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Dead Children Jokes

64 dead children jokes and hilarious dead children puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dead children that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Dead Children Short Jokes

Short dead children jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dead children humour may include short dead baby jokes also.

  1. TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead
  2. A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead.
  3. TIL that children that don't get vaccines are actually less likely to be autistic Cause they're more likely to be dead.
  4. Latvian Joke Bus full of priests come to Latvia, spread word of God. One priest ask Latvian man "Where is children?" Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.
  5. Did you know unvaccinated children are less likely to have autism? Cause they are more likely to be dead.
  6. How many dead children does it take to fix a lightbulb? I don't know but it must be more than twenty because my basement's still dark.
  7. Unvaccinated children are less likely to have autism Because they're more likely to be dead
  8. Man found dead in family home... ...having killed his wife and three children before taking his own life.
    His obituary reads: "always put others before himself".
  9. I'm an anti vaccine activist, and didn't vaccinate my children. They're all dead, but at least they don't have autism!
  10. Unvaccinated children are less likely to get sick After the age of 20 because they're dead

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Dead Children One Liners

Which dead children one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dead children? I can suggest the ones about dead body and dead mother.

  1. Dead children are like Dark humour. They never get old.
  2. Dark humour is like dead children.. - it never gets old.
  3. What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children? A dead beet dad
  4. Memes are like Unvaccinated children, dead in a week.
  5. Children who don't get vaccinated will get less autism they will be dead instead
  6. You know what else isn't coming home? Dead syrian children
  7. What do you call a children's show about a bunch of brain-dead people? Veggie Tales
  8. How many dead children fits in a bathtub? 29 and a half
  9. Anti-vaxer...children ...Dead
  10. All the children were dead except Ted. He shot them in the head.
  11. What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria? Dead parents
  12. Whats black and thin and all over my private parts? Dead African Children
  13. What do you call an e**... for dead children? A John Bidet

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about dead children can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of dead children puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly Dead Children Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about dead children you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean dead fish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make dead children prank.

Leroy

There was a man who goes to the bank and sees a woman with twelve children. He's astonished that this woman has so many children with her and so he approaches her and says, "Wow that sure is a lot of kids are they yours?"
The woman says "Yes all twelve are mine." The man shocked by this replies "What are there names." She says "Leroy, one e for the girls and two e's for the boys." At this the man is really surprised and asks "doesn't that get confusing?" She says "No it's great I just call for one and they all come. I say Leroy time for breakfast and there they all come down. I say Leroy time for school and they all come down and get on the bus."
The man considers this and asks "Yes but what if you want just one Leroy what do you do then?" She looks him dead in the eye and says "Oh that's easy I just call them by their last name."

The world's greatest swordsman

A young man climbs a mountain to a ledge, where there sits an old man with a sword in his lap. The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly falls to the ground in two pieces.
The young man says, "Surely you are the greatest swordsman in the world."
The old man says, "No. Further up the mountain is a swordsman greater than I."
So the young man climbs up the mountain to another ledge where there sits an even older man with a sword in his lap.
The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly falls to the ground in three pieces.
The young man says, "Surely you are the greatest swordsman in the world."
The old man says, "No. At the top of this mountain is the greatest swordsman."
So the young man climbs up to the top of the mountain, where there sits an even older man with a sword in his lap.
The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly buzzes away.
"What's going on," the young man yells. "I thought you were supposed to be the greatest swordsman in the world. You couldn't even kill that fly."
"No," the old man says. "That fly is not dead. But that fly will never again father children."

How to Get to Heaven

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered in unison.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was a unanimous "NO!"
"If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, they all answered "NO!"
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
This time, there was no shout in unison. Finally, the silence was broken whan a little boy shouted out, "You've got to be dead!"

True Story

The Husband Store:
A new store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, however you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs...
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Like Children...
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Good Jobs, Love Children, and are Extremely Good Looking...
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Very Good Jobs, Love Children, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Most Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Exceptional Jobs that pay them very well, they Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with all the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are 100% Faithful.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 18,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Please Exit to the right to make room for more unreasonable shoppers.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions are posted at the entrance of this store as well.
The first floor has wives that love s**....
The second floor has wives that love s**... and have their own money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Chivalry

I want to name my child Chivalry. Because I am not good and taking care of children. So no one will be suprised when I say Chivalry is dead.

whats the difference between a Ferrari and 5 dead children?

i dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

What do Yoko Ono and African children have in common?

They both survive on dead beatles (beetles).

I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country.

Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead.

Johnny in school

At school, the children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at the picture when you're all grown up and can say, 'There's Jennifer... she's a lawyer,' or 'There's Michael... he's a doctor' or..."
Suddenly, Little Johnny spoke out "And there's the teacher... she's dead."
*

How to play "Future You"

FUTURE YOU
How to play "Future You"
(You'll have to be over 25 to play this game)
Go to a play park, or a fair ground or a school or anywhere you might find children.
Find a child who looks enough like you.
Go up to that child when they're alone and say
"I am you from the future, those people are not your parents, I'm sorry but your real parents were dead long ago...
Now listen carefully, you need to become me.
Become the super spy the world needs!
You have to get to Mexico, forget about everyone you know, they've all been placed here by the shadow man to stop you by any means.
Just get to Mexico, you will meet who you need to meet when you get there, trust me.
Don't look back just go, GO NOW!"
This game can also be played with more players, where whoever had the kid causing the longest news story, wins...

A couple, 98 and 100 years old, see a lawyer and ask how to go about in getting a divorce.

Surprised, the lawyer asks, why they want to get a divorce at this point of their lives.
The woman answers: 'We wanted to wait till the children were dead.'

How do you get into Heaven?

When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

I came home to my children being dead silent.

I came home to my children being dead silent. My first instinct was correct.. kidnappers.

Why wasn't Michael Jackson allowed to perform at the children's hospital?

Because he is dead.
^((I came up with this joke when I was very tired.))

How are children like cellphones?

If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

My favourite joke ever

So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger".
The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?"
"Its dead", the midwife says.

So a doctor is delivering a baby

He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"

After extensive research, I've concluded that unvaccinated children will have a higher chance of not being on the Autistic Spectrum

Instead, they have a considerable higher chance of being dead...

Results show that unvaccinated children are much less likely of turning out autistic.

Because they're dead.

If making love to dead people is necrophilia and making love to children is p**..., would making to the same gender be broiwannaphilia?

They were right the whole time. It turns out that un-vaccinated children actually are less likely to develop autism

Because they're more likely to be dead.

They say judge a father's love by what he leaves his children

My deceased father must have hated me 'cause he didn't leave me a penny. It should have been obvious to me though.
His will is a dead giveaway.

A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...

The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."
The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!?"

A joke

A couple had 100 kids, and because they weren't very good at naming, decided to name them after the number they were born as (1, 2, 3, 4 etc.). One day in a tragic accident, all of them died, except 90.
90 grew up and had their own family, and one day, their kids found a dog. They asked 90 if they could keep the dog, but 90 said no. The children decided to keep the dog in secret, and named the dog 'This', so that they could talk about This without 90 knowing.
However, one day, This had disappeared, and was presumed dead. The children were very sad, but didn't tell 90, or anyone, as to not get in trouble.
So really, on 90's kids will remember This

A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.

A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhappy and disinterested in each other for many decades.
The lawyer is a bit shocked and asks why after all this time have they chosen to get divorced.
The ancient couple exchange a glance and the man says well...we just thought we should wait till the children were dead.

And elderly couple...

hire an attorney and tell him they want to get divorced. He looks at them in shocked disbelief and exclaims, "Henry! Dorothy! You are both in your 90s. You've been married for 72 years. Why do you want a divorce now?"
Dorothy looks him in the eye and says, "It's been awful, but we wanted to wait until the children were dead."

Three priests hold a meeting ...

Three priests hold a meeting to discuss where life begins. The evangelical priest says, "No question about it, life begins when the child is born." "No, no," says the Catholic priest, "it all starts when the s**... meets the egg." "You're both wrong," says the Rabbi. "Life begins when the children have left home and the dog is dead."

A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"

The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"

jokes about dead children

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these dead children jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.