Daughters Jokes

What are some Daughters jokes?

Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?

Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.

He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.

One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!

The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?

The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...

Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.

The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"

Betty left with Freddy.

The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"

Flo left with Joe.

The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"

The farmer shot chuck.

My daughters favorite joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

Slip of the Tongue

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"

Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"

Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"

Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of fuckin' one?"

Since you like Dad jokes. Here's one I laid on my wife while she was folding my infant daughters clothes.

Wife: Could you go and grab the baby hangers?

Me: They prefer to be called executioners.

There was a mother who had three daughters...

...one day the first daughter walks up and asks,

"Mommy, why am I named Rose?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."

She walks away. Then the second walks up and says,

"Mommy, why am I named Daisy?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."

She walks away. Then third walks up and says,

"DURRUGFLARGLERDAAARGGGH!!!"

"It's ok Cinderblock. I still love you."

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"

"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".

The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.

"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."

The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".

"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".

A father was sitting at the table with his two daughters

Petal and Fridge.

Petal said, "Dad, why is my name Petal?"

Her dad answered, "Because a flower petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born."

Then Fridge said, "HUURRGRRUWAHGUWAAAAAH!"

So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together

Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.

Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)

Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.

Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."

Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."

David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

A woman was shopping for her daughters birthday.

She asked the salss girl the price of some Barbie dolls. "This Barbie is $16.99," the girl said. "If you want something a little nicer, Malibu Barbie is $24.99. Or you can get Divorce Barbie for $169.99." "Why is Divorce Barbie so expensive" the mother asked. "Well," the sales girl said "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house and car."

A man has three daughters...

One of them goes up to him one day and says, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?" The dad replies, "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head.

A second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell onto your head."

His last daughter says, "Guuuuaaaahuuugghhhhhppoakkk!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.

Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?

The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .

Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?

Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .

A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...

"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.

"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.

"Great! have fun" says the mom

"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.

"Have a ball!" says the mother

"I'm going out with Chuck" says the third daughter

"NO YOU'RE NOT" yells the mother

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

A man had 3 daughters.

A man had 3 daughters.

The first daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"

"Because a rose petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The first daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.

The second daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Tulip?"
"Because a Tulip petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The second daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.

The third daughter walks up to her dad and says "Hhhhhnnngngngnggggddddddrrrrruhuuhuhhuhhuhdadgh!"

"...Go to your room cinderblock." Replied the father.

A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date

A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.

The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"

The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.

The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"

The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.

The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."

And the farmer shot him.

Re-post but one of my all time favorites (somewhat altered)

One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"

Did you hear about the drummer that had twin daughters?

He named them Anna 1, Anna 2...

A man and woman live in a two story house.

A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.

"Who's out there?" he asks.

A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."

"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."

He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"

"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.

"Yes."

"Do you still need that push?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?" the man asks.

"I'm over here on your swings."

A mother has two daughters and a son.

A mother has two daughters and a son. One day her first daughter comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I named Rose?", to which she replies: "That's because when you were a baby a rose landed on your head".

Her second daughter later comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I called Petal?", to which she answers: "That's because when you were a baby a petal landed on your head".

Finally, her son approaches her and says: "BLUH NAH BUH BUH BLUH", and the mother says: "Shut up, Fridge".

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.

They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.

12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats strange." Says the mom.

A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats really strange" says the mom.

A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."

"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"

Reggie, Joe, and Chuck

There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

Not Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."

There once was a farmer with three daughters.

They were all going on their first date at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, grabbed a shotgun and stood by the door. The first guy came to the door and said

"Hi, my names Joe, I'm here for Flo, we are going to the show, is she ready too go?"
The farmer thought he was ok, so they went out.
The next boy came and said

"Hi, my names Kenny, I'm here for Benny, we are going to Denny's, is she ready?
The farmer thought he was ok too, so they went off. The last boy came and said

"Hi, my names Chuck-"
The farmer shot him in the chest.

A father with three daughters

is sitting down for dinner when the first of his daughters asks, "dad why is my name Daisy?". The father replies, "because when you were born a daisy petal from the sky and landed on your head."

The second daughter asks, "dad why is my name Rose?" The father replies, "Well Rose, when you were a baby a rose petal fell from on high and landed on your head."

The third daughter asks, "bllaaarrarararraraaarg" and the father replies, "shut up, cinder-block"

A father Is lounging in his study..

When one of his daughters walks in and asks "Daddy.. why is my name Rose?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a rose petal on your face." The second daughter barges in and asks "Daddy why Is my name Daisy?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a daisy petal on your face." The third daughter stumbles through the door and exclaims "DUR HERM DER BAHRRRR!?!?!" The father jumps out of his chair and yells "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!!!"

A farmer has three daughters who all have dates tonight...

The doorbell rings and the farmer, armed with a shotgun answers the door to find a boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer thinks that the boy is very clever so he calls to Flo and sends her off with Joe

The doorbell rings again a little later and it's another boy. He says, "Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, do you know if she's ready?" The farmer thinks that Eddy is just as clever as the first boy so he calls for Betty and sends the couple on their way.

The doorbell rings a third time and at the door is another boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Chuck..." So the farmer shoots him in the face.

A woman buys a talking parrot that belonged to a brothel house before.She takes the parrot home:

"Oh, new brothel, new dames...cooool ".After a while the daughters come home. The parrot:" Oh, new brothel, new hookers...cooool. "After a while husband comes home. The parrot: "oh, new brothel, new hookers, old friends...hello Bob."

A farmer has three daughters...

A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.

An old hillibilly with three daughters

An old had three pretty teenage daughters of whom he was very protective. He used to sit on the front porch, shotgun in hand, and run his eye over any potential suitors. If he didn't like the look of them, he'd send them on their way.
One night, all three girls were due to go out on dates. The first's boyfriend drove up and announced: "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The old man decided that the boy sounded OK and he gave his blessing for the date.
Ten minutes later, amother car pulled up. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The old man thought the boy was decent enough, so he gave him permission for the date.
Ten minutes later, a third car arrived. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Chuck..." And the old man shot him.

A man and his wife have four beautiful daughters

They decide they want one more child. Sure enough, nine months later they have a fifth. Overjoyed when he can finally see it, the man looks at it in the nursery of the hospital, and it is the ugliest child he has ever seen in his life. He talks to his wife and says, "There is no way that child is mine! We have four beautiful daughters! Have you been cheating on me?"

She says "Not this time, honey."

A man's three daughters have their first dates

A man has three daughters and they all have dates on the same night. Now he's a protective father so he sets his shotgun by the door in case he thinks they're too shifty.
The first guy walks in and says, "Hey, I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, is she ready to go?"
The dad thinks, all right, this guy seems okay and lets Flo go out.
Second guy comes and says, "Hey, I'm Freddy, here to pick up Betty, is she ready?"
Dad thinks, okay, this guy seems okay; so he lets Betty go.
Third guy comes in and says, "Hey, my name's Chuck-" BOOM goes the shotgun.

The simple rules of dating

A farmer, Bill, finds out that his three daughters all have dates on the same night. Being protective, as a father is of his girls, he does the respectable thing, and walks to the door each time with his shotgun. At 7pm, the doorbell rings. Bill answers the door and asks the boy there what he wants. The boy nervously says "Hello sir, I'm Eddie. I've come to get Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Bill decides this boy has good intentions and lets Betty go out. At 8pm, the doorbell rings again. Again, Bill walks to the door with his shotgun and questions the boy. He answers "Hello sir, my name is Lance, and I've come to take Nance to the dance. The theme is Paris, France". Bill decides that Lance is also a nice boy and lets them go on their way. Finally, at 9pm, the doorbell rings as his last daughter's date arrives. Bill opens the door and sees a delinquent-looking kid. He asks him what he plans to do with his daughter. The boy replies "Hey Pops, the name's Chuck, and I like to-"

And Bill shot Chuck.

There once was a farmer with 3 daughters who were all going on their first date at the same time...

The farmer, being protective over his daughters, decided to meet their dates at the door with his shotgun. The doorbell rang, and the farmer answered the door.

He was met with a boy, who said: "Hi! My name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show. Is she ready to go?"

The farmer looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next boy arrived: "My name's Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We're gonna get some spaghetti. Is she ready?"

The farmer felt that this one was okay too, so he sent them on their way.

The final date arrived, the farmer opened the door: "Hi, my name is Chuck".

And the farmer shot him.

A pregnant woman is standing in line at the bank...

Suddenly, the bank gets robbed. She gets shot 3 times. Quickly she's being rushed to the hospital. There she learns her unborn babies survived. A few months later she bears 3 children, 2 daughters and a son. Each one has a bullet in them. The doctor tells her they'll pee it out eventually.

13 years later one of her daughters runs over screaming to her. "Mommy mommy I went to pee and a bullet came out of me". She then proceeds to explain the whole ordeal. The same happens with her second daughter.

Then her son comes running over with a startled look on his face. "I see what happened, you pee'd and a bullet came out of you.", said the mother. "No, I was masturbating and I accidentally shot the dog."

A father has three daughters, Petal, Butterfly and Breezeblock...

...one day, Petal skips over to her Dad and asks,"Daddy, why am I called Petal?" He lifts her onto his lap, and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, and as I held you in my arms, a petal floated down gently onto your forehead, so we decided to name you Petal."

Butterfly overhears this and asks, "The why am I called Butterfly?" He lifts her onto his lap and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, as I held you in my arms, a butterfly flew down, and landed on your head, so we decided to name you Butterfly".

Breezeblock overhears this and asks, "ERRRGGGHJAAARRGGVYYYBBLLUURRRRRRRR"

Three Daughters

One day, three daughters were spending time with their father when a question arised from the first daughter.

"Father, Why is my name, Rose?", she asked.
"When you were born, a Rose dropped on your head, and so we decided to name you Rose", explained the father.

The second daughter then approached her father:
"Father, Why is my name Daisy?" - she asked.
"When you were born, a Daisy fell on your head, and therefore we decided to name you Daisy."

Lastly, the third daughter then approached her father:
"duuuuh, uh, duh, bur bur, mur duh ah"

The father then replied: "Shut up Cinderblock."

First Experience after marriage

A Delhi mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them

Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code

So……. after a week, the 1st daughter texted

NESCAFE

and the next week the 2nd daughter text

WILLS

the mother being an intelligent woman went to get a Nescafe tin and read the label

fantastic till the last drop

went to her husband's pack of WILLS cigarette and read
Extra long, king size

she smiled and said not bad for their ages .

After the next week, the 3rd daughter texted

Indigo Delhi Hyderabad ,

the mother then called Indigo airways helpdesk to enquire about their Delhi Hyderabad flight and they replied

it's 5times daily, 7days a week, both ways and the flight duration is 75mins .

Mother fainted

There once was a farmer...

There once was a farmer who was very overprotective of his three daughters.

Turned out that all of his daughters had dates that same night. So he went on to the porch with his shotgun and waited for the dates to come.

The first boy came and said, "*Hi, I'm Freddy. I'm here for Betty to go out for spaghetti. Is she ready?*"

The farmer thought he was decent and let him go with his daughter.

The second boy came and said, "*Hello, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo to go see a show. Is she ready to go?*"

The farmer thought he was decent as well and let them go on their date.

The last boy came and said, "*Hi, I'm Chuck-*"

*BANG!*

A farmer has three daughters when they were finally allowed to date it went something like this.

First daughter..... Guy knocks on the door and says "Hi I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo and take her to a show is she ready to go?" Second daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says, "hi I'm Eddie I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" Third daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says "hi my name is CHUCK!" Dad promptly slams the door!!!!

Farmer Joe's Three Daughters

There was once a farmer who had three daughters who all decided to go on their first date at the same time.

The farmer being protective of his daughters, decided to meet all their suitors at the front door with a shotgun.

The doorbell rang and the father answered the door. The lad said "Hi my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show. Is she ready to go?"

The father looked him over, decided he seemed like a nice guy, and sent the kids on their way.

The second guy comes and rings the doorbell. The father answers the door and the guy says "Hi My name is Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?"

The father looks him over and decides this one's ok too. So he sends them on their way.

The third guy comes and he rings the doorbell. The father answers the door again. The young man starts. "Hi! My name is Chuck!" and the farmer shot him.

So this cowboy wants to make peace with Indians

The Chief says:"alright, but first I want to test if you are serious." He points to the three tents in front of them and says:"I want you to complete three tasks.
(1)In the first tent there are 10 bottles of whiskey, I want you to drink them all. (2)Then go into the second tent where you can find a bear. I want you to give me his ear.
(3)Then go into the last tent, where you will find one of my daughters. I want you to turn her into a woman by having sex with her."
The cowboy agrees to the terms and goes into the first tent. He manages to drink the bottles and stumbles to the second tent..A lot of noise, growling of the bear and screams of the cowboy can be heard... The chief surely thinks he is now rid of the cowboy.. however, he manages to walk out of the second tent. On his way to the third one he can be heard saying:"alright, let's cut off this woman's ear."

Parents are worried about two things these days

1. What their sons download

2. What their daughters upload

There was a father with three daughters...

The first daughter came up to him and said, "Dad, why is my name daisy?"
He replies, "because when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up to him and asks the same, "Dad, why is my name lily?"
"When you were born, a lily pad fell on your head."
The third daughter walks up to him and says, "MAUUUNGUNNFFFAUUUUUUU!"
"Shut up Brick!"

A woman pregnant with triplets......

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily, the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened....you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog..."

There was a middle-aged couple...

who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and, sure enough, nine months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child: "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."

A man has three daughters...

And one day his oldest daughter came up to him and asked, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." The daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the middle daughter came up to him and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." Again, his daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the last daughter came up to him, and said, "Uhhhouahhhaauma."
The man said, "Shut up, Cinder Block."

Three Daughters

One day a girl comes up to her mom and asks her, "Mother, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."

Her second daughter comes up to her and asks, "Mother, why did you name me Daisy?"

"Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."

The third daughter comes up to her and asks, "GHLSARGHLARGHLARG."

"What did you say Brick?"

A woman is cleaning her daughters room when she stumbles upon her diary. She sees an entry that reads: "I lost my virginitty today"

The woman starts crying.

"How can this happen? I've given her everything. Why did she do this to me? She can't be serious about this. She's in 9th grade for gods sake. How does she not know how to spell virginity?"

Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama?

They both lick their paw.

There was a father with 3 daughters...

The first daughter comes up to him and asks "daddy, why is my name rose?" To which the dad replies "Because, sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head!". Later the second daughter comes and says, "Father, why is my name violet?" And the dad replies
"Because, cutie, when you were born, a violet petal fell onto your head!" Then the third daughter goes up to the dad and yells "aghurGETRWRKshhhlishhmuh!" And the dad snaps back "SHUT UP, CINDERBLOCK!"

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

with three bullets to her womb. Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication.

~~~13 years later ~~~

The mother had decided that it would be best for the children if she never told them about the shooting. One day when one of her daughters was using the washroom she peed out the bullet. She freaked out and ran to her mother, "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" And the mom decided it was time to come clean. "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days later her other daughter comes running "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" and the mother responded "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days, not to the mothers surprise her son came running "Mom, mom..." "Wait, let me guess , interrupted the mother, you were using the washroom and you peed out a bullet?" "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

A farmer has three daughters.

A boy knocks on the door and says "I'm Eddie and I'm here to take Betty for spaghetti."

The farmer calls Betty and she goes on her date with the young man.

Another boy knocks on the door and says to the farmer "I'm Joe and I'm here to take Flo to the show".

The farmer calls Flo downstairs and the two go to the show.

A third boy then knocks on the front door and says "I'm Chuck..." and the farmer shoots him.

There was an old farmer with three beautiful daughters...

They each had a date, so on the porch he would wait to ask the men some questions.


With his shotgun nearby up came the first guy and introduced himself to the farmer.


"Hello, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo to see a show, is she ready to go?"


The farmer gave a sigh and waved goodbye as the second date had arrived.


"My name is Eddie, I'm here for Betty to go eat spaghetti, is she ready?"


With another sigh he waved goodbye as the third date had arrived.


"Hi, My name is Chuck-"


And the farmer shot him.

The New York Giants held "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day."

The daughters won 27-3.

A dad has 3 daughters and 1 son

They all live in a pretty casual house.

One day, one of his daughters came into his room and said: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian."
Fuming, he sends her to her room angrily.
Then comes his 2nd daughter: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian too"
The father is now angrier than humanly possible, right then, the 3rd daughter came in: "Um, hey Dad, I'm also lesbian..."
With all the might he can, he shouts: "DOES NOBODY IN THIS DAMNED HOUSE LIKE BOYS?!"
In comes his son: "Um, hey Dad..."

The three travelers.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."

Paddy Has A Broken Leg

Paddy has a broken leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin'?"

Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters...

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down.

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"

They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"

He replies, "OK, let's check!"

He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"

The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

The Daughters Names

One day, a little girl ran up to her Father.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!! Why did you call me Rose?"

The father smiled and picked her up on his knee.

"You see, when you were born, and we brought you home, the first thing that touched your head was a rose petal. So we decided to call you rose." The little girl smiled sweetly and giggled.

"That's sweet daddy! Thank you!" She rushes off as her sister runs up to her Father.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!! Why did you call me Sunflower?"

The father smiled and picked her up on his knee.

"You see, when you were born, and we brought you home, the first thing that touched your head was a sunflower seed. So we decided to call you Sunflower." The little girl smiled sweetly and giggled.

"That's sweet daddy!! Thank you!" As the little girl toddled off, her sister ran up.

"gyshYgsgdhhfocksnIAJDKF!!" The dad looked at her and said:

"Shut up, Cinder Block, and go back to your room!!"

This used to be my mother's favorite joke, maybe still is.

A farmer has three daughters who all have a date on the same night.

The first guy comes to pick up his date and says "Hi, I'm Joe. I came to get Flo. We're gonna go to the show, can she go?" The farmer calls Flo down and they leave.

The second guy shows up: "Hi, I'm Eddie. I came to get Betty. We're gonna go get spaghetti, is she ready?" the farmer calls Betty down and they go.

The third guy shows up: "I'm Chuck. I came in my truck..."

The farmer shoots him.

I have 10 sons and 2 daughters, and I gave the same name to all of them, Jamie...

...It's quite practical, she said, if I need to wake them up I just shout "wake up Jamie!". If I need them to eat I just say "Jamie! Dear, dinner is ready!". They all obey simultaneously.

The interviewer asks "So how do you refer to them when you need to speak to one of them specifically?"

Easy - she replied - I call them by their lastname!

A father and his three daughters...

are sitting at home on a Saturday evening.
There is a knock at the door. The father answers to a young man.
Hi, my name is Lance, I'm here for Nance. We're going to the dance.
Nance left with Lance.
15 minutes later, another young man knocks at the door.
Hi, my name Joe and I'm here for Flo. We're going to watch the show.
Flo left with Joe
A third young man arrives.
Hi, my name is Chuck- the father shot Chuck

Little Jimmy has spent the last few days eating over his friends house...

The first night, he ate dinner over the McNally's house. The table was set and before everyone ate, they all said a prayer.

On the second night, he ate dinner at the Goldman's house. The table was set and before anyone ate, they all said a prayer.

On the third night, little Little Jimmy went over the Vitali's house. Mamma Vitali and her daughters set the table and immediately everyone started to eat.

Shocked, Jimmy asks his friend Anthony,

"Hey Anthony, how come you guys don't pray before you eat?

Anthony replies with a mouth full of pasta,

"We're Italian, my mom knows how to cook!"

A dad's three daughters are all going on their first dates.

Obviously he is a little worried, so he asks for the three guys to come to his house so that he can see that his daughters are in good hands.

The first guy comes along. He says, Hey I'm Jake and I want to take your daughter out for steak.

The father thinks that this guy has good intentions and lets the two date.

The second guy comes along. He says, Hi I'm Will and I want your daughter to see a fine film.

The father thinks that this guy has good intentions and lets the two date.

The third guy comes along. Hey I'm Chuck...

Father: Get out!

TIL Donald Trump personally built the barn for his daughters horses, and apparently he did a better job than most professional barn raisers do.

Guess you could say that makes him a stable Genius.

Did you hear the names that drummer gave his four daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two, Anna Three, Anna Four

There's a man with three daughters

There's a man with three daughters.
The first daughter comes up and says "Daddy why'd you name me Daisy" the dad says" 'cause when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up and says "Daddy why'd you name me Rose" the dad says "'cause when you were born a rose fell on your head."
The third daughter comes up and says "kjaglifvgjlfj" the dad says "SHUTUP CINDERBLOCK"
*Edit 1: removed hair color

Paddy is a poor Irish farmer...

He spends all day from dawn till dusk working his little farm to provide for his sick wife and 12 daughters.

Every night he kneels by the side of his bed and prays. 'Dear Lord, I'm a good catholic just trying to do right, please oh Lord could I win the lottery?'

For years and years Paddy struggles on, ekeing a meagre existence from his tiny farm, attending church every sunday, nursing his sick wife and teaching his 12 daughters how to live moral lives.

And every night still, he kneels by the side of his bed and begs the lord to please let him win the lottery.

One night, he is kneeling and praying like usual, when suddenly the sky bursts into golden light, a glorious chorus of angels sing and winged cherubs strum harps as the lord himself appears to Paddy.

'PADDY,' Gods deep voice booms.

With tears streaming down his face and his arms stretched towards the sky, Paddy shouts 'YES MY LORD!'

'BUY A TICKET.'

A man with three daughters

Was sitting on his couch one day when his oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, dad why did you rose? He replies, well when you were born me and your mother took you to the park and a rose petal fell on you forehead, so we decided to name you rose. She accepts this and goes on her way. A little while latter another daughter comes to him and asks " dad why did you name me daisy"? The man replies " well when you were born we took you to the park and a daisy petal fell on your forehead so we named you daisy" she accepts his answer and leaves. Time goes by and his last daughter come to him and asks " Daud wha oo mam meeee cebernok"? Confused the man asked "what did you say cinder block"

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