Darkened Jokes
21 darkened jokes and hilarious darkened puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about darkened that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Darkened Short Jokes
Short darkened jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The darkened humour may include short jokes also.
- As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then… …let my cat do the rest.
- Computer games don't affect kids. If, say, pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetetive music.
- I hired a guy to stain my entry way but he used a very deep brown color that I don't like. So I fired him and told him to never darken my door again.
- America. America. Some people say that if you look into a mirror in a darkened room at midnight and say "America" three times, a cop will appear in the mirror and shoot you.
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Darkened One Liners
Which darkened one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with darkened? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Statement from the moderates regarding "The Darkening"
- "Stain, color, darken, tint..." Those were my grandfather's dyeing words.
Darkened Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about darkened you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make darkened pranks.
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
Why 6 was really afraid of 7
6 was just a normal girl, she met 7 on a dating app. They went out several times after that and a few dates later 7 proposed. 6 was ecstatic, they got married within the month and when they moved into a new house they quickly made friends with their neighbors, 9 and 10. 6 soon noticed strange behavior in 7, he was going out late at night to other people's houses. One night 6 saw 7 leave into the neighbors house. She decided to follow him in and was horrified. Blood stains led up to the darkened kitchen where she discovered some thing she could never unsee. 7 had done it. 7 8 9.
At the fortune teller
h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?
Darkened Room
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."
A ship discovers a lost island in the South Pacific
To their surprise, the ship's company find the remains of a shipwreck there, a couple of decades old, and a single survivor, a Welsh mariner who has busied himself building an exact replica of a Welsh village, complete with a town hall, a pub, a rugby pitch, and two chapels.
"...Two chapels?" asks the ship's captain, and the castaway's face darkens as he nods in the direction of one of the chapels: "That's the one I don't go to."
A blonde calls her friend...
"Get here NOW! I made such a discovery!"
A friend comes over.
"Look!", blonde says, and turns off the light.
"Well, it's dark..."
"Do you know where light went?"
"Um... No...?"
Blonde marches her friend to a refrigerator through the darkened apartment. Pulls the door open.
"Here!"
Saturday afternoon
I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my pregnant wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me:
"You should be hung."
I took a drink from Corona, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied:
"I am, that's why she cuts the grass."
Two men are painting a church.
They are painting it blue.
They get about 1/2 way done, and realize they are running out of paint. So they add a little thinner to make it stretch.
The job got 3/4 of the way done, and they are thinking that it's still not going to be enough paint. So they add more thinner.
They get the job done and stand back to look at their work. Not surprising though is that the church is one shade of blue on one end and another shade of blue on the other.
Suddenly, the skies darken and lightning strikes! A booming voice comes from the clouds and says, "REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!"
Nort!
Leaving school late one day, a boy rushed home for dinner. Knowing he would not be on time taking the usual route, he sought a shortcut through a large fenced field. Well past sunset, he hopped the fence and began to pick his way through the darkened expanse. About halfway through the field he heard a voice:
"Nort" it said.
The boy paused, and squinting his eyes, called "...yes...?"
Hearing no response, the boy continued on in darkness.
Again, but closer this time, he heard the voice. "Nort! Nort!"
"Yes? Hello? Do I know you?" asked the boy.
Sadly, the boy was not to return home that evening. News of his fate headlined the morning paper:
'Local boy Norton Norbert gored to death by harelip bull.'
The religious bear.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
12 inches
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.
The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.
The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
The friend answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing.
Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"
How to catch a White Elephant
Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins).
Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it.
The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins).
Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins).
The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual.
When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks raisins, it will darken in anger.
And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.
His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."