Following is our collection of funny Darn jokes. There are some darn goddamned jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these darn fuckers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Darn tootin'!
(this is so dumb im sorry)
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"
He's just too darn heavy to carry around anymore.
Jean-Claude Van Darn
"Darn it!" I replied.
You get blood on your clown suit. Darn!
"This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."
Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
"Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!"
Why do you never see Hippos hiding up in trees??
Because they are so darn good at it.
You can explore darn dunkin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean darn goddamnit dad jokes. There are also darn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"
Did you commit the crime?
No sir, I did not.
I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?
Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for murder.
They are darn right,
that field isn't hiring!
Always on petrol.
One goes:
*Whack*, "Darn!"
While the other goes:
"Darn!", *Whack*
PS: Not sure if this was posted before, but i think it's still funny.
Old Man : Hmmm...when I was young, I could go to a store with 50 cents and get myself candy, toys, and bread.
YB : wow that must've been fantastic. What about now?
OM : Sigh, times have changed. Nowadays with those darn cameras everywhere in the store, its practically impossible to do so anymore.
Are a litlle Husky... It's a gosh darn corn joke. I am a God!
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."
It didn't do a darn thing when uncle John was sitting next to me.
"We're afraid your son's been lying a lot"
"Well, he's pretty darn good at it. I don't have any kids!"
They truly learned The House Always Wins.
He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.
Ah darn, I forgot the punchline. Sorry guys Im a little rusty
Deer: Darn, where all the does at?
I thought why not since it's a pretty darn good movie.
Myrtle is driving her Volkswagon Beetle down the road and sees another little old lady, also with a Beetle, pulled over with the hazards on. Myrtle pulls over and asks, "Is everything ok?"
The other lady replies, "My darn Beetle has broken down. I popped the bonnet and it looks like the whole engine has gone missing!".
"No worries, I can help you." said Myrtle. "As it happens, I have a spare engine in my boot!"
Two, but I still don't know how they got in there!
It's my cake day and I remembered to make a post! (Wait, one thing say today and one thing says tomorrow - it's today gosh darn it!)
A golfer goes *whack* "Darn" And a skydiver goes "darn" *whack*
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the darn duh jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working darn puttin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.