Daylight Jokes
79 daylight jokes and hilarious daylight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about daylight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Beat the winter blues and brighten up your day with these hilarious and clever daylight jokes! You'll find the best gags related to daylight savings, Daylight Savings 2020, Daylight Savings 2021, Daylight Savings ending, Dead by Daylight, Cyclone, Artery, and Reflex. Get ready to crack up and start your day off right with these hilarious jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Daylight Jokes
- Daylight One Liners
- Daylight Savings Jokes
- Daylight Saving Time Jokes
- Daylight Savings Time Jokes
- More Daylight Jokes
Funniest Daylight Short Jokes
Short daylight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The daylight humour may include short sunlight jokes also.
- Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.
- BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent! If you ask me, it's about time!
- Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.
- So apparently the Senate just passed a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent Most people are excited about the change, but I think if it passes the House it'll be hour loss.
- I just made love for over 1hr straight 1 hour and 22 seconds is my new record.
Thanks daylight savings time! - Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself, that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.
- Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.
I said, "Yeah, pump 6." - Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries.
- Boss: "You're an hour late!" Guy who is about to invent daylight savings time: "Haven't you heard?"
- I'm so poor my only funds are daylight savings... but at least it's trickling down for a rainy day.
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Daylight One Liners
Which daylight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with daylight? I can suggest the ones about natural light and sunshine.
- Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!
- I hate daylight saving time so much That I lost sleep over it last night.
- They always say that daylight savings is such a great idea I give it six months
- My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery
- Daylight savings is coming up... Don't lose sleep over it.
- Which bank does the sun go to? Daylight Savings.
- I just lasted 61 mins in bed a new record! Thanks Daylight savings time...
- Everybody really thought that daylight saving would be a good idea. I give it six months.
- Thanks to Daylight Savings Time... My girlfriend thought I lasted 1 hour and 3 minutes!
- How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight? Just one with depression.
- I'm not so sure about this daylight savings time thing I give it six months
- Daylight Savings Time Gave Me a Back Injury I need to buy a smaller sundial.
- Daylight must be a woman Because it's always a broad.
- Why is the moon so dark? Because the sun beat the daylights out of it. :D
- I lasted 62 minutes in bed Thanks daylight savings
Daylight Savings Jokes
Here is a list of funny daylight savings jokes and even better daylight savings puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Daylight savings time. Is the government cutting off the bottom of a blanket and sewing it to the top and saying ,"see its longer now".
- I really like daylight savings time, I got an extra hour of sleep last night I was in bed for 7 hours, but when I woke up it was EIGHT HOURS LATER!!!!
- My wife doesn't understand daylight savings time But hey, who could think straight after being banged for an hour and 2 minutes
- What did the former German chancellor's wife say to him to remind him to change his watch for Daylight Saving Time? Konrad, add an hour!
- Thanks to Daylight Saving Time My girlfriend totally thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes!
- Daylight savings On Sunday we jumped back an hour, today we jumped back 50 years.
- What does the guitarist of the Black Keys do on Daylight Savings time? He sets his clock an Auerbach.
- Daylight Savings is my favorite . . . It's the one night of the year my girlfriend thinks I can last an hour and two minutes.
- Daylight Saving Reminder (DIRECTV Spoof)
- What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle? An extra hour of rain.
Daylight Saving Time Jokes
Here is a list of funny daylight saving time jokes and even better daylight saving time puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Guess who loves daylights savings time? Dan Auerbach
- In honor of Daylight saving time I actually have an hour long joke I like to tell.
- We should just advance the calendar to 2017 and call it.... "Daylight Saving Lives". Or maybe "Life Saving Time"
- YSK: Daylight Savings Time ends tonight, make sure to reset all your clocks. Oops, wrong sub
- The reason I smell bad on daylight saving time... It was the 23rd-hour of my 24-hour deodorant protection.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
- I once made love for an entire hour. Daylight savings time counts right?
- I hate daylight savings time change... ...I had to chnage all my clocks and alarms an hour ahead.
- Last night I had s**... for an hour and 30 seconds. I love when daylight savings time ends!
- On the 11th of March I had the longest s**... of my life, 1 hour and 30 seconds. Thank god for Daylight Saving Time
Daylight Savings Time Jokes
Here is a list of funny daylight savings time jokes and even better daylight savings time puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once had s**... for an hour and 40 seconds. It was daylight savings time.
- Yeah, s**... is cool But have you ever been an hour late on daylight savings time?
Uplifting Daylight Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about daylight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dawn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make daylight pranks.
My girlfriend and I began having s**... at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.
Thanks daylight savings!
I had s**... for an hour and 30 seconds last night!
Thanks daylight savings!
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(I saw this joke a few weeks ago, today is the perfect day for it!)
Taxi Story
A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times . . .
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
In a small town in the middle of nowhere...
Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.
The cops have nothing to go on.
I lasted an hour and 15 seconds in s**... yesterday.
thanks you daylight savings
Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight.
It was a pretty brazen act of violence.
Had s**... for an hour and 30 seconds today
Thankyou daylight savings
Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach
The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."
The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."
The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail h**... we need Diesel!"
The only time my car goes 0-100 real fast.
Is when it's sitting in broad daylight on a summer day.
I can have s**... with my girlfriend for 1 hour and 30 seconds...
Thanks daylight savings!
(Idk if this has been posted here before :p)
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sitting quietly in the pub having a pint, when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac and then storms off again...
The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, What the heck was all that about?
The bit of black tarmac replies, You have to be careful not to upset that one. He's a bit of a cyclepath."
A taxi passenger
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me?"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, its not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a f**... van for the last 25 years."
Zack late to his work
Zach's boss was super p**... as Zack was an hour late to the work because of the daylight savings time.
After the boss left, Zack kick a lamp to vent out his frustration.
Suddenly a genie appeared and said - you have made me free. I will grant you a wish.
Zack - Can you bring peace between Israel and Palestine?
Genie - That's not possible. Sorry you got to ask another wish.
Zack - Can you please explain me the benefit of daylight savings time?
Genie - Ahhh... Ok, I will call Netanyahu
Driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, and nearly hit a bus. The shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
I went to London the other day and was mugged in broad daylight at the train station.
Naturally I burst into tears, and then a policeman came up to me and said, I'm fining you £10.
For crying out loud! I exclaimed.
Exactly, he replied.
Beware of certain doctors
I went to the doctor to have blood drawn and he bit my neck and now I am very sensitive to daylight and I have suddenly become very thirsty at night.
Whatever you do, avoid Dr. Acula!
