Daughter Birthday Jokes
48 daughter birthday jokes and hilarious daughter birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about daughter birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Daughter Birthday Short Jokes
Short daughter birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The daughter birthday humour may include short dad birthday jokes also.
- My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
- My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, So I made her and all her friends clean the house.
- I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- I bought my daughter a brand new fridge for her birthday. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it....
- My daughter asked for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet store. They cost $30! That's way too expensive.
I can get one much cheaper off of the web. - I bought my daughter some stuffed animals for her birthday. In hindsight, getting them at the taxidermist was probably a bad idea.
- I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet.... After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....
- I gave my daughter a refrigerator for her birthday. Yeah, I just can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it!
- I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party. She said, "You are only eighteen once!"
I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year." - My daughter wanted a Disney Princess birthday party… …so I made all her friends come over and clean my house.
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Daughter Birthday One Liners
Which daughter birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with daughter birthday? I can suggest the ones about wife birthday and friend birthday.
- My daughter wanted me to be a mime for her birthday party. I was speechless.
- What did h**... give to his daughter on her birthday An easy bake oven.
Daughter Birthday Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about daughter birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kids birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make daughter birthday pranks.
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
My daughter learned to count!
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.
"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
I have a brother living in Germany, and his daughter's birthday is coming up.
I wasn't sure exactly how old she'd be turning, but I knew she was almost 10. So I called her up and asked her, "Are you turning 8?" To which she replied, "Nein."
I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...
...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.
It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.
In my birthday suit
A mum comes home to find her teenage daughter n**... on the couch.
"Be decent dear; go put on something to cover your nakedness", says the mum.
"I'm not n**..., I'm in my birthday suit", says the daughter.
A few days later, the dad comes home to find his middle-aged wife n**... on the couch.
"Since when do you get n**... around the house; the kids could be coming back at any time", the husband shouts, surprised.
"I'm not n**..., I'm in my birthday suit", claims the wife.
"Next time, you should iron it before you put it on!"
Toy for a birthday.
A man went to a toy store in order to buy his daughter a toy for her birthday.
He asked an employee for a popular girl toy. The employee offered a Barbie.
The man asked for prices and so the employee started listing them out:
"we have a normal Barbie for 30$,
dancer Barbie for 50$,
nurse Barbie for 50$,
and divorced Barbie for 500$"
"500$?!?!? Why is it so expensive?"
"Well, divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's villa and Ken's wealth"
A man forgets his daughters birthday
He realizes that it's her birthday while driving home from work. Frantically he pulls over at the first toy store he sees and runs inside. He runs up to the clerk and says
"I need a present for my daughter, she likes dolls, do you have any?"
"Sure," the clerk says "we have plenty of barbies. We have Ballet Barbie for 19.95, Veteranarian Barbie for 19.95, Lawyer Barbie for 19.95, and Divorced Barbie for 195.95." The man screams,
"WHAT! Why is divorced Barbie so much more expensive?"
"Well, divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, house, and half of his money."
Which Barbie?
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
On his way home from work, a man realizes he has forgotten a birthday gift for his daughter...
He stops at Toys R Us and heads straight to the Barbies. Overwhelmed by all of his choices, he approaches a nearby sales associate. She then proceeds to show him their most popular Barbie dolls.
"Well, here we have Astronaut Barbie, Surfer Barbie, and Veterinarian Barbie... but our most popular doll by far is Divorced Barbie."
"Divorced Barbie? What makes her so popular? That seems like an odd choice..." the confused father replies.
The sales associate proceeded "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture, and Ken's best friend."
A father goes to a toy store...
And ask for a barbie for his daughter birthday
"are you looking for anything in special?"
"what do you have?"
"we have nurse Barbie for $40, Barbie Astronaut for $60, divorce Barbie for $300 "
"wait, why is divorce barbie so expensive?"
"Because it comes with kens house, kens car..."
What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?
Thanks for sediments
It's 2 am. A teenage girl climbs up a brick wall and slowly shimmies through her open bedroom window
"Click!" Suddenly, light quickly engulfs the room. The girl discovers her mother siting on her bed with her right hand on the lamp string and a large angry grin of disapproval on her face.
Mother - "What happened to your 12 am curfew?! Where were you??!"
Daughter - "Sigh... I'm sorry mom! Yes I meant to call... I was at Shirley's house and lost track of time! Geez!"
Mother - "That lie you just told is gonna cost you your phone for a month! Your father called me half an hour ago, he's out drinking at his favorite bar with his work friend where he said he saw you with some boy! What were you thinking?! you're underage!"
Daughter - "UGH! Mom Chill! Yes I lied ok? That boy was just my friend Daniel! You know THAT Daniel??? It was his Birthday so me and Shirley got fake I.D's and took him to a Gay Bar to mingle! What's the big deal?!..."
Divorced Barbie
One day a father, on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's
birthday.
He stops at a toy store and goes in and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean?"
"We have, work out Barbie for $19.95, shopping Barbie for $19.95, beach Barbie for $19.95, disco Barbie for $19.95, astronaut Barbie for $19.95, skater Barbie for $19.95, and divorced Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
The slightly miffed salesgirl rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's truck, Ken's house, Ken's fishing boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's dog, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made from Ken's t**...."
Late Night Political Jokes
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
ilove my family...
For his birthday, I gave my son an iPhone.
My daughter received an iPod for hers.
For my birthday, I was pleased to receive an iPad.
My mother was given an iMac for her birthday.
Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon. And that's when the fight started…
A woman was shopping for her daughters birthday.
She asked the salss girl the price of some Barbie dolls. "This Barbie is $16.99," the girl said. "If you want something a little nicer, Malibu Barbie is $24.99. Or you can get Divorce Barbie for $169.99." "Why is Divorce Barbie so expensive" the mother asked. "Well," the sales girl said "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house and car."
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
A man goes to a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie doll for her birthday.
The salesman says, "We have Barbie Goes To the Dance for $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99, and Divorced Barbie at $499.99."
The father asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $499.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99???"
"Well, sir," says the salesman, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's money, Ken's furniture ..."
So my family and I go past a nursing home...
There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"
This guy walks in a Toy R Us to buy a Barbie for his daughter's birthday.
First Barbie he sees: Barbie with ski set: 29.99
Second Barbie that caught his attention: Barbie on a motorcycle: 34:99
Third Barbie he sees: Divorced Barbie: 249.99
So he go and asks an employee why is the Divorced Barbie so expencive.
The employee replies: That's because this set comes with Ken's car, Ken's motorcycle, Ken's boat and Ken's house.
A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter
"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."
the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' for 100 dollars.
"why is divorced barbie so expensive" the father ponders aloud.
"because she comes with ken's house, car, and kids
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbow and fairies!"
Ok, l**... it is!
My wife and daughter both got me presents for my birthday and asked me which one I liked more
It was a tie again
My daughter asked for a Cinderella themed birthday party...
So I made her and friends mop the floor and do the dishes.
A divorced man was delighted when his daughter reached her 18th birthday
because it would be his final child support payment. Month after month, year after year he had paid, and now at last he would be free of the financial burden.
So he called his daughter over to his house and said: "I want you to take this last check to your mother's house. You tell her this is the last check she's ever going to get from me. Then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face."
The girl took the check and returned a couple of hours later. "Well,' said the dad gleefully, "what did she have to say?"
The girl replied: "She told me to tell you that you ain't my dad."
My daughter asked how old she will be next month.
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
Daddy , she whispered tugging my shirt.
Guess how old I'll be next month?
I don't know, honey. I said as I slipped on my glasses. How old?
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
It's now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
Great grandma calling her shot
My great grandmother was notorious for kind of edgy but hilarious jokes.. she also lived to 103 and 50 weeks.
At her f**... her daughter told my brother and I about the last time she saw her. She said she was getting everything together to leave and had told her mother goodbye and that she'd be back in a few weeks to see her for her birthday. My great grandmother, said with a grin and a big laugh well, you better bring a shovel!
I got my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was cool and showed it to the neighbour. He said, "that's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "no, this is an old fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?" She laughed and said...
"No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I asked my 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday?
She said, she wanted unicorns,fairies and rainbows.
l**... it is then.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.
The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?
Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....
Daughter…..
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday.
I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules.
Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone. It's my way or the Huawei.