The Best 71 Dark Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Dark jokes. There are some dark darkest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dark dark humor knock knock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Dark Jokes and Puns
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?
Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot.
In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.
But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.
How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?
"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."
Two guys are walking down a dark alley
when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.
They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit?
The Dark Knight Rises!
What do you call an artist in a dark alley?
Sketchy
I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"
They must be scared of the dark or something.
Where did sally go when the bomb went off?
- everywhere.
Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..
Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally.
You can explore dark wizards reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dark darkness dad jokes. There are also dark puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Dark humor is like clean water...
it's just not accessible to everyone.
They say there's safety in numbers...
Tell that to 6 million Jews
A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.
The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
Dark comedy is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know yet. My Basement is still dark.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home
How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
How many dead hookers do you need to change a light bulb?
Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark
A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?
B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews.
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Me: Hello darkness my old friend
Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
Joke of the day about blondes.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.
But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.
Two blondes fall down a well
One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see
Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark?
Because there were so many Knights.
Just delete me.
I was in a long staring contest with the sun.
Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
Someone asked me how dark my humour is
Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
Deep.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Ba-dum-tss
Why isn't "dark" spelled a "c", instead of a "k"
Because you can't see in the dark.
You've all been wonderful.
Dark humor is like cancer.
It's even funnier when children get it.
How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
Dark Humour is like anti-vax families
There's usually a dead baby.
How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral
Watching my daughter at the park earlier.
Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
While I was out shopping today I tipped in the store
a woman saw this and wouldn't stop staring so I smiled at her and said "sorry, it's been a while since I possessed a body." She looked horrified.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
Events on Capitol Hill have gotten pretty dark
Any darker and the police might actually do something about it
Why do most programmers use dark mode?
Because the light attracts too many bugs
Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not a c?
Because everyone knows you can't c in the dark.
"Mom what's dark humor?"
"Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"
"But mom I'm blind..."
"Exactly!"
Dad, do you know why it's so dark out?
No sun.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.
How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They're happy living in the dark
A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel
An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...
Robin said to Batman...
"Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"
"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"
"Then why do I wear bright colors?"
"It also makes me less likely to be shot."
The bicyclist
A bicyclist walks into a bar wearing his bike helmet with a headlamp strapped on it for riding at night. "Nice head light," the bartender comments as he gets the biker a beer. "Yeah, it gets dark so early, I had to get it for riding at night," the biker says. "It makes me look like a miner." "No," the bartender replies. "I'd say you still look about 45."
How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know either, but it sure isn't 8 because my basement is still dark!
how many 5 year olds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well, my basement is still dark so more than eight.
I just realized it's called the dark ages because…
there were so many knights!
Why does programmers use dark mode?
Cause light attracts bugs.
What does the Batman do after he shampoos?
The Dark Knight Rinses
I don't like to talk about my years spent working as a cinema usher.
I was in a dark place at the time.
What do you call a broken bulb and a funny guy?
Dark humour
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dark dark christmas jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dark dark comedy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.