandma, goodbye grandpa"
The next day the family awoke to found the grandpa dead, but brushed it off as an awful coincidence.
A few days go by and the boy is saying his prayer "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma."
Sure enough the next day she is dead, and the father is starting to really freak out.
A week goes by and the boy is saying his prayers "God bless mommy, goodbye Daddy"
The next day the father wakes up, goes to work, and stresses the entire day about his fate. When he gets home he is upset and wants to console with his wife. She is also upset and he asks what wrong.
She says "You'll never believe what happened today the mailman came to deliver the mail and dropped dead right on the doorstep"
A Child's Prayer
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
A s**..., an alcoholic, and a gay guy go see a psychiatrist...
The s**... says, "This filthy habit is ruining my life. My wife hates it, my kids hate it, my grandpa died from it, I just want to quit!"
The alcoholic says,"Alcohol has ruined every relationship I have ever had, I can't even hold down a job, I need to get off the bottle."
The gay guy says, "Ever since I came out, I have lost so many friends, even my family treats me differently. I just want things to back the way they were."
The psychiatrist hands each of them a pill telling them that it is an instant cure, they each gobble them down without thinking twice.
The psychiatrist then says, "The only thing is, if you ever has a smoke again, or if you have another drink again, or if you have any s**... contact with another man again, you will drop dead."
Afterwards, the three of them went to a restaurant, chilled by what the psychiatrist had just told them.
"I can't take this anymore, I need a drink!" The alcoholic goes up to the bar and slams down a shot. Drops dead.
The s**... and the gay guy look at each other in shock. The s**... says, "Oh God this is real, I need some fresh air." They go outside and on the table there is an ashtray which has half of a cigarette, still smoldering. The gay guy looks at the s**... and says, "If you bend over to pick up that cigarette, we're both dead.
Tata daddy
One day a father was walking by his sons room and heard him praying. "God bless mommy and daddy and grandma, tata grandpa" he said. The dad was confused but happy to know that his 6 year,old was praying. The next morning he found grandpa dead of a heart attack. That night he listend to his son again. "God bless mommy and daddy tata grandma." As he suspected he found grandma dead of a heart attack. Then that night he listened to his son again."God bless mommy tata daddy" as you can imagine he was freaking out so he went to the docter and came home and found his wife and she said "Thankgoodness your here we found the mailman dead on our porch this morning!"
The duck hunter
Grandpa was a keen country sportsman and one day he decided to take his grandson shooting with him. Togged up in all his hunting gear, shotgun broken across his forearm, he proudly led little Jimmy down to the lake side. After waiting patiently for a while a lone duck came into view flying over the lake. "Now watch this Jimmy," says Grandpa. He takes careful aim and fires. The duck flies serenely on. "My boy," exclaims Grandpa, "you are witnessing a miracle. There flies a dead duck."
A father is getting his daughter ready for bed...
during her bedtime prayer she said, "bless Mommy, bless Daddy, goodbye Grandpa." The father found that to be a little weird, but the following day the little girl's grandfather passed away.
The next night at bedtime her prayer was was similar, "bless Mommy, bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma." Sure enough the following day, the little girl's grandma passed away.
The following night at bedtime the daughter gave the most terrifying prayer yet, "bless Mommy, bless my brother, goodbye Daddy." That night the father did not get one bit of sleep, and the following day he made every effort possible to be as careful as he could. Thankfully he made it through the day just fine. Arriving home he told his wife what a terrible day he had to which she interrupted him with, "Oh, you think you've had a horrible day? The milkman dropped dead on the front porch this morning!"