The Best 62 Daughter Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Daughter jokes. There are some daughter father jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these daughter father daughter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Daughter Jokes and Puns
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
Last day of work...(nsfw)
I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."
This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
You can explore daughter eldest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean daughter grandchildren dad jokes. There are also daughter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"
My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...
Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
A Mother, her daughter, and a bowl of olives...
The mother takes an olive, puts it in her mouth, goes, "mmmmm...", the daughter tries one for the first time, goes "ewww...", mother eats another, again, goes "mmmm...", her daughter tries yet another, then begins to cry. Her mother asks, "why are you crying", her daughter says "you're getting all the good ones"
Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess
So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute.
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a prostitute" then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
My daughter just lost her first tooth!
That'll teach her to talk back.
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.
After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
My daughters favorite joke...
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...
She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.
What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
Missionary in the jungle
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father!
Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?
How about an Indian joke?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals.
I told her I hope she gets a "C".
What do you call someone who helps you learn to fart?
A Tooter (my 9yo daughter made it up)
A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.
Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh
What's a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.
So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!
I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
Watching my daughter at the park earlier.
Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
I just farted on my wallet
Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)
My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.
It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
What's an example of a palindrome?
Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?
Dad: Mom.
Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?
Mom: Dad.
Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's
Mom: use protection
Daughter: mom I'm 15
Mom: and I'm 30
Then Ok!
Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."
When my daughter Ria turned 4, she was so crazy with happiness, I took her to the doctor who said:
Euphoria
I told my daughter, Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. Puzzled, she asked, What's that got to do with anything? I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"It's pasture bedtime!
A teacher is teaching a notorious class...
A teacher is teaching physics. Then he notices a boy is day dreaming. So the teacher asks that boy,
"Do you know who Albert Einstein is?"
The boy says "No, I don't".
"If you paid more attention to the lesson you should know" scolded the sir.
Then the boy asks the teacher "do you know who Kevin is?"
The teacher says "No I don't"
"If you paid more attention to your daughter you should know" said the boy.
A family gather round the death bed of grandad, his solicitor arrives as the man is able to read out his will:
'To my daughter, I leave my Kensington properties says grandad'
'To my son, I leave my Richmond properties'
'Finally, as I have the most properties in Windsor and Ascot, I leave these for the grandchildren'
The solicitor turns to the grandmother and quietly whispers 'My god, I never knew your husband had amassed such wealth'
'Wealth!' Shouts out the grandmother 'These are his window cleaning routes'
An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room
The grandfather says to his grand daughter;
' Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya'
The grand daughter says;
' Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it's the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now'. 'Here take my phone', she hands over her phone to the old man.
The grandfather then takes her phone and throws it at the spider sitting on the wall
A daughter asked her father
"Dad, what kind of man should I marry?"
Her father replied, "His wits come secondary. He must be a man who has a beard".
The daughter, bewildered, asked "What is the significance of the beard?"
The father, staring blankly, said "Well any man with the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your bullshit".
A wannabe rich woman once bought an expensive fur coat
A wannabe rich woman once bought and expensive fur coat which didn't sit well with her 14 year old daughter.
Mom, do you realise that some poor, dumb beast had to suffer so you could get that? She said
The woman, infuriated by her daughter's comment said 'how dare you speak about your father like that!'
Dad Joke
Don't care what my 10yo daughter does or says from this forward, I'll always be a proud Father…
She asked me what do you call a Elf that just won the lottery… Welfy
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the daughter farmers daughter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working daughter father and daughter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.