dating Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious dating puns

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

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What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

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I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website.

That lying bitch isn't, "Fun to be around."

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So my mate has started dating twins!

I asked him the other day "how do you tell them apart?"

He said

"Well, Stacy is the blonde with a perfect ass, great tits, and a fantastic figure...


... And Brian's got a cock"

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Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

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Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

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Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

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A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.

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My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again

And I don't know if I should tell him.

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Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.

I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

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Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

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Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

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My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her

That's what I get for dating a tennis player.

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Just been banned from a Christian dating website.

Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!

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Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

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Dating a chick with 12 nipples sounds funny...

Dozen tit?

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I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

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What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

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My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

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I think my entire family is racist.

I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

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I was furious when my friend showed me my wife's profile on a dating website.

That lying bitch isn't "fun to be around"

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My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."

Dad, you're using Uber.

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Dating women is like squaring numbers

If they're under 15, just do them in your head.

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My buddy was dating twins...

I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, "That's easy. Barbara has really big tits and Bob has a mustache."

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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What's the best part about dating a black girl?

You don't have to meet her father.

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What's a redneck's favorite dating website?

Ancestry.com

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So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...

It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

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The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

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I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious...

She's asked me to move out with her...

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What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

You can just drop her off anywhere.

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I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.

Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

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Whats the best thing about dating a girl into zoophilia?

Your best friend gets laid too.

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Why don't archeologists get married?

They are only interested in dating.

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What are the most funny Dating jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Dating? Well, here are the best Dating dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Dating pick up lines to share with friends.

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