Darkness Jokes

Following is our collection of daylight puns and flash one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Darkness jokes for adults, dirty mordor jokes and clean yo mama so dark dad gags for kids.

The Best Darkness Puns

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

Me: Hello darkness my old friend

Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel

The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel

The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

A patient walks into an optometrist's office.

The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.

"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."

The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.

"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."


The Speed of Light is 3*10^8 metres per second. What then is the Speed of Darkness?

100 metres over 9.58 seconds.

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.

I had a staring contest with the sun

I think I won, all I see is darkness now.

How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb.

None. They just find light in the darkness.

God is talking to one of his angels and says

Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?

The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?

God says, I think I'll call it a day.

An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.

The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.

"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."

"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."

The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"


Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

How many WoW devs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesn't matter. They'll just nerf darkness next patch instead.

A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....

During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

Tunnel

Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten. One to screw it in and nine to form a support group for Survivors of Darkness.

When we were kids we used to be afraid of darkness

However, when we grew up and saw the electricity bill we became afraid of light.

How many social justice warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twelve, one to change it and the other eleven to start a support group called "recovering from the darkness"


What did the flashlight say to the darkness?

**"Lighten up."**

Few Saturdays I switch off the light and stay the whole night in darkness

So that the neighbors might think that I've an active social life...

Hello darkness my old friend...

I've walked into a wall again.

I went to a blind fortune teller the other day

She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future.

What's pale, lives in darkness and sucks blood?

A tampon

How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

None. They like to live in the darkness.

We fight in darkness to serve the light, who are we?

Electricians

I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.

I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon realized that was...

...not the case.

Dear Santa

I ask your help to cure my dyslexia by pledging my soul to thee, oh prince of darkness.

How many metal heads does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Darkness foreverrrr!

How many Diablo 2 players does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the bulb and one to ask Drognan about the strange darkness.

The optimist sees the light in the tunnel, The pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel, The realist sees the train in the tunnel,

The traindriver sees 3 idiots on the railway.

How many apple engenieres does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No need for a lightbulb if we make darkness the standard

Chuck Norris is 77 years old today!

Do you think darkness is still afraid of him?

Asked my ex-husband once for song requests. He said he wanted to hear the sound of silence.

So I sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend...."

All this darkness is making me feel like Hellen Keller.

Pessimist sees nothing but darkness in the tunnel.

Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.

Train driver sees two idiots standing on the tracks.

How many Trump spokesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

There is no need to fix the light. Darkness is modern day presidential.

10 Bands Stevie Wonder Hasn't Seen, 1 is a lie.

* 1-9 bands other than The Darkness
* 10 The Darkness

The solar eclipse was cool to look at and all...

But when does this darkness go away?

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

2.
One to change it and one to apologize to the darkness.

What is a blind persons favourite song?

Hello darkness my old friend

The darkness in me honors the darkness in you.

Damnaste.

I watched in horror as my TV floated in darkness

I turned on the light, just in time to see the black man run away with it

I can close my eyes and see the future

It's just Darkness though.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend...

Breaking news: University Researchers Create Life in Lab!

Darkness, faulty condoms blamed.

They always told me to look on the bright side,

So I stared into the sun now all I see is darkness

If there is nothing faster than light...

...then how did the darkness get there first?

What's faster than light?

Darkness, my old friend.

Are you afraid of the dark?

Just sing the opening line to "The Sound of Silence." Darkness will feel like you're being clingy and leave the room.

You ever notice how most stand-up specials have the comedian in darkness on the cover art? There's usually a lot of black in the posters.

Except for Kevin Hart's. There's only a little black on his.

There is an abundance of twilight jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 51 funniest jokes and darkness puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any in the dark witze you can hear about darkness.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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