Dark Minded Jokes
10 dark minded jokes and hilarious dark minded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dark minded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Dark Minded Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good dark minded joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...
He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Late last night I was trying to summon a d**....
After many hours in my basement drawing pentagrams, chanting voodoo and performing spiritual dance I had failed to conjure any demons from the dark depths of Hades.
Defeat was in my mind and I had no choice but to admit the ways of old no longer held any sway with the dark lord. I reluctantly slid the Iphone from my bathrobe's inner pocket and activated the voice command:
"Siri, would you please summon me the darkest, most malevolent d**... that Satan himself would be pleased with."
Siri:"Ok, Contacting Comcast Customer Support"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Colin meets a g**... the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."
They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It's so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your p**... hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."
This one is dark: what is the difference between "Shutter Island", Reddit and "A Beatiful Mind"?
During the story, the real, caring people around the protagonists tried hard to get them into self-reflection and just didn't leave them alone eventually.
Mr. Rogers the biology teacher called on Mary
"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions expands upto 6 times it's normal size?"
Mary gasped and said in a huff, " Mr. Rogers! That is a very inappropriate question. The principal will be hearing of this. " She sat down red faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Rogers.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions." said Susan.
"That is correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you, Firstly, You have not studied your lesson.
Secondly, You have a dirty mind. And Third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday."
A blonde, A brunette and a redhead were being chased by a serial killer when they ran and hid in three separate crates...
The serial killer makes his way through the dark barn, spots the three crates and decides to investigate.
He kicks the first crate, and the brunette inside says:"meow!" He thinks to himself "oh it's just a cat in here never mind!" so he moves on to the next crate and kicks that, the redhead inside says:"woof! woof!" So he dismisses the crate and moves on to the final crate where the blonde is hiding. He kicks. The blonde says: "Potatoes!"
Wives seem to love this one
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.
She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A twist on a classic
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those b**..., mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.
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