The Best 62 Daughter Jokes
Looking for some funny daughter jokes? You've come to the right place! Check out our collection of hilarious jokes about daughters, including everything from silly one-liners to classic knock-knock jokes.
Top 10 Funniest Daughter Jokes and Puns
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"
My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...
Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess
So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.
You can explore daughter father reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean daughter niece dad jokes. There are also daughter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute.
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a prostitute" then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
My daughter just lost her first tooth!
That'll teach her to talk back.
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
My daughters favorite joke...
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...
She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.
Missionary in the jungle
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father!
Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?
How about an Indian joke?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.
Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh
What's a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.
So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!
I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
I just farted on my wallet
Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)
My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.
It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's
Mom: use protection
Daughter: mom I'm 15
Mom: and I'm 30
Then Ok!
Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."
I told my daughter, Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. Puzzled, she asked, What's that got to do with anything? I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"It's pasture bedtime!
My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary?
A play on words.
My son, Luke, loves how I named our kids after Star Wars characters...
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick?
Put it on my bill
When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys."
Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
My daughter said she needed adult supervision
I told her she'd have to find someone else because I wear corrective lenses
I got into an argument with my daughter and she shouted, "1, 3, 5, 7, 9!"
I asked her, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She said, "I'm so mad, I can't even!"
My daughter just got me good… I said, Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it?
She said yeah because it NOSE it's there
My 7 year old daughter came up with this one (I trained her well). Why did the doctor make an emergency call to the graveyard?
Because all the coffin.
My daughter just asked me to call her iPad….
My 7 year old daughter was getting ready for bed and was looking for her iPad. Dad, can you call my iPad? She asked me. I was ready for this moment. Without hesitation I replied what do you want me to call it? She looked at me blankly. No…call my iPad she protested. I cupped my hand to my mouth and bellowed Emily's iPad over and over. She finally caught on and we shared a laugh. I called her iPad on my phone, it rang in the other room.
My 4 year old was taking her sweet time getting ready for bed and I said to her "quit stallin!"
She said to me, "I'm not stallin"
And I replied, "well, you might be right about that because you're certainly not Russian.'
I got nothing... no laughs, even after I thoroughly explained it to her. My daughter has no sense of humor.
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.
Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.
One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....
"But you already own her home!"
As I was introducing my family to our new neighbors, the guy exclaimed, Wow! Your wife and daughter look like twins! I chuckled and said...
Well, they *were* separated at birth!"
I took my 8 year old daughter to the office on Take Your Kid To Work Day.
When we walked in the office she
started to cry.
As concerned staff gathered round I
asked her what was wrong and she
said, "Daddy where are all the clowns
you said you worked with?"
Funny joke I found online a little while ago lol.
I have two kids and a dog. My dog is nine, my daughter is five, and my son is two.
I have no idea how old they are, that's just how I rank them.
Money
A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ? "
The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy! You men are all alike. "sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you. "
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
My daughter brought her boyfriend round to meet me earlier, he wouldn't even look me in the eye.
He just sat there, staring at my gun.
"Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!"
"Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"
you ever hear about Darth Vader's other daughter, Ella Vader?
She's really going up in the world.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the daughter stepdaughter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working daughter daughter-in-law piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.