Daughters Day Jokes

120 daughters day jokes and hilarious daughters day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about daughters day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Daughters Day Short Jokes

Short daughters day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The daughters day humour may include short mothers day jokes also.

  1. My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It's the day I lost my independence.
    (This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).
  2. The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
  3. Me: "What day is it?"... Daughter: "March 1st" Me, marching around the room: "Okay, what day is it?"
  4. So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
  5. Children are so unappreciative these days. I bought my daughter a rabbit.
    She just keeps complaining about how it "doesn't count if it's roadkill".
  6. Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
    I'm not coming in this morning.
    (I got some time off now)
  7. Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do? Mom: give him head & shoulders.
    2 days later the daughter calls back.
    Daughter: How do i give him shoulders?
  8. My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".
  9. Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are week days.
    My daughter just told me this joke and I'm busting with pride.
  10. Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns.
    Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins.
    Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns.

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Daughters Day One Liners

Which daughters day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with daughters day? I can suggest the ones about womens day and fathers day.

  1. The New York Giants held "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day." The daughters won 27-3.
  2. Happy National Parade Day!!! March Fourth!!!
    Told to me by my 6 y/o daughter
  3. Went to my daughters netball finals the other day. What a semi.
  4. Big day today my daughter and I are going to get Lasik surgery. After that, we'll see.
  5. Went to my daughters net ball game tournament the other day What a semi!
  6. Riverbed My daughter asked me the other day if the riverbed had a "pillow"
  7. Logan (2017) Movie Review Bring your daughter to work day
  8. If your daughter is dating a club promoter you don't deserve a Father's Day card.
  9. Went to see my daughters volleyball game rhe other day What a semi.
  10. The other day my daughter said, "mold is so g**...." I told her to "respect its culture."

Daughters Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about daughters day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mother day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make daughters day pranks.

Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made s**... with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made s**... with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.

A king wants his daughter to have a husband so he puts up a flier.
The first guy comes and the king puts green glitter on his daughters private part.
The next mornning the king checks the guys private part and there's green glitter all over it.
More and more guys come along and the same thing keeps happening.
Finally, one day this guy comes along.
The king puts the green glitter on his daughters private part, and the next mornning checks the guys privates and there was no green glitter.
The king is thrilled and offers the man his daughters hand in marriage.
The guy smiles to accept with a mouth full of green glitter.

A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.
When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

A Grandmother was checking out her grand-daughters grasp of colours and tested her regularly.
She would ask her and the grand-daughter would always get the colour right.
One day as we were heading to the doctors she turned to her Grandma and said "Don’t you think it’s time you tried to figure some of these out for yourself?"

A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"

A Sailor sent an e-mail to his wife, informing her that his ship would be returning from deployment a day early.
Arriving home, he found his wife with another man.
Upset, he stormed off and got a room at the Navy Lodge to decide what to do next.
His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law.
"Bill" she said, "I checked with my daughter and, as I expected, there is a perfectly good explanation for this whole episode."
"This I've got to hear," the Sailor said.
"It was an honest mistake," the mother-in -law said. " She never got your e-mail!"

A girl married with a man who had only one foot.
Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?"
Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!"
Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"

Q: How do you know if your baby is dead?
A: Your 3-year-old daughter has put on allot of weight in the last day or two.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

At the rise of the USSR....

v**... prices were raised. One day a man came home, and was complaining about it. In response his daughter asked, "Daddy, does this mean you're gonna drink less?"
he responded, "no this means you're gonna eat less."

A man has three daughters...

One of them goes up to him one day and says, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?" The dad replies, "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head.
A second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell onto your head."
His last daughter says, "Guuuuaaaahuuugghhhhhppoakkk!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Helpful Daughter

Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

My daughter asked me an embarrassing question the other day.

*Is that the best you can do, daddy?*

Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.

The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"
Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."
Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."
Totally unrelated joke
Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"
Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."
Son: "Why is that?"
Dad: "Because it will be easier to t**... shirt in the morgue".

Making cake....

A mother and a daughter were walking down the street and they see two dogs h**.... The daughter quickly looks up to her mother and says "mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The mother replies by saying, "they're making cake."
The next day the daughter enters her parents room and says "I saw you two making cake!" The mother quickly replies, "How do you know that?"
And finally the daughter quickly responds by saying "I licked the icing off the bed!"

Re-post but one of my all time favorites (somewhat altered)

One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a
car accident...

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"
The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."
"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"
The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."
"Oh, that's not so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."

Be careful of your aim

A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

Wonderful Mother Cow...

There was a cow that had three calfs. One day one of her daughters approaches her with a question, "Mother why did you name me Rose?" "Well when you were born a rose flew down upon your head." So Rose leaves her mother. Then her other daughter approached her with a question, "Mother why is my name Daffodil?" "Well when you were born a daffodil flew down upon your head." So Daffodil left her mother. Then her only son approached his mother. "Darrefnginclea!" "Oh shut up brick!"

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:

Latvian Joke

Man sits in broken cottage with daughter. Man is cold and hungry. Man not have potato for days.
"Knock, knock" is heard at door.
"Who there is" man say.
"Politburo who" say man.
Politburo burst in cottage r**... daughter. Man now cold, hungry and sad.

Two kids are walking down a dirt path...

a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.
"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.
The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"

My friend told me this gem the other day

A man walks into a doctor's office with his 8 year-old daughter. Looking at the nurse he asks "Excuse me, miss? I need to see someone about getting my daughter on birth control."
The nurse replies, "My god! Your daughter is s**... active?"
"Nah, she just lays there like her Mom."

Last day of work...(n**...)

I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."

A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....

...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.

My daughter came home from school with an assignment that asked to to finish the phrase, "I have a dream..." this is what she came up with.

I have a dream...
That one day handicap people will be able to park wherever they want to.

I was in the attic the other day...

...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.
It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy.

Parents are worried about two things these days

1. What their sons download
2. What their daughters upload

A young man went to church one day...

A young man went to church one day, and during the service he saw a lovely young woman. Being a healthy, red-blooded young man, he decided to go up to her after the service and introduce himself. When he asked her for her name, she replied "Jezebel," with a wry little smile.
"Jezebel?" said the young man, with a fair bit of shock. "Why would a good Christian family name their daughter Jezebel?"
"Well," she replied, "after my sister Chastity slept with half the football team, and my sister Charity was kicked out of the Girl Scouts for stealing cookie money, my parents decided to try a different approach."

A father says to his blonde, teenage daughter one day "honey I thought I asked you to wash the car like 10 times today"...

She replies "I swear I was going to, but I called a hundred different places and nobody has this Elbow Grease that you told me to use !!"

The metamorphosis

One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"
Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transformed into a giant beetle, six legs and antenna and all. She cries "Oh papa, papa. Come look at what has happened to our dear boy"
The father comes into the room. Takes a look at his only son. Runs to open a window, grabs his son's aquarium full of his favorite sea invertebrates and throws the whole thing out the window. "Papa!" his daughter asks "Why did you do that?"
He replies "With Franz like this, who needs anemones?"

There was a mother who had three daughters... day the first daughter walks up and asks,
"Mommy, why am I named Rose?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."
She walks away. Then the second walks up and says,
"Mommy, why am I named Daisy?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."
She walks away. Then third walks up and says,
"It's ok Cinderblock. I still love you."

A father and his daughters

One day a girl asked her dad, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" to which the father replied, "Well, Rose, after you were born, a rose pedal landed on your head, so we named you Rose." His other daughter then asked, "Daddy, why is my name Snowflake?" to which the father replied, "Well, Snowflake, after you were born, a snowflake landed on your head, so we named you Snowflake."
"hurrerrerehr" "Shut up, Cinder Block,"

My daughter's at that age where kids start asking awkward s**... questions.

Just the other day, she said "Is that the best you can do?"

A mother has two daughters and a son.

A mother has two daughters and a son. One day her first daughter comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I named Rose?", to which she replies: "That's because when you were a baby a rose landed on your head".
Her second daughter later comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I called Petal?", to which she answers: "That's because when you were a baby a petal landed on your head".
Finally, her son approaches her and says: "BLUH NAH BUH BUH BLUH", and the mother says: "Shut up, Fridge".

A mom buys an old parrot from a w**.....

A mom buys an old parrot in a w**... and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.
As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.
Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.
Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

kids grow up so fast now a days

like just the other day my daughter was asking me awkward s**... questions like "Is that the best you can do?"

Three Daughters

One day a girl comes up to her mom and asks her, "Mother, why did you name me Rose?"
"Because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."
Her second daughter comes up to her and asks, "Mother, why did you name me Daisy?"
"Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."
The third daughter comes up to her and asks, "GHLSARGHLARGHLARG."
"What did you say Brick?"

I rang my boss the other day.

I said "I can't come in today"
He said, "Why not?"
"I'm really sick"
"How sick?"
"I'm in bed with my 9 year old daughter".

For some silly reason my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair...

I overheard her on the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd be 'balled' soon

The king asks a commoner...

"Give me your daughter's hand in marriage, and I'll give you her weight in jewels."
"I will need a couple days first." - Replies the commoner
"To think it over?" asks his majesty.
"No - to fatten her up."

A woman passes out after giving birth to twins...

She wakes up after two days and panics.
"Where are my babies?!" she yells.
"Your babies are safe and healthy," the nurse says. "You have been asleep for two days, and the hospital has a policy for naming newborns that says they need to be named within 24 hours of birth."
"But I was passed out! Can't I name them now?"
"We had to let your nearest relative, your brother, name them."
The woman freaks out, "My brother! He's such an idiot!... What did he name them? What did he name my daughter?"
"Oh, I love that name! What did he name my baby boy?"

Making Cakes

One day a daughter hears her parents having s**... in the next room.
The next day she says her to her mother "mummy what were you and daddy doing last night?"
"We were making cakes honey."
A few weeks later, the daughter said to her mum.
"Mummy were you and daddy making cakes again last night?"
"Yes honey, how did you know?"
"Because I licked the icing off the table"

A child tells her mother "Daddy says he needs to borrow your typewriter"...

The woman smiles, knowing this is their secret code for s**..., but knowing she is on her period, tells her daughter "Tell Daddy that my typewriter only has red ink right now." So the child goes to tell her father.
The next day, the mother tells her child, "Tell Daddy he can use my typewriter now." When the child comes back, she tells her mother. "Daddy said he borrowed the neighbors typewriter."

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.

They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.
12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats strange." Says the mom.
A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats really strange" says the mom.
A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."

What does Trump enjoy on hot day after golfing?

A so-called lemonade, a so-called air conditioner, and his so-hot daughter.

TIFU by sleeping with the bosses daughter

He caught us red-handed, the following day
I was let go for performance reasons.

A girl married a man who only had one foot…

The next day, her mother called her and asked, "My dear, what do you think about marriage?"
Her daughter replied, "Oh, it's real splendid, even though he only has one foot!"
Her mom cackled, "You're so lucky! When I married your dad, he only had one inch!"

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor for a s**... test.

The doctor gives him a bottle to collect his s**... with. The next day he comes back with an empty bottle. He looks at the doctor and says:
"I've tried with my left hand and then with my right hand. My wife tried with both her hands. Even my daughter tried with both her hands and her mouth as well, same with my granddaughter. Even the neighbour and her daughter couldn't get it done! Doctor, could you open this bottle for me?"

A King asks two guards to protect his beautiful daughter's virginity...

Unbeknownst to the guards, the king put a trap in his daughter's nether regions.
The next day, the king summons the guards and one showed up with mangled g**.... The King had him executed for making attempts on his daughter.
The other guard, with his manhood intact was offered a promotion for upholding abstinence, to which he replied "hnnnggg"

I've had a good couple of days,

I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.
I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.
Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded w**... championship.
I have no idea where I came though.

I met my girlfriends parents the other day... Her dad said, So I guess we will be seeing a lot more of each other? I put my arm around his daughter and said I'm sorry sir, I have a girlfriend.

I was playing outside all day with my daughter and when we got home, we noticed that I was completely sunburn!

She asked me, "Daddy, why didn't I get sunburn?"
I guffawed, "You can't, honey!"
She looked at me quizzically, "Really?"
I smiled, "You can only get daughterburn!"

m**... in the jungle

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

A woman was shot 3 times while pregnent with triplets.

She and her babies survived. 14 years later, her daughter comes to her and says "mom I peed out a bullet." The mother was shocked to hear such a thing. A few hours later, her other daughter comes to her and says she also peed out a bullet. Sure enough there was another bullet in the toilet.
Her son then comes to her the next day, frantically saying "Mom! Guess what!"
"You peed out a bullet, didn't you?"
"No, I was jacking off and shot the dog!"

A man's daughter killed a butterfly in the garden so the father said "No butter for a month."

Then later that day, the daughter killed a cockroach. Then the father said "Nice try."

Mother and Daughter

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

Mother is shocked when her daughter comes back from school with five dollars worth of quarters.

Daughter: the boys at school kept dropping these quarters in front of me and I kept picking them up.
Mother: no honey, don't. The boys at school are probably looking at your underwear when you reach down for the quarters....
So the daughter goes back to school the next day comes back home again with ten dollars in quarters.
Mother: Honey. What did I tell you...? Were you picking up quarters again?
Daughter: it's ok mommy. I fooled them because I didn't wear any underwear under my skirt today.

My 6yo burned me....

I came home from hunting the other day to my family eating breakfast. As I came up to the table my daughter looks at me,
Hadley: Daddy I know where you've been.....
Me: You do? Did your momma tell you?
Hadley: Nope, but I can tell you've been hunting cause your wearing all camo
Me: Yep, you sure are smart. But it wasn't that great today I only shot two ducks......
Hadley: Well maybe if you didn't dress like a hunter you could get more animals (then rolls her eyes)......
......I've been doing it wrong for years

Little Jimmy has spent the last few days eating over his friends house...

The first night, he ate dinner over the McNally's house. The table was set and before everyone ate, they all said a prayer.
On the second night, he ate dinner at the Goldman's house. The table was set and before anyone ate, they all said a prayer.
On the third night, little Little Jimmy went over the Vitali's house. Mamma Vitali and her daughters set the table and immediately everyone started to eat.
Shocked, Jimmy asks his friend Anthony,
"Hey Anthony, how come you guys don't pray before you eat?
Anthony replies with a mouth full of pasta,
"We're Italian, my mom knows how to cook!"

What does Verizon have in common with my teenage daughter?

I go from not hearing from them at all to 5 times a day when they want money.

My daughter told me she was gay the other day...

I said that I will always love and accept her, but I don't understand why she would change her name to something like that.

The happiest day of my life was the day my first son was born

This upset my nine-year-old daughter

I was driving with my daughter on a beautiful sunny day this winter and I said, "I can't believe how poor the visibility is."

She said, "What do you mean? It's perfectly clear." Pointing down I said, "I can only see four feet in front of us."

A man has three kids.

One day, the oldest daughter asks, Dad, why was I named this way?
The man answers her saying, Rose, when you were born, a rose fell on your head, and your mother named you Rose.
The middle child then asks, Well, what about my name?
When you were a child, Daisy, a daisy fell on your head, and your mother named you Daisy.
Then the third kid comes out of nowhere, asking about his name.
The dad, taken by surprise, says, Oh, hey Brick.

There was a father who had three daughters named Rose, Daisy, and Cinderblock. One day Rose comes up to the dad and says,

"Daddy, why am I named Rose?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."
She walks away. Then Daisy walks up and says,
"Daddy, why am I named Daisy?"
"Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."
She walks away. Then Cinderblock walks up and says,
"Shut up, Cinderblock."

Sleeping with this girl

I did sleep with a girl the other day
And someone must have told her father
He came to me and was like you sleept with my daughter you gonna pay for that.
And i said no way im gonna pay twice