Davi Jokes

Following is our collection of fed puns and dav one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Davi jokes for adults, dirty sleep jokes and clean trick dad gags for kids.

The Best Davi Puns

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar

and ordered a drink.

Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender.

Just call me Hoff, the actor replied.

Sure, the bartender said, no hassle.

David Hasselhoff calls his Agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."

His Agent says, "Sure. No hassle."

My name is David and I had my ID stolen the other day.

Now they just call me Dav.

David Hasselhoff told his agent that he wants to be known as Hoff from now on.

Agent: Sure David. No hassle.

Davinath the Indian wife beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM.

On the dot.


David was hard at work...

it was really quite awkward for his coworkers.

The David Cameron diet:

You'll never lose your pounds quicker.

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar..

It's a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff , said the bartender.

Just call me Hoff, if it's not too much trouble , he replied.

Sure , said the bartender, no hassle .

David was a victim of ID theft

He's now known as Dav.

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and orders a drink.

It's a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, says the bartender.

Just call me Hoff, he replied.

Sure, said the bartender, No hassle.

David Cameron

Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".


Why did David Hasselhoff change his name to 'The Hoff'?

He couldn't be bothered with the hassle

David had his ID stolen yesterday...

So we call him Dav now.

David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.

He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"

David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"

Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."

"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.

We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.

Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.

David Walliams NTA joke with Caroline Flack

Thank you Joel and so nice to see Caroline Flack back on TV as well.

What does David Bowie do after the gym?

Ch ch ch ch changes

What do David Beckham and Ferrero Rocher chocolates have in common?

They both come in a posh box

How did David Copperfield get HIV?

From doing Magic.


"David, why don't you go and play with...

...with Jimmy?" asks the mother.

"Oh mum, you wouldn't want to play with a filthy, obscene, thieving, lying boy, would you?"

"Of course not." says the mother, as she hugs her son.

"Well, Jimmy wouldn't either..."

David Cameron.

What do you call David Cameron when he enters the houses of parliament? An inside joke.

What do you call David Cameron when he's late for the bus? A running joke.

What do you call David Cameron's leadership skills? A bad joke.

David takes his son to a doctor

David : Doctor, my son has swallowed a pair of keys.
Doctor : When did this happen!?
David : Three months ago.
Doctor : What!? What were you doing till now!?
David : We were using the spare keys.

David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote...

David: "Hi mate just checking in, u k?"

David Walliams joke

Thank you Joel, and so nice to see Caroline Flack back on TV as well.

Why David shorted his surname to Hoff?

Because it was too much Hassel

David Hasselhoff just changed his name to "David Hoff"

If anything, it's less of a hassel.

What does David Bowie do after he gets out of the swimming pool?

He ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. (Sorry if repost)

David killed a man by accident...

Yet, they still sentenced him to death. when asked what was his last wish was, he asked for a banana. the jail man said sorry, its not banana season yet . I'll wait said David.

What do David Duke and Johnny Sins have in common?

They are both wizards under the sheets.

What does David Bowie call his OpenDocument files?

space.odt

David Tennant only has one fear.

David Tennanteater

David Copperfield is the best magician ever.

He's disappeared since the 90s.

What did David Harbour's kids say when he asked who won the race?

It was a tie, dad.

David Cameron didn't do much as the Prime Minister of the UK

But Theresa May.

*David Beckham* gets in a taxi at Dublin airport.

He notices the driver staring at him insistently in the rearview mirror.

After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks, Ok. At least give me a hint"

David Beckham sighs and says I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married one of the Spice Girls and played for more than 100 times for England's national team. Enough?"

Driver replies: No, you eejit! Where are we going??

Who is better than David Tennant?

David Elevennant.

I just made that up.

What did David Bowie want for Christmas?

Carrie Fisher.

What is David Bowie's favourite energy drink?

Redbull Redbull

Where does David Cameron keep his hidden money?

In the Piggy bank

David Cameron: Tax evasion is morally wrong, I leaned that from my father.

The tax evasion bit, not the morally wrong bit.

What do you get when David Lynch directs a remake of The Godfather?

Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.

David wanted to be a writer!

There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"



A decade later, David did fulfill his dream:

David now writes the error messages for Python interpreter.

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar.

Bartender: What can I get you Mr Hasselhoff?


David: I want you to call me David Hoff.


Bartender: Okay David Hoff, no hassle.

David Bowie said he was stoned when watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, which inspired his hit song Space Oddity. How high was he though?

Far above the moon.

David Hasselhoff changed his name to "The Hoff".

He couldn't deal with all the *Hassel*

David Hasslehoff walks into a Glasgow pub

And barman says "what will it he Mr Hasslehoff"

David says, please it's just "Hoff"

And the barman replies "sure nae Hassle, Hoff"

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

What was David Bowie's last hit?

Probably heroin.

What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks?

an Eddie Vanhaler

David Blaine has reportedly been accused of two sexual assaults.

Apparently he touched two women and they disappeared.

How is David Beckham like Ferrero Rocher?

They both come in a posh box.

How did David Hasselhoff attract the women in his nude photography class

By showing hoff

David Hume's 'Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion' was published after his death, or in other words...

it was published posthumeously.

David Cameron: I can't live...

without EU

Where do David Cameron and his party meet?

In the Conservatory!

David Copperfield's fed up of performing the old trap-door trick...

It's just a stage he's going through.

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the barman...

..."I want you to call me David Hoff".
The barman replies:
"Sure thing Dave... no hassle."

David Foster Wallace writes a simple seafood recipe...

1. This is water
2. Consider the lobster

David Blaine announced he is not interested in being a magician anymore.

He said that it has lost its magic.

I once saw David Bowie put twenty dollars worth of gas in his car for a trip to the bar with his wife...

...It was enough to drive Iman to drink!

David Bowie and Freddie Mercury were on a road trip

When one of their tyres blew out.

Turns out it was under pressured.

What is David Cameron's favourite food?

Pulled pork

Why doesn't David Lee Roth drive a car during summer?

Because he can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it.

David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared for a nuclear attack from North Korea.

Dave mate, normally we aren't prepared for snow at winter.

David Dobrik earthquake prank

Why did David Lynch visit the Apple Store?

Because when he received his new phone it was already dead, wrapped in plastic.

What's David Blaine's favorite accessory?

His watch.... watch.... watch....

('lil magish humor)

David has 12 kids, his wife works and he does nothing all day but lay on the couch.

The only difference between David and the couch is that the couch is can pull out

David: *plays secret chord*

The Lord: Nice

Why doesn't David Beckham eat cheap curries?

Because he can afford to eat really nice ones.

Did you know that David Guetta was once shot by an Irishman?

Fire away... Fire away...
Rick O'Shea, You take your aim...

What was David Beckham told after he was granted an honourific title by the Queen?

Man, you knighted!

David Blaine might like to think he's the world's greatest illusionist...

But I can walk into any bar in the world and I become instantly invisible to all women.

Your move David.

David Carradine , An American actor and martial Artist died due fatal autoerotic asphyxiation accident .

I guess you can say that ,

*Puts on Sunglasses*

He Died Hard!

Why David doesn't know how to drive a tractor? Because he has no hands. Why he has no hands?

Because he is a potato.

David Bowie once fell in love with a beautiful Asian girl named Jessica Chang

He wrote a song about it.

"Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Chang Jess!"

Why couldn't David Boreanaz buy anything at the patisserie?

They don't sell Angel cakes.

Who's David Camerons' favourite Looney Tunes character?

Porky Pig.

What does David Cameron say after sex?

That'll do pig, that'll do.

There is an abundance of found jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 79 funniest jokes and davi puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any call witze you can hear about davi.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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