Dead Bird Jokes
47 dead bird jokes and hilarious dead bird puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dead bird that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dead Bird Short Jokes
Short dead bird jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dead bird humour may include short dead fly jokes also.
- What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk? A dead bird.
- 2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.
- I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself... "i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"
- A dead bird A blonde was walking with her father, when her father said "look! It's a dead bird! That's so sad!"
The blonde then quickly looked up in the sky and said "Where?" - A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench. Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!
The blonde gazes up into the air says where? - Two Polish guys are walking through the woods...
One says "Look, a dead bird!". The other looks up in the trees and says "Where?!" - Riddle: What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak? A dead bird
- Teacher: Give me an example of a bird that has wings but can not fly... Student: A dead bird.
- Name a bird with wings but can't fly? Teacher: "Name a bird with wings but can't fly."
Student: "A dead bird, sir." - I left a present for my crush today, and she had me arrested! When her cat does it, it's adorable, but apparently it's "creepy" when I leave a dead bird on her doorstep.
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Dead Bird One Liners
Which dead bird one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dead bird? I can suggest the ones about dead dog and dead fish.
- Selling a dead bird Not going cheep
- What do you call a dead bird on the road? A goosebump.
- [OC] I found a dead bird outside. It smelt fowl.
- Teacher: "Name a bird with wings but can't fly."
Student: "A dead bird, sir." - What do you call a dead bird that was suicidal? A Robin Williams.
- Its gone viral Bird flu - 45 million dead chickens and turkeys.
- Did you hear about the group of dead black birds they found? It was a m**... of crows.
Fun-Filled Dead Bird Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about dead bird you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead cat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dead bird pranks.
There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.
They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot.
Having heard the c**... a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened.
Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened.
So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says,
"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!"
"I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
A woman takes her dead parrot into a vet's office...
And lays it upon the examination table. The vet takes one look at the deceased bird and says, 'Sorry Ma'am, but your parrot is dead.' The woman isn't satisfied, and asks for a second opinion. The vet obliges and pokes his head into the next room and calls in a second doctor. A cat saunters in, jumps up onto the table, looks up to the vet with sorrow in his eyes and says, 'Meow.' 'Sorry,' the vet says, 'my colleague says your parrot is dead. The woman still isn't satisfied and wants yet another opinion. The vet, as before, pokes his head into the next room, but this time a dog bounds in, puts its paws on the table, sniffs the bird and barks. 'Sorry Ma'am, but that's three doctor's opinions. Your bird is certainly dead.' 'Alright,' the woman says, 'you win, here's the $50 for the appointment.' '$50?' The vet exclaims, 'You owe me $150 for the extra cat scan and the lab report.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," went the voice loudly again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a s**... name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."
Tell this as a real story, and you will get a groan out of pretty much everybody.
About 200 dead crows were found near Regina, and
there was concern for Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the
remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT
Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the
crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car
impact. The Province then hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine
the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.
The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out Crow" in a nearby
tree, to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow
could say "Cah," but he could not say, "Truck."
A recent study on crow deaths
A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna S. Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.
However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.
The State hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."
The Crow Mystery
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three bird on a wire
A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."
Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."
The teacher replies, "Timmy, that's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think."
Later, at recess, Timmy asks the teacher, "Which one of those ladies at the picnic table do you think is single? Is it the one eating a cookie, the one eating a sandwich, or the one s**... on a popsicle?"
"I think it is the one s**... on the popsicle," answers the teacher.
Timmy says, "Actually, it is the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
A gentleman boasted that his parrot would repeat anything he told him.
A gentleman was boasting that his parrot would repeat anything he told him. For example, he told him several times, before some friends, to say Uncle, but the parrot would not repeat it. In anger he seized the bird, and half-twisting his neck, said: Say 'uncle,' you beggar! and threw him into the fowl pen, in which he had ten prize fowls. Shortly afterward, thinking he had killed the parrot, he went to the pen. To his surprise he found nine of the fowls dead on the floor with their necks wrung, and the parrot standing on the tenth twisting his neck and screaming: Say 'uncle,' you beggar! say uncle.'
-----
This English joke was printed in the Iowa Citizen on October 9th, 1891. It is believed to be the origin of the American idiom of "crying Uncle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smart old rooster.
A chicken farmer brings home a new rooster for his hen house. The old rooster ask him for a favor. He says look im old and wore out but if you don't mind could you chase me around the coupe so it looks like I at least put up a fight for the chicken's. The young rooster agrees to do so and commits to chase the old rooster around the coupe. The farmer is sitting on his porch with a friend when he sees the new rooster chasing the old one around. So he grabs his gun and shoots the new rooster dead. The farmers friend asked why he shoot his new bird. The farmer replied thats the third gay rooster I bought this year.
A burglar broke into a house
=
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "Whats your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"Thats a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."
Jesus is watching you.
=
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "Whats your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"Thats a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."
A blonde and her dad are walking down the street...
the dad tells her daughter "Look a dead bird!"
The blonde looks up and says "Where?"
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(don't know if this is a repost or not, but just remembered this joke I heard a long time ago and decided to share it)
Ravens
Humorous story from the web:
Researchers for the Western Australian Main Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The MRD then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The O.B quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in d**......
they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to p**..., 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
p**... and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.
At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
p**... watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, p**... shakes his head and says, f**... dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too f**...'n dangerous for me!'
Dead crows
There were many dead crows on highways in the Rocky Mountains this year. Ornithologists suspected it was due to vehicles hitting the crows.
This was surprising because crows have adapted to feeding on carcasses by having two birds watching from the trees while two birds feed. If there is a vehicle coming, two crows will shout out so the other birds can fly away.
After analyzing the car chips left on the crows, it was found that 80% of crows killed by trucks and only 20% were killed by cars.
Turns out crows are really good at yelling "caw caw caw" and not good at yelling "truck truck truck".
A man goes golfing
And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.
Tonight I came home and noticed someone had broken my window...
they didn't take anything, but they left a dead bird inside.
Teacher asks John
Teacher asks John "You know everything about birds"
John: "Yes i do"
Teacher: "Tell me which bird can't fly?"
John: "A dead bird"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are walking through the woods
They hear some noise of some birds overhead. They point their guns in the air and take aim. One of the men takes a few steps forward to get a better view of the birds. He trips over a log and hits his head on a rock and immediately falls unconscious. The other man dials 9-1-1.
"9-1-1 what's your emergency"
"My friend...I think he's dead"
"Well why don't you make sure he's dead"
*\*Operator hears a bang\**
"I'm pretty sure he's dead now"
\--
Heard this as a kid-thought it was hilarious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A farmer finds a bunch of dead birds in his fields...
He figured it must of been a m**... of crows
I walked into a pet shop.
I said, "I want to return this bird cage. My girlfriend's parrot is dead. Choked to death."
He said, "Have you got the receipt?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Why not? We need proof that you paid for it."
I said, "The parrot ate it."
