Dating Jokes

Following is our collection of dtf humor and tinder one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Dating puns for adults, dirty date with blonde jokes or clean you cant date me if gags for kids.

There is an abundance of meet jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 80 funniest jokes on dating. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any date witze you can hear about dating.

The Best jokes about Dating

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."


I'm starting a new dating service in Prague.

It's called Czech-Mate.

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again

And I don't know if I should tell him.

Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.

I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her

That's what I get for dating a tennis player.

Just been banned from a Christian dating website.

Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

I think my entire family is racist.

I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."

Dad, you're using Uber.

Dating women is like squaring numbers

If they're under 15, just do them in your head.

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

What's the best part about dating a black girl?

You don't have to meet her father.

What's a redneck's favorite dating website?

So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...

It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious...

She's asked me to move out with her...

What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

You can just drop her off anywhere.

I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.

Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

Whats the best thing about dating a girl into zoophilia?

Your best friend gets laid too.

Why don't archeologists get married?

They are only interested in dating.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

What is a huge benefit of dating an Ethiopian girl?

You know they'll swallow

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.

He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.

And Brian has a cock.'

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.

What's the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Getting caught dating someone underage isn't a big problem.

It's a minor problem.

I was looking for a Dating Simulator on Steam.

It said "Sorry, no matches found."

The level of realism is incredible.

I recently came out as pansexual.

But I'm only attracted to cast iron.

I've tried dating teflon, but it never sticks.

I guess it's true what they say:

"Once you go black, you never go back"

Dating a girl that has a child...

... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".

The girl I'm dating likes to answer the phone during sex

I think I'm going to stop calling her...

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.

My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating...

Apparently jealous was not the right answer.

Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

After dating for 2 months, she started saying she wanted to meet my parents,

Baby chill I waited for 9 months before I met my own parents

What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison?

What's the best thing about dating 26 year olds?

Honestly I'm looking for a persuasive answer, I need to tell my wife something convincing or she's going to straight up kill me.

After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had.

Mainly when I smiled.

Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire

6 months ago I was a billionaire.

I love dating blind girls

You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.

When is being an "Alpha" not a good thing in the dating world?

When you are a type of radiation. No one wants someone who can't penetrate well.

Dating a homeless girl

I can just drop her off anywhere after the date right?

I'm dating the neighbor.

A young female tells her mother.

- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"

How do you know archeologists are lonely?

Theyre always coming up with new dating techniques.

I'm dating an Italian bricklayer.

It's cement to be.

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.

So my friend is dating twins...

...And I said, "Isn't it hard to tell them appart?" He replied with, "Well not really, the brother has a moustache."

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

I've been dating a homeless girl

So I've been dating this homeless girl.

Things are getting pretty serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

Did you know I'm dating a dental hygienist?

She has the cleanest teeth I've ever come across.

What's the best part about dating a black girl?

Not having to wait for her downstairs with her father.

I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.

I heard they are really into relative dating out there.

What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change?

The double slit experiment.

My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy

I said, "Oh really?"

She replied, "No, O'Reilly."

Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.

The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.

I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags...

...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.

[NSFW] I'm so sad, my favorite dating site is shutting down

Disney has announced they are shutting down Club Penguin. =(

Dating a blind girl is challenging yet rewarding..

It took me forever to get her husbands voice just right

I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website...

... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

I've just started up a dating site for chickens...

It's not my main job, I'm just doing it to make hens meet...

My friend and his wife found each other on a dating website,

Three years after marriage. That was awkward.

You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl?

If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message

My mother told me this one...

One day a lonely woman decided to call the dating service. They asked her what she wanted in a man. She replied "I want a man who won't hit me, I want a man who won't leave me, and I want a great lover!" They said ok he will be there in one hour. So the woman gets ready for her date, and an hour later she hears the doorbell ring. She goes to the door but no one is there. When all of a sudden she hears "down here!". She looks down and sees a man with no arms and no legs lying on the doormat. She asks "can i help you?" He says "I am from the dating service." But she does not believe him. He sees this and says "just tell me what you want in a man. She says "I want a man who won't hit me". "Lady I ain't got any arms". "I want a man who wont leave me". "Lady I ain't got no legs". "And I want a great lover" she says. To which he replies "lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Dating a single mother:

It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

My friend said that he was going to try online dating.

I said, "I didn't have much luck with it personally."

"But that's where *we* met," said my wife.

I said, "Exactly."

What is the most popular dating website in the south?

First Impressions

A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with sex.

Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.

Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes