The Best 71 Dark Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Dark jokes. There are some dark darkest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dark yo mama so dark puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Dark Jokes and Puns
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?
Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot.
In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.
But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.
How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?
"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."
Two guys are walking down a dark alley
when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.
They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit?
The Dark Knight Rises!
What do you call an artist in a dark alley?
Sketchy
Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"
They must be scared of the dark or something.
You can explore dark wizards reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dark darkness dad jokes. There are also dark puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Muslim scientists..
Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.
They're calling it 'Islam'.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark
A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.
The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
Dark comedy is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know yet. My Basement is still dark.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home
How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
How many dead hookers do you need to change a light bulb?
Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know, but it's not five, because my basement is still dark.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
The Harshest "Yo Mamma" Joke...
Yo Mamma is like a bowling ball...
She likes to get picked up, fingered, thrown down a dark alley, then comes back for more.
how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Me: Hello darkness my old friend
Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
Joke of the day about blondes.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.
But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.
Two blondes fall down a well
One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see
Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]
9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.
The Pope and an atheist are having an argument
After a few hours the pope turns to the atheist and says "You are like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there."
"Well" replies the atheist "we are not so dissimilar then. As you are also like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there but the only difference is you say you have found it."
Why does an Ethiopian baby cry?
It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark)
How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb?
None.
Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.
Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark?
Because there were so many Knights.
Just delete me.
I was in a long staring contest with the sun.
Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
Someone asked me how dark my humour is
Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
Deep.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Ba-dum-tss
Dark
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Why isn't "dark" spelled a "c", instead of a "k"
Because you can't see in the dark.
You've all been wonderful.
So I came home from work yesterday ....
.......To find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps...I was delighted.
Dark humor is like cancer.
It's even funnier when children get it.
How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
Dark Humour is like anti-vax families
There's usually a dead baby.
How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
Why were they called "the dark ages"?
Because it was knight time.
A patient walks into an optometrist's office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
Cops smashed my phone.
Cops smashed my phone. Well it's my fault for having it on the dark mode.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral
Watching my daughter at the park earlier.
Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
While I was out shopping today I tipped in the store
a woman saw this and wouldn't stop staring so I smiled at her and said "sorry, it's been a while since I possessed a body." She looked horrified.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
Events on Capitol Hill have gotten pretty dark
Any darker and the police might actually do something about it
Why do most programmers use dark mode?
Because the light attracts too many bugs
My neighbor's girlfriend said he was the brightest light in her world.
Man, that world must be awful dark.
This is an old joke but I really enjoy it....
Ted Bundy is walking through the forest with a young woman and the young woman looks back at Ted and says It's getting dark and I'm scared.
Ted replies You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk back through here *alone*!
A white woman has a baby with a white husband
The parents rush to the hospital to deliver the baby. The baby pops out and the baby is... black?
''Well that took a dark turn'' said the husband
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami.
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami. His first day there, he heads to the nearest beach bar and proceeds to pound down mai tais. After 5 or 6 drinks, he feels a strong urge to pee, and in his drunken state, he swivels his stool around and starts peeing right onto the sand. Just then, a young woman happens to walk by and shrieks "Gross!"
His cheeks blush as he yells back "Danke!"
Dark humor is like food...
I indulged in an unhealthy amount of it today, and now i want to kill myself.
Two things that will never get old:
Dark humor and unvaccinated children.
How many developers/mods does it take to change a lightbulb?
They actually prefer dark mode
Antivaxx kids are like dark humor
They never get old
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dark black jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dark in the dark piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.