Day After Christmas Jokes
145 day after christmas jokes and hilarious day after christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about day after christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Day After Christmas Short Jokes
Short day after christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The day after christmas humour may include short day after thanksgiving jokes also.
- I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas? He said, It's May.
Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas? - When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
- I can't believe christmas is 364 days away... And people already have their decorations up.
- Me: Can I have a few extra days off before Christmas?" Boss: It's May.
Me: Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas? - My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
- Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie.... It was a partridge on a par 3.
- Why is Christmas just like another day in the office? Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
- Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
- I went to buy a Christmas tree the other day, and the shop assistant said "Are you thinking if putting it up yourself?" I said "no, i was thinking the living room".
- "Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another. "Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"
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Day After Christmas One Liners
Which day after christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with day after christmas? I can suggest the ones about day after tomorrow and after thanksgiving.
- It's 364 days until christmas. And people already have their lights up!
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
- I can't believe Christmas is only 364 days away... ...feels like it was just yesterday.
- What did Santa get the day after Christmas? Diabetes
- Why didn't Lassie have to save Timmy on Christmas Day? No well
- What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common? Cold turkey
- Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas? Because it's Boxing Day!
- Enthusiasm 365 days until Christmas and people already have their trees up.
- Why was the ghost sad on Christmas Day? Because he had no presence.
...sorry - The Aborists came to my house on Christmas Day. I was visited by the tree wise men.
- What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
- Finding love on valentine's day Is the equivalent to finding santa at Christmas
- Why was Santa's little helper sad? Because he had low ELFesteem
- You guys excited for Christmas? Only 366 more days :D
- Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
Ridiculous Day After Christmas Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about day after christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boxing day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make day after christmas pranks.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? St. O'Claus!
On St. Patrick's Day I like to make believe I'm Irish. Just like at Christmas when I make believe I'm good.
You better not.
I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.
Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"
The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"
Two brothers on Christmas day
So there are two brothers, Jimmy and Timmy
They both run down stairs to see what Santa had brought them
The presents are divided into two piles, with Jimmy's pile being larger
Jimmy say, " Haha, my pile is bigger!"
Then Timmy says," Well, atleast I don't have cancer."
A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…
Pest Control
There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.
Latvian Christmas
Christmas Eve father ask son what want christmas. Son say potato. Father say "Ok. Santa bring potato." Next day boy is learn Santa no exist.
Who says men don't remember?
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, your body rejected the transplant
I was in the attic the other day...
...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.
It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy.
Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
It was Christmas day.....
and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
I remember the Christmas my son got me my first DVD.
It was a rental...6 days overdue. And we didn't even have a DVD player!
A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas.
It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"
What do you get when you mix the Twelve Days of Christmas with Ninety-nine Bottles of beer on the wall?
A year in prison if there's any justice.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve?
Christmas Adam
Apparently I told this one as a kid: What do you call the day before Christmas Eve?
Christmas Adam
364 Days Until Christmas....
....And some people have already got their trees up, disgraceful!
A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa
"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"
How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas?
He was de-lighted.
Christmas these days is a lot like having s**...
the build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money.
I wish I was Jesus so instead of listening to the same Christmas songs every day if the office, I could be dead.
Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?
Elf and safety
Q: Did you hear about the man who stole the advent calendar?
A: He got 25 days.
No democratic debate on Christmas Day
The democratic presidential hopefuls signed a statement not to debate on Christmas Day.
It was a Barry Sanders-clause
Christmas comes earlier every year.
There's 364 days until Christmas and my neighbors already have their lights up.
Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.
Now I'm back in the closet.
Someone asked me, "How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?"
I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you?"
Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas
It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."
Kids these days
Kids these days are so lucky getting computers and game consoles for Christmas. When I was a kid my mom had to cut holes in my pockets that way I had something to play with
Who delivers presents to good little kittens on Christmas day?
Santa Paws
Two r**..., Joe and Bubba went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees.
They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Bubba finally said, "Joe, I'm takin the next tree we come to, wether it has lights on it or not!"
My drug dealer just bought me a new pair of sneakers for Christmas
I can't tell what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day
George Michael has passed away on Christmas Day
Looks like he ended up giving his heart away this year after all
Guys, if anyone is interested, a friend of mine got an invitation to the 2017 Berlin Marathon for Christmas. But it's the same day of his wedding. So if anyone wants (and is able) to go, everything is paid.
St. Mary's church @ 6pm. Bride's name is Lisa.
Just go there, get married and you're done.
Christmas Day accident
Grandpa woke up unusually early yesterday to celebrate Christmas with the family. He was half asleep still when went to the restroom to brush his teeth. In the early morning brain fog, he accidentally got his Polident mixed up with his Preparation H.
His gums aren't itching, but now, he can't get his underwear off!
Remember the old Korean saying "Dog not just for Christmas"
"Any luck, some left over, boxing day"
Last Christmas I gave you my heart,
But the very next day, I had heart failure.
Are you disappointed you didn't have a white Christmas?
Don't worry. I heard Inauguration Day will be plenty white.
Does anyone else get as excited about Valentine's Day coming up as they did about Christmas when they were little?
Or is it just because I'm Jewish?
A church has a rat problem
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
I bought my wife a kitchen mixer for Christmas and she hasn't opened it yet
which is great because I am going to give it to her for Mother's Day.
I said to my Grandma, You don't have that many days left
Before the big Christmas shopping rush, so buy my stuff right away!
There was a man who became the karate champion on Christmas Day...
So he decided to go by the name, "The Nutcracker."
I was Christmas shopping the other day and I saw a brass band, with dribble underneath all of their instruments
Turns out it was the Salivation Army
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
A Partridge in a mortuary. (Too soon?)
On the First Day of Christmas, my True Love Gave To me....
An unwanted pregnancy.
I bet Gollum goes nuts on the 5th day of Christmas
Me and my wife were having an argument about which family we will spend Christmas Day with...
I'm sure many couples can relate. I want to spend it with mine and she obviously wants to spend it with hers. It led to a big argument where she yelled, You like your family way more, you hate my relatives
I replied, That's not true, I like your mother in law way more than mine
On the 12th day of Christmas
Cinderella was waiting for her christmas photos to be sent in the mail.
Even though they were very late she stayed positive, thinking: 'One day my prints will come'.
When I was a kid - we were so poor ...
My ma would cut a hole in my pants pocket just so I would have something to play with on Christmas day.
Why did we have chinese food on boxing day?
The whole "dog for christmas" thing wasn't a hit
Thanks to Instagram's incredible algorithm, we're just a few days away from Christmas...
Today is the 13th day of Christmas. My house is over-run with noisy birds and a crowd of hungry and confused pipers, drummers, lords and ladies. On top of all that...
...my true love was arrested for human trafficking.
Why did the dyslexic Christian kill himself on Christmas day?
Because Satan was crawling down his chimney.
I find it very strange and coincidental that Jesus.
Was born on Christmas day and died on good Friday.
Why do mathematicians/programmers celebrate Halloween and Christmas on the same day?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
Why do programmers celebrate Halloween and Christmas on the same day?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
St. Patrick's Day...
It's the closest Irish will ever get to Christmas.
If you think of everything in life as a gift: every day is like Christmas. . .
With the relative learning how to knit.
If you were born on the September 16th, you were more than likely conceived on Christmas Day.
I was actually born on September 15th, so Christmas came early for my mum.
What do you call the genocide of trees?
Christmas Day
