Dark People Jokes
79 dark people jokes and hilarious dark people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dark people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dark People Short Jokes
Short dark people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dark people humour may include short dark minded jokes also.
- How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
- How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? None.
It's their job to help people find their way in dark places!
(MASH s1 ep7) - Dark HUMOR When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They glow in the dark.
- I know this guy who teaches people how to access the Dark Web, but if they're incompetent then he physically and psychologically abuses them He's a Tor mentor.
- I hope that if I ever get rich I won't be mean to poor people Like I am now
(Dark, I know, but one of my favorite deep thoughts) - Studies show people who carry tactical knives with flashlights are less confident guessers. They never take a stab in the dark.
- A windmill was spotted at The Dark Tower premier this weekend. People said it was a huge Stephen King fan.
- When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . . # "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".
- US Presidents and jokes are very similar... ... a lot of people really prefer the dark ones.
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Dark People One Liners
Which dark people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dark people? I can suggest the ones about dark shadows and dark.
- Jokes are like people Not everyone likes the dark ones.
- What's the best thing about dark humor? People don't take it lightly.
- Dark humor is like rights..... Some people don't get them
- Telling a dark joke is like saying "I love you" Some people haven't heard it before.
- my humor is really dark... almost as dark as the burned down people in my basement.
- I have a dark sense of humor but being a normally good person, *people don't see it.*
- dark humor is like death happens to nice people
- Why do aliens only abduct white people? Because they are easier to see in the dark.
- In the dark you can't see any dangerous people.
- People are like chocolate... The dark ones are universally hated.
- I don't understand why people dislike dark jokes It's not like am using the N-Word.
- People keep on talking about galaxies and space... When it's a really dark matter
- I don't see what people get from... Dark humor!
- The Dark Knight Rises was terrible... People were dying to get out of the theater.
- They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews
Cheerful Dark People Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about dark people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dark skinned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dark people pranks.
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.
The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old.
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.
With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
God Loves Drunks Too
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
The Yin and Yang of dumplings and kebabs
An old asian man operates a store on the bottom floor of his house where he sells dumplings and kebabs. The dumplings are known for being the best in the entire city, but the kebabs are completely disgusting. The strange thing is, whenever you order a dumpling, you must also get a kebab with it. When people try to order just a dumpling, the old man straight up refuses. Many people avoid the shop for this reason.
One day, the man's nephew comes in, and asks "uncle, you know everybody loves your dumplings and hates your kebabs, right? You could probably get more business if you only sold dumplings." The old man leans in with a knowing smile, and says "I know that everyone loves my dumplings and hates the kebabs... But for all the light in this world, there must also be dark. Where something good is found, there must also be something bad. It is the way of the universe. Also this house has no toilet."
Jesus knows you're here
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shines his flashlight around the house looking for valuables when a voice in the dark says "Jesus knows you're here." Freaked out, he turns his flashlight off and freezes, but hears nothing more so shakes his head and continues. As he is disconnecting cables from the TV, he hears very clearly "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he shines his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. In the corner of the room he spots a Parrot. "Did you say that?" he asks. "Yes," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you." The burglar laughs a bit, "warn me huh? Who in the world are you!" "Moses." The bird replies. With a now humorous tone, the burglar asks "What kind of person would name a bird Moses?" The bird replies "the same kind of people who would name a rottweiler Jesus."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.
The passengers on a small plane are quite surprised the when the pilots arrive.
The passengers on a small plane are quite surprised when the pilots arrive.
The pilots walk up the aisle, both wearing dark glasses. One has a seeing-eye dog, the other is tapping his way with a white-tipped cane.
The cockpit door closes, the engines start up.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway. People by the windows realize they're heading right towards the water at the end of the runway.
Panic ensues. Screams fill the air. At that very moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot. "Y'know, Bob," he says. "One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is it like when a gay man walks into a crowd of black people?
**LIKE A RAINBOW IN THE DARK!**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard this one seems kind of old.
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.
My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism
* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.
* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."
* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
Just after the apartheid ...
A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.
So, this driver explained it to its passengers :
"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."
Jesus is watching
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in
the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Jesus is watching you
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'I'm Moses.' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A football coach addresses his team amidst rumors of his racism...
and says:
"I know people have been saying things, but those rumors couldn't be farther from the truth. The truth is, I don't care what color any of you are. I don't care if you're black. I don't care if you're white. It simply doesn't matter. So, I'll tell you what. From now on, you're all green.
"Now, everybody get on the bus. Light green in front, dark green in back."
A Priest dies and..
... is waiting in line at heavens gate.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God to the guy : Who r u ?
Guy : I am Bus driver "Express Service"
God : Take this gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.
God to the Priest : Who r u ?
Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.
God : Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.
Priest : God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold & I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.
God : Results, my son, results.
While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people really prayed...
Its Performance, not Position that Counts !!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
4 people in the carriage of a train – a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks, I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him.
The pretty young blond thinks, I bet the Muslim tried to f**... me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."
The Muslim thinks, I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me.
The Jew thinks, I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim m**... again."
A Burglar Broke Into a House...
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight Off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so He could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed.. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Chuck Norris jokes
When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.
Jesus is always watching.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
To all people. You don't have to live in the dark anymore. You too...
Can buy a lamp and plug it in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call dark French people?
French Fries
my body is a work of art
It spends most nights alone in a dark room and people are afraid to touch it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Make a wish kids are just like people who hate dark jokes
They just wish it would end.
Superbowl Commercial Concept
*Queue dark, stormy night*
"There comes a time when we must all step up for equality"
*Flash of civil rights marches, gay pride parades and protests in the middle east*
"A time when we cannot accept bigotry and hatred"
*Rain pours on multi-ethnic protesters linked arm in arm*
"A time to proclaim that an era of love and understanding is here"
*People celebrating good news outside the Supreme Court*
"Arm and Hammer Baking Soda, the choice of a new tomorrow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Probably one for British people
A man and his wife were on their honeymoon and about to do the deed. The wife stops the husband unexpectedly.
"Darling," she says. "I am afraid I have a dark secret to tell you, and I haven't been entirely honest with you."
"Sweetheart, no matter what you have done in the past I will forgive you."
"Well," she starts. "I used to be a h**...."
"My dearest," he replies. "That is no problem for me. To be honest I'm a little turned on. Tell me more."
"Ok then, my name was Brian and I played for Wigan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Suicidal people are not okay with dark humour
Thank god most of them are dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Dark] Some bloke poses a riddle: "How can you kill thousands of people with a pocket knife without shedding any blood?"
Other bloke: "Hey didn't you say you worked in intensive care?"
People like to point out that the title of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" sounds like the substance that probably inspired the song...
...and sometimes I wonder the same thing about the title of the movie The Dark Crystal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black cannibal walks into a restaurant
The owner says, We don't serve black people here!
The man replies, That's good to know, I don't like dark meat anyway!
Dark humor is like Hurricane Florence's floodwaters....
....it's over some people's heads.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind, deaf and mute people can all tolerate a dark joke.
It's because they're not sensitive.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
This one is dark: what is the difference between "Shutter Island", Reddit and "A Beatiful Mind"?
During the story, the real, caring people around the protagonists tried hard to get them into self-reflection and just didn't leave them alone eventually.
People are forever going on about how video games are an unhealthy influence on the young.
But I grew up in the 1980s when all we had was Pacman and it's not like we spent all our time running around in the dark munching pills to weird repetitive music!
A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on
It's been more than a month since I've gone to him and I am already starting to feel better
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mid age humor..
The guest of a famous painter, who was also known for having ugly children, remarked, "The people in your paintings are much more beautiful than your children". To which the painter replied: I make the pictures in the light, the children in the dark.
Three old guys are sitting around in the park.....
discussing whose memory goes back the farthest. Says Larry, I remember being taken to the church, all dressed up in this scratchy white stuff, and having people standing around and someone splashing water on me.
Aww, that's nothing, says Irv. I can remember this nice, dark room, and then being squeezed something terrible, and coming out into this big bright room and being spanked—it was awful.
I got you two beat by a mile, says Fred. I remember going to a picnic with my father and coming back with my mother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do blind people get so offended by every joke?
It's all dark humour.
