Dead Dad Jokes

This article is full of Dead Dad Jokes. If you're looking for a good laugh, then look no further.

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Short Dead Dad Jokes
Dead Dad One Liners
Walking Dead Dad Jokes
More Dead Dad Jokes

Best Short Dead Dad Jokes

These are our top dead dad puns. Have fun with a good dead dad joke in English with simple dead dad humour.

A dad asks his son, "What has four legs but isn't alive?" The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"
"Not this time son, our dog is dead"
Dad: What has 4 legs and isn't alive? Me: You can't fool me dad! Its a chair!
Dad: Not this time son. Get a shovel, the dog's dead
A dad joke "Dad I'm hungry."
"Hi hungry, I'm dead."
"Haha, you mean dad."
"No. I have inoperable brain cancer."
"...wha-"
"I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you."
Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you, I honestly thought you were dead.
I'm sure wherever my dad is he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending.
l accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked. Now it can ride a bike without
stabilizers.
Driving past a cemetery: dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
me: "really? why not?"
dad: "because they're not dead yet."
The ultimate Dad Joke A father, on his deathbed, with his son crying over him.
Son: "I'm so sad"
Father: "Hi sad"... leans in and whispers, I'm dead."
Keels over and dies.
I accidentally played dad instead of dead when I ran into a bear Now he can ride a bike and has been through college.
i passed my dad on the stairs and said "hi" he looked me dead in the eyes and said "no, but i'd like to be"

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these dead dad jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of dead dad puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Dead Dad One Liners

Which dead dad dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dead dad?

My doctor: Say 'hi' to your dad Me: but he is dead
My doctor: I know
...
My gf got an abortion today And you know what? Being a dad is dead easy right now.
What do you call a dead Australian dad? Did.
What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children? A dead beet dad
My dad is just like Wolverine. Dead.
Nietzsche declared God dead, Jesus Declared God Dad.
February 29th is just like a dead beat dad. It only shows up every four years.
Daughter: oh no! My boyfriend is dead! Dad: hello dead, I'm... oooohhhh!
Hey dad why does it smell like dead here? Hey dad? Dad?! DAAAAAAD!!!
Who has 2 thumbs and doesn't care about my GPA? My dead dad
I didn't like it when my dad said my driving was dead on I didn't like the dead part.
Do you know the dead sea? My dad killed him.
What did the son say at Allen Ginsberg's f**...? There's my dead beat dad.

Walking Dead Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny walking dead dad jokes and even better walking dead dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

So this one time I was walking through the woods when I saw a bear I accidentally played dad instead of playing dead and now he can ride a bike.

Uproarious Dead Dad Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about dead dad to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make dead dad prank.

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard.

Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, "Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?" His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" asked his father. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, 'Jesus, I'm coming! I'm coming!' If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"

So a Jewish family has a baby!

It's a beautiful baby boy, and they love him very much. The dad wants to know, however, what the little boy will grow up to be like. So he takes the baby to the Rabbi, who says that there's a simple test. On a long table, the Rabbi places a stack of money, a bottle of whiskey, and a Torah. "If your son crawls to the money, he'll have a good job as a banker, and take care of you and your wife until you're dead and gone. If he goes for the whiskey, he's no good, a drunk, might as well drop him at the orphanage on the way home for all the good he'll do you. Finally, if he picks up the Torah, he'll be a Rabbi like me. A good, honest, man of God."
So the father puts the baby on the table, and the baby picks up the money. "YAY!" they cheer, as the baby starts crawling again. Now, the Rabbi looks worried. The baby now picks up the bottle of whiskey with its other hand. "Oh no" says the Rabbi. They then watch as the baby crawls again, and also picks up the Torah. "NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!" the Rabbi cries. "WHAT IS IT??? What's wrong with my son?!?!" the father panicks.
"I'm so so sorry, but your son is going to be the worst thing of all!" says the Rabbi. "Your son is going to be a Catholic!"
[

A boy asks his dad about God...

He asks, "Is God a boy or a girl?" His father replies, "Well son, God's both." Then he asks, "Is God black or white?" His father once again replies, "Well son, God's both." Then he asks, "Is God alive or dead?" His father replies, "Well son, God's both." Then he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" His father replies, "Well son, God's both." Then the son asks "Wait... is God Micheal Jackson?"

A man is woken up in the middle of the night by his son screaming. He quickly goes and wakes him up.

Man: "Son What's the matter?"
Son: "Dad it was the scariest dream! A man dressed in black came and told me my aunt is going to die tomorrow!"
Man: "Son it was just a dream don't worry."
The next day he comes home and his wife is crying.
Man: "Honey what's wrong?"
Wife: "my mother called my sister just dropped dead!"
That night the man is woken again by his son screaming and he wakes him up.
Son: "Dad the man in black came to me again in my dream and said tomorrow my father is going to die!"
Man: "Son your aunt dying was just a coincidence don't worry about me I'll be fine."
The next day the man is freaked he doesn't take any elevators, doesn't walk over any grates and jumps at any noise.
When he get home his wife takes one look at him.
Wife: "Honey you look awful what is going on?"
Man "I have had the worst day ever I feel awful and just want to go to bed."
Wife: "You think you had a bad day? This afternoon the mailman dropped dead on the front porch!"

Little Johnny at it again...

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"
Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and k**... her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."

A sad dad joke

A woman is at her father's deathbed. She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left.
"Dad, I'm sorry," she whispers.
"Goodbye, Sorry," he says, "*I'm dead*.

Legs in the Air

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

What Does Your Father Do?

It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.
1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!
2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!
3rd Child: My dad is dead.
The teacher asks:
Well, what did your father do before he died?
3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"

Geography teacher dropped this dad joke on us in the middle of class

Context: talking about permafrost. They way vegetation thaws out is called polygons (cause they look like them)
So he says: on the exam if I ask what polygons are... I'm asking about the permafrost ground. Not a dead parrot!
I think I'm too tired cause I laughed way too hard!

Accidently played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear.

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels.

A blonde and her dad are walking down the street...

the dad tells her daughter "Look a dead bird!"
The blonde looks up and says "Where?"
__________________________________________________________________________________________
(don't know if this is a repost or not, but just remembered this joke I heard a long time ago and decided to share it)

Hi. I am here. First post, go easy on me.

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

A couple, 98 and 100 years old, see a lawyer and ask how to go about in getting a divorce.

Surprised, the lawyer asks, why they want to get a divorce at this point of their lives.
The woman answers: 'We wanted to wait till the children were dead.'

Poor Little Johnny...

Little Johnny is sitting on his porch crying.
His neighbor, Mr. Smith, is concerned, comes over and asks "Johnny, why are ya crying like that?"
Johnny says sobbingly, "Oh Mr. Smith, I just came home from school and found my Dad dead on the floor and I don't know what to do!"
Mr. Smith is shocked and says "Oh no Johnny. How can I help? Let me go get the town priest for you?"
To which Johnny states "God no... I can't think about s**... at a time like this!"

Two kids talking about their dads achievements

Kid1: have you heard of panama canal?
Kid2: yes.
Kid1: you know my dad dug it.
Kid2: ok, thats it. Have you heard about the dead sea?
Kid1: yes
Kid2: My dad killed it.

Kid: I want to give grandpa tickets to a Michael Jackson show! Dad: you can't, he's been dead for years now,

and so is Michael Jackson.

Dad and I were chatting about the news...

I was talking with him about the plight of a**.... He told me, "Son, you wouldn't know a**... if it smacked you dead in the face." Then it hit me.

Boyfriend meets girlfriend's parents for the first time and does a f**... at the dinner table...

...thankfully the girlfriend's dad didn't hear it and upon smelling it shouts "Champ!" at their dog sat underneath the dinner table.
A little later the boyfriend really needs to f**... again, and since the parents are blaming the dog he decides he's safe to let another one out quietly. His girlfriend notices the side-lift action this time and gives him a knowing glare but, again, her dad just shouts "Champ!"
Like clockwork, a little later the boyfriend's bowels can't keep it in and once again he needs to f**..., and since the parents aren't noticing he just goes for another silent but deadly. This time the dad stands up and shouts "Champ! Will you get out from under there before he does a p**... on your head!!"

A boy's dad died in a tragic accident

Boy is sitting in his room crying his eyes out and weeps to himself
-I'm so devastated...
Then an otherworldly ghostly voice replies
-Hi devastated, I'm dead

A girl comes back home after many years to see her father before he dies...

She goes to his bedside and starts crying, "Dad, I'm sorry!"
He looks at her, smiles weakly, and says, "Goodbye, Sorry." He grins. "I'm *dead*."

Hey, how many people do you think are dead in that cemetary

Dad: Hey, how many people do you think are dead in that cemetary
Me: It's gotta be a couple thousand, pop.
Dad: All of them.

The Cemetery

One day, Timmy and his dad were on a road trip. When they passed a cemetery, Timmy asked, "How many dead people do you think are there?"
"Hopefully all of them" replies his dad.

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."
First post hope you like it. :)

We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks:

"Do you know why I can't be buried there?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not dead yet, Son."

A father comes home from WW2

His wife breaks the sad news in tears: "Our son is dead". At the f**... the fathers last words to his son are: "Hi dead I'm dad"

My dad was always told by the teachers to be like his cousin Bobby.

That's because Bobby was dead.

Once in a bar, o**... says to another... "I slept with your mom last night."

The whole bar falls dead silent waiting for the second man's come back. After a while, he laughs and says... "let's go home, dad. You're drunk."

Daughter to a father had not seen her father for 25 years...

And now he lies in his deathbed. The girl stood, weeping at the side of the bed, guilty she had not visited him in the 25 year gap.
"Dad, I'm sorry..." She said, tears trailing down from the corner of her eyes.
"Hi Sorry, I'm Dead."

They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead, so when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead...

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...

Little Totos and his father.

One day little Totos returning home after school, found his dog dead on the lawn with its feet up in the air. "Dad why did the dog die with his feet up in the air" said Totos, "That's because its easier for god to come and take him" his father replied. The other day when his father returned home from work Totos run to him and said with teary eyes "dad, mom almost died today", "what do you mean" his father said, "she was in your room with her legs up in the air and she was screaming Jesus am coming am coming, thank god our gardener was there and saved her"

Little Joe was at the farm, when he saw a dead chicken.

It was lying on its back, rigor mortis locking its legs in the air. He asks his dad why the chicken has his legs in the air. Dad, who's not exactly the brightest fellow, tells him that it's so that Jesus can reach down and pull them to heaven.
Later, at the family reunion, Joe runs to his dad crying.
"What's the matter?" Asked dad, concerned.
Little Joey cries "Mum nearly died! She was on her back with her legs in the air screaming 'Jesus I'm coming!' If it wasn't for uncle bruce holding her down she would've been gone forever!"

Passing a graveyard one day...Dad says, you know how many dead people are in there...?

...all of 'em.

Why did the first monkey...

Fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.
A joke told by my dad many a time.

I was confronted by a bear.

I was supposed to play dead, but I played dad instead. Now it can ride a bike.

Whenever we drive past a graveyard, my dad says.....

Whenever we drive past a graveyard, my dad says, 'Do you know why I can't be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because I'm not dead yet!'

A man and his son go for a walk through the woods and get separated.

After frantically searching for his son, the man finally finds him standing over a dead animal and poking it with a stick.
Dad, what's this? The boy asks
Carrion, my wayward son.

A worried blond woman asks her mum a question

A worried blond woman asks her mum a question:
> Mum, I know you went to France. Didn't you?
Yes, dear. How did you find out?
> And dad? Did he go to France?
No dear. You know you're dad as a proud Englishman hates France. You can be sure he never went to France.
...
Still I want to know how you found out that I went to France.
…
> Mum, I know you cheated on dead!
Holy burning tea! DEAR, I never would cheat on your dad! What in the world makes you come to that conclusion?
…
With tears in her eyes the blond replies:
> Mum. If dad never went to France, how come that on my brand new UK passport it's written in white on blue that I was Made in France

I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin.

It was £30 but cheaper than a f**...

After my buddy and I both bought Nintendo Switches, he said "I wish they came in packs of 2."

His dad replied, "2pac's dead."

My son used to make fun of my dad jokes .

He's dead now. The police didn't even investigate.
They said the cause was apparent.

Dead old granddad

When I die, I want to go in my sleep like grand dad.
Not like the other 3 in the car he was driving.

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

I was at dinner the other day with my girlfriend and her parents when she said "Could you pass me the knife daddy?"

I knew I was dead when both her dad and I stood up.

My dad's one of the laziest guys I know

He's slept more than my great grandad and he's been dead for 60 years.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead
My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

My dad told me he was a necrophiliac. I thought he was joking....

but, he was dead-f**... serious.

My dad adviced me to never open a f**... business.

Bewildered as to why he gave me this advice, having never worked in a f**... business himself, I asked why.

"Because the market is dead, son"

Dirty dead baby jokes?

My dad told me some pretty bad ones, so I guess let's collectively get them out there
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after s**....

Be careful hiking...

Hiking in the Ozark National Forest last weekend, I came upon a bear, and could not remember the proper course of action. Instead of playing dead I played *dad*.
Now that bear can ride a bike without training wheels.

A young man and woman hit it off at a gathering

and the conversation soon turns to talking about their families. The girl sighs and says, I'm sure wherever my dad is, he's looking down on us. I'm sorry , the boy says sympathetically . Oh, he's not dead. , replies the girl, Just very condescending.

A teacher asks her primary school students what their father do for a living

"So, Timothy, what does your father do ?"
"My dad is a firefighter !"
"Fantastic ! And you Samantha, what does your father do ?"
" He's an accountant !"
"Wonderful ! And yours, Jimmy ?"
Poor little Jimmy then breaks into tears and wails "my father is dead !"
"Oh, I'm so sorry Jimmy, I didn't know... But did he do before dying ?"
"Well, he was all like : ARGLALRGHALRLALGALHA !"

My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.

So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father."
Then she smiled, so I punched her.
"What did you do that for?!" she demanded, shocked.
"It's what my dad would have wanted," I told her. "He always said it's important to strike a happy medium."

Dad, when you in the army, did you ever shoot anyone dead?

No son, they were alive when I shot them!

Her: I'm sorry sir, your dad was pronounced dead.

Me: I can't believe I've been pronouncing it wrong all this time!

Little Tim was waiting for his dad to come back from the basement

Dad and Tim had agreed to eat lunch together. However, Dad told Tim that he had to fix something in the basement first, and he went downstairs with a rope. As time went by, Tim became more and more impatient and decided that dad should know.
"Dad!" Tim shouted. "I'm hungry!"
Suddenly, a voice that seemingly came from nowhere filled the living room.
"Hi hungry, I'm dead"

Little billy lives in the country and gets home from school one day to see the family rooster dead on the ground laying on it's back, legs up in the air. He asks his dad "why did it die in such a position?" His dad being religious and quick thinking says

"it's so God can just grab him by his feet and lift him off into heaven." Billy thinks this is ok. A few days go by and billy runs up to his dad and says "DAD, DAD! MOM ALMOST DIED, MOM ALMOST DIED! I heard her screaming Jesus I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming. and when I went to check on her, she was on her back with her legs up in the air. It's a good thing uncle Frank was holding her down, she would have been gone for sure."

My brother, my sister, and myself pooled our money together

We treated our dad with this fish therapy where little fish nibble on the dead skin until it is gone.
It was money well spent, because it was much cheaper than a regular f**....

Doctor: Your dad's not with us anymore

Me: d**..., what happened?
Doctor: He's at a different hospital
Me: Oh, whew
Doctor: Dead tho

My dad returned from my grandmas house as a ghost

Dad: Christianity is real, and i'm the new god!
Me: wait, why are you dead?
Dad: some r**... blasted me with his shotgun on my way home!
Me: and how are you the new god?
Dad: i'm a father, son, and a holey spirit

Pigmy kids bragging

Most kids brag about how tall their fathers are, but pigmy kids brag about how small their fathers are.
One day three kids are playing when one says, "My dad's only 3'1"."
2nd kid says, "That's nothing. My dad's 2'11"."
The 3rd kid was quiet so they asked, How tall is your dad?
He said, "My dad is dead. He fell off a ladder picking strawberries."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these dead dad jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.