Dark Jokes
145 dark jokes and hilarious dark puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for side-splitting dark jokes? Check out this article for some of the funniest dark jokes about orphans, emos, the darkside, and wizards. Enjoy this collection of humorous gags that will lighten the mood with a laugh, no matter the situation.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Dark Short Jokes
Short dark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dark humour may include short bright jokes also.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trump says it's changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
- Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot. - In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.
- How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're happy living in the dark
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken
- How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
- Robin said to Batman... "Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"
"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"
"Then why do I wear bright colors?"
"It also makes me less likely to be shot."
Share These Dark Jokes With Friends
Dark One Liners
Which dark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dark? I can suggest the ones about gray and deep.
- What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.
- Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
- Dark humor is like cancer. It's even funnier when children get it.
- Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark.
Ba-dum-tss - Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.
- Dark Humour is like anti-vax families There's usually a dead baby.
- What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
- Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark? Because there were so many Knights.
Just delete me. - What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit? The Dark Knight Rises!
- Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
- Do you know why programers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
- What do you call an artist in a dark alley? Sketchy
- Why do most programmer use dark mode? Because the light attracts too many bugs
- Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
- I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore... these are some dark times.
In The Dark Jokes
Here is a list of funny in the dark jokes and even better in the dark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef. The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
- A boy asked his mom "Mom, What is dark humor?" The mom said to the boy "See that man with no hands? Tell him to clap."
The boy then said to his mom "But mom, you know I'm blind!" - Watching my daughter at the park earlier. Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
- how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
- Where did sally go when the bomb went off? - everywhere.
Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..
Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally. - I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred. "AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"
- How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - Events on Capitol Hill have gotten pretty dark Any darker and the police might actually do something about it
- How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
Lightbulb Dark Jokes
Here is a list of funny lightbulb dark jokes and even better lightbulb dark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? "No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."
- How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
- How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.
- How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb? None.
Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark. - how many Irish mammies does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Don't mind me, I'll sit in the dark. You kids go have your fun.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trumps says it's done and they all cheer in the dark
- How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to screw a lightbulb? None. They'd rather be in the dark about things.
- How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh don't worry about me I'll just sit here in the dark. It's not like I need light to sit here all alone by myself.
- how many 5 year olds does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, my basement is still dark so more than eight.
You Are So Dark Jokes
Here is a list of funny you are so dark jokes and even better you are so dark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!" They must be scared of the dark or something.
- Why isn't "dark" spelled a "c", instead of a "k" Because you can't see in the dark.
You've all been wonderful. - While I was out shopping today I tipped in the store a woman saw this and wouldn't stop staring so I smiled at her and said "sorry, it's been a while since I possessed a body." She looked horrified.
- Joke of the day about blondes. Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D - When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark. But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light. - Two blondes fall down a well One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see
- Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home
- Why does a programmer prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs
- Dad, do you know why it's so dark out? No sun.
- They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews
Dark People Jokes
Here is a list of funny dark people jokes and even better dark people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR] 9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.
- How do you keep black people from stealing things in your back yard? You hang some in the front.
Relax It's dark humor - Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark? Black people can't swim.
- How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? None.
It's their job to help people find their way in dark places!
(MASH s1 ep7) - Jokes are like people Not everyone likes the dark ones.
- What's the best thing about dark humor? People don't take it lightly.
- Why do blind people get so offended by every joke? It's all dark humour.
- Dark HUMOR When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- Dark humor is like rights..... Some people don't get them
- How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They glow in the dark.
Cheerful Fun Dark Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about dark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shadow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dark pranks.
My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
Two guys are walking down a dark alley
when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.
They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, o**... turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for the day.
Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.
Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
Dark humor is like clean water...
it's just not accessible to everyone.
Muslim scientists..
Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.
They're calling it 'Islam'.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark
Dark comedy is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
How many dead h**... does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know yet. My Basement is still dark.
How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
How many dead h**... do you need to change a light bulb?
Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark
A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?
B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews.
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
How many dead h**... does it take to change a light bulb?
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
The Harshest "Yo Mamma" Joke...
Yo Mamma is like a bowling ball...
She likes to get picked up, fingered, thrown down a dark alley, then comes back for more.
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
Why does an Ethiopian baby cry?
It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark)
I was in a long staring contest with the sun.
Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
Someone asked me how dark my humour is
Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
Dark
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
Why were they called "the dark ages"?
Because it was knight time.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing.
Except at a f**...
Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not a c?
Because everyone knows you can't c in the dark.
"Mom what's dark humor?"
"Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"
"But mom I'm blind..."
"Exactly!"
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...
A man runs home from work
The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them.
The wife was shocked, he hadn't been this way since they were young!
Then the man then turns to her and says: "look! My new watch glows in the dark!"
A n**... police officer came to work
A n**... police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come n**...?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could hear u**.... Then after a while the same voice said all the males to get undressed. Everybody did that, so did I. And then after a minute the voice said GET TO WORK"
Commander: "And?"
Police officer: "And I came to work."
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...
... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."
"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.
"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."
I had a dream that I kept falling into a big round dark abyss.
That's it. Thats the hole dream.
