Daughter Boyfriend Jokes
56 daughter boyfriend jokes and hilarious daughter boyfriend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about daughter boyfriend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Daughter Boyfriend Short Jokes
Short daughter boyfriend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The daughter boyfriend humour may include short girlfriend boyfriend jokes also.
- Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about. - My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoe... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
- My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
- Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do? Mom: give him head & shoulders.
2 days later the daughter calls back.
Daughter: How do i give him shoulders? - My parents My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
- My daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet us. He seemed a bit of a gangster at first but then I realised he was in fact just deaf.
- I don't trust my daughter's boyfriend. I think he's lying when he says my wife is great in bed.
- A father is yelling at his daughter's boyfriend for taking her. virginity The boyfriend replies: Sorry, it won't happen again.
- My daughter brought her boyfriend round to meet me earlier, he wouldn't even look me in the eye. He just sat there, staring at my gun.
- Text conversation between father and daughter Daughter: Dad, I have a new boyfriend!
Dad: And I have a new gun
Daughter: I don't see how this is connected
Dad: Hopefully neither will the cops
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Daughter Boyfriend One Liners
Which daughter boyfriend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with daughter boyfriend? I can suggest the ones about daughters boyfriend and mean boyfriend.
- My daughter found a new boyfriend. I'm just glad the police haven't found the old one.
- Daughter: oh no! My boyfriend is dead! Dad: hello dead, I'm... oooohhhh!
Daughter Boyfriend Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about daughter boyfriend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sister boyfriend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make daughter boyfriend pranks.
A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had s**... with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home.
Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn."
Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?"
The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."
My boyfriend and I were at my daughter's volleyball game...
when we noticed a couple in the bleachers.
They were being VERY affectionate.
She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear.
He had his hands on her too.
I said to my boyfriend,
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch them, you already know how to play volleyball. -_-"
I found my daughters diary and read it.
So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.
For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out her closet, I found her diary. My initial reaction was just to put it back as i didn't want to invade her privacy, so I finished cleaning and left her room. But later that evening, my curiosity got the better of me and I got the diary, took it to my room and read it.
I was horrified to discover that she has a new boyfriend, and that they've been having s**.... She described in graphic detail all the k**... stuff they'd been doing and how she had performed o**... s**... on him. And then, just at the point I thought that the debauchery could not get any worse, you'll never guess what I came across next. Page 64, the bed sheets and my own leg a little bit.
A woman entered her daughter's room and found a letter
Dear mom
I hate to tell you this, but I escaped with my new boyfriend. He's sweet guy although people judge him because the rings on his ears and nose, and his many tattoos and his big bike.
I'm also pregnant. He tells me that we'll live happy in the forest and have many kids.
He also tells me that w**... is fine, and we'll grow it for our friends who will give us c**....
Don't worry, mom. We pray to god that scientist will find a cure for aids, because my darling deserves it.
I'm 15 now, mom, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'll visit you and introduce you to your grandchildren.
Love you. Daughter .
.
.
.
P.S.
Mom, I'm joking. I'm at our neighbor's house. By the way, the test grades report is on my table .
New Boyfriend
A 20 something year old girl finally decided to introduce her boyfriend to her parents. She hid him from them because she was afraid of how they'd react because he's very religious, but now that they're engaged she couldn't hide it anymore.
The boy shakes the father's hand firmly and sits down for a talk.
"So I understand that you want to marry my daughter. Do you have a job to support her?"
"With God's help sir, someday soon, I'll find a job"
"Are you planning on having kids?"
"With God's help sir, someday, yes."
"I understand that you're a student. How are you going to pay your tuition and afford a baby?"
"With God's help sir, I'm very certain both of these are possible goals"
The conversation went pleasantly and politely. After the boy left, the mother asked the father: "Well? What do you think of the young lad?"
To which the father replied: "He seems pretty nice, the only problem is that he seems to believe that I'm God."
God Will Provide
A young, very religious man goes home with his girlfriend to meet her parents for the first time. Her father is naturally very skeptical of the young man, and after dinner has a quick heart-to-heart with him.
"Now I know you are interested in marrying my daughter. She is the apple of my eye and I cannot trust her with just any man. My first question to you young man is how do you intend on providing for my daughter?"
"God will provide" he replied.
Not satisfied with this response, the father asked again "No seriously, how do you intend on taking care of my daughter?"
Again he said, "God will provide."
Realizing he wasn't going to get a better answer, the two exited the room. Later that night the father was talking with his wife while cleaning the dishes.
Mom asks "So how did your talk with our daughter's boyfriend go?"
Father goes, "Well...he thinks I'm God."
An old hillibilly with three daughters
An old had three pretty teenage daughters of whom he was very protective. He used to sit on the front porch, shotgun in hand, and run his eye over any potential suitors. If he didn't like the look of them, he'd send them on their way.
One night, all three girls were due to go out on dates. The first's boyfriend drove up and announced: "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The old man decided that the boy sounded OK and he gave his blessing for the date.
Ten minutes later, amother car pulled up. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The old man thought the boy was decent enough, so he gave him permission for the date.
Ten minutes later, a third car arrived. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Chuck..." And the old man shot him.
Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand."
The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand."
"He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..."
"I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."
Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.
He gets furious and turns red.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.
"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."
She actually said that?
A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.' "
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'
My daughter's boyfriend came round.
"Don't even think about having s**... with her," I told him, while she was in the toilet.
"OK, sir. I understand," he panicked.
"Good," I replied, "I wouldn't want you to be as disappointed as I was."
I've been getting worried after my teenage daughter broke up with her boyfriend, who had Parkinson's.
She's been buying a lot more batteries ever since.
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend........
Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"
"Why is that?" her mom asked.
"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"He's the original owner mom!"
A Farmer and His Daughter's Boyfriends
A farmer insists on vetting his daughters' boyfriends before they're allowed out on dates. One night, a young man appears at the front door, and says to the farmer, "Hello, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" and the farmer lets them go. A second young man comes to the door, and says, "Hi, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, is she ready?" and off they go. Then a third young man appears and says, "Hi, I'm Tucker..." and the farmer shoots him.
A daughter takes her new boyfriend home to meet her parents
Her dad asks, "so, what do you do?"
The boyfriend says, "Im training in Madrid as a goalie. I'm hoping to work my way into the first team next season!"
The dad winks at his daughter, nudges her on the arm and says, "watch out for this one, he's gonna be a real keeper"
A daughter came to her dad and said "my boyfriend has been hitting me"
The dad said "Oh that's funny he never.... STRUCK me as that kind of person
Daughter went to dad crying
Daughter: Dad, I'm pregnant. My boyfriend is the father
Dad: Did he do it against your will ?
Daughter: No daddy! He did it against the wall
My daughter brought her boyfriend home from college so I decided to introduce my two best friends to him
Their names are Smith&Wesson
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
My daughters boyfriend is so kind
When he took her virginity he said "sorry sir, it won't happen again"
The Stuck Peanut
A man gets a peanut stuck firmly in his ear and no matter
how hard his wife tries, they cannot get it out. Just as they're
about to give up, their daughter arrives home with her
boyfriend. When they hear what has happened the
boyfriend tells them confidently that he knows how to get it
out. He sticks 2 fingers up the man's nose and tells him to
blow as hard as he can. The man does this and the peanut
pops out.
Sometime later the parents are talking and mum
comments, "Our Mary's got a clever boyfriend there. I
wonder what will become of him.
I'll tell you one thing, by the smell of his fingers, he'll be
our son-in-law, came the reply.
A man was watching TV and tossing peanuts in the air and eating them.
His wife calls him and he turns his head while eating one and it goes into his ear.
They try in vain to take it out when their daughter comes home with her boyfriend after a date.
The boyfriend says he can help and puts two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow hard and out pops the peanut.
After the boyfriend leaves, the wife remarks, "Wow, that's a smart boy our girl is dating! What do you think he is going to become when he grows up?".
"From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law", says the man.
How did the k**... member guess the name of his daughter's new black boyfriend?
They played hangman.
What do you do if your daughter tells you she has a black boyfriend?
Take away her flamethrower.
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
I'm going to name my future daughter Tarrif someday.
That way her boyfriend knows what comes out is way more expensive than what goes in.
A Greek boyfriend
A chaste, young reverend's daughter marries a strapping young Greek man. Her conservative mother worries, and, considering herself a bit more worldly than her daughter, was worried about their...nightly nuptials.
"So, um," starts the mother, "Have you two been...you know...having intimate relations?"
"Yes, mother," says the daughter.
"He...he...hasn't been trying to do it in...in the...other hole, has he?"
"No, mother."
"Oh, thank heavens."
"He says you can get pregnant that way."
(Long) A man bought a robot that can detect lies and if it does so, punches them.
He brings it home and decides to test it out during dinner. He asks his daughter what she did that afternoon and she says that she was doing homework at her friend's house. The robot punches her and she says that she was at her boyfriend's house reading. It punches her again and she admits they were having s**.... The father is in shock and tells her that he certainly wasn't having s**... at her age, to which the robot punches him as well.
His wife, laughing at all this, says that she certainly is his daughter.
The robot punches her.
The three dates.
A farmer wants to meet his daughters boyfriend before their date a few minutes later the doorbell rings the boy at the door says my name is Joe I'm here for Flo we are going to the show is she ready to go, later the door rings again and another boy says my name is Eddie I'm here for Betty we are going to eat spaghetti is she ready again a boy rings the doorbell and he says my name is Tucker and I'm here to... and the farmer shot the boy dead immediately.
My daughter and her boyfriend went to their room
Shortly after I heard "Baby baby oh! And I rushed towards the room. Thank god I said to myself as they were just having s**... and not listening to Justin Beiber.
How I lost my girlfriend?
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......
Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.
Her: oh no! What did he say to you?
Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your a**..."
Her: why the cold half??
Him: so I won't be able to take it out!!
A father learns his daughter's virginity has been taken
He is infuriated. He races down to her boyfriends' house and pounds on the door demanding an explanation.
He opens the door and says "Don't worry. It won't happen again."
A Scottish man's daughter comes home from college.
She says "Dad, I've decided to become a p**...." The dad says "Yes, I know, and that's okay. I've already heard about that from your boyfriend, and I almost had a heart attack, because, at first I thought he said Protestant."
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore
She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.
I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."
A daughter meets with her Dad for lunch. Dad I want you to meet my new boyfriend Nice to meet you son, where you from? I'm from Watford, near London, by the way your daughter is so good in bed! The father replies very upset and confused What?!
Watford sir, near London.
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents
They're appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, and his piercings.
Later, the girl's mom says, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
Oh, please, Mom! says the daughter. If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?
\- Maria Salmon