Dark Jokes

Following is our collection of wizards humor and darkest one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Dark puns for adults, dirty darkness jokes or clean yo mama so dark gags for kids.

There is an abundance of black jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on dark. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any in the dark witze you can hear about dark.

The Best jokes about Dark

What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken.

Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well!

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."

The doctor asked, "What was it like?"

I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.


Dark humor is like cancer.

It's even funnier when children get it.

Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?

Because you can't see in the dark.

Ba-dum-tss

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"

Food is like dark humor

not every one gets it.

Dark Humour is like anti-vax families

There's usually a dead baby.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.


A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.

Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark?

Because there were so many Knights.

Just delete me.

how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

Dark humor: Explained

Dark humor is like a child with cancer

It never gets old

A day in the life of an IT guy...

Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.

IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?

Customer: Nothing.

IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?

Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...

IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?

Customer: Nope. The power's out.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark


Deep.

Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.

Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.

Realist sees light from incoming train.

Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.

What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit?

The Dark Knight Rises!

How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.

A kid asks his mom:

- Mom, what's dark humor?
- Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap
- Mom! I'm blind....
- Exactly.

I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"

They must be scared of the dark or something.

Why isn't "dark" spelled a "c", instead of a "k"

Because you can't see in the dark.

You've all been wonderful.

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

What's the similarity between dark humor and food?

Some people don't get it.

Joke of the day about blondes.

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs.

What do you call an artist in a dark alley?

Sketchy

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.

But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

Me: Hello darkness my old friend

Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

How many dead hookers do you need to change a light bulb?

Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark

Two blondes fall down a well

One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.

How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?

"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

Dark comedy is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

Dark humor is like food.

Some people don't have any.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?

Because it can't hit home

I was in a long staring contest with the sun.

Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know yet. My Basement is still dark.

Someone asked me how dark my humour is

Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back

Dark humor is like food

not everyone in the world gets it.

The Harshest "Yo Mamma" Joke...

Yo Mamma is like a bowling ball...

She likes to get picked up, fingered, thrown down a dark alley, then comes back for more.

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb?

None.

Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

Dark

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. 
 
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Why does an Ethiopian baby cry?

It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark)

How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, but it's not five, because my basement is still dark.

The Pope and an atheist are having an argument

After a few hours the pope turns to the atheist and says "You are like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there."
"Well" replies the atheist "we are not so dissimilar then. As you are also like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there but the only difference is you say you have found it."

So I came home from work yesterday ....

.......To find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps...I was delighted.

The other day, I was on a submarine tour.

I was going to tell a dark joke, but my friend stopped me.

Why shouldn't I tell my joke?" I asked.

"Err, this isn't the right sub."

BC now stands for "Before Coronavirus"

and AD is now "After Distancing"

>!Welcome to the new dark ages!<

THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK!

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".

Dark humour is like food.

Not everybody gets it.

My sense of humor is so dark...

... one of these days it's going to get shot by the police.

How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes