Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Daughters? Well here is a complete list of the top daughters jokes:
Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4
I think I have telekinieces.
👍🏼Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs an get me slippers?
No bother, he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.
Fook off you liar! .
I'll prove it, Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, Both of them, Paddy?
Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
One of them goes up to him one day and says, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?" The dad replies, "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head.
A second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell onto your head."
His last daughter says, "Guuuuaaaahuuugghhhhhppoakkk!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
A red-head walks into her daughter's room and finds a bottle of beer under her daughter's bed and says "I didnt know my daughter drank." a brunet walks into her daughters room and finds a pack of cigarettes under her daughter's bed and says "I didn't know my daughter smoked." A blonde walks into her daughter's room and finds a box of condoms under her daughter's bed and says "I didn't know my daughter had a dick."
👍🏼When asked why the president said, "Because I just made Mitt Romney my bitch"
- from Conan last night
One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"
👍🏼The brunette says, " I was going through my daughter's room the other day and I found cigarettes! I can't believe she's smoking." To which the red head replies, "Well I was going through my daughter's room and found a bottle of rum! I can't believe she's drinking." The blonde chimes in, "That's nothing. I was going through my daughter's room and found condoms. I can't believe she has a penis!"
👍🏼"Oh, new brothel, new dames...cooool ".After a while the daughters come home. The parrot:" Oh, new brothel, new hookers...cooool. "After a while husband comes home. The parrot: "oh, new brothel, new hookers, old friends...hello Bob."
👍🏼They decide they want one more child. Sure enough, nine months later they have a fifth. Overjoyed when he can finally see it, the man looks at it in the nursery of the hospital, and it is the ugliest child he has ever seen in his life. He talks to his wife and says, "There is no way that child is mine! We have four beautiful daughters! Have you been cheating on me?"
She says "Not this time, honey."
Three moms were talking about their daughters over coffee one afternoon. Mom 1 says, "I was putting laundry in my daughters dresser and found a bottle of vodka! And I didn't even know she drinks!"
Mom 2 says, "Well I was cleaning out my daughters closet and found a pack of cigarettes! And I didn't even know she smokes!"
Mom 3 says, "I was cleaning under my daughters bed and found a box of condoms! And I didn't even know she had a dick!"
The first daughter came up to him and said, "Dad, why is my name daisy?"
He replies, "because when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up to him and asks the same, "Dad, why is my name lily?"
"When you were born, a lily pad fell on your head."
The third daughter walks up to him and says, "MAUUUNGUNNFFFAUUUUUUU!"
"Shut up Brick!"
There's a man with three daughters.
The first daughter comes up and says "Daddy why'd you name me Daisy" the dad says" 'cause when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up and says "Daddy why'd you name me Rose" the dad says "'cause when you were born a rose fell on your head."
The third daughter comes up and says "kjaglifvgjlfj" the dad says "SHUTUP CINDERBLOCK"
*Edit 1: removed hair color
The brunette says, "I found a pack of cigarettes in my daughter's nightstand. I didn't know she smoked."
The redhead says, "I found a fifth of vodka in my daughter's nightstand. I didn't know she drank."
The blonde says, "I found a pack of condoms in my daughter's nightstand. I didn't know she had a penis."
It's beniece me.
👍🏼 There is a father and he has three daughters
The oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, "Dad, why is my name Lily?"
The father responds, "because when you were born, a Lily fell on your head."
Then the second oldest daughter comes up and asks, "dad, why is my name Daisy?"
The father responds, "because when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."
Then the youngest daughter comes up and says, "Muuughmmmummphhhhhh"
"Shut up, Brick!"
Why would you name your daughter after something infertile?
👍🏼Bf: I wanna ask for your daughters hand in marriage.
Dad: ok. How much do you make?
Bf: $500 a week.
Dad: what?! Are you crazy? You couldn't even afford toilet paper!
Gf: (outside) well, what did he say?
Bf: that you shit a lot -_-
There was once a farmer who had three daughters who all decided to go on their first date at the same time.
The farmer being protective of his daughters, decided to meet all their suitors at the front door with a shotgun.
The doorbell rang and the father answered the door. The lad said "Hi my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show. Is she ready to go?"
The father looked him over, decided he seemed like a nice guy, and sent the kids on their way.
The second guy comes and rings the doorbell. The father answers the door and the guy says "Hi My name is Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?"
The father looks him over and decides this one's ok too. So he sends them on their way.
The third guy comes and he rings the doorbell. The father answers the door again. The young man starts. "Hi! My name is Chuck!" and the farmer shot him.
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.
When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
A man had three daughters, the first daughter asked the man "daddy why did you name me Rose?"
The Dad replied "well honey when you were born a rose pedal fell on your head so we named you Rose"
The second daughter then asked "daddy why did you name me Daisy?"
The Dad answered "Well Daisy when you were born a daisy pedal fell on your head so we named you Daisy"
The third daughter said "hurdederdeder..."
To which the father yelled "Shut Up Cinderblock!"
There once lived farmer with three daughters. He was very overprotective of them. So overprotective, in fact, that he would sit on his porch with a shotgun and whenever a potential suitor came up in hopes to date one of the three, he would shoot him right then and there if he didn't like the guy. It so happened, one night, all three daughters had a date lined up. So the old farmer set up on the porch in his usual spot, shotgun in hand, and waited.
The first man approached and said "Hi, my name is Freddy. I'm here for Betty. We are going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer liked the sound of the guy so he gave the blessing and off they went.
15 minutes later, the second guy arrived. He approached and said "Hey, my name's Joe. I'm here for Floe. We are going to the show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer liked the guy so off they went.
15 minutes later, the third suitor approaches and says "Hey, I'm Chuck..."
And the farmer shot him.
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily, the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened....you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog..."
....And she's at the mall one day. A man comes out of no where and shoots her three times in the stomach. The woman is rushed to the hospital, and miraculously, all three babies survive. She gives birth to two daughters and a son, all without any problems for the first 16 years.
After these 16 years go by, the mother is downstairs one day doing dishes and one of the daughters comes running downstairs, screaming and crying bloody murder. "MOM, MOM!!! I was peeing and something hard and metal came out, it looked like a bullet or something..."
The mother calms her down and says, "Don't worry sweetie, I can explain why..." And proceeds to tell her the story of what happened all those years ago.
Shortly after, the second daughter comes running down the stairs screaming and crying, "MOM, I was peeing, and something solid came out of me..." The mom then explains the same thing to her and peace is restored once again.
Soon after, the son comes running down the stairs panicking. The mother asks "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son shouts "Hell no, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog!"
A man goes to visit an old friend, who has moved to another country and started a family. They haven't seen each other since school.
His old friend picks him up at the airport, and they go back to the house. When they get inside, the friend introduces the man to his three daughters.
This is Joy says his friend. We called her that because she was such a happy baby, always giggling and smiling.
This is Morose he continues. She was very quiet as a child, always observing the world around her
Before he can introduce his third daughter, the phone rings. The friend apologizes, and tells his friend,
Listen, I have to go into work quickly. Please, make yourself at home. I will be back in an hour
So the man sits down, and the third daughter comes over and starts laughing maniacally. Without warning, she starts stripping off. She starts rubbing herself all over him, and before they know it, she's reaching for his zipper. Things escalate very quickly, and it's not long before they are having sex on the sofa.
Suddenly, the friend comes back into the house and sees the man and his daughter hard at it, and screams,
I know I told you to make yourself at home, but you're fucking Ridiculous!
How are you mate?
Yeah I'm okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.
I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 21 year old twin daughters lying naked on the bed.
I said Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you.
They respond Get away with ya... Prove it.
I shouted downstairs Hey, mate! Both of them?
He shouted back Of course both of them! What's the point in fucking one?
There was a farmer who had three daughters and all of his daughters were going on their first dates at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, decided to meet their suitors at the front door with his shot gun.
Some time went by, the first suitor arrived and the farmer answered the door: "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer thought this on was ok, so he let them go.
The second suitor arrived and the farmer answered the door: "Hi my name's Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer thought this one was ok too, so off the two kids went.
The third suitor arrived and the farmer answered the door: "Hi my name's Chuck" and the farmer shot him.
1. Nana
2. Nene
3. Nini
4. Nono
What's the name of the fifth daughter?
Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What was the name of the fifth daughter?
👍🏼One day a mans daughter ran up to him and said daddy I think I'm lesbian, he responded saying i guess one is okay later the next girl comes up and says daddy I think I might be lesbian, he responded saying at least one is straight then the next day his third daughter walks up to him and says I'm sorry daddy I think I'm a lesbian, frustrated he yelled does anyone here like penis! His son says I do daddy.
👍🏼Paddy has a broken leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick says, "How ya doin?"
Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, my feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous twin daughters lying on the bed.
He says, "Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you both."
They say, "Get away with ya... prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of them?"
Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of them, whats the point of fuckin one?"
There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.
A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.
👍🏼A tribe of cannibals captures them. The chief says he will grant them one last thing before they are eaten. The first man asks for a woman to pleasure him. So the chief brings one of his daughters to pleasure the man. Then the tribe skins him, eats him, and uses his skin for a canoe. The second man asks for a drink to numb his mind before they eat him. So the chief brings him their strongest drink and he passes out drunk. Then the tribe skins him, eats him, and uses his skin to make a canoe. The third man asks for a fork before they eat him. The chief is confused but brings him a fork. The man starts stabbing himself all over and yells "YOURE NOT MAKING A CANOE OUT OF ME!"
👍🏼And one day his oldest daughter came up to him and asked, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." The daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the middle daughter came up to him and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." Again, his daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the last daughter came up to him, and said, "Uhhhouahhhaauma."
The man said, "Shut up, Cinder Block."
A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.
"Who's out there?" he asks.
A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."
He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"
"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Do you still need that push?"
"Yes."
"Where are you?" the man asks.
"I'm over here on your swings."
So a widowed man had a triplet. He had three daughters, two of them extremely beautiful and the third, an ugly, daughter that was retarded.
One day the first daughter asks, "Daddy why is my name Rose?" to which the father responds, "Because when you were a little baby a rose petal fell on your head."
A couple days later, the second daughter asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?" The father tells her "Because when you were a little baby a lily petal fell on your head."
Then the third daughter goes to her father and says "Durr DUURR DURR?" and the father responds by saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP CINDERBLOCK!!!"
I know that you're not supposed to show favoritism towards your children, but only one of my daughters is into anal.
👍🏼...one day, Petal skips over to her Dad and asks,"Daddy, why am I called Petal?" He lifts her onto his lap, and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, and as I held you in my arms, a petal floated down gently onto your forehead, so we decided to name you Petal."
Butterfly overhears this and asks, "The why am I called Butterfly?" He lifts her onto his lap and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, as I held you in my arms, a butterfly flew down, and landed on your head, so we decided to name you Butterfly".
Breezeblock overhears this and asks, "ERRRGGGHJAAARRGGVYYYBBLLUURRRRRRRR"
One day, three daughters were spending time with their father when a question arised from the first daughter.
"Father, Why is my name, Rose?", she asked.
"When you were born, a Rose dropped on your head, and so we decided to name you Rose", explained the father.
The second daughter then approached her father:
"Father, Why is my name Daisy?" - she asked.
"When you were born, a Daisy fell on your head, and therefore we decided to name you Daisy."
Lastly, the third daughter then approached her father:
"duuuuh, uh, duh, bur bur, mur duh ah"
The father then replied: "Shut up Cinderblock."
A farmer, Bill, finds out that his three daughters all have dates on the same night. Being protective, as a father is of his girls, he does the respectable thing, and walks to the door each time with his shotgun. At 7pm, the doorbell rings. Bill answers the door and asks the boy there what he wants. The boy nervously says "Hello sir, I'm Eddie. I've come to get Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Bill decides this boy has good intentions and lets Betty go out. At 8pm, the doorbell rings again. Again, Bill walks to the door with his shotgun and questions the boy. He answers "Hello sir, my name is Lance, and I've come to take Nance to the dance. The theme is Paris, France". Bill decides that Lance is also a nice boy and lets them go on their way. Finally, at 9pm, the doorbell rings as his last daughter's date arrives. Bill opens the door and sees a delinquent-looking kid. He asks him what he plans to do with his daughter. The boy replies "Hey Pops, the name's Chuck, and I like to-"
And Bill shot Chuck.
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
So a father has three little daughters, and one day, as he is sitting, his eldest daughter approaches him and asks,
"Daddy, why was I named Rose?", and he answers, "Well Rose, when you were born, a rose petal flew in from the window, and landed on your forhead." His next daughter then comes up to him, and asks, "Daddy, how come my name is Daisy?" and he said, "Well, Daisy, when you were born, and daisy petal fell and landed on your forhead." His third daughter then comes up to him and says "AEANhnaiebnoaeEhjjhjjpaHBAENBEEE"", and says back, "Shut up, Brick."
A man has three daughters. One day all of their boyfriends to stayed over, with permission from dad. The three couples went to their respective rooms and after a while the father went upstairs to check on them. In the first room he could only hear his daughter giggle, in the second he heard his daughter say 'ouch, ouch', but in the third it was completely silent.
The next morning the father asked the first daughter why he could only hear laughing to which she replied: 'My boyfriends penis is so small it tickles me when we have sex'. Then dad asked why he could only hear 'ouch, ouch' coming from the second daughters room, her answer: 'My boyfriends penis is so large it hurts me a little when we have sex'. The father then asks why he couldn't hear anything from the third daughters room, so she says:
'I've always been taught not to talk with my mouth full'
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman are standing around talking about their young daughters:.
Paddy Englishman: "I went into my daughters bedroom and found a carton of cigarettes! I was shocked, I never knew she smoked!"
Paddy Scotsman: "I went into my daughters bedroom and found a bottle of whisky! I was shocked, I never knew she drank!
Paddy Irishman: "I went into my daughters bedroom and found a box of condoms! I was shocked, I never knew she had a cock!"
3 mothers are sitting around the coffee table after their daughters have gone to school.
The first mother who is brunette says, "This morning I was looking in my daughters room and guess what I found? A bottle of alcohol, I cant believe my daughter is drinking!".
The next mother who is a redhead says, "Well guess what, I was looking through my daughters room and guess what I found? Cigarettes! I didnt know my daughter was smoking".
The third mother, who was a blonde says, "Well get this! I was looking through my daughters room and I found a condom! I had no idea my daughter had a penis."
with three bullets to her womb. Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication.
~~~13 years later ~~~
The mother had decided that it would be best for the children if she never told them about the shooting. One day when one of her daughters was using the washroom she peed out the bullet. She freaked out and ran to her mother, "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" And the mom decided it was time to come clean. "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days later her other daughter comes running "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" and the mother responded "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days, not to the mothers surprise her son came running "Mom, mom..." "Wait, let me guess , interrupted the mother, you were using the washroom and you peed out a bullet?" "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
A man had 3 daughters.
The first daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
"Because a rose petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The first daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.
The second daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Tulip?"
"Because a Tulip petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The second daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.
The third daughter walks up to her dad and says "Hhhhhnnngngngnggggddddddrrrrruhuuhuhhuhhuhdadgh!"
"...Go to your room cinderblock." Replied the father.
You've red some of the best daughters jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about daughters. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty daughters gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !
How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these daughters jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.
Can I save Daughters jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Thumbs up your favorite jokes so we can rank them by how many likes every joke has. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.
How to share a Daughters joke? You are free to share every Daughters joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.