Dark Ages Jokes
46 dark ages jokes and hilarious dark ages puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dark ages that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dark Ages Short Jokes
Short dark ages jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dark ages humour may include short dark people jokes also.
- Muslim scientists.. Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.
They're calling it 'Islam'. - BC now stands for "Before Coronavirus" and AD is now "After Distancing"
>!Welcome to the new dark ages!< - Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages? Because there were so many knights.
- How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Nun. They'll sit in the dark ages.
- The Jewish Year is 5776. As of yesterday, the Chinese year is 4714... That means Jews had to exist for 1,062 years without Chinese Food. They call this time, "The Dark Age."
- Why were the Middle Ages called the dark ages? Knights for dayz
(My nearly 11 kid brother made this up, he's well on his way to being a dad ...) - Why Weren't There Many Jokes in the Dark Ages? No one could perform the execution well enough.
- What kind of cancer do gnomes get? Mela-gnome-a
Written by Ruby, age 7 (almost 8). Surprisingly dark. - Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages? Because it was the time of knights.
- How many superstitious people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they light a candle because they're stuck in the dark ages.
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Dark Ages One Liners
Which dark ages one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dark ages? I can suggest the ones about middle ages and darkness.
- Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark? Because there were so many Knights.
Just delete me. - Why were they called "the dark ages"? Because it was knight time.
- Why did they call it the dark ages? Because there were so many knights!
- I just realized it's called the dark ages because… there were so many knights!
- Why were the Dark Ages a thing? Because there were so many knights.
- Why were they called the dark ages? Because there were a lot of knights.
- Why did they call it the dark ages? Because of all the knights.
- You should have been born in the Dark Ages, you look terrible in the light.
- Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.
- What was the root of the problem dark ages? The potato famine.
- Why did the Dark Ages existed? Because there were 'nights.
Dark Ages Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dark ages you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dark shadows jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dark ages pranks.
At the dawn of the Stone Age…
Og the caveman noticed that after a long period of darkness the sun would rise, traverse across the sky and then sink below the horizon.
Then darkness… until the sun would again rise once again, travel across the sky and sink below the horizon.
Again and again. Over and over.
Og wished to give a name to this event.
He thought long and hard. He tried all
sorts of words until his brain hurt and his tongue lolled in his mouth.
He tried every variation of sounds he could think of until he was exhausted.
In the end, utterly exhausted, he just gave up and called it a day.
(This is a bit of a dark joke, I apologize)
A drag queen from TV said this joke ages ago (Darienne Lake) and it's still one of my favorites.
I asked my mom why I was so weird, was I dropped on my head as a baby?
She said 'oh honey…you have to be HELD in order to be dropped.'
Mid age humor..
The guest of a famous painter, who was also known for having ugly children, remarked, "The people in your paintings are much more beautiful than your children". To which the painter replied: I make the pictures in the light, the children in the dark.
What came after the dark ages, but before the enlightenment?
The slightly dim ages.
-Written by my 10 year old brother Acer.
A p**... and I kid go for an evening walk in the woods
They walk for a long time and as they get further in it gets darker and darker.
The kid gets more and more nervous the further they walk. Finally he turns to the p**... and says "Mister, we've been walking for ages. I don't know where we are and it's really dark. I'm scared."
The p**... turns to him and says "You're scared? I've got to find my way out of here on my own!"
How many monastics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nun. They'll sit in the dark ages.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The Catholic Church doesn't use light bulbs...they're still in the Dark Ages.
K-N N-K
History Teacher:"Why are the Middle ages called the dark ages?"
John:"Because there were so many nights in them."
Have you heard that Arabs have invented a time machine that can only send one back to the Dark Ages?
Yeah, they call it "Islam" or something.
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
A rather long winded joke, read all of it to get the punchline...
Right, so there was this guy that lost his eye in a car accident, and after losing it he hadn't been out of his house much, aside from having to go shopping, because he was so embarrassed. One day his friends come over to his house, and they say "look man, you've got to come to the dance next week, it'll be fun, and you haven't done anything in ages." The man stubbornly refuses, until his friends stop pestering him about it, but the next day, they come back, and say "well, we've got a bit if a surprise for you... We've put together enough money to buy you a fake eye." The man says "that's great! thanks so much!" His friends then say, "but, you have to promise to come to the dance once you've got one. The man thinks it over, he's still a bit embarrassed, but eventually agree. So the man and his friends drive to the eye store and walk up to the man at the counter. "Hello," says one of the eyeless mans friends, "we're here to buy a fake eye for our friend here, do you have any in stock?" The nan at the counter says "we certainly do, and walks into the back of the shop, returning later with a box of beautiful glass eyes. "These a very good quality eyes," the man said "they're hand painted, and we have a match for pretty much any eye colour. "Great!" Says one of the mans friends, "how much do they cost?" "Well" says the man at the counter, "these are very good quality, so you're looking at around $1500 to $2000" "well" says the mans friend, "we don't really have that much to spend... Do you have any others?" "Certainly," says the man at the counter who puts the lid back on the glass eyes, walks into the back of the shop, coming back with a box full of plastic eyes. "These ones are also hand painted, but they aren't as well-painted as the glass eyes, and they aren't quite as matching, but they are still rather indistinguishable from normal eyes. "Right," say the mans friends, "how much do they cost?" "Um... These," says the salesman "will cost around $900" "sorry," says the man to his friend, "but we don't have quite enough for those, either. Do you have any more?" He says, turning back to the man at the counter. "We do have some wood eyes, says the man at the counter," he then produces a box from under the counter. "These wood eyes aren't hand painted, and won't be able to get a really good colour match, but we can find a passable colour, I'm sure." Says the man at the counter, " and they'll only cost about $120" "right" says the eyeless mans friend, "we'll take this one then." He takes a dark green eye from the box, and gives it to his friend, handing the man at the counter the money. The friends drive home, trying to cheer the eyeless man up, as they eye isn't entirely convincing. "It's okay," says the eyeless mans friend it'll be fine, it won't even be that light at the dance, and your eye won't show." So the man reluctantly goes to the dance the next week. Once arriving at the dance, the man sits alone in a corner until everyone else has a dance partner. The mans three friends come over to him, and encourage him to get a partner, "how about her over there?" The mans friend points to a woman sitting alone in a corner on the other side of the room. "Come on," prompts his friend "you can't have come all this way for nothing." "Alright," says the man, "I'll ask her to dance. As he walks over he realises the lady has a bit of a hunch back, and starts having second thoughts. "I'm no better" says the man to himself, and someone's up his courage and asks her to dance. "Would you like to have an dance" asks the man. "Would I!? Would I!?" Asks the woman. "Hunch back! Hunch back! Yells the man and runs back to the corner.
The orchestra's new trumpet player
A local orchestra's trumpet player just died of old age. They start auditions so they can find a new one.
The judges call in the first candidate. He walks in wearing a beautifully tailored dark tuxedo. He pulls out an incredibly expensive trumpet. His trumpet case is lined with red velvet. He brings the gold plated instrument up to his mouth and starts playing.
And wow, he's terrible. The judges cringe as he clumsily stumbles through a few messy runs. Nearly everything he plays is hideously out of tune. They send him away and bring in the next candidate.
This guy looks exactly opposite from the other guy. His hair is messy. He hasn't showered in weeks. His beard has food particles in it. He opens a crumpled brown paper bag and pulls out a rusty trumpet. He shakily puts the instrument to his lips and starts playing.
And man, *he was worse.*
The Psychic
Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions.
In a dark and hazy room, she tells the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness.
The mystic peers into her crystal ball, then looks at the woman and delivers the grave news: "There's no easy way to say this... Your husband is planning to move all of the money in your joint account to an offshore bank, then file for divorce and marry his tennis instructor." She sighs heavily, peers again into the crystal ball, then gasps. "Wait!" she says. "You must prepare yourself. Before he can do these things, he will die a violent and horrible death."
Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the psychic's lined face, then at the crystal ball, then down at her hands. She takes a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply has to know.
She meets the fortune teller's gaze, steadies her voice, and asks: "Will I be acquitted?"
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?