Dare Jokes

Following is our collection of disrespectful puns and yells one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dare jokes for adults, dirty ballistic jokes and clean fearless dad gags for kids.

The Best Dare Puns

I invented a new word.

Plagiarism.

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EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision

I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you".

I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.

A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."


Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay

Mom: *looks at Dad*

Dad: *clenches fist*

Mom: don't you dare!

Dad: hi gay, I'm Dad!

Son : Mom, Dad... I'm gay.

Dad : *Raising his right hand*
Mom : No , don't you dare!
Dad : *Sweating profusely*
Mom : Don't do it!
Dad : *waves at son* Hi gay , Im Dad.
Son : No Dad, I'm serious!
Dad : You're serious? I thought you were gay!
Son : I'm not serious!
Dad and Mom : Good.

My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera

I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!

I was in a long staring contest with the sun.

Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

A woman was trying on her new fur coat.

Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.

"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"

The woman looked strictly at her daughter.

"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."


A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

He doesn't work well with Vision

A trucker and a blonde.

A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.

"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.

He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.

"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.

The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Why did the feminist cross the road?

How dare you question the decisions of someone just because she's a woman!

The night before the wedding

The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.

"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.

"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"

"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"

"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.

"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.

The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"

A man goes up to a fat chick in a bar...

and says "i'd give you one", she slaps him and says "how dare you?!? Just because I'm fat doesn't mean you can just say you would screw me!" He retorts "screw you?!? I was scoring you out of ten".

A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.

Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.

"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.

I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.

An elderly Japanese man...

An elderly Japanese man was walking behind me as I was entering a store. Since he was older and walked with a cane, I held the door for him. As he walked pasted he said, "Sank you" with his accent. So I punched him in the face and said, "How dare you bring up Pearl Harbor like that!"


I drop kicked a Japanese woman today

After holding the door open for her, she said to me "Sank you"

How dare she bring up Pearl Harbor like that after my nice gesture!

Marriage

**Before Marriage**

Boy: Ah, finally, I've waited so long.

Girl: You want me to leave?

Boy: No. I dare to not even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of course. Lots!

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: No! Why are you asking me?

Girl: Will you kiss me?

Boy: Every time I get the chance!

Girl: Will you ever hit me?

Boy: Are you crazy? Of course not!

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Darling?

**After Marriage**

Read it Backwards.

A guy wakes up after a one night stand and looks at the woman in his bed...

He then asks her "How old are you?"
"How dare you ask me that! A woman is as old as she looks."
"That's a lie, people don't live that long."

Don't you dare hit that drum again!

If you do, there will be repercussions!

A problem at the restaurant

Waiter!" shouted the furious diner. "How dare you serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"

"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

I'm sitting in a jail cell

and it's killing me that I was arrested for something so stupid. On a dare, I robbed a kitchen supply store. Sure, the expensive knives would have been great, and who doesn't want a food processor?

But all in all, it just wasn't work the whisk.

Someone dared me to make a joke with only four letters.

EZPZ

What do you call 8 men who refuse to do a single dare?

An octopus

Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?!

Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare..

Girl: I'm having a party at my house, we're playing Truth or Dare and Twister, can you come?

Guy: I already did.

I'm 75 and someone assumed that I listen to AM radio...

How dare they stereotype me like that

Why can't Daredevil drive a car?

Because he's from New York.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house

Cold and wind don't dare to come in

Why is Daredevil not a part of the Avengers?

Because he doesn't work with Visionο»Ώ

What's the difference between dead babies and pineapples?

I wouldn't dare put pineapple on my pizza.

My therapist wanted to tell me about the 5 stages of grief. I said...

But nothing bad has happened! How DARE you imply that it has? I'm only paying half for this session. Thanks for ruining my good mood... Okay, tell me all about it.

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.

I was dared to eat a spoonful of dry ice.

It tasted sublime!

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was how dare he!

Don't you dare go playing that drum again.

There will be repercussions!

What does Daredevil take with his whisky?

JUST ICE

A guy pulled up next to me in his Honda on a scorching day....

.... and asked if he could fry and egg on the hood of my black car on a dare.

I looked back at him incredulously and said "Why not do it on your own Accord?"

How dare you say I'm dumb!

Would a dummy get a 'A' on there IQ test? Hmm?

I dared to ask my wife why she's buying a giant tub of Whiteout from the store.

It was a big mistake.

Guy demands a pound of Polish sausage

A man walks up to a counter and asks for a pound of Polish Sausage! The clerk looks at the man and says wow... you must be Polish.

The man says how dare you sir! You're a racist! Do I have to be Italian to eat Italian sausage...? Do I have to be Jewish to eat kosher beef...? Can only Germans drink German beer...?

The clerk responds well no... but this is Home Depot.

D.A.R.E. told us that people would offer us drugs all the time.

Like most movements it promised way more than it could deliver...

I never forget the time when we were at the party, playing truth and dare and

someone dared me to go home

PIGS

A woman is walking her dog, when suddenly a man walks up to her.

Man: "Where'd you get the pig"?

Woman: "How DARE you call my dog that!"

Man: "I was talking to the dog!"

I hate how feminists are always stereotyped as being obese women...

How dare you call me a feminist!

South of the border

You know what, I don't care what people say but south of the border there is the country with senseless violence, looting, drugs etc. that I would not dare to touch with a ten feet pole!
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I am so happy I live in Canada!

You want my impression of a child environmentalist

How dare you

Why does Daredevil worry about getting fat?

He never watches what he eats.

I hate when people say "you never seem to have any free time"

How dare you assume my agenda

I wouldn't shed a tear if you cancelled MS America, nor lose sleep if you cancelled MS Universe

But please don't you dare cancel MS Paint :*(

Little known fact

Delicacy is French for "I dare you to eat this".

A Danish family are having lunch.

The youngest person, a 3 year-old, eats all his food and then says "I am finish!", as he couldn't talk properly.



His mum replies >!How dare you! We are Danish, not Finnish!!<

A daredevil was dared to walk backwards on a tightrope.

You could say he wasn't looking forward to it

Surimi must have the lowest self-esteem of all fish.

Nobody would dare eat them unless you refer to them as "imitation crab."

My Indian Uncle asked me how dare I eat beef...

I told him don't worry, these are American cows.

Didja hear they're developing a new gameshow targeted specifically at an LGBT audience?

Yeah - they're gonna call it "Bruce or Dare"

Daredevil was planned to be featured of Age of Ultron but..........

He had issues with Vision, you see.

Blow job vs. Mount Everest

What does getting a blow job from a 70 year old woman and jumping down from Mount Everest have in common?


You don't dare to look down, but you feel the rush.

Where does Daredevil sign contracts?

On the dotted line.

*Revised from an earlier attempt.

According to the D.A.R.E website, Marijuana is no longer a gateway drug...

Guess that means I tried all those other drugs willingly.

Why should jokes always be sent over TCP?

Because you're assured that the recipient will get it.

(Don't you DARE explain the joke in the comments)

What's something that not even the laziest college student would dare procrastinate?

Diarrhea.

Hey babe, are you Muhammad?

Because no artist would dare try to paint your perfect image.

The Daredevil walks into a bar

...And the pool table ,
and the chair,
and the counter.

These guys at the pub said my wife looked like Cruella de Vil.

So I walked over to them and said, "How dare you compare that skinny, intimidating witch with Cruella de Vil."

My friends coaxed me into smoking cigarettes and marijuana in the same night.

I guess I suck at Truth or D.A.R.E

My wife is a vegetarian dare devil

She likes to live life on the veg.

Frankenstein's Monster - Dinner Troubles

**Frankenstein's Bride:** You never help me with dinner!

**Frankenstein:** I did the mash...

**Frankenstein's Bride:** DON'T YOU F\*\*\*ING DARE!

A guy walks into a bar

The bartender says "What can I get for you sir?"

Guy says "How dare you assume my gender on my appearance!"

A Baby is born!!

Doctor yells out in excitement " It's a Boy!"

Baby replies (cause babies can talk)
" How dare you assume my gender!"

There is an abundance of indignantly jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes and dare puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any defy witze you can hear about dare.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes