Danish Jokes

Following is our collection of sweden puns and oslo one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Danish jokes for adults, dirty scandinavian jokes and clean fjord dad gags for kids.

The Best Danish Puns

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

Three men and a parachute

So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to crash. There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.

The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.

The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."

The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."

To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."

Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.

One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle.....

The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:

I had to throw out all of my danish currency

I didn't wanna catch the Kronervirus

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

What did the Danish bricklayer say when someone tried to grab him?

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?

I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

What do you call a Danish Sniper?

A Denmarksmen

Fun fact: Popeye the Sailor Man isn't actually all that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards...

... but he's strong to the Finnish!

How do you say "prison lingo" in one word?


Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.

^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.

Arent a donut and a danish the same thing?

Well they are both synonym rolls!!

Did you hear about the guys who built fake chickens and sold them on the Danish market?

They really made a kylling

Q:What makes fish jumpy?

A: Spring water

(Transmogrified Danish joke)

A Danish family are having lunch.

The youngest person, a 3 year-old, eats all his food and then says "I am finish!", as he couldn't talk properly.

His mum replies >!How dare you! We are Danish, not Finnish!!<

How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other?

They speak Mumble-Saxon.

That Danish guy that killed a journalist on his submarine..

He must have known he was going down right?

A danish with one hole in the middle is a donut. A danish with two holes in the middle is...

Most likely dead

What do you call a proud Danish countryman?

A pastriot.

A cannibal and a vegetarian go to lunch.

They both order a Danish.

I was making some Scandinavian pastries but discovered afterwards that I didn't use enough sugar.

So I ended up with sweet-ish Danish.

What's a dogs favourite pastry?


What's the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman's parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

I had a delicious breakfast. It was a nice flaky pastry filled with dog meat.

I think it was called a Great Danish.

One Thing to Know About Danish Cops

They Can't Lego Of Their Donuts

Their are only two things I hate about this world

Those who can't respect other people's cultures and the Danish

Why did the danish catch fire when he stepped inside the church?

Because he was unholy.

What book are you reading?

Some new Danish author.

There is an abundance of swedeners jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 30 funniest jokes and danish puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any romanian witze you can hear about danish.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes