The Best 62 Daughter Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Daughter jokes. There are some daughter father jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these daughter girl puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Daughter Jokes and Puns
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
Last day of work...(nsfw)
I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."
[NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian
1st Daughter:"Dad, I am a lesbian"
Dad; "Oh okay!"
2nd Daughter: "I'm a lesbian too..."
Dad: "Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"
Son: "I do."
You can explore daughter eldest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean daughter grandchildren dad jokes. There are also daughter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"
My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...
Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
A Mother, her daughter, and a bowl of olives...
The mother takes an olive, puts it in her mouth, goes, "mmmmm...", the daughter tries one for the first time, goes "ewww...", mother eats another, again, goes "mmmm...", her daughter tries yet another, then begins to cry. Her mother asks, "why are you crying", her daughter says "you're getting all the good ones"
Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess
So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute.
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a prostitute" then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
My daughter just lost her first tooth!
That'll teach her to talk back.
The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised.
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.
After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
A jew in his deathbed...
A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.
As he finds out everyone's there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why... is no one... in the shop...
My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having sex.
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
My daughters favorite joke...
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off"
"In your daughter" is the wrong answer
I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...
She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.
What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
Missionary in the jungle
A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag
She said thanks for the baghdad
Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father!
Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?
How about an Indian joke?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals.
I told her I hope she gets a "C".
What do you call someone who helps you learn to fart?
A Tooter (my 9yo daughter made it up)
A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.
Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh
What's a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.
So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!
I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
Watching my daughter at the park earlier.
Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
My wife bet me that I wouldn't dare give our daughter a silly name.
So I decided to call her Bluff.
I just farted on my wallet
Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)
A Scottish man's daughter comes home from college.
She says "Dad, I've decided to become a prostitute." The dad says "Yes, I know, and that's okay. I've already heard about that from your boyfriend, and I almost had a heart attack, because, at first I thought he said Protestant."
This morning my daughter asked if she could watch titty videos.
Did you know that sometimes little kids make a t sound when they mean to make a k sound?
Anyway I gotta go I'm in a bunch of trouble.
Ringwraiths
My daughter watching Lord of the rings:
D: So the hobbits call the nazgul the black riders right?
Me: yeah
D: the nazgul are like: 'yo, that's wraithist'
Cue facepalm.
A man with a family and a 5 year old daughter frequently visited his hot neighbour at her house in morning.
But the neighbour had a son who was about 6 years old. One day, as a way to distract and have some private time with his mother, he said
A: Go to the patio and look at my house to see if anyone's there. If you find anyone inform me.
The son went as usual to check the neogbour's house and returend after half an hour and he said
Son: i didnt see anyone except your daughter who stood on the patio for half an hour like me!
What do you call a spike that's not spiky?
Pointless.
(This wit is from my 7 year old daughter. She told me this out of the blue. I'm so proud!!)
Dad -- Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.
Daughter -- What's that got to do with anything?
Dad -- That means it's pasture bed time.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the daughter 18 daughters jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working daughter virgin daughters piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.