Following is our collection of Daughter jokes which are very funny. There are some daughter father jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these daughter girl puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."
1st Daughter:"Dad, I am a lesbian"
Dad; "Oh okay!"
2nd Daughter: "I'm a lesbian too..."
Dad: "Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"
Son: "I do."
You can explore daughter eldest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean daughter grandchildren dad jokes. There are also daughter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
The mother takes an olive, puts it in her mouth, goes, "mmmmm...", the daughter tries one for the first time, goes "ewww...", mother eats another, again, goes "mmmm...", her daughter tries yet another, then begins to cry. Her mother asks, "why are you crying", her daughter says "you're getting all the good ones"
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a prostitute" then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
That'll teach her to talk back.
The child didn't look surprised.
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.
As he finds out everyone's there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why... is no one... in the shop...
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."
I'll leave now.
"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
"In your daughter" is the wrong answer
She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
She said thanks for the baghdad
Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
I told her I hope she gets a "C".
A Tooter (my 9yo daughter made it up)
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly
I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
A hop-eration
Courtesy of my 7yo daughter so be kind!
So I called her Bluff...
Her daughter replies, "A boy at school said he would give me a dollar if I did a handstand."
Horrified, the mother explains, "That's because you're wearing a skirt! He just wanted to see your underwear!"
"Well, I tricked him," her daughter replies cheekily. "I didn't wear underwear today."
Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."
Well, you see my child, says the mom.
Every time you make me sad, one hair turns white.
Oh really mommy, exclaims the daughter.
So then what did you do to grandma?
Where's pop corn?
From my 7 year old daughter.
They were cantaloupe farmers.
It was an excellent demonstruation
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the daughter 18 daughters jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working daughter virgin daughters piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.