The Best 76 Dated Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dated jokes. There are some dated date jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dated you cant date me if puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Dated Jokes and Puns

I dated a dentist a while back,

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once.

Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by "Black eyes"

So I punched her in the face. Turns out I heard her wrong.

Dated joke, I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by "Black eyes"

I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

We had to break up because she had too many issues.

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once...

caught her seeing someone on the side though.


I once dated a mortician...

it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person.

Though she was a real head-turner.

I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out.

She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

Dated joke, I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out.

I dated a schizophrenic once...

...but I had to break it off because he kept seeing other people.

Did you hear they discovered a soda cavemen drank?

It's a carbon dated beverage...

Good jokes are good

I dated a midget once, we were in love..

I was nuts over her.

It's hard following a clown act

My girlfriend dated a clown before we started going together.

I've got some pretty big shoes to fill.

You can explore dated ancient reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dated date with blonde dad jokes. There are also dated puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I dated this metal chick once

It was all cool for the first month, but then she started to rust.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye,

It was going well for a few months until I realized she was seeing someone else.

I dated a girl with a parrot once. Hideous thing that would not shut up.

The parrot was cool though.

I once dated a girl with a wandering eye...

...but she was seeing somebody on the side.

I once dated a Welsh girl with 36 DDs.

Longest surname I've ever seen.

Dated joke, I once dated a Welsh girl with 36 DDs.

A coworker of mine dated a psychic

He told me she was very unique and well cultured.
I asked if she was a rare medium, well-done?

I dated a guillotine once,

But all she ever wanted was head.

I dated a half Asian girl

Her mom was Korean

Her dad was Korean

Her legs got ripped off in the car accident.


Before getting engaged to Serena, Alexis Ohanian actually dated a fencer

Until he got sick of the ripostes.

First I dated a seventh day adventist and then a mormon

I told my mom that im not just in it for the sects but she doesn't believe me.

I once knew a woman that dated several knights at once

Polyarmory.

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples

Sounds weird, dozentit?

I once dated a biologist.

I don't like to brag, but I always provided her with multiple organisms to keep her happy.

Some people are into carbon dating.

It's not for me. I dated carbon once, turns out they made everything up.

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

I dated a greek girl during my latest archeology expedition

Radioactivity measurements of her remains confirmed she lived around 700BC

I recently dated a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her after a week though,

I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody on the side.

I dated a cross-eyed girl once, but it didn't end well.

Turned out she was seeing other people.

I once dated a dental hygienist

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

I once dated a girl at a lumber yard...

I got wood every time I saw her.

I once dated a blind girl for 6 months.

She had no idea.

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

I dated a girl in a wheel chair once.

it was a tough relationship tho. Have you ever heard the saying "If you love her then let her go, and if she comes back then it was meant to be"?

Well don't let her go on a hill by a lake, cause she don't come back

I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery

She was in charge of the hops

I dated a couple of anorexic girls once.

Two birds, one stone.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she knew I was cheating.

Never should've dated a teacher in the first place.

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

I dated a kleptomaniac once

She stole my heart, and my laptop.

I once dated a skeleton. She ended up cheating on me and then tried lying about it.

But I saw right through her.

I was reminiscing about the time I dated this well-endowed girl...

Man, talk about great mammaries.

I dated a woman with one leg years ago, but

I can't remember if her name was Peg or Ilene.

I once briefly dated a girl with progeria.

Got old quick.

I once dated a midget

Yeah I was nuts over her but she kept putting her nose in my business

I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping

She was pretty intense

I dated a vegan once

And trust me they DO put meat in their mouth

Keep your clairvoyant chipper [OC unless I accidentally stole this]

When I was a single man, I dated a series of psychics. For the first date, I brought a dozen long stem roses, and she said it was too much, and was angry. So for the second psychic, I brought nothing, and she too was offended. For the third psychic, I settled for a single rose, and I finally found a happy medium. (But in the end it didn't work out, she said she couldn't see a future together.)

What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent?

A Fed Ex

I dated a dwarf once

I was nuts over her

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.

My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'

I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray."

Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

Last night I dated a blind woman

At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.

The idea that women only belong in the kitchen is dated and offensive.

The rest of the house needs cleaned too

Doctor: Have you ever had sex in exchange for money?

Me: Yeah, I've dated before.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.

We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.

I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot

I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot. She lost 3 toes in an accident as a child, so I had to run away. What else could I do? I am lack toes intolerant.

I dated an older furry once...

She was a cougar

I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys

I guess you could say she had a foot fetish

I once dated a workaholic carpenter.

I told her to choose: "It's me or your tools."

She chose the ladder.

I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags.

It turned out that she was an avid communist.

I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags..

It turned out she had eaten a bunch of red flags.

The last girl I dated was like a loan on the All-New 2020 Silverado during Chevy Truck Month

She made herself available for a limited time only, then had 0% interest for 12 months.

I once dated a homeless person.

It was always nice not worrying about where to drop them off.

I once dated a one legged girl who worked at a local brewery.

She was in charge of the hops

I dated a skanky girl once who gave me the clap so many times...

I started referring to it as the applause.

I once dated a girl, who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut up.

The parrot was cool though.

So I dated a furry once

I didnt know he was a furry at the time.

After a while, he showed me his true collars

I once dated two girls called Kate and Edith. Unfortunately Kate found out and told Edith and they both broke up with me!

Moral of the story is you can't have your Kate and Edith too

Wrong, just wrong.

I once dated a girl who talked about her ex- so much I ended up missing the guy.

I once dated a girl with a twin. We all know the immediate fantasy that springs to mind, and so i thought i'd ask.

I asked and they agreed.
It was a wonderful experience and if anything her twin was a really nice guy.

I once dated an Italian woman, who haunts me in my dreams to this day...

...she's a real gaba-ghoul.

Dated a gold digger once.

I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.

And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .

So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.

I once dated a girl that had uneven legs

She had shoes made special for her and everything so she could walk normally.

Her name was Eilean

Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

**Bank Teller:** So— is this not a robbery?

**Me:** No, It is.

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

I dated an Indian girl in college and got to know her extended family

Now I have strong passwords for life

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dated shortcoming jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dated ruthless piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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