Following is our collection of daylight puns and flash one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Darkness jokes for adults, dirty mordor jokes and clean yo mama so dark dad gags for kids.
God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day."
Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
100 metres over 9.58 seconds.
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
I think I won, all I see is darkness now.
None. They just find light in the darkness.
Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?
The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?
God says, I think I'll call it a day.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.
When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.
Doesn't matter. They'll just nerf darkness next patch instead.
During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.
She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"
I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.
Ten. One to screw it in and nine to form a support group for Survivors of Darkness.
However, when we grew up and saw the electricity bill we became afraid of light.
Twelve, one to change it and the other eleven to start a support group called "recovering from the darkness"
**"Lighten up."**
So that the neighbors might think that I've an active social life...
I've walked into a wall again.
She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future.
A tampon
None. They like to live in the darkness.
Electricians
I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon realized that was...
...not the case.
I ask your help to cure my dyslexia by pledging my soul to thee, oh prince of darkness.
None. Darkness foreverrrr!
Two.
One to change the bulb and one to ask Drognan about the strange darkness.
The traindriver sees 3 idiots on the railway.
No need for a lightbulb if we make darkness the standard
Do you think darkness is still afraid of him?
So I sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend...."
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Train driver sees two idiots standing on the tracks.
There is no need to fix the light. Darkness is modern day presidential.
* 1-9 bands other than The Darkness
* 10 The Darkness
But when does this darkness go away?
2.
One to change it and one to apologize to the darkness.
Hello darkness my old friend
Damnaste.
I turned on the light, just in time to see the black man run away with it
It's just Darkness though.
Darkness, faulty condoms blamed.
So I stared into the sun now all I see is darkness
...then how did the darkness get there first?
Darkness, my old friend.
Just sing the opening line to "The Sound of Silence." Darkness will feel like you're being clingy and leave the room.
Except for Kevin Hart's. There's only a little black on his.
There is an abundance of twilight jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 51 funniest jokes and darkness puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any in the dark witze you can hear about darkness.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.