Darling Jokes

This article shares the heartfelt story of a beloved husband, Ajit Mona, and his loving wife, Darling, and the humorous jokes they shared through their anniversary celebration. Read on to learn what these innocent jokes mean to their happy home and how they add joy to their marriage.

Cheerful Darling Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

My young daughter asked me this morning....

My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream."

"Nothing, darling," I replied.

It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

A soon-to-be-wed couple are snuggling in bed after sex one night...

...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together.

"It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains.

The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago."

The man takes a deep breath and says, "Aah...yes...But that was a month ago..."

Men are greedy bastards.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.

The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.

Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember - fairies are female.

jokes about darling

What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

The mistress says "Oh darling! That was *wonderful*!"

The wife says "Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige."

A wife sits with her husband, who is on his deathbed...

The husband says, "Darling, I think it's time... I have one last wish before I pass."

"What is it, dear?"

"About six months after I'm gone, I want you to marry Joey, ok?"

She sat dumbfounded for a second. "But, I thought you *hated* that man?"

The husband grabbed her hand and with his last breath whispered "I do."

Remarriage

Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "If I die, will you remarry?"

"Of course not darling" she replies, "I'll live with my sister. And if I die, will you remarry?"

And the husband replies "Of course not honey, I will also stay with your sister."

Darling joke, Remarriage

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..

*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*

So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.

Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving...

He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!"

The Way Women Think

Husband's Message (by text):

"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"

Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"

Grandmas don't know everything.........

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse , darling.

Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse . It's called Bunk Beds.

And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'

You can explore darling home reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean darling hunny dad jokes. There are also darling puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

An elderly man is with his wife who is on her deathbed

As she lay there, she says to her husband, "Honey, I must tell you a secret before I die"

"Shh, there is nothing you need to tell me." the husband replies.

"No, I must tell you that I slept with your brother, best friend and the neighbor." the wife responds.

The husband says, "I know this. That is why I poisoned you. Now go to sleep, darling."

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?

Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

A Man asks his lover in a restaurant

Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?

Woman : I love your company the most darling!

Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love

Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke


*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!

Marriage

Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*

How many women have you slept with

wife asked husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
he proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

Darling joke, How many women have you slept with

Table manners

Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."

The little girl smiles and goes on her way.

A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"

The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."

A guy walks in a library:

- Do you have motivational books here?
- Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf.
- Do you have any books closer?"

Does God use our bathroom

A child asks, "Mommy, does God use our bathroom?"

The mother replies, "No darling. Why do you ask?"

The child says, "Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, 'Oh God, are you still in there?'"

"Darling, your teeth are like stars."

"So yellow and so far apart..."

My daughter came sprinting in to the house yesterday shouting 'daddy, daddy, I just saw two fairies at the bottom of the garden!'

Humouring her I asked 'That's amazing darling, what were they doing?'

She replied 'Sucking each other's cocks'

A guys asks his grandpa how come he still calls his wife "darling" after being married for over 60 years.

the grandpa says : shush it, I forgot her name 30 years ago.

"Honey, I think I'm ugly...."

So I pulled her infront of a mirror, stood right next to her and said:

"Darling, I mean look a that sexy smile, that beautiful hair and those eyes....Just wow. No wonder you feel ugly next to me!"

A wife comes home late one night

She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

A woman giddily asks her husband...

"Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"

"Pi," said the husband.

"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"

"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."

Darling joke, A woman giddily asks her husband...

A husband asks his wife: If I died, would you marry again?

A husband asks his wife:
-
If I died, would you marry again?
-
Oh darling, of course I wouldn't. I'd go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
-
No, I think I'd go and live with your sister too.

Husband and wife decide to make a password...

...for sex,
they decide on 'washing machine'.
Later in bed that night husband says,
Washing machine.
Wife replies, Not tonight darling I have a sore head.
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says,
Washing machine.
Husband replies,
Too late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand.

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :

"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"

- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.

- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.

- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"

A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm

He says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife, lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

My darling asked me what I wanted for Xmas, and I said, "Nothing would make me happier than oral Sex."

So that's what she gave me.

Nothing.

She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...."

He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."

She: "How nice, you are so sweet."

He: "You need plastic surgery."

How many women have you slept with?

An old couple were talking. The wife asked her husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
"Only you, Darling, the man replied proudly. With all the others I was awake."

The wife looks at herself in the mirror and complain to her husband: I am so ugly and wrinkle and fat. Do I even have any good traits?

The husband put down his newspaper and slowly answer: Your eyesight is excellent darling

I asked my grandpa..

I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?

Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.

What 3 words does a woman not want to hear when having sex?

Darling I'm home!

After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.

\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?

\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?

\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.

Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?"

Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".

A husband died

A husband died.

A few years later, his wife died.

As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes.

"Darling, oh how I've missed you!"

The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him and says,

"Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.

He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"

"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".

The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.

"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."

The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".

"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".

Marriage

**Before Marriage**

Boy: Ah, finally, I've waited so long.

Girl: You want me to leave?

Boy: No. I dare to not even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of course. Lots!

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: No! Why are you asking me?

Girl: Will you kiss me?

Boy: Every time I get the chance!

Girl: Will you ever hit me?

Boy: Are you crazy? Of course not!

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Darling?

**After Marriage**

Read it Backwards.

Mr. and Mrs. Keaton notice the young man staying next door always kisses his girlfriend every morning before heading to work.

"Why don't you do that?" Mrs.Keaton asks her husband.

"Darling, I don't even know the woman."

Someone asked an old man "Even after 70 years you still call your wife darling, honey luv. What's the secret?"

The old man replied " I forgot her name and i was too scared to ask her"

Will you get married?

Before Marriage:

Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.

Girl: Do you want me to leave?

Boy: No don't even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?

Girl: Will you kiss me?

Boy: Every chance I get.

Girl: Will you hit me?

Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy?

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Darling!

After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

A husband died

A few years later the wife died.

As she got to heaven, she sees her husband and runs up to him with tears in her eyes "Oh darling, how I've missed you."

The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

I asked my grandpa, after 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful, and honey. What's your secret?

Grandpa, I forgot her name 5 years ago, I'm too scared to ask her.

A wife woke up one morning after a long restful sleep......

She stretches, and turns to her husband and says, you know, I had the weirdest dream! I dreamt that you gave me a diamond necklace! What do you think my dream means?
The husband thoughtfully responds well, you'll know tonight!
Later that evening, the husband comes home with a tiny package for his wife. Here darling, for you! he says. Excited, the wife opens the package to see what it was.
She pulls out a book called Dream Interpretations and Meanings .

I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law.

One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"

"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"

To Christians out there....

My tinder date said to me "I used to be Christian"...

I said to her, "Don't worry darling, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...

She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now that I'm Christine".

Honey, am I fat?

"No darling! You are not fat. You're skinnier than on the day of our wedding."

"Honey I'm hungry, can you carry me to the fridge?"

"Just a second darling. I'll bring the fridge to you."

Tractors

So there was this guy who was a fan of tractors. He had posters of it everywhere. He had his own tractor business, married a beautiful wife. The whole 9 yards.

One day his wife died from a tractor accident. Heartbroken he got rid of his business, his posters, everything tractor related.

Few years later he goes on a date. The restaurant starts smoking and he says "Darling wait i got this". He sucks in all the smoke goes outside and blows it away. Everyone starts applauding and his date asks "How did you do that?". The guy says: "Im an extractor fan"

Problems

Husband approaches his wife, Jenny, I think I have a problem.
Jenny smiles at him kindly, Darling, your problems are my problem also. A trouble shared is a trouble halved. Tell me.
OK, says the husband, in that case, we got the neighbor pregnant.

It was the first night of the newlyweds in their bridal suite and...

The young husband was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting. Aren't you coming to bed darling? she said sexily. Not in your life! he replied. My mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and I'm not going to miss it for anything!

Husband asks Wife to make coffee

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: Darling, why don't you brew us some coffee? Wife looks confused, But that's your task, honey. woman says What? Why? man asks. It's all over the Bible, dear. woman replies The Bible says nothing about who's supposed to be brewing coffee! man replies confused. The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.

A wife sits down opposite her husband and takes his hand in hers.

Wife: Honey, I've got something to tell you.

Husband: What is it?

Wife: Darling, I'm pregnant.

Husband: Hello pregnant, I'm dad!

Wife: .....no you're not.

David was invited to John's house. He was impressed by how John kept calling his wife, My Love and Darling and Sweetheart.

When his wife stepped out of the room David said to John, You guys are really still in love!

John replied, No. I just forgot her name.

A blonde is driving on the interstate…

Her husband calls her and says... "Be careful darling, it's just been on the radio that someone is driving the wrong way on the interstate" "Someone?" she replies, "theres hundreds of em!"

A wife comes home late one night...

...and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.

​

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

A husband in the hospital is on his deathbed. He confesses to his wife...

Darling, my life is slipping away I want you to know that I've been unfaithful to you with 3 other women.

His wife holds his hand comfortingly and whispers, I Know. That's why I poisoned you.

old joke

Husband is standing next to his dying wife. Wife tells him darling before i die i have a confession to make, please open up the box that is under the bed. Husband does it and finds 50k dollars and 3 chicken eggs. The man asks what's the deal with the 3 eggs?. Wife explains that every time she cheated on him she would put 1 egg inside the box. The husband says to her, well we were married almost 50 years, 3 eggs is not a lot, but honey what about the 50k?. Whenever I had a dozen eggs I would sell them.

A woman is walking home with her three daughters

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose."
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."

The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?!
DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!"
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."

Darling, what happened to the parrot?

– Darling, what happened to the parrot?
– I dunno, Mommy, but I heard the cat talking.

The producer to his wife, an actress:

Producer: "Darling, will you marry again if I die?"
Wife: "I assume so, dear."
Producer: "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?"
Wife: "Yes, he would be my husband after all.
Producer: "Would you give him my golf clubs too?"
Wife: "No, he's left-handed."

A little girl asks her mum: Mummy, why do we never visit grandma?

Oh darling, you don't remember? She fell of the balcony…
And where is she now?
Well… she went to heaven
The little girl thinks about it for a moment…
Wow, that's a big bounce

Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are.

You really are the love of my life…

– Sir – I'm sorry, this is a brewery!

– Oh I know…

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the darling harriet puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working darling sweety piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes