Database Jokes

Following is our collection of compile puns and mysql one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Database jokes for adults, dirty directory jokes and clean rar dad gags for kids.

The Best Database Puns

What's the largest database for child sex predators?


What do you call a crowd-sourced internet database for turntables?


A man walks into a library

And sheepishly asks the librarian behind the counter "excuse me, but do you have that new book for men with small penises?".
The librarian acknowledges the request and starts typing away on her computer to check the database, she turns back to the man and says "It's not in yet..."
"That's the one!" The man says.

How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?

Pop, Lock & Drop It

A database professional walks into a bar

And joins two tables.

Why was the pyro so upset when he searched for his favorite book in the library database?

Results showed "no matches found"

Why do Database Administrators hate microgravity?

When they drop a table, it doesn't go anywhere

Why does Pennywise make such a horrible SQL database architect?

He tries to cast all the data to float.

What did the database admin say when he recovered a corrupted database?

Keep calm and query on.

What did the programming languages think about the database movie?

They couldn't wait to see the SQL!

Breakups are the best excuse.

Your friends want to go out to that restaurant you hate?

Just look sad and say: My girlfriend and I used to love going there...

Boom, nobody wants to go anymore. Pity works wonders.

Your boss asks you at stay late Friday night?

Look sad and say: My girlfriend and I used to do SQL database backups...

Boom, no work!

I've made a DataBase of some of the worst Carpool Karaoke songs ever.

It's called CarDB!

A New Perspective on Recent Breaches of Secret Governmental Data

Q: What do you call an unauthorized breach of a government database containing classified information?

A: An undocumented FOIA request

A blonde detective is approached by a rookie

and he asks her how she thinks they will identify a victim if the victim has been decapitated and had his fingers hands cut off. The blonde detective responds with "It's simple, how many people do you think there are in this city without heads? All you need to do is run their picture against our database!"

A database programmer writes a book.

But every one is disappointed that there is no SQL.

I was asked to come to a party by my friend when it is still banned because of the Coronavirus.

Me: Sorry can't come

Friend: Why not

Me: Might get arrested

Friend: So what it'll be such a great party you won't care about a petty fine

Me: But I'll be on the police database which could damage my future career

Friend: What do you want to be?

Me: A criminal

Someone should compile all of the unique jokes on this sub into a database

the only problem is, is that databases cant handle less than 5 entries

What Database System does a Communist use ?


What is Niantic's favorite type of database?


There is an abundance of wal jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 19 funniest jokes and database puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any homepage witze you can hear about database.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes