Darn Jokes

Following is our collection of dunkin puns and goddamned one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Darn jokes for adults, dirty goddamnit jokes and clean fuckers dad gags for kids.

The Best Darn Puns

They said "Find something you love to do and you will never work a day in your life"

They are darn right,
that field isn't hiring!

A man is charged with first-degree murder and is on the stand, being questioned by the prosecution.

Did you commit the crime?

No sir, I did not.

I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?

Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for murder.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

Peeing in the Flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."


"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

What's the difference between a Golf player and skydiver?

One goes:

*Whack*, "Darn!"

While the other goes:

"Darn!", *Whack*


PS: Not sure if this was posted before, but i think it's still funny.


The Good Old Days!

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.

"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!

"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look." 

What do you call a cowboy with a case of bad gas?

Darn tootin'!

(this is so dumb im sorry)

One day a wife complained..

"This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."

The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

I got Up this morning.

I thought why not since it's a pretty darn good movie.

My wife told me her sock had a hole in it.

"Darn it!" I replied.

Deer walks into a bar

Deer: Darn, where all the does at?


A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"

The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"

I had to put my dog down last night

He's just too darn heavy to carry around anymore.

Young Boy : Grandpa, tell me a story of your childhood

Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.

YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?

OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do so anymore.

My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto?

"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"

Ninja level hiding skills!

Why do you never see Hippos hiding up in trees??

Because they are so darn good at it.

These darn gas powered cops...

Always on petrol.

What do you call a Mormon action hero?

Jean-Claude Van Darn

Lion Sex

Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"


"Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!"


All puppies shucking corn.....

Are a litlle Husky... It's a gosh darn corn joke. I am a God!

I installed this new pedometer, but it doesn't seem to work...

It didn't do a darn thing when uncle John was sitting next to me.

There is one villain Iron Man could never be mad at.

He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.

What is the worst thing about killing a baby?

You get blood on your clown suit. Darn!

hey guys im trying out jokes, What do you get when oxygen and iron meet?

Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty

These darn new guys are making so much money, and don't have to leave there home!

They truly learned The House Always Wins.

My son's school called me this morning

"We're afraid your son's been lying a lot"

"Well, he's pretty darn good at it. I don't have any kids!"

There is an abundance of duh jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 26 funniest jokes and darn puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any puttin witze you can hear about darn.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes