Cheerful Fun Date Jokes for Lovely Laughter
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...
Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too...
Man, on a first date: How do you feel about s**...? Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
I dated a dentist a while back,
She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.
I dated a girl with a lazy eye once.
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date?
He wax off
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye...
but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.
I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out.
She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me.
Both times she said no
Four years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
You can explore date tinder reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean date date with blonde dad jokes. There are also date puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...
they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.
I told my friends I'm going on a date with a cute girl.
They told me she's imaginary, but joke's on them, so are they.
My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper
looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again
On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice?
So... Can I come inside?
What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date?
A sunken chest with no b**....
The reason why I only date black girls
is because I don't like meeting dads.
A guy takes his date to the carnival...
....and asks his date what she wants to do. She replies "I want to get weighed." So he takes her to the Guess Your Weight booth and continue their date.
They go on a few more rides and again he asks her what she wants to do. "I wanna get weighed" she says once again. So they get her weighed again and go one a few more rides and then he takes her home.
When she gets home, her mother asks her how her date went.
She replied, "Wousy"
On a first date:
Her - So what do you do?
Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers.
Her - Wow, that's impressive!
Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.
I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.
After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
At a First Date Conversation
At a first date:
He: I work with animals every day!
She: Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?
He: I'm a butcher.
I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs.
"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
I said, "Well, you have now."
Chinese kid was born before the due date
Parents named him Sudden Lee.
I dated a girl in a wheelchair
She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
Oxygen and potassium went on a date...
...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.
A woman goes on a date with an NSA employee,
And says, "So, tell me about myself."
I was on a blind date with this girl...
And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."
A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl
She asked me for my number.
I told her that we usually use names.
The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed
The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN
A man goes on a date
Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'
My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."
I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats...
But it's 2017 and I'll date who I want
Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
My Chinese son was born before his due date
We called him Sudden Lee
What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?
A sunken chest and no b**....
On a first date last night my date asked, 'So, what do you do?'
Frowning, I held up the menu and said 'you just choose something from this book of food'
How does a girl greet Bill Cosby on their 2nd date?
"Nice to meet you"
I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet.
Next, I'm going to try a fig.
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why did Princess Leia date so many guys before she found Han?
She was looking for love in Alderaan places.
I will never date a girl who doesn't understand algebra jokes
That's why my x is no longer in the equation
A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
I read that I should treat my wife like I did on our first date...
...so tonight I'm dropping her off at her parents.
In 1999, in the midst of the Y2K panic, the k**... Jelly company announced it was now Y2K compliant:
Known as 'Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
[Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath.
Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.
Guy: This isn't a competition.
I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me
She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.
Dated a gold digger once.
I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.
And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .
So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.
What do Incel and Excel have in common?
Misinterpreting something as a date.
What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?
They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.
(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.
As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't see what's wrong with sharing a good joke for others to enjoy. :/
I dated a blind girl and she broke up with me.
Guess who's back with a different voice
On a date
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**...." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
I once dated a girl
She told me she loved all animals. When I told her I worked with animals, she asked me if I was a veterinarian.
I told her, "No, I am a butcher"
A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.
The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.
The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.
The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". Again the farmer nods and Joe and Flo go on their way.
A while later the last date shows up and says "Sup man, I'm Chuck"
And the farmer shoots him.
I once went on a blind date with a vegan
I never met herbivore
What do you call a vampire out on a date?
A neck romancer
I once dated a girl with twelve n**..., sounds kinda weird...
Dozen t**...?
I had a date last night.
It was perfect.
Tomorrow I'll try a grape.
My buddy once took a date to see the world's oldest lit candle but it didn't go well.
Turns out you really shouldn't take your date to see an old flame.
Baby Shark
Today's date.
I planned a date with this girl at the gym today, but she didn't show up
that's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
I went on a date with an Italian.
We had a great conversation until we held hands, then she was speechless.
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....
"But you already own her home!"
A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date...
German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"
Sheep: "You herd me."
What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision?
I need to know the cutoff date.
Hillary and Bill sneak away from the secret service
Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk.
Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you
Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy!
Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States
~ Courtesy of my father
Why did the girl not want to date the communist?
He was waving a lot of red flags.
Tomorrow's date will be 11/11
Unless you're from the UK, in which case it'll be 11/11
I used to date a girl who was missing a shin.
Her name was Eileen. She had a brother who was missing both shins. His name was Neil.
I told my friends that I had a date with a beautiful woman.
They laughed and said that she's imaginary.
Jokes on them. They're imaginary too. I don't have any friends.
I dated a lawyer once
Makes sense.
She had a reputation for settling
Date: I'm instantly attracted to men with power
Me: I just paid my electric bill
Q. What's the best kind of triangle to ask out on a date?
A. Acute Triangle
Q. Why was the fly so nervous at the fruit market?
A. Because he was on a date.
My date asked me if I have any phobias and I had to break it off there and then.
We only drink REAL beers in my house.
What did the serial killer say at the end of a successful first date?
Let me get them digits.
If you don't know what to talk about on a first date try mentioning Global Warming.
It's a huge icebreaker.
The scientist asks, "Hey, why so blue?"
The litmus paper answers, "I just came from a date with a pretty basic solution.
