The Best 29 Darn Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Darn jokes. There are some darn goddamned jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these darn fuckers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Darn Jokes and Puns
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
What do you call a cowboy with a case of bad gas?
Darn tootin'!
(this is so dumb im sorry)
The Good Old Days!
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto?
"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"
I had to put my dog down last night
He's just too darn heavy to carry around anymore.
What do you call a Mormon action hero?
Jean-Claude Van Darn
My wife told me her sock had a hole in it.
"Darn it!" I replied.
What is the worst thing about killing a baby?
You get blood on your clown suit. Darn!
One day a wife complained..
"This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."
Lion Sex
Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
"Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!"
Ninja level hiding skills!
Why do you never see Hippos hiding up in trees??
Because they are so darn good at it.
You can explore darn dunkin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean darn goddamnit dad jokes. There are also darn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"
The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"
A man is charged with first-degree murder and is on the stand, being questioned by the prosecution.
Did you commit the crime?
No sir, I did not.
I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?
Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for murder.
They said "Find something you love to do and you will never work a day in your life"
They are darn right,
that field isn't hiring!
These darn gas powered cops...
Always on petrol.
What's the difference between a Golf player and skydiver?
One goes:
*Whack*, "Darn!"
While the other goes:
"Darn!", *Whack*
PS: Not sure if this was posted before, but i think it's still funny.
Young Boy : Grandpa, tell me a story of your childhood
Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.
YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?
OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do so anymore.
All puppies shucking corn.....
Are a litlle Husky... It's a gosh darn corn joke. I am a God!
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."
I installed this new pedometer, but it doesn't seem to work...
It didn't do a darn thing when uncle John was sitting next to me.
My son's school called me this morning
"We're afraid your son's been lying a lot"
"Well, he's pretty darn good at it. I don't have any kids!"
These darn new guys are making so much money, and don't have to leave there home!
They truly learned The House Always Wins.
There is one villain Iron Man could never be mad at.
He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.
hey guys im trying out jokes, What do you get when oxygen and iron meet?
Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty
Deer walks into a bar
Deer: Darn, where all the does at?
I got Up this morning.
I thought why not since it's a pretty darn good movie.
Myrtle and the Beetle
Myrtle is driving her Volkswagon Beetle down the road and sees another little old lady, also with a Beetle, pulled over with the hazards on. Myrtle pulls over and asks, "Is everything ok?"
The other lady replies, "My darn Beetle has broken down. I popped the bonnet and it looks like the whole engine has gone missing!".
"No worries, I can help you." said Myrtle. "As it happens, I have a spare engine in my boot!"
How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Two, but I still don't know how they got in there!
It's my cake day and I remembered to make a post! (Wait, one thing say today and one thing says tomorrow - it's today gosh darn it!)
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "Darn" And a skydiver goes "darn" *whack*
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the darn duh jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working darn puttin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.