Days Jokes

• Short Days Jokes
• Days One Liners
• Days Of The Week Jokes
• Happy Days Jokes
• School Days Jokes
• Good Old Days Jokes
• More Days Jokes

Funniest Days Short Jokes

Short days jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The days humour may include short dates jokes also.

1. I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
   
2. Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
3. When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
4. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
   Happy Mothers' Day!
5. In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
6. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
   use twice a year
7. Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
8. Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
9. One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world Then you'll all be sorry
10. The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
    

Share These Days Jokes With Friends

Days One Liners

Which days one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with days? I can suggest the ones about hours and months.

1. 6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9? Because he needed 3² meals a day.
2. Why did 7 eat 9? Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
   I'm sorry
3. Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day. Feeling desserted.
4. My son is 2934 days old today. He was born on 12/12/12.
    
5. I was thinking the other day ... So I shouted, "Thomeone help! I can't thwim!"
6. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
7. Today I celebrated my 365th day sober!! And it only took me 14 years
8. Tomorrow is 2-22-22 Happy Twos-day
9. International women's day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes Period.
10. The rotation of earth Really makes my day.
11. One day Canada will rule the world Then you'll all be sorry
12. What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day.... You feel desserted.
13. How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day? F5
14. What's Mozart up to these days? Decomposing.
15. Why is helium so expensive these days? Because of all the inflation.

Days Of The Week Jokes

Here is a list of funny days of the week jokes and even better days of the week puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
• What soaps are used to keep men away? Deter-gents
  Day 4 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!
• So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends. It's her day 5 behind the fridge.
• In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day April Fuels!
• Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste! It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days.
  It's been 2 weeks and I'm still Asian.
• My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
• A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon It was a week before I realised you have to eat them
• My doctor he dont help either, he told me to run 5 Miles a Day for two weeks I called him up I said "Doc im 70 miles from my house"
  -Rodney Dangerfield
• What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
• My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine she stopped crying for help 2 days ago

Happy Days Jokes

Here is a list of funny happy days jokes and even better happy days puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.
  Happy Pi Day everyone!
• The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!
• My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
• The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Happy Mother's Day!
• I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday. You won't catch me doing that today.
• The other day, I met a genie who granted me one wish. So, I told him: "I just want to be happy." Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
• Me: Happy Pi day! Her: Aren't you a few days late lol?
  Me: Sorry, I was being irrational
• Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior? Or am I just breadjudiced?
  Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
• I'd like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother's Day! …and make all the Americans panic.
  (It's Mother's Day in the UK, for those worriedly looking at their calendar.)
• Happy Pi Day Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of π.
  Psychiatrist: Is it recurring?
  Me: Not as far as anyone can tell.

School Days Jokes

Here is a list of funny school days jokes and even better school days puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
• My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school. So I punched him & stole his lunch money.
• When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
• To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
• I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter... I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school.
• In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.
  Tough measures.
• What did the buffalo say to his son on his first day of school? Bison.
• What's the best part about having Memorial Day off? 3 straight days without a school shooting.
• First Day At School The child comes home from his first day at school.
  His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
  The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
• My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".

Good Old Days Jokes

Here is a list of funny good old days jokes and even better good old days puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink? Nowadays, there's cameras everywhere.
• A man walks into a bar The good old days.
• Pitbull saves family from house fire, pulls 7-month-old girl by her diaper Good to know he's doing more than just music these days.
• I asked my Grandpa. "What were your good old days". He said... "They were before I was good and before I was old"
• All the screaming kids at work today, really made me miss the good old days. Back when they would work a 9-5 down at the local iron mill.
• I still remember the good old days in America, When it was Hands up OR I'LL shoot!
• No good deed goes unpunished Like the other day when I gave up my seat to this old, frail lady, only to lose my job as a bus driver.
• The news out of Washington has me feeling like Shrek. I miss the good old days when all we had was a swamp.
• Husband: "We should return to being like we were in the good old days". Wife: "What do you mean honey?" Husband: "You don't know me and I don't know you"
• (Sigh) How I miss those good old days... Alas, my good old days of "morning wood" have been replaced by "morning wouldn't."

Hilarious Days Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about days you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weeks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make days pranks.