Dated Jokes

Following is our collection of ancient puns and date one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dated jokes for adults, dirty date with blonde jokes and clean you cant date me if dad gags for kids.

The Best Dated Puns

I dated a dentist a while back,

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once.

Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray."

Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."


I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out.

She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

I once dated a Welsh girl with 36 DDs.

Longest surname I've ever seen.

I once dated a dental hygienist

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye,

It was going well for a few months until I realized she was seeing someone else.

Last night I dated a blind woman

At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.

I dated a couple of anorexic girls once.

Two birds, one stone.


I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery

She was in charge of the hops

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.


My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'


I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys

I guess you could say she had a foot fetish

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples

Sounds weird, dozentit?

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.

We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.

I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

We had to break up because she had too many issues.

I dated a cross-eyed girl once, but it didn't end well.

Turned out she was seeing other people.


The idea that women only belong in the kitchen is dated and offensive.

The rest of the house needs cleaned too

Some people are into carbon dating.

It's not for me. I dated carbon once, turns out they made everything up.

I once dated a biologist.

I don't like to brag, but I always provided her with multiple organisms to keep her happy.

It's hard following a clown act

My girlfriend dated a clown before we started going together.

I've got some pretty big shoes to fill.

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once...

caught her seeing someone on the side though.

I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by "Black eyes"

So I punched her in the face. Turns out I heard her wrong.

Did you hear they discovered a soda cavemen drank?

It's a carbon dated beverage...

Good jokes are good

I dated a vegan once

And trust me they DO put meat in their mouth

I dated a girl in a wheel chair once.

it was a tough relationship tho. Have you ever heard the saying "If you love her then let her go, and if she comes back then it was meant to be"?

Well don't let her go on a hill by a lake, cause she don't come back

I dated a skanky girl once who gave me the clap so many times...

I started referring to it as the applause.

I dated a schizophrenic once...

...but I had to break it off because he kept seeing other people.

I dated a midget once, we were in love..

I was nuts over her.

I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping

She was pretty intense

My girlfriend broke up with me because she knew I was cheating.

Never should've dated a teacher in the first place.

I once dated a midget

Yeah I was nuts over her but she kept putting her nose in my business

I dated a greek girl during my latest archeology expedition

Radioactivity measurements of her remains confirmed she lived around 700BC

I once dated a blind girl for 6 months.

She had no idea.

I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags..

It turned out she had eaten a bunch of red flags.

I dated a kleptomaniac once

She stole my heart, and my laptop.

Before getting engaged to Serena, Alexis Ohanian actually dated a fencer

Until he got sick of the ripostes.

I once knew a woman that dated several knights at once

Polyarmory.

I once dated a workaholic carpenter.

I told her to choose: "It's me or your tools."

She chose the ladder.

I dated a half Asian girl

Her mom was Korean

Her dad was Korean

Her legs got ripped off in the car accident.

I dated a dwarf once

I was nuts over her

What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent?

A Fed Ex

Doctor: Have you ever had sex in exchange for money?

Me: Yeah, I've dated before.

I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot

I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot. She lost 3 toes in an accident as a child, so I had to run away. What else could I do? I am lack toes intolerant.

I recently dated a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her after a week though,

I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody on the side.

I once dated a homeless person.

It was always nice not worrying about where to drop them off.

I once dated a girl at a lumber yard...

I got wood every time I saw her.

I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags.

It turned out that she was an avid communist.

I once dated a skeleton. She ended up cheating on me and then tried lying about it.

But I saw right through her.

The last girl I dated was like a loan on the All-New 2020 Silverado during Chevy Truck Month

She made herself available for a limited time only, then had 0% interest for 12 months.

A coworker of mine dated a psychic

He told me she was very unique and well cultured.
I asked if she was a rare medium, well-done?

First I dated a seventh day adventist and then a mormon

I told my mom that im not just in it for the sects but she doesn't believe me.

I once dated a girl with a wandering eye...

...but she was seeing somebody on the side.

I was reminiscing about the time I dated this well-endowed girl...

Man, talk about great mammaries.

Keep your clairvoyant chipper [OC unless I accidentally stole this]

When I was a single man, I dated a series of psychics. For the first date, I brought a dozen long stem roses, and she said it was too much, and was angry. So for the second psychic, I brought nothing, and she too was offended. For the third psychic, I settled for a single rose, and I finally found a happy medium. (But in the end it didn't work out, she said she couldn't see a future together.)

I dated a guillotine once,

But all she ever wanted was head.

I dated a woman with one leg years ago, but

I can't remember if her name was Peg or Ilene.

I once briefly dated a girl with progeria.

Got old quick.

I once dated a one legged girl who worked at a local brewery.

She was in charge of the hops

I dated an older furry once...

She was a cougar

I once dated a co-worker at a shoe store.

It didn't end up working out. Guess we weren't sole-mates after all.

I dated a girl with a parrot once. Hideous thing that would not shut up.

The parrot was cool though.

I once dated a mortician...

it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person.


Though she was a real head-turner.

I dated an Optometrist, but just had to break up with her

She was a great girl, but really annoying in bed. She kept on saying, "So, do you like it better like this? Or like this?"

I once dated the inventor of the stopwatch.

That was my 15.535 seconds of fame.

I dated this metal chick once

It was all cool for the first month, but then she started to rust.

I once dated a homeless girl.

splitting the bill wasn't always easy but at least after our date I could drop her off anywhere.

Once dated a girl with a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh

When you got up close you could smell the ocean

I dated a dwarf for a while until she broke up with me, it tore me apart emotionally

I was nuts over her.

I dated a banker once

He didn't show interest

Respect for the fallen

I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a poppy on her backside.

It was in memory of all those who had died at the front.

There is an abundance of shortcoming jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes and dated puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ruthless witze you can hear about dated.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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