Dead Body Jokes
135 dead body jokes and hilarious dead body puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dead body that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dead Body Short Jokes
Short dead body jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dead body humour may include short dead bird jokes also.
- If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
- Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday! What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
- How many dead How many dead bodies does it take to change a lightbulb?.
.
.
Well its not 6 cause my basement is still dark. - A treehouse is cruel... It's like killing someone and then making their friends hold the dead body.
- Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person Stay lazy, my friends
- I asked my ex wife if she would like to make love just like old times. She replied,"Over my dead body."
I said, "Yeah, just like old times." - Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester." Richard III: "Over my dead body."
- My car got stolen yesterday !! I thought of calling the cops but then realized it was better not to call them and let the car thief take care of the dead bodies in my trunk.
- When I die I want my body to be donated to science ...but more specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.
- Did you hear about that guy who had the entire left half of his body chopped off? He's dead now.
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Dead Body One Liners
Which dead body one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dead body? I can suggest the ones about dead dog and dead chicken.
- What's the safest place to hide a dead body? Page 2 of Google search.
- What do you call a dead body and two planks? A "Build your own Jesus" kit.
- You want to become a necrophiliac? Over my dead body
- Man, you gotta hand it to Elon Musk… He knows how to dispose of a dead body in style.
- Where is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of a Google result.
- The necrophiliac thought she was sleeping with a dead body But then he came to.
- I helped my friend hide a dead body. He said "Thanks."
I said "Don't mention it." - What is hot and cold at the same time? A dead body.
- Hey baby, are you a body bag? Cuz you're dead inside.
- My father owned a body removal business He lifted a lot of dead weight
- What do you do with Goku's dead body? Put it in the Frieza.
- The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google search results or page 1 of Bing.
- What did the mobster call it when he couldn't move his dead friend's body? Rigatoni!
- Why I don't trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.
- What does Davy Jones like to work out the most on his body? His dead man's chest.
Rib-Tickling Dead Body Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about dead body you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dead body pranks.
Four men were stranded in a desert.
Suddenly, 1 of them died.
The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
A friend is someone who will help you move.
A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
One of them I don't have in my garage.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?
You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.
Impact of a job change.
A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"
Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
k**... Pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em?
Barium.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.
When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.
Need help with a joke that was on here.
So I saw a joke on here about 2 Irish guys with their friend and the punchline is something like the dead guy being with the two arseholes. They were identifying their friends body I believe.
If you laid all the veins in your body end to end...
you'd be dead.
Did you hear that they exhumed the body of John Lennon?
All they found was a dead beetle...
Man found dead in Pizza Hut.....
Police found the body of a man in the storeroom at Pizza Hut. He was covered in ham, pineapple, anchovies and pepperoni, They don't suspect m**.... They think he topped himself.
A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth.
The queen said today she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver.
A friend told me he was walking by a cemetery last night.
A friend told me he was walking by a cemetery last night, and claimed he witnessed the gravedigger handing over several bodies to a shady-looking man wearing a trench coat.
"Hmmm, seems unlikely," I said. "are you sure that's what you saw?"
"Absolutely," he replied. "It was a dead giveaway."
What's the difference between running over a lawyer and running over an aardvark?
There's skid marks leading to the aardvark's dead body.
A man carrying a tombstone walked up to a skeleton taking a break from his casket.
He asked the skeleton, "Is it okay if I leave this tombstone here?" The skeleton replied, "Yes, over my dead body."
Everyday is a good day to walk through the forest,
The fact that im dragging a dead body is completely irrelevant
I just watched a movie where a serial killer murders people then cooks their dead bodies...
It was a heartwarming story from start to finish
How do you know an accident victim is dead when their shoe falls off?
You can see the sole leave their body.
A blonde woman finds a dead body...
Immediately, she calls the police.
She says, "Hello, I have found a dead body"
The 911 operator replies, "Ok. Thank you for letting us know. Can you tell me the street on which you found it?"
She looks around and says, "Eucalyptus Street"
The operator asks, "Can you spell it for me?"
The blonde women thinks, and tells the operator, "Don't worry, I'll just move it to Smith Street"
I killed my wife the other day for always being right
...and hid her in a suitcase under my bed.
She always said the only way I would have s**... with another women would be over her dead body.
Google Page 2
The best place to hide a dead body is Google Page2.
What is a black body?
A dead African American.
Where is the best place to hide a dead body?
A cemetery
I asked my Necrophiliac friend if she would ever have s**... with me
She replied, "Over your dead body".
What prize did the dead body receive?
Atrophy
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
My friend had a s**... and half his body went dead
He's all right now.
What's the best part of s**... on a boat....
Just throw the dead body overboard when you're done.
I would'nt dare use a body deo in a train in germany
apparently an axeman was shot dead.
I went looking for a dead body...
I found a charizard.
What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?
One composes, the other decomposes...
My friends think I'm weird for sleeping with a full size body pillow
It's just a lot more rare to find a dead midget.
What did the f**... director do with Alan Turing's dead body?
He encrypted it
I made a dead body wearing a brassiere disapear.
A-bra-cadaver!
Last rites?
Over my dead body...
El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.
I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
Two Cannibals Are Sitting Around A Dead Body...
One says "you start at the toes, I'll start at the head".
After a little while he asks the other cannibal, "how is it going?"
"Oh, I'm having a ball!"
"...You're going too fast."
Someone came to my house asking if I was an o**... donor
I said he could have my organs.. Over my dead body!
Professors at a university stumbled upon a pile of dead crows.
Upon taking them in for examination, they noticed that most had faint paint stains on their bodies. It was determined 98% of the m**... of crows were hit by trucks and 2% by cars as the cause of death.
Why were there so many hit by trucks rather than cars?
The lookout crow could call out "Cah," but they couldn't call out "Truck."
What do you call an unclaimed dead body in France?
Jean Deaux
Did you know If you laid out all your veins and arteries next to your body side by side
You'd be dead
BREAKING: Helicopter c**... in a New Jersey cemetery
300 dead bodies recovered so far
BODY FOUND DEAD IN BATHTUB FULL OF MILK AND BANANAS.
they think it might be a cereal killer.
The local morgue was clearing out old bodies.
Bunch of necrophiles showed up.
How did I know they were necrophiles?
It was a dead giveaway.
Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What is a dead body called?
Views
Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station.
He always had a locomotive.
Impact of Job Change!!
One day, A taxi passenger touched driver on his shoulder to ask something. Driver screamed, lost control of car, went up on footpath & stopped few inches from a shop.
The passenger apologised & said: "I didn't realise that a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: Sorry it's not your fault, it's my 1st day as a cab driver, I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies from last 25 years.
What do you call any dead body during cremation?
Lit AF.
Sad news. The man who invented the television remote was discovered dead this morning.
They found his body down the back of the sofa.
I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.
Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery
An American man visits the Holy Land...
An American man visits the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Sadly the mother-in-law died. When seeing the local Israeli undertaker, it was explained that they could ship the body home for $5,000. But if they buried her locally it would cost only $150. The man said to the undertaker "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asked "Are you sure? It's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The man replied "look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."
Husband and wife(moral)
A husband and wife dies, and go to heaven. There, god tells them they have room for only one of them, and they have to rock-paper-scissors for the spot. Wife whispered something to the husband and then prepares to start. They do it once and the husband chooses paper while the wife chooses scissors, so the husband dies. The wife cradling the dead body says to it, I told you that we should both pick rock.
A weird man with a weird condition
The man was never very good at anything.
He had no talents apart from his ability to notice things when he was drunk.
He decided to become a detective.
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not make head or tail of the situation.
So he proceeded to ask his colleague , Here's the dead body. Where's tequila ?
The policeman looked at the tree with the hanging dead body. "It's a m**...", he shouted.
The crows flew away.
It's funny isn't it, someone calls the police because they found a dead body and they are helping the police out...
I do the same after finding dozens of dead bodies and i they just tell me to "leave the cemitery"
A German sausage was found dead this morning with 27 stab wounds covering its body
Police say it is the wurst m**... they've ever seen
So a graverobber decides to dig up Mozart,
He digs down, opens the coffin, and finds, not a dead body but a very old Mozart rapidly erasing music sheets. The grave robber says "Mozart, is that you? What are you doing?" Mozart responds, "I'm decomposing."
My friend tried to convince me to get run over by a self-driving car to collect insurance money...
Uber my dead body
What is the most annoying thing after s**...?
Hiding the dead body.
What did the milk say when the cheese asked him What happened to the dead body?
He was cream-ated
