Dat Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

How do you say "bra" in German?

Dat schud stoppem frum floppen.

Boat for sale

Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."

Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota

Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."

Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."

As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."

Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"

But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna crash!"

Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."

So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"

Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle...

they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.

At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

An Ole and Lena joke

Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."

Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."

Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."

Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da car?"

Lena: "In da lake."

Indian bar game

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"
"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"
The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"

Irish lawnmower

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with Mick when a truck went by loaded with rolls of turf.

I gonna do that when I win the lottery, says Paddy.

What's dat? says Mick.

Send me lawn away to be cut, says Paddy.


What do you call a crossover between a dog and a cat?

If you thought it's Cog, it's exactly Dat.

The scarf store

A guy walks in to a scarf shop and asks what kind of scarves they sell.

The owner replies "we have wool ones inside and cashmere outside, how bout dat?"

I just saw a Chinese magic show

The magician was named Fu Ling Yu and his female assistance was called Han Mi Dat. Great stuff.

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it........

He phones the police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."

The operator asks, "is it tickin?

Paddy says "No I tink it's beef"

dat hyphen

A man eating fish
was saved by a hyphen from
a man-eating fish

(you might have heard it before but its new to me)

What did the bratty nut say to Dr Phil?

Cashew outside. How 'bou dat?

Toll Joke my buddy made up.

A young new toll operator is having his first day on the job with a skilled veteran of the booth. As they work in their conjoined shift, the veteran points out a gold Mercedes pulling up in the toll line. The Veteran nudges the kid and says " Dat guy dere ain't gone pay his full toll. " the young new worker looks at his predecessor like he's crazy. As the car pulls up, the driver is furiously digging for change. "I am so sorry! All I have is 73 cents!" The driver exclaimed. The Veteran nods him through anyway and then turns to the incredulous newbie and says "Toll jew"

Dat Riddim

A woman asked her grandmother how her grandfather had died. "He had a heart attack while we were making love one Sunday morning," Granny said. Horrified, the granddaughter told her that two people that old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh, no," said Granny. "Many years ago we realized that ringing church bells provided the perfect rhythm: in on the ding and out on the dong." She paused, wiped away a tear, and continued, "But then the ice-cream truck came along."

Customer asking Bin Laden in Bar

Customer: "I'll have a Bin Laden, please."

Barman: "Sir, what is dat?"

Customer: "Two shots and a splash of water."

Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.

"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.

"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."

"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.

"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $10 bill and tell me ta take a hike.

It keeps the hot things hot, and the cold things cold

One morning, Boudreaux pulled up to Thibodeaux's house to give him a ride to work. As Thibodeaux got in the rusted, beat up truck he noticed Boudreaux's Thermos on the seat between them.

*"What's dat?"*, he asked, pointing at the Thermos.

*"Oh, dat der's a 'termos I gots at da Walmarts last night."* said Boudreaux, *"It keeps da hot things hot, and da cold things cold."*

Come lunchtime, Thibodeaux's jaw dropped as Boudreaux poured out steaming hot gumbo from his Thermos.

The next morning, Thibodeaux was beaming with pride when climbed into Boudreaux's truck and placed his own Thermos next to Thibodeaux's.

*"I see you gots a 'termos for ya'self"*
*"Yep, I sent Marie ova to da Walmarts to get mes one,"* Thibodeaux replied, *"but I smarter than you."*
*"How ya figure dat?"*
*"You know how ya said it keeps da hot things hot, and da cold things cold? Well, mines got gumbo … and a popsicle!"*

Whats the difference between a white owl and black owl?

A white owl goes : Who? Who?
A black owl goes : Who dat? who dat?

What did one nut say to the other?

Imma cashew outside, how bout dat?

I came to University thinking I'd get some of dat hot booty

But the only time I got some was when my fingers went through that cheap campus toilet paper.

Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.

Boudreaux said, "I'm a'gonna do dat when I win da lottery!"

"What's dat?" asks Thibodeaux.

"Send da lawn off to be mowed."

What do you call a 3 pronged fork?

A threek.

Ain't nobody got tines fo' dat.

What did one web browser say to another during a fight?

Cache me outside, how bout dat.

What is defeat?

Dem tings dat you put in de shues

What does one processor tell another?

Cache me outside how 'bout dat?

a lil' Boudreaux joke for y'all.

Mrs. Boudreaux went to the the local newspaper and said she wanted to put in the Obituary Column that Boudreaux died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word.
She said, "Here ya go, 2 dollahs - put in dere dat Boudreaux Died."
They said, "Mrs. Boudreaux, surely you want more dan dat."
She said "Mais, no, just 'Boudreaux died'."
The editor said, "Well, you a lil' upset. Bring yaself back tomorruh and you probably tink of sumtin else."
She came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I tought of sumtin else.. 'BOAT FOR SALE'."

A Newfie walks into a doctor's office...

And says
"Doc b'y, I tinks I got dat H2N2 disease." Doctor replied
"ummm...don't you mean H1N1?"
Newfie says
"No b'y, dis is twice as bad as dat!"

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are watching the evening news when they see a report of a man threatening to jump off the roof of a tall building in New Orleans.

Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, "Hey watch dis guy. I bet you 40 dollars he jumps off dat roof."

Thibodeaux thinks about it a little and replies, "Okay, I'll take dat bet!"

A few seconds later the man jumps to his death.

Thibodeaux pulls out his wallet, cursing, and hands Boudreaux two twenties. Boudreaux giggles and says, "Thibodeaux, I gotta tell you something. I already saw dat. He jumped already on da 12 o'clock news."

Thibodeaux says, "Me too I saw it on da 12 o'clock news, but I didn't think that couillon would be stupid enough to jump again!"

The Mexican word of the day..

The Mexican word of the day is cashew.

Like I'll cashew outside, how bout dat?

Why is Africa hot?

Because of dat Djibouti.

Hey baby, you got an inhaler?

Because you got dat Ass-ma.

What are the funniest dat jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Dat? Well, here are the best Dat puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Dat pick up lines to share with friends.

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