Following is our collection of dunkin puns and goddamned one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Darn jokes for adults, dirty goddamnit jokes and clean fuckers dad gags for kids.
They are darn right,
that field isn't hiring!
Did you commit the crime?
No sir, I did not.
I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?
Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for murder.
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
One goes:
*Whack*, "Darn!"
While the other goes:
"Darn!", *Whack*
PS: Not sure if this was posted before, but i think it's still funny.
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
Darn tootin'!
(this is so dumb im sorry)
"This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."
I thought why not since it's a pretty darn good movie.
"Darn it!" I replied.
Deer: Darn, where all the does at?
The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"
He's just too darn heavy to carry around anymore.
Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.
YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?
OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do so anymore.
"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"
Why do you never see Hippos hiding up in trees??
Because they are so darn good at it.
Always on petrol.
Jean-Claude Van Darn
Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
"Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!"
Are a litlle Husky... It's a gosh darn corn joke. I am a God!
It didn't do a darn thing when uncle John was sitting next to me.
He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.
You get blood on your clown suit. Darn!
Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty
They truly learned The House Always Wins.
"We're afraid your son's been lying a lot"
"Well, he's pretty darn good at it. I don't have any kids!"
There is an abundance of duh jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 26 funniest jokes and darn puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any puttin witze you can hear about darn.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.