Daylight Jokes

My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.

Thanks daylight savings!

Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!

Had sex for an hour and 30 seconds today

Thankyou daylight savings

Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.

Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day.

Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach

The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."

The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."

The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail Hitler we need Diesel!"

I just made love for over 1hr straight

1 hour and 22 seconds is my new record.

Thanks daylight savings time!

Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.

Daylight robbery...

I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.

I said, "Yeah, pump 6."

My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony

Daylight robbery

Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time

Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries.

I lasted an hour and 15 seconds in sex yesterday.

thanks you daylight savings

Boss: "You're an hour late!"

Guy who is about to invent daylight savings time: "Haven't you heard?"

I just lasted 61 mins in bed a new record!

Thanks Daylight savings time...

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time...

My girlfriend thought I lasted 1 hour and 3 minutes!

How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight?

Just one with depression.

I can have sex with my girlfriend for 1 hour and 30 seconds...

Thanks daylight savings!




(Idk if this has been posted here before :p)

The only time my car goes 0-100 real fast.

Is when it's sitting in broad daylight on a summer day.

Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight.

It was a pretty brazen act of violence.

I had sex for an hour and 30 seconds last night!

Thanks daylight savings!

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(I saw this joke a few weeks ago, today is the perfect day for it!)

Daylight Savings Time Gave Me a Back Injury

I need to buy a smaller sundial.

I really like daylight savings time, I got an extra hour of sleep last night

I was in bed for 7 hours, but when I woke up it was EIGHT HOURS LATER!!!!

Daylight must be a woman

Because it's always a broad.

In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.

The cops have nothing to go on.

My wife doesn't understand daylight savings time

But hey, who could think straight after being banged for an hour and 2 minutes

What did the former German chancellor's wife say to him to remind him to change his watch for Daylight Saving Time?

Konrad, add an hour!

I lasted 62 minutes in bed

Thanks daylight savings

Thanks to Daylight Saving Time

My girlfriend totally thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes!

Daylight savings

On Sunday we jumped back an hour, today we jumped back 50 years.

Last night I had sex for an hour and 30 seconds.

I love when daylight savings time ends!

I lasted 1 hour and 30 seconds while having sex last night...

Thank you daylight savings!

On the 11th of March I had the longest sex of my life, 1 hour and 30 seconds.

Thank god for Daylight Saving Time

What does the guitarist of the Black Keys do on Daylight Savings time?

He sets his clock an Auerbach.

Daylight Savings is my favorite . . .

It's the one night of the year my girlfriend thinks I can last an hour and two minutes.

What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle?

An extra hour of rain.

Ever since Daylight Savings I'm no longer depressed...

Now I'm Seasonally Depressed.

Somebody stole the sun!

That's daylight robbery!

TIFU: gave day an hour.

Now it's opened a daylight savings account and expects yearly donations.

In honor of Daylight saving time I actually have an hour long joke I like to tell.

I once had sex for an hour and 40 seconds.

It was daylight savings time.

We should just advance the calendar to 2017 and call it.... "Daylight Saving Lives".

Or maybe "Life Saving Time"

YSK: Daylight Savings Time ends tonight, make sure to reset all your clocks.

Oops, wrong sub

The reason I smell bad on daylight saving time...

It was the 23rd-hour of my 24-hour deodorant protection.

Daylight Saving Reminder (DIRECTV Spoof)