The Best 46 Daylight Jokes

My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.

Thanks daylight savings!

I had sex for an hour and 30 seconds last night!

Thanks daylight savings!

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(I saw this joke a few weeks ago, today is the perfect day for it!)

Daylight robbery...

I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.

I said, "Yeah, pump 6."

In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.

The cops have nothing to go on.

Daylight Saving Reminder (DIRECTV Spoof)

Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day.

Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.

I lasted an hour and 15 seconds in sex yesterday.

thanks you daylight savings

How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight?

Just one with depression.

The reason I smell bad on daylight saving time...

It was the 23rd-hour of my 24-hour deodorant protection.

Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight.

It was a pretty brazen act of violence.

Had sex for an hour and 30 seconds today

Thankyou daylight savings

YSK: Daylight Savings Time ends tonight, make sure to reset all your clocks.

Oops, wrong sub

I lasted 1 hour and 30 seconds while having sex last night...

Thank you daylight savings!

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach

The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."

The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."

The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail Hitler we need Diesel!"

The only time my car goes 0-100 real fast.

Is when it's sitting in broad daylight on a summer day.

Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time

Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries.

Last night I had sex for an hour and 30 seconds.

I love when daylight savings time ends!

Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.

Daylight savings

On Sunday we jumped back an hour, today we jumped back 50 years.

We should just advance the calendar to 2017 and call it.... "Daylight Saving Lives".

Or maybe "Life Saving Time"

Boss: "You're an hour late!"

Guy who is about to invent daylight savings time: "Haven't you heard?"

Thanks to Daylight Saving Time

My girlfriend totally thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes!

I just made love for over 1hr straight

1 hour and 22 seconds is my new record.

Thanks daylight savings time!

Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.

I lasted 62 minutes in bed

Thanks daylight savings

I can have sex with my girlfriend for 1 hour and 30 seconds...

Thanks daylight savings!

(Idk if this has been posted here before :p)

My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony

Daylight robbery

Daylight must be a woman

Because it's always a broad.

What did the former German chancellor's wife say to him to remind him to change his watch for Daylight Saving Time?

Konrad, add an hour!

Daylight Savings is my favorite . . .

It's the one night of the year my girlfriend thinks I can last an hour and two minutes.

Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!

I really like daylight savings time, I got an extra hour of sleep last night

I was in bed for 7 hours, but when I woke up it was EIGHT HOURS LATER!!!!

What does the guitarist of the Black Keys do on Daylight Savings time?

He sets his clock an Auerbach.

On the 11th of March I had the longest sex of my life, 1 hour and 30 seconds.

Thank god for Daylight Saving Time

My wife doesn't understand daylight savings time

But hey, who could think straight after being banged for an hour and 2 minutes

I once had sex for an hour and 40 seconds.

It was daylight savings time.

In honor of Daylight saving time I actually have an hour long joke I like to tell.

TIFU: gave day an hour.

Now it's opened a daylight savings account and expects yearly donations.

Somebody stole the sun!

That's daylight robbery!

Ever since Daylight Savings I'm no longer depressed...

Now I'm Seasonally Depressed.

What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle?

An extra hour of rain.

I just lasted 61 mins in bed a new record!

Thanks Daylight savings time...

Daylight Savings Time Gave Me a Back Injury

I need to buy a smaller sundial.

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time...

My girlfriend thought I lasted 1 hour and 3 minutes!

I'm so poor my only funds are daylight savings...

but at least it's trickling down for a rainy day.

Zack late to his work

Zach's boss was super pissed as Zack was an hour late to the work because of the daylight savings time.

After the boss left, Zack kick a lamp to vent out his frustration.

Suddenly a genie appeared and said - you have made me free. I will grant you a wish.

Zack - Can you bring peace between Israel and Palestine?

Genie - That's not possible. Sorry you got to ask another wish.

Zack - Can you please explain me the benefit of daylight savings time?

Genie - Ahhh... Ok, I will call Netanyahu