Daughter Jokes

176 daughter jokes and hilarious daughter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about daughter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some funny daughter jokes? You've come to the right place! Check out our collection of hilarious jokes about daughters, including everything from silly one-liners to classic knock-knock jokes.

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Short Daughter Jokes
Daughter One Liners
Daughter Mother Jokes
Mother Daughter Jokes
Daughter Father Jokes
Father Daughter Jokes
Daughter In Law Jokes
More Daughter Jokes

Funniest Daughter Short Jokes

Short daughter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The daughter humour may include short mother son jokes also.

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, Wow! I never thought our son would go that far! I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name? Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons. One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
What's a good name for a detective? Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
Joke from my 8 year old daughter for Halloween. Why didn't the ghost like to take showers?
Because it would dampen his spirits.
My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys." Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
Daughter: mom I'm 15
Mom: and I'm 30

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Daughter One Liners

Which daughter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with daughter? I can suggest the ones about mom son and boyfriend.

My daughter just lost her first tooth! That'll teach her to talk back.
I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numeral I M LIVID
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag She said thanks for the baghdad
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear...
(From my daughter)
She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter but he loved her still.
Ya know what the difference between broccoli and boogers is? I don't eat broccoli.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2
I remember when my mum would tuck me in. She really wanted a daughter.
I got a puppy for my daughter... Good swap if you ask me.
I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep. Apparently she isn't a big Zeppelin fan.
Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity... He got it back.
My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement My knees hurt
I can always sense when my siblings are going to have a daughter. I have telekineices.

Daughter Mother Jokes

Here is a list of funny daughter mother jokes and even better daughter mother puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I remember when my mother would tuck me in She really wanted a daughter
(taken from a front page meme)
A mother was tucking her son in one night she really wanted a daughter
Have a daughter named after my mother in law Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week
A girl wants to do a sleepover at her friend's house. Her mom: you'll be sleeping in different rooms right?
Daughter: Mom! I'm 12.
Mother: and I'm 24
A father goes to pick his daughter up from school There is another mother waiting there
She asks, "Are you expecting a child?"
The father replies with, "No, this is just from beer "
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Daughter: Can I lick the bowl, Mommy? Mother: No you little freak, get back in there and flush like everyone else.
Lost Tooth Mother: Babe our daughter lost her first tooth
Father: I Know , I bet she won't touch my Xbox again
Mother: WHAT!!!!
Father: What??
My daughter asked where her names comes from I told her: well, there are two things keeping your mother and I's marriage together, and they are both named Brandy.
Mother of my girlfriend invited me to dinner at their house On the question: "What is your favourite food?", "your daughter" is wrong answer.

Mother Daughter Jokes

Here is a list of funny mother daughter jokes and even better mother daughter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why won't the mother deodorant let her daughter carry a bag? Because she is an anti-purse-parent.
The 3rd child asked her mother Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath!
My daughter came downstairs in a short skirt. I said, "You aren't wearing that to school."
"Why not?" she asked moodily.
I said, "Because I want your mother to try it on later."
My dream is to marry into a family of lawyers, Open a law firm with my husbands mom, and call it Mother and daughter in law
What did a blonde's mother tell her blonde daughter? If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.
4 legged table joke Q: At a four-legged table, there is one grandma, two mothers, two daughters and a granddaughter. How many legs are under the table?
A: There are 10 legs under the table in total.
What is another way to say "chicken omlette"? Mother-Daughter reunion
Why were Father Fish and Mother Fish sad? Their daughter died while hooking.
Dark (Netflix Series) I showed it to my daughter
.
.
.
.
.
Now is she is my mother.
PS: it was a comment on YouTube, i laughed pretty hard at it, thought i should share.
Kids helping mom. Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

Daughter Father Jokes

Here is a list of funny daughter father jokes and even better daughter father puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
A daughter asks her father, Dad, what are your views on abortion? Her father replies, Why don't you ask your sister.
Daughter replies, But I don't have a sister….. oh
My girl's father said "YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY"! I replied, "Sorry. Won't happen again!"
Father:You were ado.. Daughter : I was adopted?
Father : You were adorable as a baby
Daughter : Oh.
Father : That's why we adopted you.
An Iraqi father gave his daughter a new bag ... She said: "thanks for the Baghdad"
A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself
Dad Joke Don't care what my 10yo daughter does or says from this forward, I'll always be a proud Father…
She asked me what do you call a Elf that just won the lottery… Welfy
I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake. It had some chunks, but it was delicious.
A father is yelling at his daughter's boyfriend for taking her. virginity The boyfriend replies: Sorry, it won't happen again.
If pornhub has taught me anything... It's how to have a good father-daughter relationship
*Remade post cause spelling error in title was killing me*

Father Daughter Jokes

Here is a list of funny father daughter jokes and even better father daughter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A daughter goes to her Jewish father and asks for $20 The father replies "$10, what do you need $5 for?"
Daughter asks her father if she is showing too much cleavage. Father replies:"If you don't have chest hair, then yes."
A dad joke which you can use.. Young Man: I've come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.
Girl's Father: You've got to take all of her or it's no deal.
Text conversation between father and daughter Daughter: Dad, I have a new boyfriend!
Dad: And I have a new gun
Daughter: I don't see how this is connected
Dad: Hopefully neither will the cops
A guy goes to his girlfriend's father to ask for permission Guy: "I've come to ask your daughter's hand in marriage"
Father: "Why?"
Guy: "Because I'm tired of using my own now."
My father in law said he felt so lucky that his daughter met such a great guy. But that relationship didn't work out so she settled for me.
A man's daughter killed a butterfly in the garden so the father said "No butter for a month." Then later that day, the daughter killed a cockroach. Then the father said "Nice try."
My daughter wants to be a stripper... I'm going to be a good father and support her by going to all her shows.
I told my father in law we have something in common. "What's that?"
"Your daughter calls me Daddy too."
I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law

Daughter In Law Jokes

Here is a list of funny daughter in law jokes and even better daughter in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My daughter asked why she can't just quit school I told her it's against the law and they'll put me in jail.
My sweet sweet child looked me in the eye, and said: I'll visit you .
My Daughter In Law She's a manager at a post office. I threw her a party for getting promoted in a mail dominated industry.
"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding "Add some jam on it," he continued
We have mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law, but what is the wife? The law.
My baby girl graduated law school today I am so proud to finally call her my daughter in law.
Trying to Have a Baby Saying that "We are trying to have a baby" is the only discreet way I can tell my mother-in-law that I had s**... with her daughter 4 times last week.
After two years of a marriage... Mother in law: it is time for you guys become 3 from 2
Daughter in law: I know, I have been asking your son to try a t**... but he refuses....

Daughter joke, After two years of a marriage...

Charming Humor Daughter Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about daughter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean teen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make daughter pranks.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.

He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

I encountered a m**... at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and s**...
we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"have you ever tried a mother-daughter t**... before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake？

My dad just died. This isn't a joke, I'm lost. I remember at his dads f**... he told me:

Why do they put fences around cemetery's? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his f**... to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?

I just f**... on my wallet

Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)

How about an Indian joke?

A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

My daughter brought a friend from school and she said his great-great-great-great-grandfather was coming to pick him up later

I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long?"
My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter."

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

m**... in the jungle

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

My 4 year old was taking her sweet time getting ready for bed and I said to her "quit stallin!"

She said to me, "I'm not stallin"
And I replied, "well, you might be right about that because you're certainly not Russian.'
I got nothing... no laughs, even after I thoroughly explained it to her. My daughter has no sense of humor.

A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door

The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

Daughter made up a cute knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Let's eat…
Let's eat who?
What are you a cannibal?

I told my daughter, Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. Puzzled, she asked, What's that got to do with anything? I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It's pasture bedtime!

I got into an argument with my daughter and she shouted, "1, 3, 5, 7, 9!"

I asked her, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She said, "I'm so mad, I can't even!"

Then Ok!

Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."

My son, Luke, loves how I named our kids after Star Wars characters...

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

My daughter just asked me to call her iPad….

My 7 year old daughter was getting ready for bed and was looking for her iPad. Dad, can you call my iPad? She asked me. I was ready for this moment. Without hesitation I replied what do you want me to call it? She looked at me blankly. No…call my iPad she protested. I cupped my hand to my mouth and bellowed Emily's iPad over and over. She finally caught on and we shared a laugh. I called her iPad on my phone, it rang in the other room.

My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick?

Put it on my bill

My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary?

A play on words.

My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?"

Because he ate too many cowleries.

My Daughter asked me "dad, why don't you treat me like a princess."

So I married her off to the King of Spain in exchange for 5000 acres on the Costa del Sol.

My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ?

A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now!

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I'll leave now.

My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
My 8 year old daughter told me this joke

A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.

The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.
The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.
The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". Again the farmer nods and Joe and Flo go on their way.
A while later the last date shows up and says "Sup man, I'm Chuck"
And the farmer shoots him.

An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a p**....

her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a p**..." then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"

My daughter said she needed adult supervision

I told her she'd have to find someone else because I wear corrective lenses

My daughter just got me good… I said, Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it?

She said yeah because it NOSE it's there

This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with

I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.

My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess

So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

"Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!"

"Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"

My 7 year old daughter came up with this one (I trained her well). Why did the doctor make an emergency call to the graveyard?

Because all the coffin.

My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...

Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.

So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly

My 3 year old daughter asked

My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**... come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**....
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?

My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.

It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).

The secret to a long life

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.

I recently heard about a young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure…

So, I headed down to the library with my daughter to see if they had a copy.
The librarian said the description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not..

As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....

"But you already own her home!"

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?

I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.

A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"

"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."

My daughters favorite joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:

Well, I guess now you really are… independent".

Daughter: What does g**... mean?

Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating g**...'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have s**... with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two w**... in this house.

A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...

She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.

The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...

...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

Last day of work...(n**...)

I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."

What's an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?
Dad: Mom.
Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?
Mom: Dad.
Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

My daughter, 10, won tonight

My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.
She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I
Rickrolled as a dad joke.
Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text s**... up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar
The reply?
Too late, she's white dog wasted
We have a natural here…

Watching my daughter at the park earlier.

Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their p**...?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"